Worth Fighting For

by Mary-Anne O'Connor

  She’d been used.

  And it hurt the most because she loved this friend who had never been a friend at all.

  John had been right that night at the first dinner party. Ignorance was a cruel enemy, indeed.

  Forty-five

  It had been a long few weeks, made longer by the fact that he’d barely seen Junie, and when he had, she was very quiet and withdrawn. Marlon suspected it was due to that obnoxious husband of hers and he wondered how a woman like that, smart and confident in so many ways, could put up with such an unworthy marriage. And be torn away from her child. Something didn’t add up.

  Anyway, he’d see her today, and without that bastard Ernest in tow. Somehow Junie had talked her way into returning to the clinic while they went on the expedition and the thought cheered him until he went to pack the gourd and paused to consider what he was about to do. The whole country was slowly being scouted by mining companies – sooner or later someone was bound to find oil in that valley he reasoned to himself yet again. And it was better for him to control the claim and protect the natives than most westerners – he wouldn’t let them be exploited in the ways other tribes had. But thinking about any destruction of such a mysterious, ancient place sickened him, and it didn’t help that he’d tied himself to such dubious partners. It also didn’t help that they might all end up dead at the end of a spear.

  Despite these misgivings, he was also excited. There was money in it, of course – potentially – but that was small motivation in comparison to setting foot in territory that had long fascinated him, a part of the world completely cut off from the rest of mankind. Even Pukz had only seen a fraction. Marlon’s fascination with Indigenous peoples had come full circle, and first thing tomorrow he would be Miwok once more, at one with the earth, if not the sea. His home would be the forest floor, the tribes he met interwoven into nature in every respect with culture and customs unknown.

  He and his party would be explorers in a modern age discovering secrets time forgot. The concept was a thrilling one. And there was more. Somewhere in that lost land roamed a soul that held the only clue to a mystery that had never been solved, one that had nearly destroyed what was left of Captain Stone, the broken man he’d become back during the war.

  He opened the top drawer of his dresser and took out an envelope he rarely touched, filled with memories he feared to visit: a newspaper clipping of a missing squad of men; a photo of himself and Marty Harris, standing in front of a plane with a sea goddess painted on the side. The mass tragedy that had split the cracks within him wide open.

  Memories came like an armada then: Pearl Harbor and a swarm of iron sharks; Darwin and the limp form of a girl in a yellow dress; New Guinea and a band of men on an ill-fated plane. A war that just wouldn’t end despite an ever-starving enemy whose planes were held together with cardboard. Then the terrible finale that finally came; the atomic obliteration of mass populations – the devastating price of victory.

  Marlon fell too then. Long hours in bars. Gambling, women, booze. Nights in the lock-up. A scattered end to a scattered war. Without Major Hamlin, he supposed he would have ended up in jail, but that man had turned out to be a true friend. His latest letter had said he’d divorced and remarried to a very nice teacher named Ellen and Marlon was glad. The major deserved a lot more respect than his first wife, Samantha, had ever given him.

  But Hamlin couldn’t save Marlon from himself, and it had taken years to conquer his demons and piece his life back together. Joseph had been a large part of that: waking him when he slept in; keeping him in the sky. Eventually time slowly wound the horrors down and offered him sleep once more. Purpose. Goals. And now this one last kindness: the possibility of an answer.

  Yes, he did want to know what happened to that group of young men, boys who’d landed in the jungle green as the hills around them, yet couldn’t wait to fight. Killed in a plane flown by a pilot he had trained himself. He did want to know where they finally lay – but unlike Junie, he didn’t need to know; Marlon had already made his peace with that tragedy. It had been hard won over the years but finally he’d accepted that the dead would want the survivors to live, and live well. That was what he could truly give them – a more important tribute than a grave or a monument.

  Yes, an answer would be nice, but it wasn’t essential. It was for Junie Farthington he would seek it out, then maybe she could make her peace with the past too. Because until she did that she was lost – more lost than those missing bodies. More lost than anyone he’d ever met.

