Colors of the Shadow

by Nava Dijkstra

  “What did you do yesterday?” Ronit asked him.

  “You want to know everything, huh?” Eyal asked teasingly.

  “Did you go out?” Ronit continued.

  “Yes.”

  “Is it over with Natalie?” Ronit continued.

  “It’s just a cool off.”

  “Why do you continue to answer her?” Eran reacted tensely.

  “If I want to keep a good relationship with my friend, I have to flatter his wife, right?” He finished his sentence with a huge bite of the sandwich.

  “Right,” Ronit said.

  “Would you like to go to eat something somewhere?” Eran asked.

  “I’m eating already,” Eyal said.

  “And I have to go to work,” Sherry said.

  “Tell me,” Eran grumbled, “Either you love this job or you’re in love with Yaron, because I’m beginning to think that work is just an excuse for you.”

  Eyal turned his face interestingly towards Sherry.

  Sherry returned to the apartment shortly after Eyal left them. She stood in front of the easel on the roof and tried to paint, but she was not focused. Her thoughts were all about Eyal, something that caused her fingers to get dirty with paint, which eventually passed to her hair and to her face. The front door creaked and Eyal was standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe smiling. “I thought you were working today.”

  “Drawing is a kind of work, no?”

  “Just as you look like now, you really need to work on your talent.”

  “How did you come out with this wisdom?”

  He approached her and cleaned her face with his fingers. “It’s less terrible now.” Sherry looked at his fingers that were full of paint and he thought that she was looking at the letter in his hand. “Oh, you got a letter from the U.S. It looks a little old. Are you not taking mail from the mailbox?”

  “No one writes to me. Even this letter is probably a mistake.”

  Eyal stared at the envelope. “But, your name is written here.”

  A shiver ran through her body. When she looked at the sender, she was surprised to find out that the letter was from Amir. She apologized to Eyal and went into her room. Sherry read the lines as if it were in a dream.

  Hello Sherry,

  Years have passed since I last saw you. I tried to find you, but I was not able to find your address. Luckily, I was not discouraged, and I kept trying. I hope that this letter will find its way to you.

  Unfortunately, I don’t have good news. A lot of sad things happened in the last year, and I’m sorry that I’m the one who is telling you this. A year ago, your mother died from a serious illness, something to do with her lungs. She could hardly breathe. She managed to ask my father to take care of your sister. My father, of course, agreed, and she became a member of our family.

  Of course your sister was so distraught and miserable.

  Sherry felt a weight in her heart. She held her sister’s picture that was attached to the letter and looked at her with teary eyes. Tamar was already eighteen years old, a beautiful young girl. Sherry noticed the pair of diamond earrings in her ears, a gift from her father. Sherry touched the earrings on her ears. No one could assume that the earrings, carat each one, were genuine and of excellent quality, but she didn’t even dare to sell them even during the difficult moments of her life.

  She continued reading what happened to her sister with tears in her eyes.

  At first, it was very difficult for your sister. We understood her and treated her with lots of patience. I saw it as a way to prove to you how important you are to me, and what I am willing to do for you. Now, she’s totally a member of the family, regardless of you. Only one thing might bother you. We’re raising her with Islamic values. This is simply the only way we know.

  I will arrive in Turkey in three-and-a-half weeks. Would you like to meet me and hear more about your sister? If you want to come, please let me know through a letter with the address that is attached here. Even if you don’t come, please let me know that you at least got the letter.

  Yours,

  Amir

  Sherry lay in bed crying, feeling like she knocked down another victim with her lies. ‘There is no single day that I’m not paying the price, I broke the family into pieces, I murdered her, and I murdered my family with my lies.’ The sobbing turned into a heartbreaking cry that dragged Eyal into her room.

  “Can I help?” he asked in a worried voice.

  She shook her head. He went to get water and gave it to her to drink. “What happened?”

  “My mother passed away,” she answered in a whisper.

