Disorder

by Martha Adele

  “Excuse me.” I stand behind one of the front desks and try to get the lady’s attention. Her blonde hair is twisted upward and pinned behind her head in a way that I’ve never seen before. It makes her hair look larger and thicker than I bet it really is. “I am here for a prescription refill.”

  She turns to me and lowers her glasses to look me up and down. The lady, whose name tag reads “Lucille Ian,” turns back to her computer and begins typing something in. In between her obnoxious and cowlike chewing of gum, she sighs and then asks, “Name?”

  “Um, Samuel Beckman.”

  She continues typing into the holographic computer for a moment, leaving me standing awkwardly behind the desk with my case. I turn to look around the waiting room to see one man sitting smugly in his chair. The first thing about this man that catches my eye is part of a tattoo that is visible on his neck. It appears to be a black original version of the Diligent’s two-hammer logo, but more abstract.

  “Here.” The lady pokes me in the arm with a clipboard. “I need you to fill this out.” I take the board from her and begin filling out the first few blanks. She rolls her eyes and continues smacking her gums. “You can take a seat, sir.”

  Trying not to take it personally, I scrape up the board and head to the waiting room.

  The man who sits across from me snickers. “Prescriptions, huh?”

  I nod.

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “I can tell.” I point with the pen to the case sitting in the seat beside him.

  He smiles and bobs his head. “Aren’t we lucky?”

  I shoot him a puzzled look. How are we lucky having to get refills of drugs just to help us be “a functioning member of society”?

  “My favorite time of day is when I get to use one of these.” He leans back in his chair even more and crosses his legs. “These things are the greatest.”

  I shrug. “I guess so.” We sit quietly for the next minute or so as I finish filling out the paperwork, and I think about how nice it is that I don’t have to worry about a vial limit. I turn to the tattooed man and ask, “Do you get an unlimited prescription too?”

  “What?” He gapes at me and looks down to my case. “No, do you?”

  I shrug. “Yes. I thought everyone did.”

  “No.” He shakes his head and chuckles. “Only the lucky ones. You must have a pretty bad case of something.”

  I shrug again and look down to finish the paperwork. The guy chuckles again as I bring the clipboard up to the desk lady, who holds out her hand to me. I hand her the paperwork, but she sets it down on the counter and shakes her free hand at me.

  “Your hand. I need your hand.”

  Puzzled, I hold out my hand. She grabs my finger and squeezes the tip. “I am going to give you a little prick, okay, hon?”

  Before I can answer, she pulls up a little plastic rectangle with a button. She presses the button, and a needle stabs me on the tip of my finger. My whole arm flinches, but the act is over before I can process it. She squeezes my finger again and presses the blood onto a little square in the bottom-right corner of the forms I have just filled out.

  The woman pulls back the paper, places it into a machine scanner, and hands me a Band-Aid. I place it on my finger as the computer bings.

  “Okay.” She continues typing into her hologram. “Your prescription will be ready in a few hours.”

  “Hours?” I blurt, earning a chuckle from the dude in the waiting room.

  The woman rolls her eyes at me and blows a bubble. “Yes. Hours. Come back at one.”

  I nod to her and leave the desk.

  I pass the waiting room on my way out, and the man lifts his case to me, as if proposing a toast. “See you later, newbie.”

  I pause by the door and look back to him, surprised that he knows I’m new. As I realize that he means new to getting medicine, he sets his case back down. “The name is Bram.”

  “Bram?”

  “Bram Nazk,” he answers. Bram looks to me as if waiting for my name.

  “Sam,” I say to him. He nods to me, and I head out.

  I wonder if he is in there waiting for his vials. That may be why he is waiting with his suitcase.

  Why is the wait time almost five hours? That seems like a ridiculous amount of time. All they have to do is put them in my case, right?

  I have a few vials left. I have four of them in my pockets now. I should probably go ahead and use one before I get too upset. Last time I waited until after I got upset, I shouted at Mavis, who was just trying to help.

  I take my empty case back to my room, and I realize that taking the vial here would be better than taking it in the restroom. When I take them in the restroom, I am in other people’s way. When I am in here, I am in my own space.

  Alone.

  Not bothering anyone.

  I am staying out of the way.

  I am being a functioning member of society.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Logan

  Walking back through Bergland after freeing Bloot is odd. Not bad per se, but odd. Each of the Taai got to sleep in their own room last night, so we all received a good night’s rest. Each room was really just a tad larger than our beds, but still, having my own room for the first time in a long time was nice.

  After hitting the showers, John calls us all out into the training room to meet the new recruits. We all walk in and line up like we usually do, side by side, with me on the end, Eric beside me, and the rest of the Taai beside him. We stand behind John, who is addressing three new men: The one on the end is about the same build as the Taai member we lost in the explosion, the one with the pattern shaved into the side of his head. The one in the middle is a little bit shorter than me and a lot skinnier than me but is obviously fit enough to be part of Taai. And the one on the other end is a little taller than me and a little more muscular than me and wears a crown of red curly locks.

