Myth-Ing Persons m-5

by Robert Asprin

  "… who is currently winging his way back to his accomplice with the news that we're on their trail," I finished with a grimace.

  "Isn't that 'accomplices' as in plural?" Massha asked softly.

  I ignored her.

  "Oh, Drahcir," Idnew said, "now we have to help them. It's the only way we can make up for having provided a hideout for the very person they were trying to find."

  "If I might point out," her husband replied, "we've barely met these people. We don't really owe them an explanation, much less any help. Besides, you still have a deadline to meet and…"

  "Drahcir!" Idnew interrupted. "It could get real lonely sleeping in the old kennel while I work day and night on a deadline, if you catch my meaning."

  "Now, dear," Drahcir said, sidling up to his wife, "before you go getting into a snit, hear me out. I've been thinking it over and I think there's a way we can provide assistance without biting into our own schedules. I mean, we do have a friend… one who lives a little north of here… who's temporarily between assignments and could use the work. I'm sure he'd be willing to do a little tracking for them at a fraction of the fee that we'd charge for the same service."

  He was obviously talking in the veiled references partners use to communicate or check ideas in front of strangers, as his words went completely over my head, but drew an immediate reaction from Idnew.

  "Oh, Drahcir!" she exclaimed excitedly, all trace of her earlier anger gone. "That's perfect! And he'll just love Massha."

  "There's still the question of whether or not we can get him here in time," her husband cautioned. "And of course I'll want a percentage off the top as a finder's fee…"

  "WHAT! "I exclaimed.

  "I agree," Idnew said firmly. "A finder's fee is totally…"

  "No! Before that," I urged. "What did you say about there not being enough time? I thought the execution wasn't scheduled until the end of the week!"

  "That's right," Drahcir said. "But the end of the week is tomorrow. Your friend is slated to be executed at high midnight."

  "C'mon, Massha," I ordered, heading for the door. "We're heading back to Blut."

  "What for?" she demanded. "What can we do without a tracker?"

  "We've tried being nice about this, and it isn't working," I responded grimly. "Now we do it the other way. You wanted action, apprentice? How do you feel about giving me a hand with a little jailbreak?"

  Chapter Ten

  "What's wrong with a little harmless crime once in a while?"

  -M. BLAISE

  "BUT I'm telling you, Boss, jailbreak is a bad rap. With you operating at only half power in the magic department, there's no tellin' what can go wrong, and then…"

  "Before we get all worked up about what can go wrong, Guido," I said, trying to salvage something constructive out of the conversation, "could you give me a little information on exactly how hard it is to break someone out of jail? Or haven't you been involved in any jailbreaks, either?"

  "Of course I've been along on some jailbreaks," the bodyguard declared, drawing himself up proudly. "I've been an accomplice on three jailbreaks. What kind of Mob member do you take me for, anyway?"

  With a heroic effort I resisted the temptation to answer that particular rhetorical question.

  "Okay. So how about a few pointers? This is my first jailbreak, and I want it to go right."

  I was all set to settle in for a fairly lengthy lecture, but instead of launching into the subject, Guido looked a bit uncomfortable.

  "Umm… actually, Boss, I don't think you'd want to use any of the plans I followed. You see, all three of 'em were busts. None of 'em worked, and in two of the capers, the guy we were tryin' to save got killed. That's how I know about what a bad rap a jailbreak is, know what I mean?"

  "Oh, swell! Just swell! Tell me. Mister bodyguard, with your allergies and zero-for-three record at jailbreak, did you ever do anything for the Mob that worked?"

  A gentle hand fell on my shoulder from behind.

  "Hey! Ease up a little. High Roller," Massha said softly. "I know you're worried about your partner, but don't take it out on Guido… or me, either, for that matter. We may not be much, but we're here and trying to help as best we can when we'd both just as soon be back at the Bazaar. You're in a bad enough spot without starting a two-front war by turning on your allies."

