My Lifeline

by RP Fischer

  Copyright © 2017 RP FISCHER

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted by U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior permission of the author.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, or organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Cover Designer: RP Fischer

  Editing and formatting: Silla Webb- Masque of the Red Pen

  Kruse Images and Photography

  Models: Faith Godard and BT Urruela

  To my wonderful friends, A and K:

  May the love you two share overcome any obstacle. May the joy you bring to everyone around you both never falter.

  I love you both.

  My little sister is getting engaged. Well, might be getting engaged. She just has to say yes first. Matt not only asked my father's permission to propose, but he also asked for mine. He knows how much I love my sister and how important traditions are in our family.

  I'll admit, I was skeptical about Matt when he came up to me over a year ago to hunt down Charlie. I was shocked, to say the least, to see someone asking about my sister. I made it very clear to my friends over the years that if they had any intentions toward my sister that they couldn’t go over my head. We all understand the matters of respect and tradition in Aiken, so for Matt to come up to me, having already upset her once, showed me he wasn’t from around here. To see my sister so flustered, though, showed me that she had feelings for him, and I couldn't stand in the way of letting her find someone who would bring back the light in her eyes.

  My Munchie was hiding in a shell of what her life could be. I wanted to see her fight for her dreams. I wanted to see her branch out and do the things we all loved to do as a family. She was so focused on keeping our little group together that she became withdrawn from making any new connections to the unknown. I get her reasons. I do. I'm still mad there were times that I wasn't there to protect her, but I'm glad she found a way to stand up for herself. I've tried to get rid of the guilt, but it has built up for so long that it's hard to let go. She's told me I don't need to feel guilty, but as her big brother, it comes with the territory.

  I'm at the graduation barbecue we’re having for Charlie. People keep asking her about her cafe, and she smiles saying she starts planning soon and is open to catering events right now.

  There’s a clinging noise against glasses as Matt asks for everyone’s attention. I can already see tears forming in my mother's eyes, and my father has gone pale. The rest of the party has an idea of what Matt is about to do.

  "Thank you, everyone, for gathering here to celebrate my angel's grad school completion. I know we're all anxious to see her open up the cafe so we can all be fed incredible food." He slowly turns to my sister, grabs a box out of his pocket, and drops to one knee. Her hands fly to her face, and tears immediately stream down her face. Luckily, my older brother instincts tell me they’re happy tears, so I don't need to intervene.

  "Charlotte Rose Hanston, your eyes owned me at a concert over a year ago, and every time you look at me, I fall deeper in love with you. I want babies to add to our already crazy family of dogs. I want to help you succeed in your dreams of running your own business. I want our life to continue forever. I know planning a wedding and opening a business at the same time might make you go insane, but if you say yes to being mine forever, I will help in any I can. Would you do me the honor of allowing me to look into your eyes for the rest of my life?"

  My sister can’t stop crying, but she nods frantically, her chest racking with tears of joy. She finally screams a yes and charges into his arms, almost knocking him to the ground. He kisses her hard, and we all let them have a quick private moment. I look over at Kylie who can't stop crying either, but she has her phone out capturing the whole moment. As soon as she drops the phone, I grab her into my arms.

  Having her in my arms never gets old. It’s rare for her to be there, but I savor every moment. My heart needs her. One day soon, she will be mine. Our connection may have grown from Bryce's death, but I intend to make ours stronger than ever in a world of our own.

  She is my heart and soul.

  Kylie Mitchell is my lifeline.

  There are mornings when I wake up and still don’t realize my nightmares are actually true until I look at my nightstand. Seeing the last picture taken of my brother and me has sadness running through me. My heart bottoms out, and I have to stop myself from bursting into tears. In the last five years, it still hasn’t gotten any easier. I made it a year over the age my brother was when he was taken from me.

  A deep but shaky exhale punches out of my body knowing I need to get ready for the day. My cat, Waffles, stares at me as if there’s a ghost staring back at him. He nudges me, probably wanting me to get out of his way so he can go back to a peaceful sleep.

  I slowly drag myself out of bed and sludge into the bathroom. The light hurts for a second as I adjust my eyes to the new morning and stare at myself in the mirror.

  Even though I stopped the intense sobbing, I can still see the tear tracks down my cheeks. As I follow my after-nightmare routine, I always inspect the exhaustion that has taken over. The leftover tears feel cold against my cheeks. The tracks turned white as they erased my makeup from yesterday. My eyes are glowing from the wetness. The whites in my eyes have never been brighter, and my nose is red from being stuffed up. My stomach literally hurts, knots and sourness burning together.

  The nightmares have become few and far between. Sadly, when they do happen, they’re as intense as the day my older brother was murdered.

  Sighing, I know I need to make an appointment with my grief counselor in the next few days. This nightmare was probably one of the worst ones I’ve had in a while.

  After showering, where I scrub the sweat from the nightmare and the tear tracks off my face, I head back into my room to try to remember my plans for today.

