Denying the Dragon

by Rinelle Grey

  “You won’t get over him as easily.” Her father’s voice was so gentle it threatened Karla’s calm. “I was surprised you said no. Taurian obviously cares for you a great deal. And you for him. What is it about this girl he is going to marry that is better than what you can offer him?”

  Karla drew in a deep shaky breath, then another one. When she was sure she wasn’t going to burst into tears instead of words, she said, “The mating has the potential to produce a very strong dragon, one who could defeat Ultrima, once and for all. Taurian can’t choose me over that. His clan comes first, as they should. He’s a prince. That’s his job. If I hang around, I’m only going to distract him from that.”

  It was so much more than that, but that would have to do. That was reason enough, surely her father would understand.

  Her father though, raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure that producing a strong dragon is going to help Taurian right now? More than the two of you working together could? If you support him, it can be something you accomplish together.”

  Her father went straight to the heart of the matter. She wasn’t just refusing Taurian because he could father a life dragon with Wayrian, it was more than that. Could Taurian love her without it detracting from his responsibility to his clan? It was a pointless question, because he’d already shown it would. “When you love someone, it becomes the major focus of your life. Like Mum supporting your love of adventure. She gave up all her own hopes and dreams for that. I can’t let Taurian do the same. His responsibilities are too big.”

  Her father stared at her, his eyes wide. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, Taurian is a prince, and his clan needs him. I can’t get in the way of that.”

  Her father shook his head impatiently. “No, I mean the bit about your mother giving up her hopes and dreams to support me.”

  His face was such a picture of surprise and concern that Karla felt sorry for him. She no longer resented the fact that her mother had given up her dreams. She could understand why. But she wasn’t going to do the same thing, nor was she going to let Taurian. Her voice was soft as she replied. “She regretted the fact that she left before she received her music degree, and gave up the things she could have had if she’d finished it. She told me right before she died.”

  Karla was surprised at how good it felt to tell him. She’d decided not to, since it wouldn’t achieve anything, but apparently it had been weighing on her nonetheless.

  Her father’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure? I find it hard to believe that she could have regretted that all those years and never have mentioned it. She told me that she was happy to leave it, that she’d only started it because her family had expected her to pick something.”

  “Maybe she just said that because she loved you, and she didn’t realise she had dreams of her own. That love can overwhelm everything else, and make it easy to forget that you wanted other things when it’s new and exciting, but that feeling doesn’t last forever.”

  Karla wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince her father, or herself.

  She wasn’t sure if it was working, either way.

  “No, the new and exciting feeling doesn’t last forever,” her father said gently. “It matures into something so much better. Into really knowing and understanding someone else. Your mother and I didn’t keep any secrets from each other. We talked about everything openly and honestly, even the hard stuff. That’s why I’m sure I would have known if she’d harboured regrets about her life.”

  This time, Karla did feel the tears prick at the back of her eyes. Not the gulping, ugly sobs that would come from letting go of her feelings for Taurian, but sad tears, dulled a little by the years, of missing her mother.

  She had always known that her father and mother were in love. When kids at school made faces about their parents kissing, she’d stayed quiet, because she’d always treasured how much they cared about each other. It had made her feel safe and loved. Like the world was a beautiful place. It was something she’d never had to doubt.

  So why had she started doubting it? Why had a chance comment by her mother changed her whole perception?

  Karla replayed the conversation in her mind again. Her mother’s voice had been so quiet, almost a half wondered thought. She’d been talking about their lives together, remembering some of the places they’d been, and funny things Karla had done as a baby. Then she made that one comment. Almost a throwaway line.

  As she replayed the conversation in her head, Karla realised that she’d gotten it all wrong. Her mother hadn’t been wishing she’d stayed at uni and finished her music degree, she had been realising how much she would have missed out on if she’d chosen that path.

  It was all so clear, Karla wondered how she’d missed it all these years.

  Moisture welled up in her eyes, and ran down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Dad. I got it all wrong. I don’t know how. I know Mum loved you, that the two of you had such a wonderful life together. I don’t know if I was trying to make it less wonderful, so it would hurt less that she was gone, or what. But I can’t believe I’ve let that fear stop me all my life.”

  Her father put his arms around her and pulled her close. “We all have our ways of dealing with the pain, K. I know I was so devastated at the time that I probably wasn’t there for you as much as I should have been. But you seemed to have it all together. You seemed to cope so much better than I was coping, that I didn’t think I should interfere.”

  Karla leant into her father’s strength, and let herself cry all the tears that she’d denied. Tears for the wonderful person she had lost, far too soon. For all the things she’d lost, not because of wrong choices, but because of the absence of her mother. If only she were here now, to give her some advice when she needed it most.

  But she didn’t need her mother’s presence to know what she would have told her.

  You only get one shot at this life, don’t waste it. Do the things you love, not what you think you should do. Take risks. Love like there’s no tomorrow. Don’t look back on life with regrets.

  Exactly the opposite of what she had been doing.

