Unraveled

by Heidi McCahan

  “I think sometimes He saves us from ourselves and removes us from difficult circumstances. And sometimes He lets us run for a while, just to see how far we’ll let our pride carry us.”

  Hot tears pricked her eyelids. “You think this is about pride?”

  “I think it could be. But please don’t lose hope. His grace is sufficient …”

  Lauren shook her head as Mrs. Putnam recited another verse from memory. “This is so complicated, Mrs. P. If Blake doesn’t—’’

  Mrs. Putnam held up her index finger and wagged it. “Now, what did I just say? Leave the micro-managing to Him. Blake will come around if that’s what the Lord intends.”

  “I want to believe you. Really, I do. But I don’t think I can stick around to see how this plays out.”

  “Then I’ll keep praying that you’ll let go of everything you’re clinging to.”

  Fear ricocheted through her. Let go? Of what? She swallowed hard. “Thanks. I think.”

  “You’re welcome, dear. Dwight and I are proud of you. I’ll let you go now. I know this is a lot to think about. Keep me posted.”

  “I will. Good bye.” Lauren disconnected the call and stared at her phone, Mrs. Putnam’s advice still ringing in her ears. They’d never steered her wrong. From the minute she met them, she’d found solace from the messy, mixed up circumstances that composed her life. But things were different now. The truth was out. She needed to make a fresh start.

  Putting her phone away, she pulled on a clean pair of jeans and layered one of Seth’s Henley-style shirts over her tee shirt. After loosening her hair, she raked her fingers through her curls and stared at her reflection in the mirror. This won’t be easy. But you can do it. Drawing a deep breath, she made her way downstairs.

  Lights were on in the kitchen and she found her parents, Matt, and Seth huddled around the table, nursing their coffee cups. Her legs trembled, despite the pep talk she’d issued in the mirror a few moments ago.

  “What are you all doing? It’s way too early for a family meeting.”

  Seth stood and made his way toward her. “W-w-we are h-h-here for y-y-you,” he stuttered, wrapping her in a gentle hug.

  Tears welled behind her eyes again and she shut them tight. When Seth pulled back, he tugged on a lock of Lauren’s hair and managed a sleepy smile. “D-d-don’t care w-w-what they s-s-say … you’ll a-a-always be my s-s-sister.”

  It was all too much. A sob escaped and she pressed her knuckles to her lips. “I love you, Seth. You’re the best.”

  “Hey,” Matt protested, offering her a fresh cup of coffee. “What if I hug you like that and declare my undying affection?”

  Laughter bubbled up after the tears and she couldn’t resist wrinkling her nose at Matt as he slung his arm around her shoulders. “You’re pretty incredible, too.”

  “Come sit down, sweetheart.” Mom pointed to an empty seat next to hers. “I’ll make breakfast in a bit.”

  Grabbing the half and half off the counter, Lauren sank into the chair and watched her brothers reclaim their seats.

  Matt cleared his throat. “I stopped by to see Blake late last night. They wouldn’t let me in. I even tried to play the pastor card, but no dice.” His eyes flitted to Lauren’s and then back to his coffee cup.

  Lauren wrapped her hands around her coffee to ward off the chill. “He must not be doing well, then, if they won’t even let you in.”

  “Sweetheart, we know you have a lot on your mind. Is there anything at all we can do to help you through this? It’s all so surreal …” Mom trailed off.

  “I do have some questions about my—adoption.” Lauren glanced up from pouring half and half into her coffee. Seth and Matt sat frozen like statues, eyes glued to Mom and Dad.

  Dad shifted in his seat at the head of the table. “Sure. Go ahead. You can ask us anything.”

  “Well, when I first got home, Mom described the couple that adopted Mallory’s baby as people who couldn’t have children. So—’’She gestured toward her brothers. “How do you explain the arrival of these two?”

  Mom and Dad exchanged a knowing glance. “Pop was adamant that Mallory’s daughter remain with her family. Jane wanted to take you to California so badly but he just wouldn’t hear of it. We hadn’t gotten pregnant yet and so Pop just decided you would be ours.”

