All hope drained from Barrington’s eyes as his shoulders drooped. Taking a tentative step back, he told her, “I won’t force you, Perri.” God, he needed air. He loosened his tie, removed it tossing it over his shoulder carelessly. “Our contract is still in force; I’ll stick to my end. I want you but you don’t want me. That’s not good enough to totally spend myself making love to you when—on your part—you don’t feel it for me.” Not satisfied with the seemingly too little air between them in her spacious kitchen, Barrington informed her, “I need a shower. Put the sheets on my bed; I’ll change them when I’m done in the bathroom.” He left her standing there alone.
Chapter Nineteen
Why did he still have the power to do this to me? Perri wondered, taking fresh sheets out of the linen closet. Hearing running water and knowing Barrington was still in the shower, she entered his room, her eyes automatically drawn in the direction of the bathroom.
Damn him.
Just put the sheets on my bed, I’ll change them when I get out. She mimicked him in her mind. I just bet you will, bud. She was bothered, hot and testy with him, and getting more pissed by the minute. Thing was she didn’t know exactly why she was so irritated with him to begin with. All the man had done was let his feelings for her be known and she was acting like he hadn’t always been that upfront with her, she knew.
Feeling a smile tug at the corners of her mouth, she shook it off, walking over to the bed. “That’s just too much power for that man to have over me,” she complained to the air. Perri tried to think of other things, anything to keep her mind off of intimate thoughts of Barrington that seemed to fill her head with all kinds of possibilities none of which she had any business thinking of. She was not going there with him. Not again. Perri didn’t realize she’d started placing sheets on his bed until it was fully made up with the sheet turned down ready for Barrington’s warm, beautiful, golden tanned body.
Stop it, she scolded herself. Her baby’s daddy he may be, but as far as she was concerned, he’s totally off limits.
You not even fooling nobody, girl, there was that annoying voice intruding in on her thoughts again. You know you want him, so why deny either of you a brief moment in time, the voice continued to needle her, setting her mind on edge.
“You know why,” she spoke the words aloud.
“Do I?”
Perri jumped, startled by Barrington’s voice.
Where did he come from? She didn’t even hear the water stop running.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t,” she lied. “I was just,” she paused searching her brain for an excuse, logical or not, “making up your bed for you,” was all she could think up to say. It was true.
“Thank you,” he was gracious enough to say. “But you really didn’t have to do that; I told you I would do it after my shower.”
Those words sent shock waves shimming through her body. “Not a problem.” The man smelled good enough to climb his body like a tree lizard. He only had a hunter green towel wrapped around his waist, offsetting his natural golden tan in the most delicious way. Suddenly it was getting really hot in that room. Barrington had naturally curly hair, which apparently he still liked to let air-dry; some things never change. Why for all that’s left good in the world did he still have to look so fine? Her eyes roamed his body on their own accord as wave after wave of pure unadulterated red hot desire strummed through every nerve in her body, and with much strained effort too great to deny, she swallowed hard, knowing all she wanted to do was to just lose herself permanently inside his willing and available arms.
“I was already in here so I just . . .”
“Needed a distraction,” he filled in for her not even trying to hide his smile.
“Wrong. I was just being hospitable; you are a guest in my home, you know.”
“So you keep telling me.”
“Because it hasn’t changed,” she unnecessarily said just because she could.
Barrington wanted to shake the truth out of her but inwardly decided he wasn’t going there with Perri. Not again tonight; he simply didn’t have the energy to make her face what he still knew to be an inevitable encounter between them. However, he was as sure as the air he lived and breathed that they would make love before all was said and done.
“If you say so, Perri,” was his only verbal response as Barrington slung the towel in his hands around his shoulders. “Don’t let me keep you,” he said at the same time she started to say something.
“Don’t you think you should put on some clothes?” she asked at the same time he was saying something.
“Huh?” They said in unison.
“I’m where I’m supposed to be,” Barrington informed her.
Surprised at his words she blinked and said, “Indicating that I’m out of place, right?”
“Perri, if my being naked underneath this towel—even though you’ve seen everything I’ve got—makes you uncomfortable, then yes, you are out of place.”
“You’re serious?”
“Perri, tell me this. At the moment, what exactly stops you from confining yourself to the safety of your own room?”
“If you want me to leave, Barrington, just say so.”
“What if I said I want you to stay?” He eyed her curiously. “Wouldn’t hearing my sudden revelation make you wanna leave my presence that much faster?”
She would have given anything to wipe that smug look off his beautiful face. “You think you know me so well.”
“Those are your words, Perri. Truth is I thought I knew you. Until you—”
“What? Until I what, Barrington?” she said and glared at him, anticipating his next words.
He refused to argue anymore tonight. “You know what, Perri? It’s late, I’m tired and you said you had to get up early. Why don’t we just call it a night?”
Irritated that he seemed to be putting her off, Perri said, “Is that what you really want, Barrington?” She tilted her head. “Or is that all you think you can have?”