  What she wanted to do was crystal clear. Mate with Taurian.

  Realising that it was the right choice for her didn’t mean it was the right choice for him. Oh, she had no doubts that if she agreed, he’d choose her instantly. This time, that thought warmed her in all the right places. She had no doubts at all about his feelings, or his dedication to them.

  He would ignore his clan’s plans and needs to come to her, she could tell without having to ask him.

  That was why she couldn’t.

  Unlike her, he had a destiny he couldn’t give up or sidestep. He was a prince of Rian clan, and that was part of what she loved about him. If he gave that up, or even skimped on his duty, then he would lose an integral part of himself.

  She refused to be the cause of that.

  But right now, she didn’t feel like trying to explain. So she pulled back from her father’s arms, and wiped her face. “Let’s go see if they need any help with the relocation.”

  Hopefully, Taurian would at least have some clothes on by now.

  Chapter 9

  Taurian found it hard to concentrate on the elders' squabbles over a new lair location. Their fussing just wasting time. Time when Ultrima and the rest of his clan would be gathering and heading this way. Where they went really didn’t matter. One temporary lair was as good as the next.

  Apparently, that’s not how the elders saw it. Each one had their own idea of where would be best, and it seemed no agreement could be reached. Taurian knew he should be taking this opportunity to learn a little more about each of them, and figuring out who he could trust and who he couldn’t, but he found it hard to care.

  He felt like his whole world was ending, and it had nothing to do with his greatest enemy being on the way, and everything to do with Karla’s refusal to mate with him.

  He could see, and even agree, with all her reasons, but that
didn’t mean he had to like it.

  “We’ve spent far too long in this desert,” Ostrian’s voice was raised. “We need to be near the river.”

  “So does everyone else, it’s too populated near the river, and we need to stay away from the humans, you know that,” Mesrian argued.

  “There’s not that much need to stay away from humans anymore.” Ostrian eyed Taurian sideways. “So I think the benefits of being near water outweigh the risks.”

  The look annoyed Taurian. “Two humans who we trust knowing where we are is very different from situating our lair near the human town,” he said firmly. “We have survived at this distance from the water until now, we will survive in the future. Until we have defeated Ultrima, the safety of our clan is far more important than any benefits of being near the water.”

  The disappointed look on Ostrian’s face brought him far more pleasure than it should have. It must be difficult for him, as a water dragon, to be so out of his element. But Taurian’s words were true, the clan’s safety was paramount.

  “I have the perfect place, Prince Taurian,” Mesrian offered. “West of here the scrub disappears, and there is nothing but sand. The humans never go there because their cars get stuck.”

  “Humans aren’t the problem,” Ostrian argued. “Dragon’s don’t get stuck. They will fly over and spot us instantly if we have no cover. And we can’t dig a lair in sand.”

  Mesrian turned her disdainful eyes on him. “If you’d let me finish, Ostrian.” He folded his arms and glared at her, so she turned back to Taurian and continued. “In the middle of this sand, almost covered by it, is a rocky outcropping. I believe there could already be a cave there.”

  It sounded promising. “Check it out,” Taurian ordered. “We need a cave, we don’t have time to dig one. If it has one, no matter how small, we’ll go there. We don’t have time to be picky. We can find a more suitable lair once this is done, if necessary.”

  He only said the words to calm the elders. He already knew where he was planning on going, just as soon as he’d found a way to deal with Ultrima for good.

  Home.

  The thought filled him with longing. The lair that he had grown up in had become almost as much of a symbol of his success as defeating Ultrima. He would do it, and without the help of a life dragon.

  As if reading his thoughts, Kyrian piped up, his voice troubled. “How are we going to create protections in the area without a life dragon? This is the first time we’ve had to move without the assistance of one.”

  Damn them and their obsession with the cowardly dragons. Taurian certainly didn’t need their help. “The location will do that for us, and dragon patrols will do the rest. There is nothing to be worried about.”

  “Of course,” Kyrian said, but Taurian’s words didn’t erase the concern from his face.

  He hated the fact that Karla was right. He needed to mate, to give them hope, at least. By the time it was either confirmed or denied that the pairing would produce a life dragon, he hoped to have convinced everyone that they didn’t need one.

  To do that, he needed a clan that was fighting for the future, not fearing it. “Kyrian and Mesrian, you can check out this area. Return at once if it is suitable, and I will begin preparing for the evacuation here.”

  Both nodded immediately. Good.

  Taurian turned his attention away from them, and to the more immediate task at hand.

  Where would he find Wayrian?

  He headed back to the main hall with a heavy heart. Almost all the dragons were gathered there, and they looked to him for guidance immediately. Taurian ground his teeth. Wayrian was in their midst, but he couldn’t possibly talk to her while the others were present. This conversation needed privacy.

  As Ostrian and the rest of the elders arrived behind him, that need became even more pressing. Because Wayrian’s eyes immediately found her grandfather, and there was tension in them. A hope that she didn’t desire the match flared, then was extinguished. Even if she didn’t, there were plenty of other candidates.