  “Within a month, we realized we were expecting Matthew,” Dad said.

  “And life was never quite the same after that,” Matt chimed in.

  “Isn’t that the truth,” Dad agreed.

  Lauren shook her head. “I still can’t believe nobody challenged you on that. I mean, there were reams of paperwork, a social worker, an entire agency worked to get Shaun’s adoption processed—’’

  She bit her lip. That was the first time she’d casually mentioned her baby in front of her family. A moment of silent recognition passed between them, but this time she held her head high and smiled.

  “I-i-i-is that his n-n-name? Sh-sh-shaun?” Seth met her gaze, his eyes wide with wonder.

  “Yes. I’m very grateful that the nurses encouraged me to name him. The fact that his adoptive parents kept the name is a huge blessing.”

  “This whole situation just blows my mind.” Matt shook his head. “How did you survive being pregnant and alone in a big city? Why didn’t you call us? You have to know we would’ve helped you.”

  Lauren lifted her cup to her mouth, blowing on the hot coffee. Of course. Now the questions would begin. She took a sip, buying some time to formulate an answer. “Once I started running, I never quite knew how to stop. Like I said, the adoption was a process I could sort of detach from once Shaun was ... gone. It’s the aftermath or I guess—the fallout—that I’m struggling with.” Fallout. Blake’s words to her in his truck on the way home from the airport flitted through her mind once again. He didn’t know how right he’d been. She longed for an opportunity to tell him.

  “Well, we’re so glad the truth is out. And we hope it will set you free. You know you’ll always have a home here.” Mom slid her arm around Lauren’s shoulders and pulled her close.

  Lauren let the love of the only mother she’d ever known flow over her. When Mom pulled away, Lauren cleared her throat and looked around the table. “I still have that job interview in Portland on Friday. I—I’m leaving on the ferry tomorrow morning.”

  Mom gasped. “You’re kidding.”

  “You j-j-just got h-h-here.” The cloud of confusion that hovered in Seth’s eyes dampened her enthusiasm. She held up her hand. “Wait. I didn’t say it was forever. I want to follow through with the interview and I need to check up on my place. Life goes on, right?”

  Dad dragged a hand over his haggard face, while Mom stared at her, crestfallen.

  “Don’t you think circumstances warrant you sticking around?” Matt’s voice was strained, his eyes searching her face.

  “They don’t want me,” Lauren whispered. “Mrs. Tully made that crystal clear.”

  “Why don’t you let Blake decide that for himself when he wakes up?” Dad folded his arms across his chest.

  Lauren dragged her finger around the rim of her coffee cup, her heart aching. “He was—is—very angry right now. The last thing he needs is me hanging around reminding him of all the ways I messed up his life.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” Mom got up and went to the counter, pulling the mixing bowl out of the cabinet. “You might be exactly what he needs.”

  “No.” Lauren shook her head. “I need to go. At least for a little while. I can come back if I—if I need to.”

  “I’m sure we could find a job for you around here.” Matt shot her a meaningful glance at his parents and then stood to re-fill his coffee cup.

  “We were hoping you might consider taking care of Granny,” Dad said. “She needs to be discharged from the hospital, but she can’t stay here. There’s a great new duplex available now. Will you at least consider it?”

  “What about Aunt Jane? I thought she wanted to take
care of Granny.”

  “Oh, please. That’s not even an option.” Mom cracked an egg on the edge of the bowl.

  “Take it easy, Deb. We’ve been in touch with her ex-husband,” Dad said. “He says Jane lives in a one bedroom studio now, above the boutique she still owns. According to him, there’s no way she can move Granny to San Diego.”

  “I know it’s all very sudden,” Mom said. “But that’s why we’re asking you to stay.”

  Lauren hesitated, their resistance to her announcement testing the limits of her already frazzled nerves. “I’m sorry, I can’t. Thank you for … asking. But I’ve made my decision. It’s time to go.”

