Myth-Ing Persons m-5

by Robert Asprin

  "I still do. Now do you want to know what I think of the idea of doing nothing!"

  Before I could answer, a soft knock sounded at the door… the back door!

  "See!" I crowed triumphantly. "I told you he would be back!"

  "That doesn't sound like his knock," Guido observed suspiciously.

  "And why should he knock?" Massha added. "The door hasn't been locked since he left."

  In my own relief and enthusiasm, their remarks went unnoticed. In a flash I was at the door, wrenching it open while voicing the greeting I had been rehearsing for two days.

  "It's about time, part… ner."

  It wasn't Aahz.

  In fact, the being outside the door didn't look anything at all like Aahz. What was doubly surprising, though, was that I recognized her!

  We had never really met… not to exchange names, but shortly after meeting Aahz I had been strung up by an angry mob while impersonating her, and I had seen her in the crowd when I successfully "interviewed" for the job of court magician at Possletum.

  What I had never had a chance to observe first-hand was her radiant complexion framed by waves of sungold hair, or the easy grace with which she carried herself, or the…

  "It's the Great Skeeve, right? Behind the open mouth?"

  Her voice was so musical it took me a few moments to zero in on what she had said and realize that she was expecting an answer.

  "Aahh… yes. I mean, at your service,"

  "Glad to finally meet you face-to-face," she said briskly, glancing at Guido and Massha nervously. "I've been looking for an excuse for a while, and I guess this is it. Got some news for you… about your apprentice."

  I was still having problems focusing on what she was saying. Not only was her voice mesmerizing, she was easily the loveliest woman I had ever met… well, girl actually. She couldn't have been much older than me. What's more, she seemed to like me. That is, she kept smiling hesitantly and her deep blue eyes never left mine. Now, I had gotten respect from my colleagues and from beings at the Bazaar who knew my reputation, but never from anyone who looked like… Then her words sank in. "My apprentice?"

  I stole an involuntary glance at Massha before I realized the misunderstanding.

  "Oh, you mean Aahz. He's not my apprentice any more. He's my partner. Please come in. We were just talking about him."

  I stood to one side of the door and invited her in with a grand sweeping gesture. I'd never tried it before, but I had seen it used a couple of times while I was working the court at Possletum, and it had impressed me.

  "Umm-Boss? Could I talk to you for a minute?"

  "Later, Guido."

  I repeated the gesture, and the girl responded with a quick smile that lit up the room.

  "Thanks for the invite," she said, "but I'll have to take a rain check. I really can't stay. In fact, I shouldn't be here at all. I just thought that someone should let you know that your friend… Aahz is it? Anyway, your friend is in jail."

  That brought me back to earth in a hurry.

  "Aahz? In jail? For what?"

  "Murder."

  "MURDER!" I shrieked, dropping all attempts to be urbane. "But Aahz wouldn't…"

  "Don't shout at me! Oh, I knew I shouldn't have come. Look, I know he didn't do it. That's why I had to let you know what was going on. If you don't do something, they're going to execute him… and they know how to execute demons over here."

  I spun around to face the others.

  "Massha! Go get your jewelry case. Guido, Nunzio! Gear up. We're going to pay a little call on our neighbors."

  I tried to keep my voice calm and level, but somehow the words came out a bit more intense than I had intended.

  "Not so fast. Boss," Guido said. "There's something you oughta know first."

  "Later. I want you to…"

  "NOW, Boss. It's important!"

  "WHAT IS IT!"

  Needless to say, I was not eager to enter into any prolonged conversations just now.

  "She's one of 'em."

  "I beg your pardon?"

  "The three that went out through the back door. The ones your partner is chasing. She's the broad."

  Thunderstruck, I turned to the girl for confirmation, only to find the doorway was empty. My mysterious visitor had disappeared as suddenly as she had arrived.

  "This could be a trap, you know," Massha said thoughtfully.

