by Louise Bay
“Because I wanted to tell you in person. I’ve nearly let the cat out of the bag a thousand times. It’s been hard to keep it from you.”
“I’m just so happy for you. Sounds like you’ve been studying extra hard this semester. I was obviously a distraction.” I was so proud of her. Dexter was right—she was a grown woman. Perhaps she didn’t need as much taking care of as I thought. And that was great, obviously, but also . . . unbalancing.
“I didn’t want you to feel any more guilty about leaving than you already did.” She crouched on the floor and slid on a pair of slippers. “What can I say? Seeing you chase after what you wanted made me want to do the same. I haven’t found what I’m passionate about yet, but I will, and when I do, I want to be in the best shape,” she said. She couldn’t have said anything that would have made me any happier. The fact I could be some kind of role model for my sister was all I could ever want. “And honestly, Mom still has that job at Trader Bob’s, which means they’ve had money and they haven’t been bothering me.”
I couldn’t remember the last time my mom held down a job for three months. “I can’t believe she’s still there. What happened?” We pulled the robes off their hangers and headed back into the bedroom.
Autumn shook her head. “I don’t know. I think Jenny working there helps because she has someone she can ask if she doesn’t know what to do, rather than just quitting like she normally would. A group of them from the store went out for breakfast last weekend.”
I couldn’t ever remember a time when my mom had money for waffles. “She’s holding down a job, has money in her pocket and is socializing? What is happening to the world?” Both my sister and my mom were doing better than they ever had since I’d left.
“I know. I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. Honestly, I thought she was lying to me when she told me she was still working. But I was in there the other day to pick up some groceries and saw it for myself. She was showing a customer where the almonds were.”
No one could think this was anything but good news, but there was a drag at the pit of my stomach that made me feel uneasy. “And she hasn’t been talking back to her boss or missing shifts because she can’t work the alarm on her phone?” I collapsed on the bed while Autumn went to inspect the ice cream fridge.
“Apparently she loves her boss. Honestly, I was over at their place earlier in the week and she made lasagna for dinner.”
“She did not,” I said. “She can barely boil water.” What was happening? I’d half expected to go back to Oregon to find both my parents in prison.
“I know. She said Jenny showed her what to do.”
All the years I’d cooked for the four of us. Even when we moved out, twice a week, I’d take food around for my parents. “I can’t believe it,” I said. “It would have been nice if she could have made a lasagna once in a while when we were kids.” Of course I wanted her to be more capable, more focused, but I hadn’t expected it actually to happen. Especially not when I was five thousand miles away. “How’s dad?” I asked. “I bet he thinks aliens have invaded.”
“Well, he’s getting a home-cooked meal so he’s happy. And he’s been helping Kenny over at the bike shop.”
“What do you mean helping? Is he doing something he shouldn’t be doing?” My jaw tensed as I waited for the bad news that was going to inevitably follow Autumn’s cascade of good news.
“Nope.” She decided on a tub and picked up two spoons and brought it over to the bed. “Kenny’s apprentice walked out and left Kenny short so Dad offered to help. Was only meant to be for a few days but that was four weeks ago.”
Why hadn’t she said something before? I’d just assumed they were sitting watching Wheel of Fortune and complaining about not having enough money—because why would anything have changed? Would this have happened if I’d still been around, or had they gotten off their asses to spite me? To show me that they didn’t need me. “I guess that’s great.”
“I don’t think he gets paid much, but he said he likes learning about the bikes. And honestly, I figure helping for free is still better than sitting at home, thinking up trouble.”
“Yeah, I agree. Sounds like you’re all better off without me.” I said it with a smile but I wasn’t joking. It kind of hurt that as soon as I’d left, things got better, as if I’d been the problem all along.
“Oh, I bet you by Friday, Mom will ask me for a loan.”
“Well, I told you that if she does, you have to get her to call me. You don’t have enough as it is.”
“None of us has enough,” she replied. “Except maybe Dexter.”
“Dexter definitely has enough.” I took the tub from Autumn and dug in to the Rocky Road. I’d never even seen it on sale in London. “A lot of people in London do. I can’t wait to show you around. When do you have to go home?”
“I have class on Monday. I’m flying home Sunday. Can you believe he flew me out here for two nights?”
I wanted Autumn to make her classes, but I also wanted her to stay. I shouldn’t be greedy. Having her here on my birthday was more than I could ever dream of.
“I saw the final tiara the other day and guess what?” I asked. “You’ll have to strap yourself in before I tell you this.”
“Dexter gave it to you?” she guessed.
I laughed. “I know you think Dexter is the perfect guy, but no, he did not give me a tiara.”
“A ring? Are you engaged?”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I handed her back the ice cream. “As if I’m going to get engaged to a guy who lives five thousand miles away.”
“You’re living with him,” she challenged.
