“And then at the last minute that was all taken from her?” I nodded again.
Mum poured a cup of coffee and turned to lean against the counter. “So, she now associates the whole wedding planning and anticipation thing with having her heart broken. She doesn’t want to risk it again. She doesn’t want to risk losing you now she’s found you.”
I raked my hands through my hair and sighed. “What are you getting at Mum?”
She sipped her coffee. “We take away her stress and worry and we do the planning. We’ll surprise her with a dream wedding.”
I thought about it for a moment. “And how will that work? She’ll have to agree and do all the legal stuff,” I stated, sounding a little dubious, but admittedly liking the sound of it.
“You have a destination wedding. We’ll have to do a bit of research, but I am pretty sure in a lot of the popular exotic places there are minimal requirements.” Looking at her, I could see the cogs turning. I could almost see wedding brochures and paraphernalia in her eyes.
“I’m not getting married in Vegas, Mum.” There was No. Fucking. Way. I’d heard all about those Elvis chapels. Not that I had anything against Elvis, but it just wasn’t for me and I’m sure Amber wouldn’t be too impressed either.
Mum shook her head and sighed. “Who said anything about Vegas? And what if it was your only choice, Craig? What if the only way of getting Amber down the aisle was Vegas? Would you do it then?”
I answered without hesitation. “Of course I would, hell I’d even wear an Elvis costume and sing ‘Love Me Tender’ as she walked down the aisle. I just want the best for her, though, and Elvis isn’t it. She had the whole big white church wedding thing planned with David. You know the whole shebang. The wedding she’d been dreaming about since she was a little girl. I want that for her. I want her to have whatever her heart desires.”
She put her cup down and walked over to stand in front of me. “Craig you’re overlooking the one important factor here. It isn’t about where, or how, or what colour napkins you have. It’s about you making a commitment, in front of witnesses, to love and protect each other for the rest of your lives. She doesn’t need a big wedding to do that. You just need each other and whatever you have in here.” She tapped my chest above my heart. “Let me talk to her okay? I’ll see how she feels about it all.” She smiled and patted my cheek like she used to when I was little and then sat on one of the stools.
I knew what she was saying, and I knew it all made perfect sense. I just didn’t know how Amber would feel about it.
Amber
I couldn’t believe he’d brought his mum to gang up on me.
Why couldn’t he just respect my decision and feelings and let it go? I was happy to be living with him. I wasn’t going anywhere, and nothing would change that. We didn’t need a bit of paper to prove our love for each other.
If the David situation taught me anything, it was that a wedding does not a marriage make. A marriage was about two people loving, respecting and trusting each other, and remaining faithful. I could have married David, but half of that stuff had already disappeared between us. So yes, we could have had the wedding, but we wouldn’t have had a marriage, not a loving one anyway. What Craig and I already shared far exceeded what any legal boundaries would be forced on us by signing a document. We didn’t need to vow to others what we silently vowed to each other every day anyway.
Feeling frustrated with the whole situation, I rushed through my shower, dried off and quickly dried my hair. Deciding to make an effort for Val’s sake, I pulled on a pair of dark wash jeans, and my fluffy red jumper that hung slightly off one shoulder. It was smart, warm and comfortable, just what I needed right then.
As I made my way downstairs, I heard Craig talking to his mum in the kitchen. I stood in the doorway and remained silent for a moment, trying to hear what they were talking about. Craig was leaning over the island, his forearms resting on the counter. Val was sitting on the other side, her back to me. Their voices were so low I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but going by the look on Craig’s face, it was a serious conversation.
A moment later, Craig peered up and noticed my presence hovering in the doorway. Plastering a smile on his face, he stood up straight and started walking toward me. “You were quick,” he remarked stopping just in front of me. “You didn’t have to rush.”
“It’s rude to leave guests unattended, Craig. Have you even offered your mum a drink?” I gestured toward where Val was sitting with no cup in front of her.
Looking guilty, he directed his gaze over to his mum. “No.”