  "She's right." Guido nodded. "Take it from someone who's been on the lam himself. When you're running from the law and there are only a couple of people who can find you, it gets real tempting to eliminate that link. We've only got her word that your partner's in trouble."

  "It wouldn't take a mental giant to figure out that you and Aahz are the most likely hunters for the Deveels to hire. After all, they knew whose house they were cutting through for their getaway," Massha added. Guido rose to his feet and started pacing. "Right," he said. "Now suppose they've got Aahz. Can you think of a better way to bag the other half of the pair than by feeding you a line about your partner being in trouble so you'll come charging into whatever trap they've laid out? The whole set-up stinks, Boss. I don't know about strange dimensions, but I do know about criminals. As soon as you step through that door, you're gonna be a sitting duck."

  "Are you quite through?"

  Even to my ears my voice sounded icy, but for a change I didn't care.

  Guido and Massha exchanged glances, then nodded silently.

  "Very well. You may be right, and I appreciate your concern for my well-being. HOWEVER…"

  My voice sank to a deadly hiss.

  "… what if you're wrong? What if our fugitive is telling the truth? You've all been on my case about not doing anything to help Aahz. Do you really think I'm just going to sit here while my partner AND friend burns for a crime he didn't commit… on the off chance that getting involved might be dangerous to me?"

  With great effort I forced my tones back to normal.

  "In ten minutes I'm going through that door after Aahz… and if I'm walking into a trap, it had better be a good one. Now do any of you want to come with me, or am I going it alone?"

  Chapter Four

  "It's useless to try to plan for the unexpected… by definition!"

  -A. HITCHCOCK

  ACTUALLY, it was more like an hour before we were really ready to go, though for me it seemed like a lot longer. Still, even I had to admit that not taking the proper preparations for this venture would not only be foolish, it would be downright suicidal!

  It was decided that Nunzio would stay behind so there would be someone at our base to let Tananda and Chumley know what was going on when they returned. Needless to say, he was less than thrilled by the assignment.

  "But I'm supposed to be your bodyguard!" he argued. "How'm I supposed to guard you if I'm sittin' back here while you're on the front lines?"

  "By being sure our support troops get the information they need to follow us," I said.

  As much as I disliked having to argue with Nunzio, I would rather dig in my heels against half a dozen Mob type bodyguards than have to explain to Tananda and Chumley why they weren't included in this rescue mission.

  "We could leave a note."

  "No."

  "We could…"

  "NO! I want you here. Is that plain enough?"

  The bodyguard heaved a heavy sigh. "Okay, Boss. I'll hang in here until they show up. Then the three of us will…"

  "No!" I said again. "Then Tananda and Chumley will come in after us. You're going to stay here."

  "But Boss…"

  "Because if Hay-ner and his crew show up again, someone has to be here to let them know we're on the job and that we haven't just taken off for the tall timber. Assuming for the moment that we're going to make it back, we need our exit route, and you're going to be here making sure it stays open. All we need is for our hosts to move in a new tenant while we're gone… say, someone who decides to brick up this door while we're on the other side."

 
Nunzio thought this through in silence.

  "What if you don't come back?" he asked finally.

  "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it," I sighed. "But remember, we aren't that easy to kill. At least one of us will probably make it back."

  Fortunately, my mind was wrenched away from that unpleasant train of thought by the arrival of Guido.

  "Ready to go. Boss."

  Despite the desperateness of the situation and the haunting time pressures, I found myself gaping at him.

  "What's that?" I managed at last.

  Guido was decked out in a long dark coat and wearing a wide-brimmed hat and sunglasses.

  "These? These are my work clothes," he said proudly. "They're functional as well as decorative."

  "They're what?"

  "What I mean is, not only do people find 'em intimidating, the trench coat has all these little pockets inside, see? That's where I carry my hardware."

  "But…"

  "Hi, Hot Stuff. Nice outfit, Guido."

  "Thanks! I was just telling the Boss here about it."

