I was planning to ask her if she wanted to come over later tonight, after I got home from visiting Grandma, but I didn’t feel like being second choice, so I said I needed to get home. Margaux called her brother to pick us up, and we waited in silence. She kept trying to start a conversation, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. We used to have so much fun together, and now she was acting all stupid over a guy. Her cell phone rang, and she almost dropped it in her frenzy to answer. It was obvious it was Seth.
“Hmmm? Just a sec, Em, did you want to do something tonight?” she asked. I knew she’d freak out if I said “yes,” but at least she pretended to care.
“I have plans already,” I said. She was busy making plans when her brother pulled up. Normally she and I sat in back and had Dominick play chauffeur, but this time I got in front with him. Margaux was still talking to Seth, and Dominick asked if she was annoying me half as much as she was him. I nodded.
“I want to throw her stupid phone out the window,” he said. “Hey, do you guys want to stop and get some ice cream?”
Margaux had told me once before Dom liked me, which was why he didn’t mind driving us around. He was a nice guy, but it would be too weird to date my friend’s brother. I would have stopped to get ice cream, but Margaux said she had to get home to meet Seth, so Dominick dropped me off.
“Hey,” I said, coming into the kitchen where my mom was making a smoothie. “What time are we going to see Grandma?”
“I went earlier, and she was agitated.”
“She was conscious?”
Mom sighed and shook her head. “Like she’s been, but they gave her something to calm her. So we decided not to go back tonight. It’s what’s best for her, Emme.”
I wanted to ask questions, but my mom appeared so tired and older than I had ever seen her look. As she moved a strand of hair out of her face, I saw how lifeless her eyes were. As much as I wanted to talk about what was going on with her, I didn’t want to add another burden on her, so I went to my room to check my e-mail.
To: tryBus
From: Rsegwick
Hey! Are you doing anything tonight? I was thinking about going to a psychic fair and maybe seeing another movie or something. Interested? Call me when you get home because I’ve got some BIG news.
Rory
We made plans, and I got my dad to drop me off at her apartment. Rory was waiting in the hall when I got there.
“Do you want to do the psychic fair? I cleansed my chakras so I’d be open for a reading,” she said.
As we drove to the fair, she told me her big news. I thought it was about Tom, but Katia had called her this morning and told her Brendon and Lauren got into an argument after we left the party.
“Katia said she only heard part of it, but it was over you. Lauren wants you completely out of the picture, and Brendon’s obviously still into you,” she said. “Katia said Lauren was in her math class last year when they were dating, and she was always coming in late because of him. If he wrote her a note, she’d make a huge deal of reading it so that everybody could see, but they used to fight all the time,” she said. “Basically Katia said when they broke up last year it was because Brendon told Lauren she was too clingy, and he didn’t want a girlfriend right now. But then he started dating you, and Lauren was super annoyed.”
“I don’t know why she’s mad at me,” I said. “She’s the one he’s going to the dance with, and it’s not like he’s throwing himself at my feet.”
“He still checks up on you though, right?”
“Yeah, but I think he doesn’t want things to be weird between us, and he kind of knows what I’m going through, so it makes sense he’d check on how my grandma’s doing,” I said. “Trust me, I wanted to read more into it, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”
We got to the fair, and there was a list of all the different types of readers who were there.
“I’m going to the woman who deals in karma and past-life stuff,” Rory said. “What about you? There’s guardian angels stuff, numerology, auras, past-life regressions, astrology—anything sound good to you?”
I decided to go for a reading with a woman who seemed like a younger version of my grandma. She handed me her tarot cards and told me to think about my question while I shuffled them. Even though I had a million things I wanted to know about my future, the first image that popped into my mind was Brendon, so I thought about our relationship as I shuffled.
“I’m going to do a past, present, and future reading first,” she said as she pulled out a card. The Death card came up first. Great, I ask for guidance on my relationship, and I get the death card. Lovely.
“This means your thoughts and beliefs will change as you let go of old habits. You might question what you’re doing, but there are new opportunities on the horizon, so you must move forward and let go of the past. Open yourself up to what the future can bring you,” she said. I wondered if it meant I had to let go of my relationship with Brendon or all my feelings about relationships.
“The present card is the Lovers card, which means a relationship has recently come into your life or you need to make a decision regarding love soon. Your intuition is going to be strong now, and you will be using your heart rather than your head to make decisions. There’s a strong emotional attachment toward someone,” she said as she flipped over the next card. “Your outcome card is the Universe, which means you must focus on changing something in your life in order to succeed. This card is about having confidence and success.”
I didn’t say anything, and she continued. “It’s all telling you that you need to let go of old negative habits and be willing to change and open yourself up. If you do it, then success is imminent. But I don’t need the cards to tell there’s something on your mind, so let’s try this. Pick a few cards from the deck.” She put the cards face down as I picked a couple.
“Okay, King of Cups reversed,” she said, nodding. “This means there are some questionable dealings in your life right now. Also loss, suffering, sickness. It also represents a man who cares only for his personal welfare. There is deceitfulness around you.”