“Until I come back to Oregon. And it’s just logistics. It means we can see a little more of each other as the competition gets more demanding. No, they asked everyone to give feedback on the tiara and everyone said how amazing it was—and it was totally amazing. You’ve never seen anything like it—”
“Can I see it? I’m dying to.”
I shook my head, half saying no to her request, half trying to get rid of the brain freeze. “It’s all top secret until the finals next week. Don’t you want to hear what happened?” She nodded. “Well when everyone was saying how great the tiara was, I couldn’t help but think there was something missing. So, I made a suggestion. And they decided to incorporate it. Can you believe it? An idea I had about the design for a freaking tiara is going to be made.” Even saying those words gave me the chills. I’d made Dexter promise he wasn’t taking up the idea just because it was mine, and he basically told me I was an idiot if I thought that was possible.
“That’s amazing. But not really because you’re so talented.” She would say that. “Don’t you just pinch yourself? To think that a few months ago you were sitting here.” She slapped her hands down on the bed. “And now you’re designing royal stuff. And you’re in London with a hot, British boyfriend.”
My life was very different from how it had been up until a few months ago. But by the sounds of it, my mom and dad’s lives had changed almost beyond recognition as well. Why had it taken me leaving the country for them to get jobs and put their lives in something like order? Perhaps they would be able to manage without me if I wanted to extend my stay. Dexter had been true to his word and not brought up the idea of me applying for jobs again. Maybe I should be the one to restart the conversation.
“Are you two decent? Can we come in?” Dexter called from the corridor.
I slid off the bed as the two hottest guys on the planet walked in.
“Happy nearly birthday, Hollie,” Gabriel said. “I brought you a card. Handmade by a three-year-old, so don’t judge.” I lifted up on my toes to hug him and he said “Hi” over my shoulder.
“This is my sister, Autumn.”
He nodded and my sister stood and extended her arm. I swear she’d never shaken hands with anyone in her life. “Dexter was right,” she muttered.
“All the way from Oregon,�
�� Gabriel said, smiling at Autumn as Autumn smiled back at him. There were lots of smiles. “Well, I don’t want to interrupt. You two look very cozy.”
Maybe it was me but it seemed like Gabriel was having a hard time looking away from my baby sister.
“Are you staying in London long, Autumn?”
“Just two nights,” I interrupted.
It was as if I’d broken some kind of spell he was under. Gabriel cleared his throat and nodded again. “Well, happy birthday. Very good to meet you, Autumn. I hope to see you again.” And with that both of them swept out, leaving Autumn fake fanning herself with her hand.
“What is it with the men in this town? Are they all like this? No wonder you fell in love here.”
I dissolved into laughter. “I’m not in love.”
“Of course you are,” Autumn replied, her eyebrows pulled together as if I’d just told her there were twenty-six hours in the day.
“Don’t be crazy.” I wasn’t in love. Dexter was just the first man I’d dated who didn’t want me to be his mother. Yes, I cooked for him, but he bought me scarves and dresses, flew my sister over for my birthday and told me I was beautiful, like all the time. Yes, I listened as he told me about the frustrations of his day but he did the same for me. And yes, I wanted to make things better for him, just as I did with my family, but he wanted to do the same for me. “It’s a stupid thing to say because he’s Dexter Daniels and he has everything anyone could ever want, but it feels like we’re a team, you know?”
“Well, like I told you, that makes a change for you.”
“Yeah, remember when I dated Pauly for those few weeks and he asked me how to use the washer and it turned out his mom was out of town seeing his aunt? I swear he was hoping I’d offer to do his laundry for him.”
“He was ridiculous. But I don’t mean it’s a change in the men you date. What I mean is, in Oregon you’re out front, trying to lead everyone out of the woods. While behind you, people are getting distracted swimming in the lake, eating marionberries, or just looking up at the sun. It’s good to have someone who goes at the same speed as you, someone who’s working with you rather than against you.”
Dexter and I were at completely different points in our careers. We weren’t going at the same speed. He was in the New York marathon and I was doing a charity five-mile fun run. And it sounded like my family had all put their names down for the same run as me now I’d left for London. “Sounds like everyone’s making their way out of the woods just fine without me.”
“Maybe Mom and Dad have realized that they’ve got to stand on their own two feet.”
It sounded great in theory—just what I’d always wanted. Except, if I wasn’t looking after them, I didn’t know who I was leading out of the woods anymore. If they all had their own paths, where did that leave me? Wandering around, and maybe a little lost.
Twenty-Five
Dexter
It had only taken three words—sixteen letters—to get me to this place. This café. On this day. Sixteen letters and fifteen years and now I was about to see my brother.
The email from me had been short and to the point. I had questions. I wanted answers. I named the time and place. He replied in three words—I’ll be there.