  I started to snap at her, but caught myself in time. Instead, I drew a long ragged breath and blew it out slowly. She was right. My nerves were stretched to the breaking point… which served me right for not following my own advice.

  We were currently holed up at the Dispatcher's, the only place I could think of for an in-town base of operations, and as soon as we had arrived, I had insisted that both Massha and Guido grab a bit of sleep. We had been going nonstop ever since stepping through the door into Limbo, and I figured that the troops would need all the rest they could get before we tried to spring Aahz. Of course, once I had convinced them of the necessity of racking out, I promptly ignored my own wisdom and stayed up thinking for the duration.

  The rationalization I used for this insane action was that I wanted some extra time uninterrupted to recharge my internal batteries, so whatever minimal magic I had at my disposal would be ready for our efforts. In actuality, what I did was worry. While I had indeed taken part in several criminal activities since teaming up with Aahz, they had all been planned by either Aahz or Tananda. This was my first time to get involved in masterminding a caper, and the stakes were high. Not only Aahz's but Massha's and Guide's futures were riding on my successful debut, and my confidence level was at an all-time low. After much pondering, I had decided to swallow my pride and lean heavily on Guide's expertise, which was why it hit me so hard when I discovered that he knew even less about successful jailbreaks than I.

  "Sorry, Guido," I said, trying to restructure my thinking. "I guess I'm more tired than I realized. Didn't mean to snap at you."

  "Don't worry. Boss," the bodyguard grinned. "I've been expectin' it. All the big operators I've worked with get a little crabby when the heat's on. If anything, your temper gettin' short is the best thing I've seen since we started this caper. That's why I've been so jumpy myself. I wasn't sure if you weren't taking the job seriously, or if you were just too dumb to know the kind of odds we were up against. Now that you're acting normal for the situation, I feel a lot better about how it's goin' to come out in the end."

  Terrific! Now that I was at the end of my rope, our eternal pessimist thought things were going great.

  "Okay," I said, rubbing my forehead with one finger, "we haven't got much information to go on, and what we do know is bad. According to Vilhelm, Aahz is being held in the most escape-proof cell they have, which is the top floor of the highest tower in town. If we try to take him from the inside, we're going to have to fool or fight every guard on the way up and down. To me, that means our best bet is to spring him from the outside."

  My assistants nodded vigorously, their faces as enthusiastic as if I had just said something startlingly original and clever.

  "Now, with my powers at low ebb. I don't think I can levitate that far and spring the cell. Massha, do you have anything in your jewelry collection that would work for rope and climbing hooks?"

  "N-no," she said hesitantly, which surprised me. She usually had a complete inventory of her nasty pretties on the tip of her tongue.

  "I saw a coil of rope hangin' just inside the door," Guido supplied.

  "I noticed it, too," I acknowledged, "but it isn't nearly long enough. We'll just have to use up my power getting up to the cell and figure some other way of opening the window."

  "Ummm… you don't have to do that. High Roller," Massha said with a sigh. "I've got something we can use."

  "What's that?"

  "The belt I'm wearing with all my gear hung on it. It's a levitation belt. The controls aren't horribly reliable, but it should do to get us to the top of the tower."

  I cocked an eyebrow at my apprentice.
<
br />   "Wait a minute, Massha. Why didn't you mention this when I asked?"

  She looked away quickly.

  "You didn't ask about a belt. Only about rope and climbing hooks."

  "Since when do I have to ask you specific questions… or any questions, for that matter, to get your input?"

  "All right," she sighed. "If you really want to know, I was hoping we could find a way to do this without using the belt."

  "Why?"

  "It embarrasses me."

  "It what?"

  "It embarrasses me. I look silly floating around in the air. It's okay for skinny guys like you and Guido, but when I try it, I look like a blimp. All I'd need is Goodyear tattooed on my side to make the picture complete."