  I know I don’t have to work, because I got off a long fourteen-hour shift yesterday and was told not to come back for at least three days. When my phone beeps loudly, I wrap the towel tighter around myself while I pull it from the charger.

  I nod to myself as I’m reminded of my plans for today.

  BESTIE:

  I’m so ready for some Angels breakfast. I have some super awesome news to share with you. Loves you <3

  I wonder what more news my best friend, Charlotte, aka Charlie, can tell me. She recently got engaged to the hottest Chicagoan I’ve ever seen in the form of Matt Reynolds and started the process to open her own restaurant here in our town of Aiken, South Carolina. If she’s gonna tell me that she’s pregnant now, I swear I might just scream. I loved watching them get together, and I’m super excited to eat at her restaurant, but there’s only so much change I can take in such a short amount of time.

  My best friend had been through bullying hell our senior year of high school and hid in her turtle shell all through college, that the woman she has become has never made me happier. I only ache to have the love that she and Matt have for each other. It’s not envy or jealousy, just wishful thinking and unrequited love.

  I’m in love and I know for a fact that he loves me, but it’s the kind of love that I’ve questioned for the last f
ew years. It’s the kind that made my heart break at high school graduations, the death of my brother, the watching over me as I work myself to the bone, and the protector of my best friend since the day she was born.

  That’s right, I’m in love with my dead brother’s best friend. He also happens to be my best friend’s older brother.

  What a tangled web I weave.

  Aaron Hanston is one of the few reasons my heart still beats these days. He’s the biggest connection I have to Bryce, after my parents’, and the person I’ve pined for long before tragedy struck my life.

  With his blue eyes that change with his mood and dark brown hair, he tortures me and my insides every time he looks my way. His strong jaw and naturally red cheeks make me swoon at the sight when he walks into a room.

  A bump from outside my room has me checking the clock that I need to get my butt in gear for breakfast. I throw on some underwear and check the weather app on my phone. It’s still fairly warm out so I choose a light pink tank top and my comfiest cotton navy shorts. I quickly French braid my still wet hair and apply some makeup. There will always be bags under my eyes as far as I’m concerned, but I still try to cover them up.

  I make sure to put on the bracelet Aaron gave me and our families a few years ago when he got out of the Air Force and donated his uniforms to a company called Bands for Arms. The owner takes donated uniforms and turns them into custom bracelets with all of the proceeds going to a bunch of different charities. He asked the owner to have any profits from his uniform bracelet to be donated to camp scholarships in Bryce’s name whether they be for music lessons, sports camps, choir trips, etc. The company does amazing things, and the VFW has even donated a few of their uniforms from past wars to have the profits help homeless veterans.

  Thinking about how selfless some people can be warms a part of my heart that I cherish, even if the rest of me can be resentful and bitter.

  I take an extra second to wrap the Velcro in just the right place. The cloth of Aaron’s old Air Force uniform keeps me linked to him in ways no one can understand. It feels cool and soft against my wrist with just a tiny lingering scent of Aaron. It’s like he’s holding my hand when he’s not even there.

  I grab my phone and crossover purse before walking outside my room to grab my flip flops.

  I spot my new roommate and other best friend, Brianna, aka Bree, getting ready to make her daily smoothie. When Charlie moved in with Matt, I asked Bree if she wanted to live with me since living alone held no appeal. The only sad part is that I still see her as much as I did before she moved in. She’s one of the best new graphic designers in the South, and I’m beyond proud of her.

  I put my purse by the door and step into my flip flops before asking Bree, “Hey, do you want to come to Angels with Charlie and me? I almost forgot I was meeting her.”

  Bree grabs her usual to-go cup for her smoothies and wipes it out while she replies, “I have a meeting with a hotel about an hour away, and I need to get on the road soon. I wish I could go, though. I’m craving the stuffed French toast something fierce right now.”

  I pick up my purse and rummage for my keys. I give her a quick hug.

  “Knock ‘em dead, girl. Text me when you get there, okay?”

  She just nods and turns back to the blender while I head out the door.

  Thirty-five minutes later, I’m still waiting on Charlie. I’ve held off on ordering my food because Charlie is late to our Angels breakfast. My stomach is growling, and I have a sneaking suspicion as to why she’s late. My Diet Coke is doing nothing to squander my empty belly, and Charlie’s sweet tea has started to water down.

  She runs in looking crazed with half brushed hair, flushed cheeks, and swollen lips. It only confirms my ideas. That dirty, dirty girl. I can’t help my laughter as she tries to finger brush her hair and catch her breath.

  Through my laughter, I say, “Oh good lord in heaven. Were you having some sex this morning, young lady?"

  Charlie blushes with a vibrant smile on her face. She replies, “Some sex? That man is insatiable, and I, for one, have zero complaints. I am sorry I’m late, though."

  I give her my best fake mad look.

  “I hate your fiancé for having a working penis.”