  She stood, pushed back her chair, and headed for the stairs before anyone launched another protest. The disappointment etched on their faces was more than she could stand. If this was what she needed to do, why did she feel like such a traitor?

  thirty four

  Lauren borrowed the van one last time and drove over to see Granny. The streets of town were deserted so early in the morning. She made it to the hospital in less than five minutes. The parking lot was more crowded than usual and her breath caught in her throat when she recognized Jeremy’s truck. Of course he’d be here, standing watch for his brother. An image of Blake lying in the hospital bed, the monitors screeching in distress, flashed through her mind.

  Please, Lord. Not for me but for his family. Please let him recover from this.

  Snagging a handful of tissues from the box on the floor of the van, Lauren tucked them into her purse and slowly eased out of the driver’s seat. A light rain was falling, so she broke into a jog and headed for the front door. Whether Granny recognized her or not, this would be her most difficult good bye.

  The automatic doors whooshed open, signaling her arrival. She hesitated and glanced toward ICU. No. You can’t. She drew a deep breath and headed for the nurses’ station. Dr. Adams stood behind the counter. He glanced up from the chart he was studying and smiled.

  “Good morning. How are you feeling?” He tucked a pen back in the pocket of his white coat.

  “Much better, thank you. It’s amazing what a little sleep can do.”

  “Are you here for your grandmother or …” He stopped short of mentioning another name, as if the whole hospital didn’t already know who else she might be there to visit. She’d made quite a scene yesterday.

  “Yes. I’m leaving tomorrow and I’d like to spend some time with her before I go.”

  “I see.” His grey eyes clouded with concern. “I was under the impression—well, maybe I misunderstood— never mind. I’ve got to get back to my rounds. It was a pleasure meeting you, Ms. Carter. Safe travels.” He waved and turned toward the ICU before she could ask any questions.

  Lauren watched as he disappeared down the corridor and the heavy door slammed shut behind him. “What was that all about?”

  The nurse seated behind the counter hung up the phone and glanced her way. “I’m sorry?”

  Lauren pondered his cryptic comment. What impression was he referring to? An uneasiness crept in. “It’s nothing. Thanks.” She mumbled to the nurse and headed for Granny’s room.

  The smell of bacon and scrambled eggs wafted under her nose as she passed a food cart in the hallway, the loaded plastic cafeteria trays reminding her that she’d refused Mom’s offer of breakfast. Food would have to wait.

  She pushed open the door to Granny’s room. “Good morning.”

  Much to her surprise, Granny was out of bed and sitting in a chair by the window, her Bible spread open on her lap. She wore a new magenta velour jogging suit, although the splint on her arm left one sleeve dangling, empty. Someone had already helped apply her makeup.

  “Lauren.” Granny splayed her hand and pressed it to her chest. “I was just praying for you and now you’re here. What a blessing.”

  Lauren froze, unable to take another step. Goosebumps shot down both arms. Finally. Granny called her by name.

  She crossed the room and leaned in to plant a gentle kiss on Granny’s weathered cheek. Warm fingers grasped hers as she pulled back.

  “Let me look at you, dear.” Granny’s eyes searched Lauren’s face, her lips curving into a tender smile. “You resemble your mother more and more every day.”

  Lauren gasped and her fingers instinctively fluttered to the locket around her neck. “W-what did you say?”

  “I see you’re wearing her locket.” Granny’s gnarled index finger trembled as she reached up tentatively. “May I have a look inside? It’s been years.”

  Lauren tucked her chin, heart pounding in her chest as she stared down at the heart shaped silver trinket nested between her finger and thumb. Mother’s locket?

  “You know about this?” she whispered, reaching back and loosening the clasp so Granny could hold the locket.

  “Know about it?” Granny’s painted-to-perfection eyebrows shot heavenward. “I gave it to her.”

  Lauren flinched. Why didn’t anyone bother to mention this before?

  She cupped the locket and chain in her hand and offered it to Granny.

  “I’m afraid you’ll have to open it, dear. This one armed bag of bones isn’t good for much right now.” She tipped her head toward her immobilized arm.

  Her heart in her throat, Lauren used her fingernail to open the locket and placed it in Granny’s outstretched hand.

  Granny leaned toward the window, as if she needed the light to illuminate the faded photograph. “Hmm. This isn’t the right picture.”