  I closed my eyes and tried to remember that I was tired and that I shouldn't take it out on my friends. The fact that Massha was worried about appearances while I was trying to figure out a way to get us all out of this alive wasn't really infuriating. It was… flattering! That was it! She was so confident of my abilities to get us through this crisis that she had time to think about appearances! Of course, the possibility of betraying that confidence set me off in another round of worrying. Wonderful.

  "You okay. Boss?"

  "Hmmm? Yeah. Sure, Guido. Okay. Now Massha floats up to the window, which leaves you and me free to…"

  "Hold it, Hot Stuff," Massha said, holding up a hand. "I think I'd better explain a little more about this belt. I bought it in an 'as-is' rummage sale, and the controls are not all they should be."

  "How so?"

  "Well, the 'up' control works okay, but the 'altitude' is shaky so you're never sure how much you can lift or how high it will go. The real problem, though, is the 'down' control. There's no tapering-off effect, so it's either on or off."

  I was never particularly good at technical jargon, but flying was something I knew so I could almost follow her.

  "Let me see if I've got this right," I said. "When you go up, you aren't sure how much power you'll have, and when you land…"

  "…it ain't gentle," she finished for me. "Basically, you fall from whatever height you're at to the ground."

  "I don't know much about this magic stuff," Guido commented dryly, "but that doesn't sound so good. Why would you use a rig like that, anyway?"

  "I don't… at least not for flying," Massha said. "Remember, I told you I think it makes me look silly? All I use it for is a utility belt… you know, like Batman? I mean, it's kind of pretty, and it isn't easy to find belts in my size."

  "Whatever," I said, breaking into their fashion discussion. "We're going to use it tonight to get up to the cell even if it means rigging some kind of ballast system. Now all we need to figure out is how to open the cell window and a getaway plan. Guido, it occurs to me that we might pick up a few lessons on jailbreaks from your experiences even if they were unsuccessful. I mean, negative examples can be as instructive as positive examples. So tell me, in your opinion what went wrong in the plans you followed in the past?"

  The bodyguard's brow furrowed as it took on the unaccustomed exercise of thought.

  "I dunno, Boss. It seems that however much planning was done, something always came up that we hadn't figured on. If I had to hang our failures on any one thing, I'd say it was just that… over planning. I mean, after weeks of lectures and practice sessions, you get a little overconfident, so when something goes wrong you're caught flatfooted, know what I mean?"

  Nervous as we were, that got a laugh from both Massha and me.

  "Well, that's one problem we won't have to worry about," I said. "Our planning time is always minimal, and for this caper we're going to have to put it together in a matter of hours."

  "If you take hours, you'll never pull it off," Vilhelm said, entering our planning room just in time to hear my last comment.

  "What's that supposed to mean?" Massha growled.

  "Say, are you sure you guys are on the level?" the vampire said, ignoring my apprentice. "It occurs to me that I've only got your word on all this… that Vic is still alive and all. If you're taking advantage of my good nature to get me involved in something crooked…"

  "He's alive," I assured him. "I've seen him myself since we were here last… but you didn't answer the question. What was that you were saying about what would happen if we took hours to plan the jailbreak?"

  The Dispatcher shrugged.

  "I suppose you guys know what you're doing and I should keep my mouth shut, but I was getting a little worried. I mean, it's sundown already, and if you're going to make your move before the execution, it had better be soon."

  "How do you figure that?" I frowned. "The action isn't slated until high midnight. I had figured on waiting a while until it was dark and things quieted down around town a little."

  "Are you kidding?" the vampire said with a start, his eyebrows going up to his hairline. "That's when… oh, I get it. You're still thinking in terms of your off dimension timetables. You've got to… umm, you might want to be sitting down for this, Skeeve."

  "Lay it on me," I said, rubbing my forehead again. "What have I overlooked now? Even without the blindfold and the cigarette I'd just as soon take the bad news standing up."