All I could think of was a cartoon character running around saying, “There’s treachery afoot.” Of course, it was cute when a cartoon toddler said it, but not so cute when someone was telling you how someone was trying to deceive you.
“The next one you picked was the Tower. Right now, soul searching will save you a lot of trouble. If you don’t listen to what your intuition is trying to tell you, then you might as well prepare for the worst. We all need to forget our ideas on how things should turn out because there are bound to be surprises, and I’m getting you’ll definitely have an unexpected revelation soon, but I’m sensing it’ll be positive—if you open yourself up to it.”
The next card dealt with the stereotype of the broken-hearted lover, and she said I was to ignore the stereotype because it was all about holding onto the past and not moving forward. She said I wasn’t missing what was in the past, but it was an excuse to avoid new relationships.
“Wait, I’m confused. Does this mean I don’t want my old relationship back?” I asked.
“Do you think you were over-romanticizing it?” she asked. I shook my head. “Maybe the past you need to let go of isn’t the relationship itself, but the events which led up to the relationship going sour.”
She flipped over my next card. “The Nine of Wands is warning you about looking for trouble. How much of the fears are based on the pain of the past? You need to see each situation for what it is and not apply things from other areas to it. If there is trouble, then you’ll be able to rise to the challenge. You’re prepared for whatever comes your way. Don’t use all your energy into protecting yourself because you can’t experience life this way.”
The next card she flipped over was the Ace of Cups, which was about love. She told me the card’s appearance “proclaimed a time of great connectedness,” and the walls I had built up were coming down. I didn’t say anyth
ing, and she told me to pick another card.
“The Four of Swords represents recuperation, healing, and leaving a stressful situation behind in order to clear your head and reevaluate your plans.”
Well, it certainly fit with all I had been going through at home.
“Do some soul searching to gain direction. This card is telling you to trust love and don’t let fear keep you away,” she said.
Rory came over to me when my reading was over. “My reader practically said Tom and I were soul mates,” she said. “Of course, she did say my soul mate could be like my grandpa or my hamster or whatever, but she did say I had met my soul mate already and it had male energy. It’s gotta be Tom. I don’t even own a hamster.”
Rory decided to get an aura reading, and I went to an intuitive reader, Layla, who also worked in picking out crystals for you.
“I’m sensing three cords around you. One you need to let go of because it’s tethering you to someone who needs to be released. It might be a loved one who is ill, and you’re worried they might die.” I didn’t say anything, but I could tell I didn’t need to because she put her hand over mine. “It’s okay to let go for both your sakes, but only do what is comfortable for you. There’s another cord, and I feel someone is almost suffocating you. You need to cut this one for certain. There’s another one holding you to a person, but I don’t feel any negative energy behind this. I just feel there’s something holding you two together, but it’s more on his end,” she said. “He wants to stay connected.”
I wondered if it was either Brendon or Darren. She noticed my bracelet and asked if I knew about the healing powers of rose quartz. I told her Grandma had given it to me and asked her what else would help Grandma’s condition and my situation with Brendon and Darren.
“Well, for your grandmother, pink calcite helps us release old fears and is good for grief and unconditional love. You said you gave her lapis, which is also good for strokes and bringing emotional baggage to the surface,” she said. “Your bracelet is also for relationship stress and comfort when you feel sad. Peridot’s good for grief, too.”
“What about like dementia? My grandpa—it’s not Alzheimer’s, but—” My voice broke.
“My father had Alzheimer’s,” she said. “Agate is good for it and so is rose quartz. It looks like your grandma knew what she was doing when she gave you the bracelet. Here, I’m going to give you an agate and a polished rose quartz you can put in your grandfather’s room.”
I asked her how much I owed her for the crystals, and she said shook her head. “I’ve had to deal with dementia and Alzheimer’s before, so this is my little way of helping. What we put out, we get back.”
Thanking her, I got up to look for Rory. I had an unsettled feeling about everything. It felt like the readings brought up more drama than I expected and made me feel sick. This fair was supposed to give me peace and answers—wasn’t that the whole reason people got into stuff like this? Enlightenment and peace? Instead I felt anxious and uncomfortable with knowing too much was coming around the corner. As I went searching for Rory, I saw a woman sitting at a table with the banner Life Coaching with Cheryl, and it was only ten dollars for a session. Well, what did I have to lose?
“Hi, I want a session or whatever. I’m not real sure what a life coach does, but I felt like this was where I needed to be,” I said, sitting down.
Smiling, she asked me to share what was troubling me. This was different, seeing as the rest of the people at this fair had told me what my problems were.
“Where to start? Well, my relationship is in the toilet, my grandmother is in a semi-coma and no one seems to think she’ll recover, my grandpa apparently has dementia, and I’m losing it,” I said.
“So a lot on your plate right now,” she said.
“I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, and every time I think I know, I do something stupid.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I want to get back with my boyfriend, but it seems like every time we’re around each other and things are going well, we suddenly get into an argument.”
