“One of the readers gave me some for my grandpa.”
“You mean your grandma?”
“Well, he’s going through a lot right now, too,” I said. My parents had been so secretive about Grandpa’s condition and not wanting anyone other than my aunt and uncle to know. It made it seem like it was something to be embarrassed about, even though it wasn’t. I mean, maybe Grandpa wouldn’t want the whole world knowing he couldn’t remember his wife was in the hospital, but it was nothing to be ashamed of.
“He has dementia,” I said.
“I didn’t know. My great-grandma had it, too. Is this why you wanted to leave the movie the other day?” she asked. “You should have said something. The movie brought back some stuff for me, too. I wish you had told me because I was getting a little upset during it. I didn’t want to look like a dork crying, so I just kept stuffing food in my face.”
“This time let’s go see a comedy,” I said.
She drove us to the theater, and as soon as we walked in, she asked me, “You wanna just forget the movie and go get coffee or something?”
“Why?”
“Okay, fine, Brendon’s here and I didn’t want you to freak out in case he’s with Lauren,” she said. “I’m pretty convinced he’s into you, but if I could read guys, then Tom wouldn’t still be with his loser.”
I just saw the back of his head as he walked into the theater. He was with a group of people, but I couldn’t tell if Lauren was there. We sat in the back, and I stared at the backs of heads, trying to figure out which one was Brendon. I finally picked him out and realized he was sitting next to Lauren, and I spent the whole movie watching the two of them. My hopes went down the toilet. I wished I had never heard Lauren was jealous of me because it just got my hopes up, and in the end it didn’t matter. She was with him and I wasn’t.
When I got home, I saw I had an e-mail from Darren, asking me to call him.
“Hey, what’s up?” I asked.
“Do you want to go to homecoming with me? I mean, we could just go and make fun of people.”
“Seriously? I’d love to. It’ll be fun.”
I called Kylie the second I got off the phone, but I got her voice mail, so I called Margaux.
“Cool. We’ll all go together,” she said. “Seth, Kylie, Zach, and I are all getting a car together, so you can ride with us. Oh, and Kylie and I are getting our hair done together before the dance, so I’ll call and see if they can fit you in, too.”
When school started, I pictured myself going to homecoming with Brendon, but going with Darren would be fun, and after all, he was always there for me when I needed him.
Chapter 17
Margaux came into class and sat down with a dramatic sigh. She was waiting for us to ask what was wrong, and I prayed no one would because it’d just encourage her with this Seth guy. Plus, I was still annoyed she picked hanging out with Seth over spending time with me.
“What’s wrong?” Kylie asked her.
“Seth didn’t meet me by my locker this morning, so when he came to my locker now, he’s all, ‘What’s your problem?’ And I wouldn’t tell him what was wrong because he should just know, right? Then, get this,” she said, flinging her hair back. “He starts to walk away, so I grabbed his hand, and he was like, ‘What?’”
“Why don’t you dump him?” I asked. I was sick of hearing about him.
“I like him. I just hate when he tries to act cool around his friends,” she said. “Besides, I already have my dress for the dance, and Maxie’s won’t take it back once they start doing alterations.”
If I were ever involved with somebody who required my presence at their locker at specific times under penalty of cold shoulder and had to spend every waking moment paying attention to them—oh wow, I think I’ve dated Margaux.
“What are you so mad about, Em? Everybody’s talking about the fight Brendon and Lauren got into at the party over you. He’s so not over you,” Kylie said. She started to say something else when Ms. Cruz came in, and we all faced forward. She passed out the lit assignment, and the room got quiet as everyone began reading. My mind wouldn’t focus on the page, and I passed Kylie a note about how I had seen Brendon sitting with Lauren at the movies. We spent the entire hour passing notes. Margaux bolted out of the room when the bell rang, and I saw Seth waiting for her at her locker. Tomorrow we would hear how great he was once again. I went to Rory’s locker, and we walked to the lunchroom and got the hot lunch special. Rory picked up her burnt roll and pulled it apart, eating only the soft middle and leaving a little charred pile on her tray.