“Some host you are,” I said under my breath, rolling my eyes.
“I’ll make another one now. Why don’t you two go and relax in the living room. I’ll bring you both drinks.”
“Are you sure? I can do it while you talk to your mum.”
“Go and relax, I’m fine.” He placed a chaste kiss on the tip of my nose, and walked back over to the counter where the coffee pot sat.
Val climbed off her stool and began walking toward me with a broad smile on her face. When she was mere inches from me, she wrapped her arm through mine and walked us toward the living room. “So, Amber, I hear congratulations are in order?” she asked, already knowing the answer.
In the living room Val sat on one of the large white sofas and gestured for me to sit beside her. I took a seat and pulled my knees up underneath me feeling awkward.
“Where’s the ring? Do you know he planned the whole proposal himself, including choosing the ring?” she beamed.
“Um… I don’t have it on. Sorry! I’m still trying to get used to wearing a ring again. I took it off to have my shower and forgot to put it back on.” I couldn’t tell her that I’d left it off deliberately because I didn't feel right wearing it, that it felt like a symbol of hurt and mistrust.
“That’s understandable, I guess. You’ll just have to show me later,” she replied with a smile.
After a brief, awkward silence, Val decided she needed to address the white elephant in the room. “Craig says you’re a bit nervous about getting married sweetheart. He’s told me about what happened to you before. Would you like to talk about it?”
Talking to Craig about this was bad enough, I wasn’t sure I could talk to Val too. I didn’t know how to explain my feelings to her; she would think I was being pathetic. This fear I had, it was real and all-consuming and I couldn’t help it. It was a well-known fact that history often repeated itself. I’d been with David for ten years, and I’d thought we were happy and would last forever. Then bam! Marriage came into the equation and all hell broke loose. I wouldn’t risk that with Craig. I couldn’t.
When I didn’t respond she turned to face me with a sympathetic smile that reminded me so much of the ones my mum used to offer. She placed a reassuring hand on my arm and gave a gentle squeeze.
“I know you’re finding it hard, sweetheart. I know you went through a real rough patch and you’re scared, but Craig loves you. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you, Amber, as your husband. Unlike your ex, he wants to prove to you that he isn’t going to go anywhere. He wants to show you, and the world, how much you mean to him. To Craig that means marriage. A pairing of two people who are not only best friends, but lovers, carers, maybe parents one day, and sounding boards for each other when things are tough. Please don’t take that from him, Amber. Please don’t hurt him like that,” she pleaded.
Looking into her eyes, I could see both her concern for me, but also the overwhelming worry for her son. It was the thought of hurting Craig that forced tears to well in my eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt him Val,” I sobbed. “But I'm terrified of losing him. I know that sounds ironic, I just can’t explain it.”
“Oh sweetheart I know,” she said and pulled me against her chest, allowing me to cry on her shoulder.
“He’s told you all about Aleisha, right?” she asked, and I nodded. “After what that girl did to him, he caved
in on himself. He shut himself off from everyone, including us. In Devon he threw himself into his studies, and helped his grandparents out around the house. Then when he took over at CAS he became obsessed, working all hours of the day and night. He never dated, never showed any real interest in anyone. All he had was work and football. When you came along, I can’t tell you how relieved I was. For the first time in years, I saw a spark in my son’s eyes. And to see him now, wanting to settle down, putting his own fears aside, well it just makes me so happy.” She pulled away and held my face in her palms.
“His fears? What is Craig scared of? He’s the strongest person I know,” I questioned.
“Of course he’s scared. He’s finally found someone that seems to love him, and wants him for who he is in here,” she tapped on her chest, over her heart. “Not for what he can provide her with financially. Since Aleisha, he has never given another woman a chance to show what she wanted from him. As a mother, I chose not to ask too many questions, but I do know he liked to take what he wanted, and then move on. He didn’t want to risk his heart, and everything he’s worked hard to build up. So you see, he has taken a huge risk on you. A risk he thinks will far outweigh his doubts and fears. You’re his lottery ticket Amber, and he is hoping to win the jackpot. Don’t rip his dream from him. Please.”