  “Did you have a mother? Sorry, I meant, I didn’t know that she was alive.”

  Sherry lay in bed and covered her head with a blanket. She felt Eyal’s supportive hand on the blanket. He left the room and she heard him talking on the phone with Ronit, asking her to come over. None of them were able to get Sherry out of bed.

  For three days, she refused to eat and talk. Her dream to unite with her mother and sister vanished. For years she had been fueled by this hope, imagining their first encounter and knowing that despite the distance and the solitary life, she was not alone in this world. But destiny controlled her, took her mother a year ago and turned her sister into a stranger.

  14

  Eyal entered her room holding a tray with two cups of coffee and two sandwiches with scrambled eggs.

  “This is it. I decided that after three days, I would not give up on you.” He sat in her bed and helped her to sit up putting a tray on top of two pillows.

  “Did you not go back to the army?” she asked weakly.

  “I’m on a one week vacation, and what am I doing on my vacation? Serving as a waiter,” he smiled at her.

  Sherry sipped her coffee and noticed his enthusiasm in eating his sandwich. “You can take mine, I’m not hungry.”

  “I would eat it willingly, but you need it more than me. You know, actually, it might be nice if you get out of bed and we go out and eat breakfast somewhere. What do you think?”

  Sherry nodded.

  “I was sure that you’d say no,” Eyal said in wonder.

  “You can still get it back.”

  “Let’s see how you behave.” He took her sandwich and took a bite. “It’s better for you to stay hungry if we’re going to a restaurant,” he apologized.

  At the restaurant, he watched her play with the salad that she ordered. Her eyes were frozen. She could talk and laugh, but in her eyes, something was detached, which was contrary to what she was trying to demonstrate outside.

  Throughout the week, Eyal didn’t get out much from the house. He wondered why he chose to spend his one-week vacation alone instead of going out with friends as he always did. He didn’t feel the need to call Natalie just like he used to from the previous break up, and he found himself enjoying sitting on the roof watching Sherry paint. When she left the canvas for a moment, he peeped in and saw the pain in her paintings. “You miss your mother,” he said.

  She looked at him and started painting again. Will he be able to see what she feels when she paints? His words moved her. She went to the kitchen, came back with two cups of coffee and sat beside him. “Yes, I miss her,” she replied late.

  “Tomorrow, I’m going on a trip to the north. Do you want to join me?”

  Sherry recalled her love for nature that lasted until the moment the natural world killed her sister. “Is there water?” She asked.

  “A lot.”

  Sherry shook her head. “I don’t like places with water.”

  “You must see this place. It’s not like any other place that you’ve seen. You can connect to yourself in a way you never felt before. The water soothes every part of your body. It will cleanse your thoughts. You can bring the easel and paint me with the water background.”

  Those words frightened her ears. “Stop it!” she scolded him and went to her room, leaving him in surprise. He continued to sit in his place, trying to gue
ss what was in his friendly proposal that outraged her.

  The next day, Sherry woke up at 10 and found him reading a newspaper in the kitchen.

  She went to make herself some coffee. She understood that yesterday, she refused the most seductive offer she could get—to paint him in the lake, to look at him for hours until she finishes the painting. She sat beside him as he continued to flip the newspaper. “My sister was drowned in a lake,” she said softly, looking at her coffee, “while I was painting her.”

  He looked at her. His face was an expression of sympathy. “I didn’t know. I apologize.”

  “You wouldn’t know. I painted her in the lake and suddenly she was lying there lifeless.” Sherry was surprised that she was telling Eyal so easily about the tragedy of her life. Although it was not the complete truth, for Sherry, it was a lot. “But, I would love to paint you,” she added quietly.

  He smiled slightly. “Then we better get going, it’s a two-hour drive from Tel Aviv.”

  They did not talk much on their way. They mostly listened to the music of Joe Dolan, while Eyal was staring at her occasionally. She couldn’t resist looking at him from the corner of her eyes.