After school, Kylie walked me to my locker. I made sure to walk extra slowly past the hallway where Brendon hung out. He had his head in his locker and didn’t look up as we walked by.
My dad was waiting for me so we could go to the hospice to check on Grandma. She appeared like she was in a deep sleep when we saw her. Sometimes she acted like she was sort of awake even though she was in a coma, but today she didn’t seem aware we were in the room. On the way out, Dad and I stopped and lit a candle for her in the hospice chapel. There was a big painting of Jesus standing on a cloud and hugging someone who had just come to heaven. I knew most of the people in the hospice were terminal, but did the whole place have to reek of death? Shouldn’t there be some glimmer of hope they might get better and get to go home?
I was so depressed I forgot I had promised to go shopping with Kylie after dinner. She showed up at the door, took one look at me in my sweatpants, and asked if I forgot we had plans.
“Sorry, I did. Things have been crazy, but let me get my bag.”
I ran over to my mom. “I forgot I was supposed to go look for a homecoming dress with Kylie tonight.”
“Well, you’ve had a lot on your mind. It’s understandable. There’s some cash in my upstairs desk drawer. Just don’t get anything too expensive—or low-cut. And Emme, just hold everything up to the Sweetie Gals test—if one of them would wear it, then I won’t pay for it.” Like I could have pulled it off even if I wanted to.
In the car, I listened to Kylie talk about the dress she wanted. It was pretty warm for late October in Michigan, so she wanted something short, strappy, and cute. However, I couldn’t get into dress shopping. I always heard the best part of going to dances was shopping with your friends for the dress, so I tried to act like I was having fun. Kylie even called Margaux and told her to meet us at the mall, which was a huge sacrifice on her part since she hated shopping with Margaux. We went to Maxie’s first.
“Okay, do you guys like this one in blue or red?” Kylie asked, holding up two hangers. “Is the print weird?”
“No, I like the flowers. It’s different. I like the red, but try them both on,” Margaux said. I picked out a couple of black dresses, but Margaux said I shouldn’t wear black to the dance. “Besides, it would look weird next to my dress since mine’s more summery—like the ones Kylie’s trying on.”
I sighed and pretended to look through the rack.
“Do you want me to help you pick something out?” Margaux asked. I shook my head. A long time ago Kylie and I had talked about whether or not you could trust Margaux when it came to shopping. Sometimes she’d tell you something was pretty on you when it actually wasn’t. At first, I didn’t get what she was trying to do, but then there was this time when I tried on two sweaters. One of the sweaters fit me well, and the other made me look like I was swimming in it. Yet Margaux said she liked the bigger one on me. It was obvious which one fit me better, so Kylie and I never trusted her judgment when it came to clothes. Probably why Kylie ended up buying the blue dress even though Margaux swore that the red one was prettier.
“Okay Em, now we’re on a mission to find you the perfect dress,” Kylie said.
I found a dress, another black one, which was a little different than the usual homecoming dresses. It was black and knee-length, but with long sleeves that had a slit so it revealed part of your arm. It was more sophisticated than the strappy dresse
s everyone else would be wearing.
“No black,” Margaux said. “Em, you always say what color you wear affects your mood, so why would you want a black dress? Plus, long sleeves for a dance…I dunno, I just don’t think it’s a homecoming dress.”
“It’s kinda like the awards show dress the actress Tina Carlsen wore,” I said. “I love it, but is it too different?”
“Well, it would definitely get you noticed. It’s gorgeous and I loved it on Tina, but I’m not sure it’s a homecoming dress,” Kylie said.
I ended up trying on a bunch of dresses Kylie picked out. The first one was green, but a little tight. On the plus side, it gave me cleavage, but I could barely breathe in it. I didn’t like the blue shimmery one Margaux picked out because it was long and it made me look too tall.
“What do we have left?” Margaux asked. “Okay, there’s the navy strapless one, but it might be hard to keep it up all night. What? Don’t glare at me. Even I couldn’t hold up a strapless dress all night.”