  Lauren’s scalp prickled. She sank into the chair opposite Granny’s. “It isn’t?”

  “No.” Granny frowned. “This is you and me. Where’s the one of your mother?”

  “M-m-my mother?” Granny obviously wasn’t as lucid as she thought.

  “Yes. Mallory. This was her locket. She wore it constantly. It had a picture of the two of you in it. I bet you were only a day or two old.”

  Lauren bit the inside of her cheek, her heart about to split wide open.

  Granny gazed out the window, as if she’d been transported back in time. “We found the locket laying on her dresser the day after the accident. Nobody could figure out why she took it off. It’s almost like she knew—”

  “Granny, you gave me that locket when I graduated from high school. I’ve never changed the picture.”

  Closing the locket and turning it over, Granny lovingly caressed the tiny letters and numbers. “Pop chose the verse but the engraver said it wouldn’t fit. So they compromised. He wanted her to remember that God had a plan for her baby girl.”

  Granny passed the locket back to Lauren, her blue eyes shining with tears.

  Fumbling for a tissue to staunch her own tears, Lauren accepted the locket with her free hand.

  She had to ask. When would she get another opportunity?

  “Granny, do you … remember anything about my dad?”

  Granny sat very still, her eyes closed. Lauren leaned forward, her pulse pounding in her ears. Please. Remember something. Anything.

  “Kevin. His name was Kevin. He wore his hair long and shaggy, drove your grandfather nuts.” She opened her eyes and a tiny smile crept across her features. “He was an adventurous boy, that one. But most of all’’—Granny wrapped her hand around Lauren’s and squeezed—“he loved you.”

  Lauren mopped her cheeks with a crumpled tissue, acutely aware of all she’d lost that one fateful night, yet humbled by her overwhelming love for the family that claimed her as their own.

  “Knock, knock.” Shannon came into the room and closed the door behind her. She pasted on a bright smile but Lauren saw the worry lingering just below the surface.

  “Good morning.” Lauren scooted out of the way so Shannon could speak to Granny.

  “Hey, Lauren.” She set her chart on the bed and leaned against the rail. “Mrs. Watson, I hear they’re going to let you go home soon?”

  Lauren stared in disbelief. Was this really the best time to tell Granny? With all of the details stil
l undecided? She glanced at Granny, who appeared to be equally surprised.

  “Is that right? News to me. Of course, nobody tells me anything these days.” Granny frowned and flipped her Bible closed.

  “Shannon, are you sure?”

  Shannon reached for the chart and peeked inside. “Looks like the discharge papers just need Dr. Wheeler’s signature. He’s not here right now, with everything that’s happened …” Her eyes darted to Lauren’s and then quickly back to the chart. “I’d say she could be out of here as early as tomorrow.”

  Lauren swallowed hard and glanced at Granny. “Could we talk about this out in the hall?”

  “Sure.” Shannon patted Granny’s arm. “We’ll be right back.”

  “I’ll be here.” Granny gave a little wave of her fingers.

  Lauren followed Shannon out into the hallway. Shannon leaned one shoulder against the wall, brows furrowed. “I take it this is a surprise?”

  “Not to me, my parents told me. She is totally with it this morning, I didn’t want to upset her, but the Inn isn’t the best place for her to recover.”

  Shannon nibbled the nail on her pinky finger, a sure sign that she was holding out.

  Lauren’s gut twisted. “What are you not telling me, Shan?”

  “I was told your family was counting on you taking care of her. I heard they rented one of those new places next to—”

  “Oh, brother.” Lauren tipped her head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling. “We just talked about this. I told them I’m leaving tomorrow.”

  Shannon sucked in a breath. “Leave? You can’t go yet. Not while—”

  Lauren held up her hand. “Don’t say it. I’m not waiting for him to wake up. I can’t.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “I’m not wanted here,” she whispered. “He’s better off without me.”

  Shannon pressed her lips into a thin line and shrugged her shoulders. “Go ahead, then. Run back to your big city life. We’ll stay here and pick up the pieces, just like we always do.”