  "Well, you've got to remember that you're dealing with a city of vampires here. Sundown is the equivalent of dawn to us. That's when things start happening, not when they start winding down! That means…"

  "… that high midnight is a major traffic time and the longer we wait, the more people there will be on the street," I said, trying to suppress a groan.

  Once the basic oversight had been pointed out, I could do my own extrapolations… with all their horrible consequences. Trying to fight back my own panic, I turned to my assistants.

  "Okay, troops. We're on. Guido, grab that rope you saw. We may need it before this is over."

  The bodyguard's eyes widened with astonishment.

  "You mean we're going to start the caper right now? But Boss! We haven't planned…"

  "Hey, Guido," I said, flashing a grin that was almost sane. "You were the one who said that over planning was a problem. Well, if you're right, this should be the most successful jailbreak ever!"

  Chapter Eleven

  "Nice jail. Looks strong."

  -H. HOUDINI

  VILHELM was right about one thing. The streets were nowhere nearly as crowded as they had been the times we navigated their length well after sundown. Only a few stray beings wandered here and there, mostly making deliveries or sweeping down the sidewalks in front of their shops prior to opening. Except for the lack of light, the streets looked just like any town preparing for a day's business… that and the red eyes of the citizens.

  We hugged the light as we picked our way across town…

  That's right. I said "hugged the light." I try to only make the same mistake a dozen times. In other dimensions, we would have "hugged the dark" to avoid being noticed or recognized. Here, we "hugged the light." Don't laugh. It worked.

  Anyway, as we picked our way through the streets of Blut, most of my attention was taken up with the task of trying to map a good getaway route. Getting Aahz out of jail I would deal with once we got there. Right now I was worried about what we would do once we had him out… a major assumption, I know, but I had so little optimism that I clung to what there was with all fours.

  The three of us looked enough like vampires in appearance to pass casual inspection. There was no way, however, that we could pass off my scaly green partner as a native without a disguise spell, and I wasn't about to bet on having any magical energy left after springing Aahz. As such, I was constantly craning my neck to peer down side streets and alleys, hoping to find a little traveled route by which we could spirit our fugitive colleague out of town without bringing the entire populace down on our necks. By the time we reached our destination, I was pretty sure I could get us back to the Dispatcher's by the route we were following, and positively sure that if I tried to take us there by the back routes, I would get us t
otally and helplessly lost.

  "Well, Boss. This is it. Think we can crack it?"

  I don't think Guido really expected an answer. He was just talking to break the silence that had fallen over us as we stood looking at our target.

  The Municipal Building was an imposing structure, with thick stone walls and a corner tower that stretched up almost out of sight into the darkness. It didn't look like we could put a dent in it with a cannon… if we had a cannon, which we didn't. I was used to the tents of the Bazaar or the rather ramshackle building style of Klah. While I had been gradually getting over being overawed by the construction prevalent here in Blut, this place intimidated me. I'd seen shakier looking mountains!

  "Well, one thing's for certain," I began, almost under my breath.

  "What's that?"

  "Staring at it isn't going to make it any weaker."

  Neither of my assistants laughed at my joke, but then again, neither did I.

  Shaking off a feeling of foreboding, I turned to my staff.

  "All right, Guido. You stay down here and keep watch. Massha? Do you think that belt of yours can lift two? It's time I went topside and took a good look at this impregnable cell."

  My apprentice licked her lips nervously and shrugged.

  "I don't know, Hot Stuff. I warned you that the controls on this thing don't work right. It could lift us right into orbit for all I know."

  I patted her shoulder in what I hoped was a reassuring way.

  "Well, give it a try and we'll find out."

  She nodded, wrapped one arm around my chest, and used her other hand to play with the jewels on her belt buckle.

  There was a sparkle of light, but beyond that nothing.

  "Not enough juice," she mumbled to herself.

  "So turn it up already," I urged. - Even if the vampires tended to avoid light, we were lit up like a Christmas tree and bound to attract attention if we stayed at ground level much longer.