  “Each of you was recommended to join the Taai for the skill set you showed during the battle in Bloot.” John marches down the line of the official Taai members as he addresses the newbies. “If you wish to be a member of our elite force, you will first have to prove yourselves to me before these guys come back from breakfast.” John nods for us to leave, and we file out from the other end of the line, leaving me to bring up the rear. John’s voice echoes through the room as we exit. “You will have to complete two tests: one physical and one mental. If you fail, you will be demoted to militia.”

  Demoted? How is that demoted? First of all, they haven’t even gotten in yet, so they can’t be demoted unless they were first a part of Taai. Second of all, the militia is just as important. Almost all of Bloot were members of the Diligent. We had inside men spreading the word to get ready. That is the only reason it was so easy, and it wasn’t even easy. Without the militia, we wouldn’t stand a chance against Bestellen. We still have five states and Metropolis to go. We are nowhere near finished.

  When we enter the cafeteria, we are greeted with a large amount of applause. People cheer, whoop, and holler as we make our way through the crowds. Eric told me that coming home after fighting for what you believe in has always been considered a great feeling, but I never expected to be praised for it.

  My eyes fall on Mavis, who stands with Janice and Mandy as they clap for us all. Eric follows me as I make my way over to my welcoming committee. Mandy rushes through the crowd and over to me before anyone else and gives me a quick squeeze. She chuckles over my shoulder, “I’m so proud of you!”

  Janice follows and gives me a gentle hug and pat on the back. “Good job, Logan!”

  I thank her and move over to Mavis. She pauses for a moment before leaning in and wrapping her arms around my neck. She gets on her toes to put her head over my shoulder, and we freeze. She whispers into my shoulder, “Thank you for coming back.”

  I mutter back to
her, “I wasn’t going to leave you.”

  The only way I can describe the feeling in my stomach I get when I’m around her is like I swallowed a million live butterflies, and they won’t stop fluttering about. People back home used that expression all of the time, so I feel like using it is too cliché, but I can’t help it. Though I get butterflies around her, I also feel warm and like I can talk to her about anything. At this very moment, I am hugging my best friend.

  “And who is this?” Mandy scoots past Mavis and me over to Eric. She holds out her hand for a shake and smiles. “Are you one of Logan’s elite teammates?”

  I roll my eyes as Eric chuckles and takes Mandy’s hand. “I guess you could say that. I’m Eric Barnes.”

  Mandy wiggles her eyebrows at him and doesn’t let his hand go. This time, the chuckles Eric give are slightly more nervous as he pulls his hand away from Mandy’s. He and I look around to see the rest of the Taai, finding seats at tables with people they know, when I realize something.

  “Where’s Sam?” I ask the group as they all take their seats.

  Mavis shakes her head and folds her hands in her lap. “I don’t know.”

  I look to the others, and they both shrug.

  Eric and I take a seat across from the girls. “Nobody knows?” I ask.

  Mavis shakes her head again. “No.” She looks over to Janice, then back to me. “Can I tell you guys something?”

  Everyone but Eric nods and says something along the lines of “Yes, of course.”

  She looks around the room, then back to me. Her eyes narrow in on mine as she takes a deep breath. “I am worried about Sam.”

  “What?” Mandy interjects. “Why?”

  The commotion around us grows louder as someone in the kitchen drops a pan. It crashes, and a group across the room erupts with laughter.

  “He …,” Mavis continues hesitantly. “He has been running off a lot. And every time he comes back, he has pink in the whites of his eyes.”

  She turns to Janice, who has reached out for her hand. The empty trays in front of them make my stomach growl, but I shove the feeling of hunger aside as Janice smiles to Mavis, trying to ease her worries. “The pink in the whites of his eyes is just a side effect of his medicine, dear.”

  She shakes her head in disbelief. “How often is he supposed to take the medicine?”

  “Well, it is different for everyone. The medicine he was supplied is for him to take whenever he needs.” Janice releases Mavis’s hand, picks up the trash off the table, and begins stacking the trays. “Just like with you. I don’t think that you should turn to the medicine immediately until you have tried everything else, but if you feel like you need it, it is your right. I won’t stop you.”

  Everyone at the table seems to agree, but Mavis doesn’t seem any more comforted. She looks over to me, and we glance from Janice’s pile of trays and trash back to each other.

  After a few moments of silence, Mandy clears her throat. “So, Logan, Eric.” She turns to Eric and winks. “How was the mission?”

  I look to Eric, who has a goofy and nervous smile on his face. I answer Mandy, “It was a success.”

  “Less than eight hundred civilian deaths overall,” Eric adds.

  “That’s great!” Mandy exclaims. Mavis looks down to the table, avoiding eye contact, just as we all realize we are talking about her state.

  “So … um … Mavis,” I ask her, “have you … um …” How are you supposed to ask someone if their dad is dead? “Have you seen your … um …”

  “No.” She shakes her head and continues to look away from me. “My dad is dead. And so is my uncle.” Everyone at the table says that they are sorry and gives her their condolences. She fakes a chuckle and looks back up to us, waving a hand. “Thank you, but I’m fine.”

  “Fine?” Mandy asks. “Your dad—”

  Janice elbows her in the ribs before she can finish her insensitive statement. Mandy never means to be rude, but she can be at points. Now is definitely not the time for it.

