We spent the next few hours with our two friends, talking, laughing and joking. I tried to avoid any and all talk of weddings. Becki, being Becki, though, kept trying to bring up the subject, pushing for dates, hen party ideas, shopping plans, blah, blah, blah! I ignored it all. I understood that she was excited for us, but could she not see that my enthusiasm did not quite match hers?
Shortly after midnight, we said goodbye to our friends. Craig decided to go up to bed while I went into the kitchen to tidy up. When I made my way upstairs into the bedroom, Craig was sitting up in bed. He was watching some documentary on the TV about the growing gang culture problem in the UK. As I stepped further into the room he glanced in my direction, apprehension still evident in the hard set of his jaw and still furrowed brow.
Without saying a word, I walked into the en-suite and set about my evening routine of washing and getting ready for bed. As I reached for my bottle of moisturiser, the light above the mirror caught on my ring. What was I going to do? The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Craig, but I was terrified! I stared at the stone for a minute or two, and then finished up. Taking a deep breath I opened the door into the bedroom, preparing to face Craig’s inquisition.
As I walked back into the room, Craig pointed the remote at the TV to switch it off and pulled the duvet back, motioning for me to join him. I climbed in and snuggled up next to him, resting my cheek on his chest, and my arm over his waist.
“Welcome home, Pingu,” he said wrapping his arms around me and burying his nose into my hair. With all my thoughts jumbled by his proposal, I had forgotten that this was my first official night of living with him. At least that was something I couldn’t be happier about.
Craig
Something with Amber was off! She kept saying she was okay when it was clear she was anything but okay. When I’d been down on one knee, staring into her shimmering hazel eyes, she’d looked so beautiful. It wasn’t that she didn’t look beautiful all the time but at that moment she had been radiant. Then – nothing!
Her eyes had lost their usual sparkle, and she seemed far away, weary. She wasn’t the happy, confident temptress I had fallen more and more in love with since the day we’d first met.
When I’d first seen Amber, she’d been dancing at Strobes, our local nightspot. Even from across the darkened room, I could see how stunning she was. But there was something else about her that went way beyond physical attraction; something that cried out she needed cherishing and protecting.
Holding her in my arms that night had felt… right. For the first time in a long time, I’d felt content to hold a woman. After Aleisha’s major kick to the nuts when I was younger, I hadn’t bothered with women. I’d used them for my pleasure, and given them pleasure in return. No strings, no commitments, and no problems. It wasn’t that I was a total heartless arsehole; I’d just chosen to lock my heart away in an ice box.
Then one day, out of the blue, this striking blonde swept into my life and blew all my defences into oblivion. She unlocked that box and started the thawing process. Seven months later we were still together and she’d agreed to be my wife. I couldn’t have been happier. Amber, though, I wasn’t so sure. She’d seemed so happy and excited when I first popped the question and produced the ring. Now? Now she just seemed sad and dejected. Worried, I wondered if maybe she was having second thoughts. Had I read the signs wrong and rushed into the proposal?
“Talk to me Pingu. Tell me what’s wrong,” I asked as she snuggled into my side. God, I loved the feeling of having her in my arms. “And please don’t tell me it’s nothing. I know there’s something rattling around that head of yours. You can tell me, okay?” I began stroking my fingertips along her back, trying to reassure her.
Her chest rose and fell deeply as she inhaled a lungful of air, and then slowly released it. It wasn’t a good sign, especially when she moved her left hand in front of her face, and stared at her ring.
“I’m sorry Craig, but I can’t marry you,” she whispered, fiddling with the ring.
I froze momentarily, trying to figure out if I’d heard her correctly. The words, although they had been clear, just didn’t make any sense.
Gripping her shoulders, I applied gentle pressure to push her onto her back. I needed to be able to look into her eyes.
“What do you mean, you can’t marry me? You said yes.”