The fire showed in Barrington’s eyes. “Are you offering me more?”
“I didn’t say all that. I just asked if you thought that’s all you can have.”
He sighed heavily. “Don’t play with me, Perri.”
“But isn’t that what you want, Barrington,” she challenged. “To play with me?”
“I’m warning you, Perri, don’t start a fire you’re not willing to put out.” His eyes told her he was as serious as the desire she knew he felt for her.
Perri didn’t have anything to say to that, her thoughts instantly transporting her back to a time when she would have given anything to stay in Barrington’s arms. A time when he'd, of his own offering, promised to help her do just that. Her stomach fluttered, thinking back on the third time in one night they made love a year and a half ago.
“You owe me a shirt,” Perri said lazily.
“Excuse me?”
“You ripped my blouse, baby. You owe me a shirt.”
Barrington laughed. “Take one of mine.”
Perri shook her head as she said, “Can't do that, yours aren't feminine.”
“I insist. Besides, you wearing my shirt will keep me close to you,” he teased.
At that moment, for Perri, reality set in. Barrington felt the shift, too.
“How much longer will your tour be?”
“I owe Toby three more months.”
“Then what are your plans?”
“Then we hit the studio in preparation to launch the next CD.”
“Oh.” She swallowed deep disappointment.
He shut his eyes, feeling her hurt. He whispered, “I'm here now, Perri.”
She forced a smile but Barrington saw it didn't reach her eyes. “Yes you are.” She kissed him, determined to get lost in the sweetness of his aphrodisiac kisses. It didn't take long for that to quickly move to a frenzied acrobat of bodies and limbs, as Barrington pulled her down on top of him. “What's this?�
� she asked already turned on and thinking it too soon for that. But then again, it didn't take much effort with her Barrington. Her Barrington?
Barrington kissed the tip of her nose. “It's called the straddle position.”
Perri stared blankly. “Why?”
He laughed, amused at her wonder. “This way, Perri, you control the tempo.”
“The tempo?” she repeated blankly.
“Yeah, tempo,” he parroted and chuckled. “See, baby, with you being on top you get to decide how fast . . . or slow you want us to go,” he explained. “You set the pace, Perri.”
She grinned sheepishly. “I set the pace?”
“Any speed you want.”
“And you?”
“Flow however you move.”
“Really now?” she asked filing that information away to use later.
“If you ready now,” he grinned wolfishly.
Hmm? She definitely saw possibilities . . . amazing ones. Slowly, she took what she'd hoped to be the first of many rides upon the Barrington Pony Express.
Afterward, they just held each other for a long time in comfortable silence until she called out to him. “Barrington?”
“Yeah, baby?”
She waited then spoke her heart. “Do you think it's possible to meet someone and make a connection that will last forever, changing significantly the course they each take in this lifetime, only to end up face to face again—changed, yet still open to only each other?”
Barrington listened to Perri, heard her carefully chosen words and knew she sought to have his solemn word—an everlasting guarantee that they'd belong to each other no matter what else happened to them or between them.
“Yeah, baby, I believe that's possible. ‘Least I do with you.”
Raising her head slightly, she looked into his beautiful eyes, “Really?”
He smiled affectionately before saying, “Really.” Kissing the tip of her nose, he asked, “Why you sound so surprised?”
“The truth?” she asked not sure he wanted her to be blaringly honest.
“True confessions,” was his only reply as he waited for her response.
Perri thought about how best to word the feelings of her heart. All that came to mind was, “You ruin me with your words, make me wish I'll never let you go, acknowledge I don't wanna let you go. In short, I'm stuck on you, Barrington.”
He proudly smiled and possessively said, “Then I better not walk too far away from you that I can't somehow make my way back to you.”
“Please don't.” She was too lost in him to care enough to be ashamed at the desperate, almost pitying tone the words came out in. It didn't matter; she already knew she didn't have to be ashamed in front of Barrington. Not only was he her heart but he alone held the reigns and power to lead wherever he wished for her to follow him.
“Things happen when you stray too close to the edge of the water,” she remarked quietly.
“Perri, I can tell you I'll be there to catch you before the water can take you under and you drown in the sea of forgetfulness. That won't happen on my watch.”
“Promise?” She nestled back down in the safe haven of his familiar arms.
“I Promise.” He chuckled, warmed himself by his next words. “I love you, Perri,” Barrington whispered softly in her ear.
“I love you, Barrington Rashaad Knight,” she whispered. “I'm yours forever.”
“Forever, sweet Perri, I'm yours.” Feeling her need as well as his own need for rest, he said, “Baby, we're part of each other now,” specifying the most intimate connection held between them. He then held her until she slumbered deep in his words as well as his arms. It wasn't long after that he joined her.
Exhausted from overindulging on each other’s body, both fell asleep, wrapped up, tied up, and tangled up in his sheets as well as each other, solely for the purpose of pleasing the other.
Lies . . . all lies, her mimd screamed inwardly. Remembering where she was, Perri closed her eyes to the pain that memory evoked within and she kept them closed until she heard Barrington's next bold statement.