I felt like such a bitch! I had been so caught up in my own drama I’d not even considered how Craig felt. Of course he had his own fears and insecurities over what Aleisha did to him. Who wouldn’t?
Sitting there contemplating Val’s words I was more confused than ever. Craig walked in with a tray of coffees and it occurred to me that it had taken him far too long to make three simple cups of coffee, and that the whole ‘chat’ had been staged.
Craig placed the coffees on the glass table in front of us then sat beside me.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, looking at me with wary eyes.
“I’m sorry Craig,” I whispered. “I’ve been so selfish, worrying about my own issues. I didn’t stop to think how you were feeling.”
“Baby, I just want you happy. I would prefer it if that was as my wife. But as long as you’re here with me, I’ll deal with it okay?”
Was he really prepared to give up his dreams of happiness because of my stupid fears? Was I prepared to let him? I needed to think about it all with a clear head.
When I was with David, the writing had been on the wall for a long time that things weren’t right between us. He had always controlled me, whether meaning to or not. I’d been a victim of my own defences with him, always choosing to bow to his ridiculous insecurities. I became a hermit in my own home just to avoid confrontation. With Craig, I felt none of that. He encouraged my development, wanted me to go out and meet new people, and see different places. He was also the most determined man I’d ever known. When he decided on something he always had to see it through. I had no reason to even consider that he would back out of anything with me.
I was still petrified though. The thought of planning another wedding and worrying if it would all turn sour, was like having a concrete boulder strapped to me. No matter where I went I would carry it around with me. It wasn’t the best feeling to be having when you're supposed to be planning what should be the happiest day of your life.
“You shouldn't have to deal with it, Craig. You should have a partner, a wife, who supports you without question and who always gives you unconditional love and support.”
“You do,” he reasoned, pulling me onto his lap. “You give me everything I could ever want.”
“I want to. I want to be whatever you need me to be. But I don’t think I can go through all that planning again. The thought terrifies me,” I explained to him in all honesty.
“So, what if the wedding was all planned for you and you didn’t have to think or worry about a thing? All you’d have to do was turn up - you know, like that programme on TV? What if I surprised you one day and said, ‘today we’re getting married’? Would you let me arrange everything so I can show you how much you mean to me, how much I want you as my wife?” he asked, his mouth lifting at the corners into a smile but hope glittered in the depths of his green eyes.
“As long as it doesn’t involve Elvis, or stupid fancy dress outfits, I’m okay with that,” I joked with a smile and a laugh. I felt lighter, like the burden of the world had just been lifted from my shoulders.
“So then, Miss Merchant, does that mean…” he scooted off the sofa and repeated his actions of the previous night. Dropping to one knee in front of me and holding out my ring he asked, “… you will marry me?”
“Yes,” I laughed. And this time I was positive. If I didn’t have to plan anything, worry about anything or over-think things, I would do whatever he wanted.
“Mum, it looks like you have a wedding to plan,” he said over his shoulder before placing his lips over mine, sealing our agreement with unspoken words of love, promise and joy.
“I love you,” he breathed against my lips.
“I love you too,” I whispered back.
Before we knew it, a teary eyed Val was hugging and congratulating us both, and telling us how happy she was.
CHAPTER THREE
Amber
Craig and I fell into an easy routine at home over the following weeks. Our time was spent integrating my things into his home, preparing for our first big family get together and doing last minute Christmas shopping. I’d deliberately put off doing it, not having a clue what to buy the man who has everything. In the end I took an old watch of his dad’s I’d found hidden at the back of a drawer, and had it refurbished. It had certainly seen better days and was desperately in need of some TLC. With a new leather strap and the silver polished to a high shine, it resembled what I could only imagine was its former glory. I even had an inscription etched onto the back. ‘Always love, never forget.’ It was meant as a tribute to his dad and an accolade to our relationship.