“I know. And I love you Craig, with all my heart. I do. But I just can’t go through all that again. I’m sorry,” she sobbed.
Go through all what again? Was this all because of what her dick of an ex had done to her? Did she think I would do that to her? That I was capable of doing that to her? I could never be that person. All these questions were whirring through my head as I looked down into Amber’s wide tear filled eyes. I thought I’d proven to her, and told her over and over, that I was nothing like him and could never be like him.
Taking a moment to reign in my frustrations, I finally replied, “Amber, baby, how many times do I have to tell you that I am not David? I would never do what he did to you. He was a spineless prick who bailed on you rather than being honest and open. I want to marry you. I want to have a family and grow old and wrinkly with you. He didn’t.”
She looked away and tried to wriggle free, her way of trying to run and avoid the confrontation. Not this time, sweetheart. I need to make you realise that I am in this for the long haul. I will get you down the aisle. I thought to myself.
Adding a little more pressure to my hold, I kept my gaze locked on her face, silently commanding her to look back at me. After a moment she fluttered her eyes up to meet mine. They were shadowed with tears streaming down her cheeks. She looked so broken and sad. I felt like a total bastard, but I needed to get through to her. I needed her to realise I would do anything she wanted, give her anything she wanted… except not get married, that wasn’t an option. Now I’d found her, there was no way I was ever going to let her go.
“Please Craig, you don’t understand,” she cried, and continued to try and escape my hold.
“Make me understand then. Tell me what is going on so that I can tell you it’s all bullshit.” She finally stilled her movements.
“It’s not bullshit, Craig. I spent two Goddamn years of my life planning my dream wedding, preparing for my life as a wife and a mother, devoting all my time to a man I thought loved me as much as I loved him. Then in ten seconds flat, that was all taken from me. You don’t know how that feels,” she screamed.
It wasn’t quite the reaction I’d been expecting, but at least her tears stopped, and fire had returned to her eyes.
“You’re right. I have no idea how that feels. But at least he came clean, and pulled the plug before the big day. I wasn’t so lucky.” I needed for her to understand that we all had battered pasts, none more so than me, but they didn’t define who we were or what our futures would be. Only we could make the future what we wanted it to be. “Look baby, I know you’re apprehensive, and I get it. I really do. But I’m not going anywhere. I’m in this for the long haul. You are it for me, there will never be anyone else and I want you by my side forever. I want you to be Mrs Amber Silver.”
Amber’s lower lip trembled. “I’m scared, Craig. I know it’s ridiculous, I know it makes no sense, but it’s how I feel. I can’t help it.”
Who wasn’t scared of something they were taking a huge leap of faith with? If I was being honest, I was petrified too. What Aleisha did to me had just about broken any trust I ever had in anyone. Amber had shown me that it was okay to trust, and I did trust her, one hundred percent. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit apprehensive about her reasons for being with me. Yes, even egotistical assholes like me had their insecurities. I just chose to wear the mask and keep them hidden. I had to. My competitors would be all over me if they saw any weakness or vulnerability. The same went for relationships. To keep the upper hand and protect yourself, you had to remain strong and in control. That was exactly how I would be with Amber. I didn’t wa
nt to be a controlling, domineering tyrant; I wanted to be her strength. I wanted to help her release her fears and expose the wonderful human being that was currently being held captive by the chains of her past.
“All I’m asking is that you think about it. Your immediate gut reaction was to say yes, so I know deep down you want this as much as I do. You’re just letting the past dictate your future and I won’t let it, not any more. Okay?” Looking into her eyes, I saw the tug of war playing with her emotions. She nodded and smiled up at me, yet it was an unsure, awkward smile. I could still see the unease and apprehension burning through.
Rolling onto my back, I pulled her with me and hugged her tight. “Get some sleep baby. It’s been a long day.”
“I love you,” she sighed as she snuggled further into the crook of my neck. God, I didn’t think I would ever get used to hearing those words from her. They were music to my ears, each and every time.