  Placing the envelope back in the drawer, he picked up his bags and swung open the door to begin his journey. Whatever secrets lay in that valley he suddenly couldn’t wait to seek them out. Then he could get on with his life.

  And maybe Junie could begin to live hers.

  ‘You know, it took some doing to get Ernest to agree to this,’ Eliza reminded her.

  ‘I’m sure it did.’ Junie slapped the case shut and went to make up a toiletries bag.

  Eliza tapped her foot, smoking near the window. ‘Tell me what’s wrong. I know you’re upset with me although God knows why. I got you your clinic holiday and now you’ll be right there if any news comes out –’

  ‘Yes, I’m very grateful. Thank you. Is that the car?’

  Eliza parted the curtain. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then I’d best get a move on. See you soon,’ Junie said, putting on her hat and gloves.

  ‘Just like that. No “I’ll miss you, Eliza, I don’t know what I’ll do without you, Eliza”? You know, I’m beginning to wonder if my friendship means anything to you any more.’ She picked at the curtain and Junie thought she saw water gathering in her eyes.

  She put her bags down, deciding the time had come. ‘Did we ever have a real friendship, Eliza?’

  Eliza looked at her in surprised hurt. ‘How can you say something like that? You’re my best friend in the world. I…I followed you to New Guinea, for God’s sake.’

  ‘We both know it wasn’t me you followed.’

  The silence was heavy with the truth and a tear traced its way down Eliza’s perfectly powdered cheek. ‘How long have you known?’

  ‘Since the dinner party at the Rafels’. I saw you in the middle of the night. In his study. On his desk.’

  Eliza drew on her cigarette, her hand shaking. ‘I see. Rather a long time to wait to tell me.’

  ‘I had to sort out my own feelings first,’ Junie said.

  Eliza nodded and her eyes shimmered. It was the first time Junie had ever seen her cry. ‘And what did you find?’

  ‘That I couldn’t really care less what Ernest has done.’ Junie picked up her bags, the words trailing behind her as she walked out. ‘He wasn’t the one who broke my heart.’

  The curtain was still parted as Junie looked up from the car window and she knew the woman standing there was about to learn just how lonely life can be without a true friend in the world.

  Marlon was whistling as she walked across the tarmac and he paused in his last-minute inspection of the engine to chuckle at her and wipe his hands.

  ‘Did I really agree to that?’ he said, nodding at a wagging Digger.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Hmm,’ he said, walking over and scratching Digger’s ears before straightening. ‘Well, are you ready to fly, monkey?’

  ‘That depends, where are we headed again?’

  ‘Somewhere over the rainbow.’

  ‘Ah, that’s right. Perhaps I should have worn my ruby slippers,’ she said.

  He feigned offence. ‘Anyone would think you don’t trust my plane to get you back home again.’

  Junie had to smile, her mood lifting. He looked ridiculously handsome standing there with his shirtsleeves rolled up and grease on his arms; even on his cheek as he grinned at her. ‘I told you before, I do trust you,’ she said.

  ‘Maybe you shouldn’t,’ he said and she felt a warm secret unfold between them.

  ‘Hey!’ he called to Philippe, who was arriving with
Carl Spillane, his geologist colleague from Canada. ‘Welcome, fellas. Mind your heads.’

  There was a cough from behind and she turned to greet Joseph warmly.

  ‘Looking forward to treasure hunting?’ she asked.

  ‘In all its forms.’ He winked, and she knew Marlon had told him.

  Soon the whole party was in the air: Joseph, Carl, Philippe, Marlon, a young doctor from Hong Kong called Felix Yu and Junie. And Digger, much to Philippe’s distress. He confessed that he was terrified of dogs.

  ‘How can you be scared of this big sook?’ Junie asked, holding Digger’s adoring face in her hands.

  ‘He is like the wolf!’ Philippe shuddered, moving as far away from Digger as possible. That arrangement suited Junie just fine.

  By the time they’d arrived, she had almost forgotten all the complications associated with getting to this place once more. The simplicity of it was immediately palpable with the sounds of the forest the only background noise behind the rhythm of village life. The natives were as curious as before, watching the westerners alight and unpack with wide stares and occasional conversation. Then the elders arrived and Junie was touched by their formal welcome, appreciating the paint, feathers and mask adornments. She knew enough now to know they were being honoured.