“Give me the red one,” I said. I came out in it and Kylie nodded.
“Not too short, not too tight. Perfect,” she said.
“The three of us won’t match,” Margaux said. “But maybe we can put the guys in between us for the pictures so it won’t matter. Hey, is it okay if Seth and I meet you guys at the game instead of going all together?”
I had invited Darren to go to the game with us, but he had to work since he had taken Saturday off for the dance. As I paid for my dress, I noticed Margaux and Kylie standing on the side looking worried and talking. I knew it was about me and how they had been looking forward to dress shopping. I had put a damper on the whole thing. How did people go through the motions of life when things got crappy? I mean, I couldn’t be the only high schooler dealing with stuff like a grandparent in hospice and one with dementia, right? It sure felt like I was alone right now.
Chapter 18
I spent the next few nights at the hospice with my mom. Grandma never woke up or even stirred while we were there. Mom made me bring my homework, but who could focus when I knew my time with Grandma was getting shorter? Every second I spent at the hospice made me feel guilty about leaving Grandpa on his own at home with Dad where Grandpa would ask him over and over where Mom and I were. But then when I’d get home and stay with Grandpa, I’d feel guilty that I wasn’t at the hospice.
On the night of the homecoming game, Kylie came over after school and went through my closet to find me the perfect outfit to wear to the game. She kept holding things up for my approval, but I wasn’t in the mood.
“C’mon, put something on, slap on some lip gloss, and let’s go,” she said.
“I’ve decided to just sit here and let life pass me by,” I said.
“Lovely. Now move your butt.”
Kylie managed to get me to put on some jeans and a red top. I told her it didn’t matter what shirt I had on because I was going to wear a coat, but she ignored me. I put on some makeup while she curled my hair. When she was done, I had to admit she did an amazing job. We went to the kitchen where my dad and Grandpa were eating pizza.
“Glad I bothered with the lip liner,” I said as I twirled a string of soy cheese around my tongue.
Dad dropped us off at the game, and we saw Margaux standing by the fence with Seth who, as always, seemed bored with life and like everything was beneath him. She gave us a little wave and tried to move closer to Seth to show what a fabulous couple they were. Brendon was over in the bleachers with Sam and some other student council people.
“Somebody thinks she’s cool,” Kylie said as she pointed to Lauren, who was coming down the path.
Lauren was waving to someone in the stands. She was wearing a pair of furry, pink mittens which matched her sweater and scarf perfectly, and she acted like she was Miss Popularity as she bounced around laughing and waving.
“Who does she think she is?” Kylie asked. “The homecoming queen?”
Actually, Lauren’s name had come up as a possible candidate for junior princess, and I had panicked thinking she could have made it on the homecoming court. I would have died if I had to watch Brendon walk her down the aisle and hear her mention him in her speech. I had only been to one homecoming assembly last year, but every court princess or nominee had gone up there saying, “My mom’s my best friend,” and started crying, and then listed every single one of their friends and how “ah-maz-ing” they were. Gag. Luckily, Lauren’s stuck up attitude kept anybody from voting for her. However, I had been afraid one of the girls who had been nominated would drop out before the actual homecoming election and Lauren would still get on the court. However, unless one of the girls got struck by lightning in the next ten minutes, it seemed there was no chance of Lauren getting on the court.
Lauren went to sit in the bleachers with the people from student council and sat right next to Brendon. Somebody had brought a stadium blanket, and I was getting sick watching Lauren and Brendon drinking hot chocolate with their dumb blanket. It reminded me of my stupid coloring book where the couple goes to a football game. Except the girl was never an obnoxious jerk who draped herself over the guy.
Kylie told me to ignore them, and she bought me a box of chocolate-covered caramels, but I couldn’t concentrate on the game. Instead, I watched Lauren rub Brendon’s arm with her stupid pink mitten. When we first started going out, in the back of my mind I guess I had worried maybe he had slept with her, but nothing had prepared me for how I felt when I was looking in her bathroom cabinet. I couldn’t handle it.