  “Yes. I’m fine. I can handle it.” Mavis looks over to Mandy. “One person I know made it out, and that’s enough for me.”

  That’s not true. Her smile, though as big as it usually is, shows a sort of pain. She may try to hide it, but she isn’t okay. I don’t expect her to be. She just lost her dad. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it’s my fault. I’m in the Taai, and one of the Taai’s responsibilities was getting the civilians to safety.

  Eric nudges me in the arm as I pull my hands apart to keep from rubbing my fingernails. “Do you want to go get food?”

  I nod, and we head up. As we go through the line, Eric hesitantly asks me if Bloot was Mavis’s state. I tell him it was, and he goes quiet, not sure what to say.

  When we get back to the table, the instrumental anthem comes on, and we all rise to do the pledge. Everyone faces the flag and remains silent as we listen to the music and remember all of the loved ones we have lost fighting for freedom.

  Halfway through the pledge, Sam walks into the cafeteria. I can’t help but notice what Mavis said is true. The corners of his eyes are tinted pink.

  He comes over, sits in the seat besides Mavis, and plops his head down on the table.

  Mavis takes notice and turns to me, mouthing “See?”

  The pledge wraps up, and we sit back down. Sam keeps his head on the table and ignores us.

  We all exchange glances, and I lean in. “Sam?” I ask. “Are you okay?”

  He grunts and brings his head up. “Fine. I’m going to go get food.”

  “You better hurry.” Eric swallows a chunk of food. “The first breakfast shift is almost up.”

  Sam turns his head and looks over to Eric. His eyes slowly begin to grow, showing how pink they really are. Eric’s eyes grow at the same pace as Sam’s the longer they look at each other.

  Sam’s face scrunches into a scowl as Eric averts his eyes and looks down to his tray. Everyone else at the table is looking back and forth between the two, trying to figure out what’s going on.

  Mandy finally speaks up after what feels like a lifetime of awkward silence. “Sam? What’s wrong?”

  Sam continues to stare at Eric as he shovels food into his mouth and avoids eye contact. “Do you want to explain, or should I?”

  Eric looks back to Sam with a clenched jaw and wide eyes. The bell rings before he can answer, but nobody at our table moves. Everyone around us scurries away and tumbles through the traffic, causing it to be even louder.

  Eric finally speaks up when he realizes no one is going to move. “What all do you remember?”

  “I remember you. I remember your thug friends shoving me … throwing me.” Sam continues to stare straight at Eric, somehow holding his gaze in such a way that Eric can’t look away. “And I remember you just watching them call me a retty. I remember you watching them stab me with my own vial!”

  “Hey!” Eric sets down his fork and leans into the table. “I stood up for you.”

  “Only after I was pinned against the wall and your meathead friend was strangling me!”

  “After Uri stuck you in the leg and they left, I tried to make sure you were okay! I helped you out of the hallway and into the restroom, but you yelled at me and told me to go away!”

  I look back to Eric, setting my fork down. “Eric,” I utter, trying to make him realize he isn’t helping anything by yelling.

  Sam rises to his feet with the commotion in the background. “You stood, watching me get bullied and called a retty, and you did nothing to help.”

  His tone even more strict than usual, Eric rises to his feet and narrows his eyes back to Sam. “I have never once used that term, nor have I ever supported it or those who do.”

  Sam walks around the end of the table toward Eric, who is standing still, but not backing down. I rise to my feet an
d stand between the two. Sam stops inches away from my chest and glares at Eric through me. The girls across the table all look terrified. No, even worse, shocked …

  At me.

  They look at me like I’m the bad guy, doing an awful thing.

  Janice rises to her feet. “Mr. Barnes, would you come with me please?”

  He nods and breaks his staring contest with Sam. Janice and Eric head out of the room, but Sam continues to glare at him as he walks out. After Eric makes it out of sight, Sam shifts his focus to me.

  Backing away from me, he fumes, “Whose side are you on?”

  “I’m not picking sides,” I say, scoffing. “I’m preventing a fight that won’t end well for anyone.”

  Sam rolls his eyes at my answer and storms off into the crowd. I turn to the girls and meet their eyes as Mavis and Mandy stare at me from the other side of the table.

  “Did you know?” Mavis asks me as she rises. “Did you know he did that? That your friend did that?”

  I shake my head to her, trying to come up with an answer, but I am still confused on what had happened. What even is a “retty”?

  She backs away and gets lost into the crowd, just as Sam did, leaving Mandy and me alone.

  “You had no idea?” Mandy asks me, throwing her bag over her shoulder.

  “I didn’t.”

  She nods to me and sucks her teeth. Her head bobs as she walks off into another direction. I sit back down at the table and finish my food alone with nothing but my tray and Eric’s.

  Mavis

  Back in Janice’s classroom, the children around Sam and me stir. Logan hasn’t come back, and I don’t think he is going to come. Being a part of the Taai, I imagine he and Eric are going to be pretty busy for a while. The classroom grows louder as they realize Janice still isn’t in the classroom yet. She is out in the hallway talking to Eric about … the situation …