  John was pleased to see them once more and even more pleased to meet Dr Felix Yu. He showed them around the clinic almost immediately and the young doctor seemed to share his enthusiasm for the work being done, marvelling at how much they had achieved already and offering suggestions that were carefully recorded in John’s diary.

  ‘Don’t forget he’s coming with us tomorrow,’ Marlon reminded John.

  ‘Yes, yes, of course. I was thinking of introducing a laboratory…’ John said as he led Felix away.

  ‘I doubt they’ll get much sleep,’ Junie said.

  Marlon stretched, yawning himself. ‘Rested or not, he needs to be ready to go at seven.’

  ‘You look ready to go to bed now.’

  ‘Not likely,’ he said, his brown eyes following her. ‘I don’t believe in taking afternoon naps on my own.’

  Joseph cleared his throat, but it set off a coughing fit and John returned, listening to it with concern.

  ‘That sounds nasty. How long have you had it?’

  ‘Got worse…overnight,’ Joseph told him, recovering his breath. ‘I’m all right.’

  But he wasn’t, and by dinner time he was the newest patient in the clinic, tossing and turning with a fever.

  ‘What will you do if he isn’t ready in the morning?’ asked Carl of Philippe, who turned to Marlon.

  ‘It is your expedition. Should we delay?’

  ‘Let’s see how he is in the morning. He could always follow with one of the guides a day later, if need be.’

  ‘But no longer than that or he’ll never catch up?’ Carl guessed.

  ‘Yes, no longer a gap than that. Even an experienced man like Joseph doesn’t want to hit unknown areas without the group.’ Marlon sounded calm but Junie knew he was worried.

  ‘Everything looks better in the light of day,’ she said cheerfully, handing around the roasted pork as it arrived, ‘and on a full stomach.’

  ‘Ah, merci, madame,’ Philippe said, leaning back to smile at her. ‘But where is the wine?’

  ‘Eliza isn’t here so I guess we’re not drinking,’ Junie said, feeling pained as she said the name.

  ‘I, uh, thought to put this in the bag,’ said Carl, taking out some white rum.

  ‘Good man,’ said Marlon and they added it to their juice. ‘We may as well enjoy our last night in civilisation.’

  ‘This is civilisation?’ Carl laughed as the dancing rituals began.

  ‘It is, compared to where we’re going.’

  By the time the new visitors had sat agog at the tribal rituals and the rum bottle had been emptied of its contents, Junie was ready for bed. Unfortunately Philippe was well in his cups and seemingly intent on trying to persuade her into his.

  ‘Surely you must have been a fashion model in Australia?’ he said. ‘This face and this figure…tu es la femme la plus belle au monde, il n’y a pas des mots pour le dire.’

  ‘As I said, I don’t speak French,’ Junie said, moving ever closer to Digger, who watched the man warily.

  ‘He said you’re the most beautiful woman in the world,’ Marlon translated, overhearing as he returned from checking on Joseph.

  ‘Parlez vous Français?’ Philippe slurred in surprise.

  ‘Only phrases like that. Come on, let’s call it a night, eh?’

  ‘No, no, we stay up to watch the stars…’ Philippe said, leaning towards Junie as Digger gave a low growl.

  ‘You’ll be seeing stars at this rate. Come on,’ said Carl, helping him to his feet. ‘How is Joseph?’

  ‘Fever hasn’t broken. Felix is monitoring him for now, so we’ll see in the morning. Careful there,’ he observed.

  ‘Right you are,’ Carl said, a little unsteadily as he propped up a muttering Philippe who was saying something about ‘the wolf’. ‘Well, good night all. See you in the morning.’

  ‘Good night,’ said Junie as she stood as well. ‘I might head off too.’

  ‘I’ll walk you,’ Marlon said, and she didn’t argue.

  The jungle was filled with mysterious noises and Junie half wondered what made them as each one arrived from the dark edges of the village. Scuttering ran across the insect song and she thought she identified both flapping and slithering too. It made her worry for the men.