“I’m freezing,” Margaux said as she sat down and took the candy box from me. “Can I have some?”
I passed her the candy as I watched Lauren and Brendon leave their seats. Kylie suggested we get some hot chocolate to warm us up. We walked over to the concession stand, and Lauren and Brendon were there by the restrooms. They were standing super close together, and I felt embarrassed and shifted my eyes away. Kylie poked me and told me to look up, and I saw Brendon walking away from Lauren.
“So they’re fighting. Big whoop. They argue, like, five times a day,” Margaux said as she popped another candy.
“He’s by himself now,” Kylie said. “You should go talk to him.”
Sam walked over to Brendon, and I felt dumb going over there, so we got our drinks and went back to watch the game. A few minutes later, Sam came up to sit with us.
“Hey, how’s it going?” he asked.
“Good.” I hadn’t talked to him since Brendon and I had stopped going out, and now he suddenly has this undying urge to find out how I am?
“Great. So, how are your classes?” he asked.
“Fine. How are yours?”
“Good, anyway, Brendon wanted to know how you were doing.”
“Why doesn’t he ask her himself?” Margaux asked through a mouthful of caramel.
Sam seemed surprised.
“Well, I’m fine,” I said. No one else said anything, so he left.
“Well, it’s a good sign he asked about you, Em,” Kylie said.
Margaux narrowed her eyes. “Pretty weak he was looking for a new girlfriend five seconds after he got into a fight with Lauren.”
I started to ask Margaux if I should at least go over and talk to him, but then Seth came over, and she was too busy giving him attitude because he had left her for his friends.
“Fine, forget it,” he said, getting up.
Margaux grabbed his arm, and he sat down again. Kylie rolled her eyes. Seth took out a pack of gum, and Margaux reached over and took a stick. He shoved the rest of the pack into his pocket without offering us any.
“Em, let’s go walk around,” Kylie said. As soon as we were out of earshot she said, “Sorry, I couldn’t take another minute of those two. Explain this to me—why does Seth always smell like ham and rubbing alcohol?”
“I know, what’s up?” I stopped when I saw Brendon talking to Lauren. “I cannot believe this. They’re back together already.”
“You don’
t know for sure,” she said. “She could be groveling or telling him she hopes he has a nice life with you or—”
“You know, maybe I should have gone after Sam,” I said. “He’s nice, funny, smart, and not half as cute as Brendon, so I wouldn’t have the whole school lusting after him.”
“You’ve got to get over your self-esteem thing,” Kylie said.
We watched Lauren and Brendon leave together, and then we tracked Margaux and Seth down for a ride home. I went to my room and sprawled out on the bed. The phone rang, and I sat up and listened. Lately, whenever the phone rang, I thought it was the hospice calling.
I ran into my parents’ bedroom. My mom shook her head at me, so I went downstairs and sat with Grandpa.
“Hi, sweetie. How are you?” he asked.
He had been calling me “sweetie” and “sweetheart” lately—something he had never done before, and I hoped it wasn’t because he couldn’t remember my name. I told him I went to a football game, and he asked if I had a good time. I nodded. It was so hard to have a conversation with him lately. He’d just said “mm-hmm” when you asked him something, and it was hard to deal with. I switched on the TV, and we watched a movie until my dad came in to tell us to get ready for bed. Grandpa stood up and immediately my hand went over my nose. My first thought was, “Why does it smell like a dirty diaper in here?” And then it hit me where that smell was coming from. I didn’t want to ask him if he had an accident and embarrass him, but that’s exactly what it smelled like had happened. I was afraid to go and tell my dad because then he’d say we had to put Grandpa in a nursing home.
“Grandpa, why don’t you go to the bathroom and start getting ready for bed,” I said, and then I ran upstairs and told my mom. She went into the den and leaned against the wall.
“We’ll have to get him some adult diapers tomorrow,” she said. “I’ll use some spray cleaner on the cushion and see if it helps.”
“Are you going to tell Dad?” I asked.
Dating the It Guy Page 16