  Charlie breaks out into laughter. The diner patrons look at her like she’s nuts, but she doesn’t shrivel back into herself from the attention. I love how far she’s come since letting new people in her life.

  She gives me a pointed look. “You know, there is a man with a working penis who would love to work it into you, miss. I’m just not going to mention his name because then I'd have to think about my brother's penis, and I would like to eat sometime this morning."

  I toss my straw wrapper at her face. "Oh, I’m sure you already had your breakfast in bed, jerk."

  Charlie bops me on the head with her menu as the waitress comes over to take our order. She laughs at our antics, having known us half our lives. Like me, she’s happy to see the glow on Charlie’s face.

  Taking a sip of my Diet Coke, I get down to the business of her text. She’s practically bouncing out of her seat and back to pulling on her earlobe. It’s a trait she’s cut back on in the last year unless she’s excited or super stressed.

  “Okay, lady, stop the squirming and tell me this news.”

  The smile that reaches across her face brings one to mine, which is definitely something I needed this morning.

  “I picked a name and design for the restaurant. You’re now looking at the owner of Rose’s Corner. It’s gonna be decorated as if you’re stepping into a home away from home. Tables on one side and a section of giant couches on the other. People can put up pictures from their favorite visits around their travels or leave their favorite family recipes. I want this to be a place where people can actually visit with each other and break bread, too.”

  My eyes start to well up hearing the happiness from my best friend’s voice. I’m so proud of her for following her dream. Her middle name is Rose, after her grandmother, and I’m sure if she hasn’t already told her the name that she’s going to start crying when she finds out.

  I wipe one small tear from my face while Charlie wipes a few more from hers. “I’m just glad to finally have a reason for some happy tears from us these days.”

  She starts laughing and takes a sip of her drink. She replies, “Once this place opens and then the wedding, I’m set to be a real waterfall. Waterproof mascara will not be wasted on us.”

  I hold up my soda. “Cheers to Rose’s Corner and the wedding of your dreams!”

  She picks up her tea, and we toast to the future of great food.

  I leave Angels with a full belly and a full heart through the warm South Carolina day. The city is bustling with life today, and everyone is enjoying the summer fun. I pass by the local college and watch as students sit on the grassy outskirts with their noses in their books or chatting with each other.

  As I continue my way through Aiken, my smile falters. I drive past the cemetery and without truly thinking it through, I maneuver the car down the skinny gravel road toward the plot I hate the most that holds the person I miss the most.

  I park the car and walk by the plots of people whose families my parents’ and I know. The smell of summer pauses in my stomach as my heart creeps up into my throat. It still hasn’t gotten any easier to see his name etched into the stone. The name that will break my heart to see every day for the rest of my life.

  BRYCE MITCHELL

  LOVING SON, BROTHER, AND FRIEND

  AUG. 12, 1986-MAR. 23, 2012

  Vowing to do something fun after I leave here, I sit next to the stone with Bryce’s name, and I tell him about my breakfast with Charlie. The slight breeze shows me that he’s listening, and somewhere above, he’s smiling with me for my best friend.

  I get my butt off the ground and head toward the community center that has been in Aiken for generations. Charlie’s mom, Grace, runs everything there. Bryce was supposed to take over for h
er one day so whenever I have free time, I make my way over there to help out in any way I can.

  The grounds are full of day campers and daily visitors who are scattered everywhere. Some of the baseball camp kids are having a blast on the diamond, the lifeguards are keeping watch over the little guppies roaming in the water, and the older generation hangs at the tables on the decks.

  I know Bryce would be happy to be here with me today. He would want to participate in everything he could. The images of him running through the soccer field sends a pinch to my heart reminding me that he’s not. It’s only a memory or a dream.

  My heart may be broken, but the bond we had will never be shattered. Even though he’s gone, I live my life with him, not for him. I remind myself that every day is not a day I live without him, it’s a day I embrace him. Who he was will live forever in my heart. Each day I do one thing that I know would make him smile if he were here. I keep him with me no matter what.

  The one thing I’ve ever done for him was the tattoo I have between my shoulder blades. The blue and gray wolf claws represent the freedom of life that Bryce lived. The shredding nails through my skin show that he’s embedded with me forever.

  Laughter breaks the thoughts floating in my mind, and I keep on my path toward Grace’s office.

  I spot the woman who’s like a second mother to me sitting in her office rolling through papers on her big wooden desk. Pictures of her family are everywhere, including pictures of her and my mom when they were in their college sorority. My eyes glaze over the one of Aaron on his graduation from the Air Force boot camp. I fidget with my bracelet before I realize the reason I came here.

  I bring my hand up to the door panel.

  “Knock knock.”

  Grace looks up from her papers and gives me the smile that is identical to Charlie and Aaron’s.

  Getting up from her chair, she crosses around to wrap me in her warm arms. “Baby girl! It’s been a minute too long since I’ve seen you.”