  Massha was dressed… or should I say undressed in her work clothes. A brief vest struggled to cover even part of her massive torso, while an even briefer bottom was on the verge of surrendering its battle completely.

  "Ummm… Massha?" I said carefully. "I've always meant to ask. Why don't you… ummm… wear more?"

  "I like to dress cool when we're going into a hot situation," she winked. "You see, when things speed up, I get a little nervous… and the only thing worse than havin' a fat broad around is havin' a sweaty fat broad around."

  "I think it's a sexy outfit," Guido chimed in. "Reminds me of the stuff my old man's moll used to wear."

  "Well thanks. Dark and Deadly. I'd say your old man had good taste… but I never tasted him."

  I studied them thoughtfully as they shared a laugh over Massha's joke. Any hope of a quiet infiltration of this unknown dimension was rapidly disintegrating. Either Guido or Massha alone was eye-catching, but together they were about as inconspicuous as a circus parade and an army maneuver sharing the same road. Then it occurred to me that, not knowing what things were like where we were heading, they might fit in and I would stand out. It was a frightening thought. If everybody there looked like this…

  I forced the thought from my mind. No use scaring myself any more than I had to before there was information to back it up. What was important was that my two assistants were scared. They were trying hard not to show it, but in doing so, each was dropping into old patterns, slipping behind old character masks. Guido was playing his "tough gangster" bit to the hilt, while Massha was once more assuming her favorite "vamp" character with a vengeance. The bottom line, though, was that, scared or not, they were willing to back my move or die trying. It would have been touching, if it weren't for the fact that it meant they were counting on me for leadership. That meant I had to stay calm and confident… no matter how scared I felt myself. It only occurred to me as an afterthought that, in many ways, leadership was the mask I was learning to slip behind when things got tight. It made me wonder briefly if anyone ever really knew what they were doing or felt truly confident, or if life was simply a mass game of role-playing.

  "Okay. Are we ready?" I asked, shrugging off my wandering thoughts. "Massha? Got your jewelry?"

  "Wearing most of it, and the rest is right here," she said, patting the pouch on her belt.

  While I will occasionally make snide mental comments about my apprentice's jewelry, it serves a dual purpose. Massha's baubles are in reality a rather extensive collection of magical gimmicks she has accumulated over the years. How extensive? Well, before she signed on as my apprentice to learn real magic, she was holding down a steady job as the magician for the city-state of Ta-hoe on the dimension of Jahk solely on the strength of her collected mechanical "powers." While I agreed with Aahz that real magic was preferable to mechanical in that it was less likely to malfunction (a lesson learned from first-hand experience) I sure didn't mind having her arsenal along for back-up.

  "You know that tracking ring? The one you used to find the king? Any chance there's an extra tucked away in your pouch?"

  "Only have the one," she said, waggling the appropriate finger.

  I cursed mentally, then made the first of what I feared would be many unpleasant decisions on this venture.

  "Give it to Nunzio. Tananda and Chumley will need it to find us."

  "But if we leave it behind, how are we going to find your partner?"

  "We'll have to figure out something, but we can't afford to divide our forces. Otherwise, even if we get Aahz, we could still end up wandering around out there trying to find the other half of the rescue team."

  "If you say so. Hot Stuff," she grimaced, handing over the ring, "but I hope you know what you're doing."

  "So do I, Massha, so do I. Okay, gang, let's see what our backyard is really like!"

  From the outside, our place looked a lot more impressive than the side that showed in the Bazaar. It really did look like a castle… a rather ominous one at that, squatting alone on a hilltop. I really didn't study it too close, though, beyond being able to recognize it again for our trip out. As might be expected, my main attention was focused on the new dimension itself.

  "Kinda dark, ain't it."

  Guide's comment was more statement than question, and he was right.