Watching an array of emotions display across her beautiful features, Barrington knew Perri's mind had traveled somewhere back in time. He also knew by the way she quickly shut her eyes, squeezing them so tight, he thought there might be a permanent frown etched in her face, especially where her eyebrows bunched up revealing her pain. Wishing with all his heart he could ease her pain, if only a little, yet knowing there really was nothing he could say or do when she clearly wasn't willing to listen to him, but unable to stand being in the room with her and not touch her, he opted for safe distance between them. It took all the strength he had to pull himself away from her sweet nearness but he was determined to do just that.
Barrington muttered, “Good night, Perri.” He picked up his razor and went back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Perri’s proud shoulders slumped and tears burned the back of her eyes as she stood staring at the door that, basically, Barrington just closed in her face. That was the second time he’d shut her out tonight and just like the first time Perri was hurt beyond words. Not wanting to risk him coming out and catching her shedding tears, she made short work of leaving his room and made her way to hers. Once inside she flung herself on the bed and cried until the last pity tear drained.
***
Lying in bed thinking of nothing but Perri and their somewhat strange relationship, Barrington could only wonder what position, if any, they still held in each other's life. Knowing she wasn’t being totally honest concerning her feelings for him, he really wished she’d speak to him from her heart instead of her hurt, not to mention wounded pride. He chuckled thinking how mentally stubborn Perri was, swearing she got mad quicker than any woman he knew. And that was saying a lot, considering he'd met thousands of women being a musician.
It’s not like she led you to believe something more than a family in name only for Imani would ever be, his conscious void of mercy reminded him.
Besides, he thought, dejectedly, seems like she’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t want me. That hurt Barrington more than he wanted to admit.
Still, when he looked in her eyes he was sure he read in them a note of desire toward him. Once again coming up short as far as solutions, Barrington didn’t know what else to do, or how else to get Perri to admit her feelings for him, and frankly, he was tired of hitting his head against the hollow walls of her heart.
“Perri,” he whispered into the night, feeling desire for her in his lower anatomy. “Why are you doing this to me? To us?” he asked the darkness around him, weakly fighting off a strong desire to go to her right then. After all, she was his wife, regardless of the reason.
When her body didn’t rest well and sleep didn't come easy for Perri that night as she again flipped on her stomach getting tangled in the sheets, she absolutely refused to believe it had anything to do with her so-called husband sleeping in an entirely different room while they tried to coexist as polite strangers dwelling miserably under the same roof. And though her tossing and turning restlessly had been going on for the past two hours she’d been lying wide awake in bed, she still asked her mind, What’s my problem?
Perri tried occupying her mind with other things but it was all to no avail. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. She tried sketching and even that eluded her. Agitated with herself more than her husband, she turned her pillow over, punching it from pure frustration. She had to literally lie on top of her hands to keep from calling Journey, telling her she was coming to get her baby because she needed something productive to do with her time and obviously it wouldn’t be sleep.
Ruling against that madness, Perri decided to get some hot chocolate but on the way to the kitchen she had to pass by the room Barrington was occupying. She tried to fight the urge but stopped when she got to his door, lightly running her palms against the oak frame. In that instant, she wanted to fling the door open and run into what she knew would be
his open arms.
Perri stood outside Barrington's bedroom for five minutes trying to decide if she should knock.
Was he already asleep? Will he even want to talk to me or is it already too late to apologize?
The questions didn’t seem to have an end and worse yet she still didn’t know what to do. Just that she wanted to see Barrington, talk to him. But she didn’t know if it were wise after she made a point of reminding him that outside of spending time with Imani they were to keep their hands, bodies and physical distance from one another.
“You looking for me?” he asked huskily at seeing her gorgeous body clad in an old button down shirt that vaguely looked like one he used to own. That thought pleased him and his already restless cock had no problem stirring to life as it jumped inside his boxers in response.
Perri jumped about two feet in the air. Grabbing her heart, she said, “You scared me, fool!”
Barrington laughed.
“What are you doing out here anyway?” she asked.
“I was thirsty and, though you’re my wife, I didn’t think you’d appreciate me waking you up and asking you to get it for me.” He grinned. “Personally though, I wouldn’t mind seeing your room.”
“And just why’s that?”
Curious to know if you’ve changed in other areas or just the familiar ones,” he answered.
“What does it matter, Barrington, since according to you last night, you don’t know me like you thought you did?”
“Well, you didn’t bother to correct me. Did you? Besides, Perri, last night was last night. It’s well after twelve in the morning which makes today is a new day so why don’t we give each other some new mercies?”
“Whatever, Barrington,” she said testily only because in the back of her mind she knew stopping in front of his door would be a mistake on her part.
Knowing she was about to flee and not ready for her to leave, he asked, “Did you wanna tell me something?” Seeing confusion on her face, he clarified, “The reason you’re standing here, baby. Do you need to talk to me?”
If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) Page 22