I was desperate to make love to her right then, to show her with more than words how much she meant to me, but she needed her rest. I stared up at the ceiling and savoured the feeling of having her soft, silky skin brushing along mine. I decided right then that I would do everything in my power to make sure Amber was mine, forever. I would provide for her and care for her just as she deserved, because she deserved it all. She deserved the world.
After only a few minutes of stroking her hair and back, and placing the occasional kiss to the top of her head, she fell asleep. I began to think I was going to need help with trying to convince her that marrying me was okay. There was only one person I knew who had the ability to talk anyone around from anything.
Moving as slowly as I could, so I didn’t disturb or wake her, I wriggled out from beneath Amber and slipped from the bed. Grabbing my phone from the dresser on the way past, I made my way down to the kitchen, preparing to call in the cavalry.
“Hi Mum, I’m sorry it’s so late,” I greeted my sleepy sounding mother when she answered her phone.
“Craig, is everything okay?” she asked, sounding panicked.
“Yes… no, I don’t know,” I sighed.
“What’s the matter? Did you ask her? What did she say?”
“I asked her, and she said yes.”
“So what’s the problem?” she asked, sounding as confused about the situation as I was.
“She’s now saying she can’t. She’s scared, Mum. She’s worried I’ll do what her ex did to her.”
“That’s sort of understandable I guess. I can’t imagine what it must have felt like for her at the time. I guess we’ll just have to convince her that you wouldn’t do that to her.”
“That’s why I’m calling. Are you busy tomorrow? Can you come round and have a chat with her?” Amber had lost her own mother two years previous, and other than Becki, she didn’t have another female to speak with. I’m sure having a pep talk from a mother-like figure was just what she needed.
“I don’t have anything planned. When do you want me?”
We made arrangements for lunch the following afternoon, and said our goodnights. If Mum couldn’t talk her round, I didn’t know who could.
As I walked past the living room, the glint of our Christmas decorations grabbed my attention. This would be the first year I’d bothered decorating for Christmas. There had been no point before; it was only ever me here. Having Amber with me gave the whole holiday new meaning. For the first time in years, since before my father had passed away, I was looking forward to Christmas and a New Year which I hoped would be full of so much for Amber and I.
In the bedroom, Amber was still curled up on her side, resting peacefully. I slipped back under the covers and wrapped myself around her. Inhaling her delicious, sweet fragrance, and taking comfort from her smooth, soft skin, I tried to relax. It w ould all be okay, it had to be.
CHAPTER TWO
Craig
Why were relationships so hard? Why were women so bloody mystifying? Answer: I didn’t have a fucking clue! If I did, I wouldn’t have been sitting around like a loser, staring into a cup of coffee like it had the answers to the deepest conundrums of the universe.
Amber was still curled up in bed. At least I thought she was. I hadn’t slept for shit so ended up rising before the first glimmers of dawn shone on the horizon. Figuring I needed to clear my head, I’d pulled on my running gear and gone for my usual ten mile run. When I ran I usually thought of nothing, focusing solely on my breathing and stride. Today, though, while pounding the streets, my brain had been a muddle of so many mixed emotions and questions.
Sitting in my kitchen I worried about what I would do if she really did say no, if she really didn’t want to get married. My only hope was that Mum could work her magic and show Amber that her concerns were unfounded. Of course I would try to prove to her that I was in this for keeps, that I wouldn’t be going anywhere.
“You were up early,” the most beautifully sleepy voice exclaimed from behind me.
Turning on my stool at the island in the middle of the kitchen, I looked over into the seductive hazel eyes of my Pingu, my penguin, my soul mate. She looked sexy as hell. Her hair was all dishevelled from sleep, her short nightdress and robe were crumpled and she had that innocent, just woken up expression. She was so beautiful and I thanked my lucky stars every day that fate had pushed us together.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I murmured, shrugging like it was no big deal.