  ‘I’m afraid of what you might find out there.’

  ‘So am I,’ Marlon admitted. ‘Especially considering what impact it could have.’

  ‘Which discovery?’

  ‘Oil,’ he said, sighing. ‘A crash site has already had its impact years ago.’

  ‘If it’s there. Even looking for this Kuji might be a waste of time.’

  ‘Nah, he’s just a ghost running around in paradise! How hard can it be?’ He grinned at her.

  ‘You think it’s impossible.’

  ‘No, I think we may well find him,’ he said, sobering. ‘Pukz told me tonight that he lives not far from where he found the sample. Lives. That got my attention. Not a wandering holy man like I was thinking he probably was.’

  Junie felt hope rise a little more. ‘So, not completely a missing needle?’

  ‘No. Mind you, I’m starting to wonder –’ He paused, his expression difficult to read in the moonlight. ‘Does it really matter to you so much – knowing where they crashed? Now that you’ve had time to think about it?’

  She considered that. ‘At first – when I saw the lighter, I got such a shock. Like Michael was contacting me somehow from beyond the grave but now…I guess I just want to close that chapter once and for all. It would be nice to be able to do that.’

  ‘You can close it without that knowledge, you know.’

  ‘I know. Still…it would help, I think. I wish I was going,’ she said wistfully. ‘I wish I could see this man for myself.’

  He stopped and looked down at her. ‘You know it’s out of the question, but if I find out anything at all, I’ll tell you. You believe me, don’t you?’

  Junie nodded. ‘I know the information isn’t going to be easy to hear whatever it turns out to be…but I know you’ll tell me the truth. I really do trust you.’

  He moved closer then. ‘I thought I told you maybe you shouldn’t.’

  The night was cool and when Marlon ran his hands along her arms, she shivered. He said nothing as he pulled her closer and Junie couldn’t resist as his mouth brushed against hers, asking if she wanted more. Then his arms went around her back and he pulled her body against his, kissing her in a sudden rush, and the chemistry they found fleetingly years ago instantly reignited. It had been so long since she felt passion in her veins she drank him in at first, but then the shame arrived.

  ‘I – I shouldn’t. Oh God, I’m such a hypocrite,’ Junie said, drawing back.
r />   ‘Why do you say that?’ he asked, mouth against her ear, his breathing uneven. ‘Because of a lover from years ago? I think you’ve let enough water flow under that bridge, don’t you?’

  ‘No, it’s not that. Well not entirely,’ she admitted, guilty at the thought of Michael. ‘It’s because of Eliza…I found out she has been having an affair with Ernest. All those years of betrayal and I never knew.’

  Marlon absorbed that then kissed her forehead softly, as if to draw the hurt away. ‘The betrayal by Eliza you mean, because you thought there was true friendship there.’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘So this is completely different,’ he said, stroking back her hair. ‘Because you don’t have any real relationship with Ernest, do you? Not even friendship.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘So you’re betraying no-one. You’re no hypocrite, Junie.’

  ‘Then what am I?’

  He held her chin then, meeting her eyes. ‘Lost.’

  The simple answer was so true, tears formed. She let him kiss her again and there was sweet longing there but it was tainted. Oh God, I’m lost. I’m so lost. Where did it go so wrong?

  Marlon paused and brushed her lips with his thumb.

  ‘How do I find my way out?’ she whispered against it.

  ‘That’s something we’re going to have to figure out, isn’t it? It helps to know what you want.’ He paused. ‘What do you want, Junie?’

  She rested her head against his chest, her eyes closing against the force of an old, familiar ache. ‘I just want to be happy. It’s all I ever wanted, but it always slipped away from me somehow.’

  Marlon kissed the top of her head in the moonlight and she felt comfort envelope her for the first time in a long while as he wrapped his arms around her.

  ‘To hold on to happiness,’ he summarised. ‘Well, that’s a start.’

  Forty-six

  It wasn’t until near dark next day that Joseph turned the corner and Junie helped him sit up to eat, smiling her relief.