  “You don’t like to talk much.”

  “Is it good or bad?”

  “I guess men like women who don’t talk much. From my experience, when women talk, they just complain.”

  “It happens to me a lot when I talk about my work.”

  “You look pretty patient and calm.”

  “Only when I’m dealing with the things I love.”

  He stopped the car in a desolated, small forest. They headed into the forest and walked through the woods while Eyal told her the names of the plants: oak, hawthorn tree and olive bar. When they reached the thicket of bushes, he grabbed her hand and led her after him.

  “We’ve been walking for half an hour already. How do you know that this is the right way?”

  He smiled. “This is the ABC of an IDF soldier. No, I’m just kidding. I just know how to differentiate the vegetation.”

  Eyal stopped in a place that reminded her of her secret plot, far away in Iran. She looked around the trees that were planted deep into the carpet of colorful leaves. Branches concealed the sky, leaving only a small piece of celestial sphere to look at. Within the bushes appeared a stream. Eyal took his backpack off his back; pulled a blanket out from his bag; and spread it on the ground. He took a thermos of coffee, a few sandwiches and some fruit, placing everything on the blanket. Sherry looked at the big quantity of food. “Did you intend to come here alone?”

  He nodded without looking at her.

  He lay on his back, looking at the sky through the cluster of woods. “This was my father’s favorite place. He used to take me here after he burned me out from a tiring walk,” Eyal laughed. “All the way, he kept explaining to me about the trees and rivers. When we got here, I enjoyed listening about all the animals around.” He looked at her. “I hope I’m not boring you?”

  “Were you bored then?”

  “No. We had a few days together, and he was a special person. He loved this country so much. He was a walking encyclopedia of trees, birds, rivers, mountains, everything.”

  “Impressive.”

  “So impressive. He was an impressive man, an impressive father. He knew everything, recognized everything. When he was killed, so much had been taken away from me. At fifteen, three years after he was killed, I dared to come here for the first time without telling my mother.”

  Sherry leaned on her elbow and looked at him, feeling the connection to his pain. “Fortunately, he left you a very valuable memento─his love to his homeland. Because of him, you’re familiar with all the trails in the country, birds, rivers, mountains. I think there are only a few who are really acquainted to the country like you.”

  Eyal leaned also on his elbow with his face towards her. “Do you know where else I can feel a connection with him? You won’t believe it─there in Lebanon, the land where I lost him.” Sherry held his hand as a sign of support. Eyal had a strong urge to kiss her lips. He did not understand why this act seemed to be something that was not supposed to be done. Why would he think so much of what can and can’t be done with her? With another girl, he wouldn’t think twice, even if he wanted to sleep with her.

  “I think I know how you feel. I understand your loss,” he said.

  Sherry wondered if he decided to open his closed heart just to comfort her.

  “Are you and Eran long time friends?” she asked.

  “We are cousins. His mother and my mother are sisters.”

  “I didn’t know. My father also has brothers in America, but we are not in touch.”

  “Yes, Ronit told me.”

  Sherry tried to think in what circumstances Ronit talked about her and didn’t update her about it, but immediately replied to herself that she probably did it in her efforts to set them up.

  “Why are you not in touch with them?” Eyal asked.

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I’m still ready to listen.”

  “Let’s leave it for some other day.”

  He didn’t try to convince her. He just closed his eyes with his face towards the sky. She opened her easel and started to brush the paint on it. As usual, she did not notice the rushing of time, until Eyal woke up. “Well, we need to go, it’s getting dark and the bastards are already here.”

  “Who?”

  “Mosquitoes.”

  “But, I’m painting you.”

  “Paint me from your imagination,” he said casually, while he closed everything inside the blanket and led her towards the car. “I need to get to Haifa today.”

  “Today?”

  “Yes. You sound disappointed, or is it just my imagination?” He saw her smile. “Imagination, huh?” he said cheerfully, putting his free hand on her shoulder.