“Because of me,” she stated, and started nibbling on her bottom lip. “Craig, I’m sorry.”
“Baby, come here.” I opened my arms to invite her in.
As she stepped between my thighs, I placed my palms on either side of her face, and angled her head to look into my eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for okay? I won’t pretend that what you told me last night doesn’t hurt like hell, because it does. But I understand why you feel that way. I am going to prove to you every day that I'm here for the long haul, though…as your husband.” Before she had a chance to retort I pulled her lips to mine, drawing her into mind obliterating passion so that all she could think of was us and how good we were together.
My hands strayed from her cheeks, and made their way down, across every glorious curve of her delectable body. I would never tire of this, of her. Fate had its hand in bringing us together to this point, and I sure as hell planned to continue along this path set for us. I just needed to help Amber over the little bump sitting in front of her. I hoped then it would all be smooth sailing.
I rested my hands on her glorious firm backside and began massaging the flesh through the silk of her nightgown. She gasped my name through our conjoined lips, giving me the opening and encouragement to allow my tongue to slide in for further exploration of the heat and sweet taste of her delectable mouth.
When Amber’s nails dug painfully into my shoulders, I knew I needed to get her upstairs to our bedroom. If I didn’t, we’d end up having a frenzied countertop rendezvous any second. As appealing as that thought was, I knew I’d want to take my time, savouring Amber’s body and making love to her slowly.
Without warning, a loud coughing noise disturbed the lust fuelled haze surrounding us. “Ahem. Don’t mind me now, you kids carry on.”
Amber stilled in my arms and I felt the thumping of her heart against my chest. Peering over her shoulder I found my mum, Val, standing in the kitchen doorway grinning like an idiot. “Do you want me to leave?” she mouthed.
With regret I gave Amber a final quick kiss, slid my hands up her back, and then let her go. She immediately took a step back, tightening her robe around her waist. Her cheeks had turned a delicious shade of pink that always made me smile. She was always so adorable when embarrassed.
“Young love, it’s such a beautiful thing,” Mum stated with a smile. “Sorry if I’m too early.”
“Early?” Amber asked, looking at me confused.
I stood up off the stool and stroked her cheek. “I asked mum to come over for lunch. I wanted to share our good news with her.” Amber shot a
hard look in my direction. She was clearly pissed off. “You said yes, baby. Nothing is going to stop me shouting it from the roof tops,” I murmured in her ear.
“But Craig-” I cut her off by raising my fingers to her lips.
“No, no buts. We can, and will get past your fears. Why don’t you go, have your shower and get ready? I’ll make a start down here.” With a smile and a tap on her backside, I encouraged her upstairs, giving me time to talk to Mum, alone.
“So, come on, tell me, what’s going on? Things seem pretty cosy to me,” Mum stated as she came to stand by me.
I gave her a quick peck on the cheek in greeting. “Well, like I told you last night, at first she said yes. Then later on, she freaked out and said no. She won’t listen to sense Mum. She is adamant she can’t do it. Hey, at least I know how she felt when David ripped her heart out,” I muttered with a sardonic laugh.
Mum patted my arm with a mother’s compassion. “Is that all it is? She’s scared of history repeating itself?”
I nodded. “I think so. She seems happy otherwise. She just moved in yesterday, for God’s sake. Why would she do that if she wasn’t happy with our relationship?” So far I’d managed to remain calm with Amber. I’d tried to be understanding of her fears. Talking to Mum, though, I could feel the frustration begin to bubble up inside me. The whole situation was ridiculous, but I didn’t dare tell Amber that. She would take it the wrong way and become even more reserved.
“If that is all there is to it, I have a simple solution,” Mum stated matter of fact as she walked to the coffee pot.
“And that is?”
“She doesn’t do the planning.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, intrigued.
“Last time she put her heart and soul into the planning right?” I nodded.
Silver Dove (Silver #2) Page 2