“Barrington,” Perri pleaded one last time before she knew she was going to give up the entire cause because quite frankly she was drained and tired of getting duped. “I am your wife, Barrington . . .” her voice broke without her permission. “Why does she always get your sympathy? I’m your fucking wife, Barrington! And this is what I get from you where Nia is concerned. You should have just married her because she’s always between us.” Wiping tears with the back of her hand, she said weakly, “I’m your wife, Barrington.”
Tears pricked the corners of Barrington’s eyes and his heart cracked in two for his wife. In that instant, he almost hated Nia. “And you always will be my wife, Perri.” Searching her eyes for the slightest compassion, he stated his case, “Just right now, baby, I need to go see about Nia, check up on her—”
“Why?” Perri wanted to know what would make him reach out to that wench after all she'd done to their family. And why wasn't he considering the very ones he'd claimed to love? Confused, she wondered, growing bitter by each torturous passing minute. Placing both hands over her heart, she said, “This is me, Barrington. How can you say this to me?” she sniffled. “You look me in the eye, Barrington, and tell me why you need to see about her,” Perri demanded as the hole in her heart grew larger, threatening to cause her whole chest cavity to cave in. “What is it about her do you think is going to have changed, Barrington? S-” Perri sniffed on a broken sob, “s-she's still going to be the s-same conniving Evilene reincarnated devil with a test tube and a mischievous plan that she was two years a-ago.” Why didn't he get that? It was as plain as the stars in the sky. So why didn't he see it? And even if he couldn't, why didn't he just know it? She knew it. Why didn't he?
“Baby, please—”
“Don't baby please me when it's a straight up lie.” She sobbed, drawing into her lungs large doses of air while trying to get her bearings.
“Perri, baby, please calm down, you’re gonna make yourself sick. It’s not good for the baby.”
“Oh, now you wanna show concern for my baby,” it was a statement. She laughed bitterly.
If you really want to please me, Barrington, then you'll stay here with your family where you belong.”
“Perri—”
“If this were the other way around, Barrington, if the shoe were on the other foot, and I had the audacity to stand here and tell you that I think I might be pregnant by another man you—”
Barrington punched the wall, “You’re not fucking pregnant by another man, Perri! You are my wife and that’s my baby you’re carrying, so I don’t wanna hear that damn shit from you. We’re not talking about the next man’s baby, we’re talking about mine. And I would stomp a fucker into the ground if you were standing here telling me another man touched my wife.”
“You fucking hypocrite!” she shook her head wild-eyed at him.
“No, Perri, I’m an honest man, and you need to remember I didn’t sleep with Nia, which is exactly how you’re making it sound. I didn’t roll out on you and into another woman’s bed so don’t come at me that shit. I’m not guilty of doing dirt because there was no creeping in the dark by me. This shit involves extenuating circumstances; I’m a victim of the circumstances just like you, no more, no less. Nia doesn’t get to win unless you let her.”
“Nia has been winning with you since the day I gave you my virginity, so don’t you hand me that shit, Barrington. And like I said, you’d be singing a brand new tune if there was another man in my life to speak of. Hell, I almost wish there were just so you’d see how I feel.”
“Well, you heard what I said, Perri,” Barrington fired back without pause. “I better not ever catch you in the arms of another man, because that will be the day when I catch a case and I’m standing in front of the judge wondering who’s gonna raise my kids.” He shook his head. “It’s stupid as hell for you to even fucking compare the two situations. I mean, really, you’re actually trying to compare Nia as opposed to some damn nonexistent man? Seriously, Perri, that’s what you’re going with?”
“And you’re a damn fool if you think this shit is gonna work itself out, Barrington. And you’re a jackass, if you got the nerve to think I’m gonna sit around here while you go play nursemaid to your housekeeper. And you’re a low-down, trifling, dirty dog, if you expect to come back to my bed after all the unnecessary changes you’re taking me through. My kids and I won’t be here when you get back, and don’t you even think about coming after us, because I’m going to get a restraining order against you this very day. And since you so good at taking care of the help, you let Nia help you keep your bed warm from this night on. And there will be no reversing the situation, because I promise you I will not be back next time.”
“You’re not keeping my kids away from me, Perri. You tried that shit before; I dare you to do it again, because I will not be responsible for my actions if you do.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“To the same extent that you’re threatening me,” he said, hoping to get through to her.
“You know what, Barrington? Some decisions change everything forever. I hope you’re prepared for the fallout.”
“Hell, Perri, I wasn’t prepared for any of this madness. I didn’t sign up for none of this shit. But it is the reality I’m facing. And because you said ‘I do’ to me, you’re facing the same reality, too. So I suggest you put your big girl panties on and let’s deal with this shit storm head-on as the married couple we are.”
“Well, for your information, when I agreed to marry you, fool that I was, it was for Imani’s sake only. So technically, I didn’t sign up for none of this shit, either.”
They stared at each other until Perri began rubbing her belly and back and had to take a seat.
“Baby, are you all right?”
“Don’t talk to me,” Perri hissed, taking slow, deep breaths.