  Wherever we were, the lighting left a lot to be desired. At first I thought it was night, which puzzled me, as so far in my travels all dimensions seemed to be on the same sun-up and sun-down schedule. Then my eyes adjusted to the gloom and I realized the sky was simply heavily overcast… to a point where next to no light at all penetrated, giving a night-like illusion to the day.

  Aside from that, from what I could see, this new land seemed pretty much like any of the others I had visited:

  Trees, underbrush, and a road leading to or from the castle, depending on which way you were facing. I think it was Tananda who was fond of saying "If you've seen one dimension, you've seen them all." Chumley, her brother, argued that the reason for the geologic similarities was that all the dimensions we traveled were different realities off the same base. This always struck me as being a bit redundant… "They're all alike because they're the same? C'mon Chumley!", but his rebuttals always left me feeling like I'd been listening to someone doing readings in another language, so of late I've been tending to avoid the discussions.

  "Well, Hot Stuff, what do we do now?"

  For a change, I had an answer for this infuriating question.

  "This road has to go somewhere. Just the fact that it exists indicates we aren't alone in this dimension."

  "I thought we already knew that," Guido said under his breath. "That's why we're here."

  I gave him my best dark glare.

  "I believe there was some debate as to whether or not we were being lied to about Aahz being held prisoner. If there's a road here, it's a cinch that neither my partner nor the ones he was chasing built it. That means we have native types to deal with… possibly hostile."

  "Right," Massha put in quickly. "Put a sock in it, Guido. I want to hear our plan of action, and I don't like being kept waiting by hecklers."

  The bodyguard frowned, but kept his silence.

  "Okay. Now, what we've got to do is follow this road and find out where it goes. Hug the side of the road and be ready to disappear if you hear anybody coming. We don't know what the locals look like, and until I have a model to work from, it's pointless for me to try to disguise us."

  With those general marching orders, we made our way through the dark along the road, moving quietly to avoid tipping our hand to anyone ahead of us. In a short time we came up to our first decision point. The road we were on ended abruptly when it met another, much larger thoroughfare. My assistants looked at me expectantly. With a shrug I made the arbitrary decision and led them off to the right down this new course. As we went, I reflected with some annoyance that even though both
Massha and Guido knew that I was as new to this terrain as they were, it somehow fell to me to choose the path.

  My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of voices ahead, coming our way. The others heard it too, and without word or signal we melted into the underbrush. Squatting down, I peered through the gloom toward the road, anxious to catch my first glimpse of the native life forms.

  I didn't have long to wait. Two figures appeared, a young couple by the look of them, talking and laughing merrily as they went. They looked pretty normal to me, which was a distinct relief, considering the forms I had had to imitate in some of the other dimensions. They were humanoid enough to pass for Klahds… or Jahks, actually, as they were a bit pale. Their dress was not dissimilar from my own, though a bit more colorful. Absorbing all this in a glance, I decided to make my first try for information. I mean, after all my fears, they were so familiar it was almost a letdown, so why not bull ahead? Compared with some of the beings I've had to deal with in the past, this looked like a piece of cake.

  Signaling the others to stay put, I stepped out onto the road behind my target couple.

  "Excuse me!" I called "I'm new to this area and in need of a little assistance. Could you direct me to the nearest town?"

  Translation pendants were standard equipment for dimension travel, and as I was wearing one now, I had no fear of not being understood.

  The couple turned to face me, and I was immediately struck by their eyes. The "whites" of their eyes glowed a dark red, sending chills down my spine. It occurred to me that I might have studied the locals a bit longer before I tried to pass myself off as a native. It also occurred to me that I had already committed myself to this course of action and would have to bluff my way through it regardless. Finally, it occurred to me that I was a suicidal idiot and that I hoped Massha and Guido were readying their back-up weapons to save me from my own impatience.

  Strangely enough, the couple didn't seem to notice anything unusual about my appearance.

  "The nearest town? That would be Blut. It's not far, we just came from there. It's got a pretty wild night life, if you're into that kind of thing."