  When they got home, he went into his room and packed his things.

  “I am going,” he said at the entrance of her door. She stood up and approached him, pressing her cheek gently against his cheek. He put his lips on hers and she felt his lips gently brushing her lips. She heard his bag fall on the floor and the ticking in her stomach. He pressed his body against her body with both hands, holding it in between his arms for a long time. As he released her, he looked into her eyes.

  He was happy when she walked him out to the jeep. His lips were on her lips again. He didn’t want this moment to end.

  On his way to Haifa, he felt the waves of heat conquering his body. He was with Natalie for two years and never gave up a visit to his mother for her, but now he had the desire to do so. He must not hurt Sherry. He just broke up with Natalie and he needed to take a break before he entered into a new relationship, if any. After all, there had been some break ups with Natalie that at the end he got back with her.

  Sherry entered back home. She felt her heart beating. It took her a long time before she recovered from his kisses. After she calmed down, she called Ronit.

  “Thank God you called. I didn’t stop calling you. I heard from Eran that you and Eyal went to a trip together.”

  “Does he tell everything to Eran?” Sherry asked, afraid to talk about her feelings.

  “Yes,” Ronit replied.

  “Oh.”

  “So, was there something dramatic?” Ronit asked.

  “There wasn’t.”

  “Not even a kiss?”

  “There were.”

  “Well, talk to me. Why do you force me to press on you?” Ronit screamed into the receiver of the phone.

  “Two kisses and he went to Haifa.”

  “Oh, as if they cut you in the middle of a suspense movie. So, describe it to me how he suddenly kissed you. How does he kiss?”

  Sherry laughed out loud. “Bye Ronit.” Sherry hung up the phone.

  15

  The days went by with her expectation of his return. Only with another additional meeting would she know if what happened was just a one-time thing or the sta
rt of something more significant. Each passing day brought her closer to his vacation and caused her so much excitement. Eyal called twice and talked like an ordinary friend to her. He didn’t say that he missed her, but it was enough for her that he called. On Friday, she didn’t go to work, full of anticipation about Eyal’s plan.

  When she saw him walk through the door, she felt a warm sensation that spread through her body. She smiled at him, but he looked at her coldly, nodded her hello and went to his room. She was still wondering about his cold demeanor when she saw Natalie follow him into his room, beautiful as ever. Did they get back together again? Was there a development between the two of them from the last few days that caused Eyal not to call? She went into her room, packed a few items of clothing and headed to Yaron’s apartment. In the electrical closet near the front door, she found the key to the apartment.

  She wanted to talk with Ronit, but she was afraid that Ronit wouldn’t understand her disappointment. The best solution was to disappear to Yaron’s apartment. She found herself travelling from the television to the refrigerator, leaving a bit of a mess, which was enough to annoy Yaron, the pedant.

  Sherry went back to her apartment on Saturday night. The house was quiet. She opened the door of Eyal’s room and there, she found emptiness. He was not there, and not just physically. The closeness that she felt towards him from the last couple of days had evaporated. The phone rang and she was startled, her mind confused for a moment.

  “Where the hell have you been?” Ronit shouted at her. “How can you disappear without leaving a note? We turned the whole world upside down looking for you! Eyal was looking for you!”

  “Why?”

  “Why, what? Tell me, are you really stupid, or you are just kidding me? He told me everything. He came home and Natalie was waiting for him at the entrance. Do you want him to throw her out? Why did you not wait for explanations, why are you acting impulsively?”

  “I thought he got back to Natalie.”

  “You’ve ruined everything with your sick behavior.” Ronit slammed down the phone.

  Sherry stared at the phone, asking herself whether Eyal was really looking for her. Her hand was trembling as she dialed the telephone number of Eyal’s home in Haifa. She heard his mother’s voice from the other side, authoritative and unfriendly, almost making her hang up. The words barely came out of her mouth. “Is Eyal home?”