“You're not being fair, Perri, and I know it's only because you're not thinking straight. As a matter fact, at the moment, you're not yourself at all, baby.”
“You're wrong, Barrington. I'm the same me I've always been. And if you weren't so caught up in that evil woman's bitter lies and tangled web of deceit, you just might be able to see that for yourself.”
“It's an innocent baby, Perri,” Barrington said softly, dejection set in his tone.
“What am I supposed to do with that, Barrington? I mean, you got all the answers right? So what the fuck else do you want from me?” She bent forward from a sharp pain in her abdomen.
“Perri,” Barrington knelt down in front of her, his hands on either side of her forearms.
“Get your damn hands off of me,” she shook him off.
Barrington was taken aback, unable to hide the pain of his wife’s outright rejection.
“All I want from you is for you to answer my damn question. What do you want from me?”
“To care, Perri,” Barrington said heatedly. Why didn't she know that? Rising to his feet, he placed some much needed distance between them as he deliberately crossed to the other side of the living room, where he stood watching his wife through hooded eyes. When Perri only glared at him, he offered, “I'll be back, Perri, just let me go see about Nia.” Shaking his head, he told her, “She doesn't have any family here, or I would call them myself to go take care of her needs.”
“That's not my fault.”
Barrington sighed tiredly. “I know it's not your fault, Perri.”
“It's not your fault either, Barrington.”
“No, it's not,” he agreed. “Baby, I'm only trying to get you to see it through her eyes. She knows she's never going to have me; she's all alone and—”
“Then she should go back to her own home across the border, or wherever in the hell she came from, I honestly can’t really be bothered to give a damn,” Perri snapped, pissed off by what she considered Barrington’s unnatural concern for Nia and her well-being, or not so well-being. Whatever. Perri didn't care; he had no business going to her for any reason
. Period. Nia wasn't his wife she was.
But if her husband dared to walk out that door, even her marital status would change in an instant. He could believe that or not, because there was absolutely no controlling the damage to her broken heart that he just singlehandedly caused. Perri swiped angrily at her tears, determined not to shed another tear over the two people in this world who have destroyed her heart and devastated her self-image more than anyone else could ever hope to do.
“After all that I have been through at the hands of you and Nia, Barrington, I don’t owe either one of you a damn thing, least of all my understanding, and certainly not my loyalty.”
“Perri, I can understand why you'd feel that way.”
“Then you feel me when I say, if you go to her, you stay with her.”
“Perri, you're hurt—”
“Yes, I am hurt, Barrington. You feel my hurt, right?” She blinked rapidly, and angry, hot tears seared her face again without her permission. “So, you understand, if you leave here, if you go to that woman's side,” she shook her head as her bottom lip trembled, somehow, feeling in her spirit what he'd choose—had already chosen in his heart, “you don't need to bother coming back because my arms won't be open to welcome you in.” Perri doubled over in pain, willing herself to calm down for the sake of her unborn son.
Automatically, Barrington started toward her again, and just three paces from her, froze when she raised her right index finger halting him where he stood. The only reason he didn't ignore her gesture of warning was for the concern of his unborn son, and most of all, for his wife's momentarily unstable well-being. But God, how it ripped his heart out to not touch her. “You don't mean that, baby.” God, please don’t let my wife mean that.
“Oh, yes,” Perri looked around her wildly, seeing the closest object to her was the lamp on the end table which she snatched up and threw across the room, where it shattered on the floor. “Yes, I do, too, mean that.” With much effort to ignore the stabbing pains in her abdomen, Perri pulled her body to an upright stance and glared hatefully at the stranger before her. She jutted her chin defiantly. “I mean it, Barrington. If you're going to Nia it will be without my blessing.”
“Meaning what?” His heart hammered in his chest and he could hear it beating in his ears.
Perri sucked in a breath, determined he wouldn't see her falter. It took every ounce of strength she could gather together from the quaking storm brooding inside her, but she knew she had to be strong, for her kids, as well as herself. She had to be. Didn't she? When she was fairly sure her voice wouldn't betray her with a crack, Perri said, “I’m going to pack everything I own and get the hell out of your house for good. I will not step foot back into your house again. I will not let you back into my good graces or my heart a third time, Barrington Rashaad Knight.”
Barrington stared at Perri, as hurt infiltrated his spirit, piercing his very soul. She'd just punctured his heart, refusing to administer CPR on the wounded organ beating ferociously for her inside his chest. His wife's words defeated him in a way she'd never know. Or did she know? He wasn't sure of anything anymore.
All Barrington knew was that his world was about to crumple underneath him, again. And again, he'd be powerless to stop the fallout of the aftermath once the storm was over and the dust had settled once again into the lives of his children and now, thanks to Nia, his possibly ex-wife, the woman he loved with every ounce of his being. As he watched Perri struggle inwardly for the courage not to fall apart in front of him, Barrington knew he was looking at a pillar of strength that he could only call his virtuous woman. His cell phone rang. He knew who it was without looking at the display screen.