“Does he seem to start it or you?” she asked.
“I guess I do, but it’s in reaction to things he’s done.”
“Do you think it’s unresolved feelings coming to the surface or self-sabotage?”
“Why would I sabotage something I want, though?”
“Do you have any reason to fear getting close to him? A fear of intimacy or perhaps mistrust?”
I swallowed hard. “Well, my last boyfriend did cheat on me, and with this new guy—well, I’m uncomfortable with the way his ex is around him so much, and honestly, it’s like every other girl seems to flirt with him.”
“Okay, but does he give you any reason to not trust him? Does he encourage these other girls and is anything shady going on you know of?” she asked.
Shifting in my seat, I had to admit Brendon hadn’t done anything outright.
“I guess not. Maybe my ex is making me question everything, and well, I feel like I’m numb over this whole thing with my grandma. I’m not sure if I’m in denial or what, but it’s like I feel torn between going to see her and staying with my grandpa, who is confused all the time now.”
“Dementia is difficult,” Cheryl said. “I had two grandfathers with it and a great-aunt. It is a game changer for a family.”
“Does it ever get better? The dementia, I mean,” I asked.
She patted my hand. “Not health-wise, but you learn to love them a little deeper. You see them vulnerable, and for some people it can change the relationship in a good way. I can tell you care a lot about your grandfather, and it will strengthen your bond. With my grandfather, I became the caregiver as I watched him when I came home from school so my mom could go out and do her cleaning jobs at night. Grandpa and I got closer, and although it hurt he sometimes called me by his sister’s name, I knew deep down he loved me. And there was this innocence to him which made me want to be there for him and help him feel less confused.”
“I get it,” I said as my eyes watered.
“This might sound strange, but I get the feeling you’re blocking your own intuition and common sense and relying on things like New Age things and crystals to make decisions for you.”
My back straightened. “What do you mean?”
“Intuition can be a gift or something negative, depending on how you use it and where it’s coming from. All of the tarot cards, aura readings, etcetera—it shows a lack of faith in the future. I’m not trying to knock what others are doing here, but my purpose is to try to get people on the right track and not just buying yet another crystal to try to solve a problem which talking things out would help.”
I tried to move my left arm, which had a stack of crystal bracelets on it, out of her sight.
She laughed. “You can wear your bracelets as long as you don’t rely on them to give you superpowers. I used to be so into numerology and wouldn’t make a move unless my horoscope said it was okay. Now I come to these events to try and help others who were like me and afraid to make their own decisions. Sometimes I find someone who realizes their chakras didn’t need to be opened, but their emotions did. I did turn to New Age stuff when things weren’t going right in my own life, and it did way more harm than good. It’s dangerous to open your mind to occult things, so I come here to try to help people sort their own stuff out.”
“I think that’s what I’ve been doing,” I said. “It seemed more reliable to add up numbers than to…I dunno…”
“Trust your own reasoning and instincts?”
“But lately it feels like they’re always wrong,” I said. “And right now I can’t get hurt by another guy—especially with everything else going on in my life.”
She nodded. “So often people go to get their cards read because they’re running from something, and they want someone else to be responsible for making the next decision. But it’s okay to make a wrong decision because it’s how you grow as a pers
on. What you’re going through now with your grandparents is uncertain and scary, and I want you to know anyone in your position would be scared, so it’s okay to admit. And after what you went through with your first boyfriend, it makes sense you’d have trust issues, but you should stop and look at this new guy and not put any of the old guy’s stuff on him.”
“Makes sense. Numerology-wise we do fit, and I thought I was getting signs about us, too.”
“Do you think you’re relying on those things instead of your own feelings because you don’t trust yourself?” she asked.
My stomach did a flip, and I knew she was right.
“Sometimes it feels like my intuition doesn’t work when it comes to this kind of stuff—like I’m too close to the situation. I can sooner pick basketball game winners than I can a decent boyfriend,” I said.
“Take a step back and just look at the facts and look at who these boys show you they are—not what their birthdates show you, but what they reveal to you through their actions.”
“Makes more sense than what I’ve been doing.”
“I’m not telling you to take off your bracelets, I’m just saying rely on your own good judgment instead of a card or a horoscope, okay? New Age stuff often tells you what you want to hear, and it’s not a healthy way to live.”
“This was so not what I expected, but exactly what I needed,” I said.
Cheryl got up and hugged me. “You remind me so much of me when I was your age. Someone set me on the right path, and now this what I do in trying to make up for all the tables of people promising to change your life with a chakra cleansing. I know these people mean well, but sometimes it’s easier to put a bandage on something, rather than fix it from the inside. When people are lost, they need more than a crystal or reading, and some of this stuff can be dangerous.”
“Thank you,” I said, and Cheryl squeezed my hand and gave me her card.
Rory was waiting for me and showed me her aura picture. “Did you learn anything interesting?” she asked.
“Definitely.”
“Ooh, you got some crystals,” she said.
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