On Christmas morning we woke up curled in each other’s arms, excited to be sharing our first Christmas together. We shared a beautiful moment of togetherness, making love slowly, and savouring each other’s bodies. What an amazing feeling that had been. Then, as we remained cuddled up in bed we’d exchanged gifts. I’d told him not to buy me much because he’d already spent so much on me with the car and other bits and pieces, so when I opened the small box containing earrings and bracelet to compliment my engagement ring I nearly wept. They were exquisite.
“They are beautiful Craig, but you shouldn’t have spent so much. You’ve spent enough on me already,” I said running my finger along the delicate stones of the bracelet.
Craig took the box from my hands and pulled out the jewellery. “I’d spend my very last penny on you, Pingu,” he said as he clasped the bracelet around my wrist and pulled it to his lips for a kiss.
My gift to him was going to pale in comparison after that. “I have something for you, but I’m not sure about it now.” I grabbed my robe as I climbed out of bed and ran downstairs. Sitting underneath the tree amidst the gifts for our family was my present to Craig.
“Hey, I’m sure whatever it is will be perfect.” Craig wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder. “Are you going to let me have it,” he chuckled when I kept a tight hold on the box.
“I hope you like it.” I turned in his arms and held out the gift.
Craig made quick work of ripping off the wrapping paper and opening the box. “Is this my dad’s?” he asked bringing his eyes to mine. I began worrying my lip, scared I’d overstepped the mark.
Nodding, I said, “You hate it. I’m sorry, Craig, I didn’t know what to get you and I thought-”
I was suddenly on my back on the sofa with Craig looming over me. “It’s the best Christmas present I’ve ever received. I love it!”
“Are you sure? I-” he cut me off again by pressing his lips onto mine. When he pulled away I was breathless and he was smiling widely.
“It’s perfect,”
he said pulling the watch from the box and looking at it. When he read the inscription he looked at me again and I could see the pain in his eyes. “Thank you!” he whispered then removed his gold Rolex and fastened his dad’s watch to his wrist.
We spent the next hour lazing around on the sofa reminiscing about our childhood Christmases and remembering our lost parents.
I’d always loved Christmas and, up until my mum passed away, it had always been a big deal for us. After she passed away it became a bit of a non-event. David was always a total Scrooge and would spend the day moping around, often retreating to the bedroom leaving me to watch the afternoon movie by myself. There was never any excitement about exchanging gifts and Christmas meals – which were usually spent with my dad and David’s parents - were quiet, and lacked any festive joy.
It had become a tradition for me to visit my mum’s graveside with a wreath on Christmas morning. Usually it was just a bitter reminder that she was no longer with us. This year though, I had Craig with me, and in a blessed twist of fate, it turned out that his dad was buried just a few rows from where Mum rested. We made our introductions, albeit to headstones, but it felt right, talking to Mum and telling her about our plans for the future. It felt like she was listening and being included. I needed that; I needed to feel like I was getting her approval and blessings. I knew she would have loved Craig. He was nothing like David, but still, it meant a lot to me that I introduced him to her.
For the rest of the day we enjoyed a feast to rival any you would see on those fancy, glossy magazine covers. Scott and Becki, my dad – Owen, Val and Craig’s younger sister, Carly, all joined us. We ate, drank, played board games and spent the day laughing, with everyone getting to know each other. It was a wonderful day and it was great to feel part of a family again. By the end of the evening, Becki and Carly had coerced Craig into throwing a combined New Year’s Eve and Engagement party.
The house was tidy; the furniture had been moved to make room for everyone and the caterers had already been and set up the platters of food we’d ordered. We’d opted for an easy buffet option due to the number of people Craig had ended up inviting, most of them his friends and acquaintances. This way everyone could help themselves to whatever they wanted, and we didn’t have to worry about the stuffiness of formal dining. We were having a celebration and wanted to enjoy the evening along with everyone else.
Silver Dove (Silver #2) Page 3