Out of respect for his wife he turned around so Perri wouldn’t have to watch his face as he answered the call of the woman she despised like no other. “What, Nia?” he barked into the phone. “By now you could have gotten an ambulance to the hospital. I’m on the way now.” He resentfully disconnected the call. Barrington inhaled a deep breath and turned to find an empty spot where his wife had been standing.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The following day, Barrington sat in the hospital lobby, slumped forward, his head buried in his hands; he cried again for the loss of his son.
After he'd left home yesterday, Perri had gone into labor. He had no idea until after it was too late. Like a fool, he'd been in the delivery room with Nia as she gave birth to their daughter. What devastated Barrington more was the fact that he'd been the one to make the call without discussing it with Perri first. All he was told when they got to him was that the baby was breach and because they couldn't get him turned around without him possibly choking on the umbilical cord that was already wrapped around his neck, and his wife ended up having to have an emergency C-section.
Perri had already lost a lot of blood. Everything happened so fast, it was touch and go, especially when she started to bleed internally which caused severe hemorrhaging, and she lost consciousness. It was at that point the doctor knew one of them wasn't going to make it and, it was left up to her husband to decide which one they would focus their energy on saving—like the other wasn't worthy of their time and medical attention, or something.
Just like that, Barrington was told 'one of them but not both of them.' Either, or, like it was the most normal thing in the world being told you had to choose between the wife you loved more than life or the child you desired more than your next breath. Barrington had been terrified he'd never see his wife alive again, so he made the only decision he could, choosing to save the life of the woman he loved more than life itself. It had been a hard choice, but he knew it was the only one to be made. What killed him was he wasn't permitted to be in the room with his wife as she gave birth, by way of C-section, to their stillborn son while unconscious. The ironic thing being that down the hall, Nia gave birth to their healthy baby girl. Life was so unfair to his wife.
“B?” Crush knelt down in front of his big brother.
Barrington just hugged him as violent sobs shook his body.
When Barrington got his bearings and looked at his brother, he saw tears in his eyes.
Crush pulled Barrington’s forehead to rest against his own. “I know what you’re going through, man. I lost a child, too.”
“W-What?” Barrington stammered, dumbfounded by his little brother’s revelation.
“A couple years ago, Journey was pregnant; we lost the baby.”
Barrington blinked several times, fresh tears refilling his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was ashamed,” Crush answered honestly. “Still am. The point is, the regret you having I know what it’s like to have to live with it. You be a better man than me, B. You stick this shit out and ride the turbulent wave with Perri, man. I wish like hell every single day of my life I could go back and get the shit I messed up with Journey right. I don’t think she’ll ever see me the way she did before our miscarriage. I’m lucky as hell she gave me a second glance, much less a second chance. Perri is mad as hell and she has every right to be. But she was there for me when Journey and I lost our baby. Being here for you is my way of paying it forward to her now for what she unselfishly did for me back then when she had no reason to hold my hand through my pain, loss and grief. You got a fucking gem in Perri, man. Don’t you dare lose your woman, B. Take my advice for what it’s worth to you.”
“Thank you for sharing your pain, loss and victory with me.” Barrington hugged his little brother. “It’s worth more than the world to me, Crush. I love you, man.”
“I love you, too, B.”
***
Journey walked into Perri’s hospital room to find her best friend crying silent tears. She took off her shoes and without a word, she gingerly crawled into the bed behind Perri and held her friend as she continued to shed silent tears, knowing firsthand that words were not enough and yet they would be too much, if she could think of any to say. Recalling the anguish and sorrow that losing her baby had caused in her heart, J
ourney cried silent tears with her best friend.
***
“You stay away from my family, Nia, you hear me!” Barrington ordered. “You stay away from my wife and my daughter!”
“Well, that's gonna be pretty hard to do, Barrington, considering I have one of your children too,” she had no problem reminding him.
“You know what? That's neither here nor there. And I wouldn't be so quick to throw that up if I were you, considering you had yourself impregnated with my sperm without my consent or knowledge.” As an afterthought, he added, “And I can still have you brought up on charges for kidnapping my daughter and for stealing my sperm.”
Nia lowered her eyes with undeniable shame.
Barrington was only bluffing since his lawyer told him he couldn't bring charges against Nia for stealing his leftover sperm since she didn't actually forcibly remove it from his body. And really, it would be hard proving he didn't actually have sex with her at any time since knowing her. It was his word against hers, but Nia didn't know that, and he worked it to his advantage.
Barrington thought about the little girl he shared with her, whether he wanted to or not. It wasn't her fault and he couldn't very well take it out on her. However, he was not going to stand there and let Nia twist this whole situation around to her advantage; there was no way he was going to let anybody talk about his family, which now, thanks to Nia's deception, included his second daughter, too.
As if she knew exactly where his thoughts had transported him, Nia smiled, saying, “Her name’s Jour’Darrien. I call her Jordy for short,” she explained.
All Barrington could do was stare at her because what he really wanted to do was shake what little sense she seemed to have left clear out of her head. And since she was already in her own hospital room, she wouldn't have far to go for treatment.
“Please don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” Barrington’s voice was cold as ice and hard as stone.
If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) Page 35