  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Karla and the other humans enter the cavern. Taurian had to force himself not to stare, to look equally over everyone gathered. “We must prepare to evacuate,” he said, his voice raised. “Make sure all trace of our occupation of these caves is removed. We will leave no evidence that we were ever here. Go quickly, we don’t know how long we have. Gather back here once you have packed, and we will wait for Mesrian and Kyrian’s return. If the place they are scouting is suitable, we will leave under the cover of darkness.”

  There were nods and murmurs all around. No one objected. Everyone seemed more than grateful to be told what to do.

  Taurian caught Wayrian’s eyes. He beckoned to her.

  It wasn’t easy to force his eyes not to stray to where he’d last seen Karla, but he managed to keep them focused on the young woman in front of him. When she was close enough for him to speak without his voice carrying, he said quietly, “Can I speak with you in my chambers?”

  She nodded, her head jerking, not meeting his eyes.

  The entire clan was watching them, not even making a show of disinterest. Taurian was used to it, but Wayrian probably wasn’t. Maybe she would be a little bolder once they were alone.

  She followed him down the hallway, not saying a word. Nor did she speak when they were alone in his chambers.

  Not a good start, but he didn’t have time to draw her out slowly.

  “Did your grandfather consult you before including you in this plan of his?”

  She sucked in a deep breath, and nodded.

  For some reason, her lack of talking irritated him. That would teach him to ask yes or no questions. “What is your opinion of it?”

  Her eyes widened. Taurian wondered if it was the first time anyone had ever asked for her opinion. “I… It seems like a good plan, Prince Taurian. If we could create a life dragon…” Her eyes shone.

  Her willingness appeared not to be in question. But Taurian had to be completely sure. “You are willing to mate with me?”

  It was not romantic in the least. Not at all like the way he had imagined this moment going with Karla. But it seemed pointless to pretend something he didn’t feel. It wasn’t unusual for dragons to mate for convenience. The mating bond would ensure they cared enough about each other to make the relationship work. If Taurian hadn’t spent so long around Karla, he wouldn’t even be considering it.

  “If that is your wish.”

  Not exactly an enthusiastic agreement, but it was an agreement none the less. Taurian didn’t have time to push for more certainty.

  “Good. I shall arrange it as soon as we are settled in our new lair. For now, I would appreciate your help in getting everyone moved.”

  She looked up at him, her eyes wide.

  Did it not occur to her that as his mate, she would be expected to fulfil a certain role? If she was not capable of that, then this pairing would never work, life dragon or not.

  But after a moment’s stunned silence, she straightened her shoulders and looked at him squarely. “Of course. What can I do to help?”

  That threw him. There were so many tasks to be accomplished, it hadn’t occurred to him to think of a specific job for her. Karla would have stepped in with something that had to be done, probably something he hadn’t even thought of.

  He needed to avoid comparing her to Karla. She would never measure up, but that wasn’t her fault. No one could ever measure up to Karla.

  “Keep everyone moving, and then check the rooms to see that nothing has been left behind,” he said.

  Wayrian nodded. “Of course.”

  She walked with him back out to the main room. As they neared the entrance, Taurian knew he had to make some sort of sign to his clan. Probably even an announcement. His stomach clenched at the thought. But it would help the evacuation go more smoothly.

  This wasn’t about how he felt, it was about what was best for his clan.

  Chapter
10

  Karla tried to ignore the fact that Taurian emerged from the tunnel with Wayrian. She especially tried to ignore the fact that they were holding hands. His return to his dragon clothes, the tight hugging leather shorts and a leather vest with elaborate embroidery, just accentuated the fact that he had left her and their relationship behind.

  Turning away, she focused on the dragon children sitting cross legged on the floor in front of her. She’d been a little surprised at how readily the mothers had left their children in the care of her and Gretchen when they’d offered, but it wasn’t like she was going to be out of their sight. And there was so much to do, it was impossible to watch young children at the same time.

  “I have an announcement to make.”

  There was no ignoring the way Taurian’s loud voice slashed at her heart. She wished she was anywhere but here, to hear his announcement.

  The sympathetic look on Gretchen’s face was even harder to watch, so Karla turned towards Taurian.

  He held up his hand, clasped with Wayrian’s. “I know this is a trying time for all of us. It feels like all is lost, like we have no choice but to run, and little chance of any other options in the future.” He drew in a deep breath, looking around the room, catching almost everyone’s eyes. Except Karla’s. As though he didn’t dare look at her. Then he continued, his voice strong, “That is going to change. I am going to change it.

  “Wayrian has agreed to be my mate, and together we will lead the clan to a new era. We will wake my brothers and sisters, and, luck willing, we will give birth to the first royal life dragon. That will cement our position as the foremost, and eventually the only dragon clan.”

  The blade that had slashed her heart before dug deeper. Then twisted. This was it. The announcement made. The promises spoken. The death knell for any hope that had struggled to hang on in the face of reality.

  Every breath hurt. But it would get easier with time, wouldn’t it?