I slowed my gait and glanced into the coffee shop. I saw him a half second before my eyes landed on him. Still the same—the height, the short hair, the starched collar. But at the same time, a stranger to me. I didn’t even know if he was married.
He picked up his coffee cup and then, without taking a sip, put it down again. Was it nerves? Irritation? I pushed open the door, heading straight for the table. I wasn’t interested in coffee.
I pulled out the chair opposite him. His head shot up and he stood.
“Dexter.”
I sat quickly to avoid the shaking of hands or any other greeting that might or might not be appropriate.
“David,” I replied as he sat down. For a long time, I’d told myself I didn’t need to know anything more than I already did. I’d buried my past along with my parents and moved on, just wanting to create a legacy that was worthy of them. But now . . .? I blew out a breath. Why now? What had changed? Yes, the competition and seeing so many people who knew and loved my parents had started unpicking the locks on the door I’d shut so firmly behind me, but there was something about Hollie—something about seeing my future so clearly with her that I needed to understand where I’d come from. “I need to hear in your own words why you—” I’d told myself to stay unemotional. I just wanted the facts. He didn’t need to hear the hurt in my voice. Now we were both men rather than boys pretending, I wanted to hear what possible excuse he had to have betrayed me and my parents so fundamentally and completely. “I want to understand the circumstances that led up to you selling the business to Sparkle.”
The gray suit jacket my brother was wearing seemed to deflate like a balloon with a slow puncture. For a moment, he looked as if he’d expected me to come here and ask him how he thought Frank Lampard was doing at Chelsea. Had he really thought I was going to offer him my hand and suggest we let bygones be bygones?
He shook his head, took a sip of his coffee and leaned back in his chair. “I was twenty-three. Our parents had just died. And then I’d found out—”
I waited for him to finish his sentence.
“You have to be sure you want to hear this,” he continued.
“Hear what?” I asked. “I’ve been quite clear in telling you what I want.”
He glanced around as if to check no one was listening in on our conversation. “Sometimes, it’s best to remember the best about something. Or someone. Sometimes it’s good not to know everything.”
What was he talking about? “I want to know everything. I’m a grown man. I want the truth.”
“I get it,” he replied, nodding. “I just—Our parents were good people. And they gave us a good life before theirs were cut short.” His voice faltered as he finished his sentence.
Ice trailed down my spine. I wasn’t sure if it was a reaction to thinking about my parents’ death, hearing the upset in my brother’s voice or the anticipation of getting to know something I’d been missing for fifteen years.
“I know that,” I said, my tone curt, trying to cover up the emotions simmering just beneath the surface.
“Primrose and the solicitor called me in for a meeting just after the funeral. They told me the business had taken on a lot of debt over the years. There was always just enough to keep everything going—to pay all the bills and cover all the staff costs, but only just.”
“What sort of debts? For the shop?”
“Yes, there were several mortgages taken out on the property on Hatton Garden, and there were also personal loans.”
“But there was plenty of stock. Dad always had a full safe.”
David nodded. “Yes, they were keeping their heads above water. Remember, Dexter, I was twenty-three. I didn’t know anything much about business at the time.”
Looking back, David had always seemed so much older than me, but it was only a few years—the kind of time that dissolves to nothing as you get older. We’d both been kids when our parents had died. We knew nothing of the world.
“Primrose and the solicitor took me through the options but really there was only one.”
My skin heated and I fisted my hands. “There’s always more than one option.”
He shrugged. “Maybe in the circles you move in,” he said. “But for a twenty-three-year-old who just found out his parents’ business wasn’t the thriving, moneymaking place he’d thought it was, it didn’t seem that way.”
I unclenched my fists. “Go on.” I needed to hear him out. It was my one chance.
“The debts were piling up—already by the funeral we’d missed a mortgage payment because the shop had closed. People’s jobs were at stake. And the business couldn’t take on another designer and cutter.”
“Primrose could have done the design,” I said, instinctively
trying to find a hole in his theory.
“Maybe, but trying to find a gem cutter? And someone who could actually run the business? I know you wanted to be that person but, Dexter, you were . . .”
I was young. I knew that. But I was a fast learner.
“You were broken,” he said. It wasn’t what I’d expected. “You were inconsolable in your grief.”
“My parents had just died,” I snapped.
“Our parents, Dexter. Our parents. I lost them too.” He sighed and shook his head. “You weren’t in a position to take on a failing business and neither was I. The offer Sparkle presented paid off all the debts and gave us both a little money—”
“The money wasn’t important. I didn’t give a shit about having money.”
“I thought it would give you a start if you wanted to launch a business yourself. The last thing I wanted was you to start off in life with a concrete block chained to your legs. It would have pulled you under.”
“I’m a fighter,” I said. “You knew that.”
He sighed and nodded. “I know but then? You were drinking. You wouldn’t—couldn’t engage. You wouldn’t even talk about the funeral plans.”
I thought back to that time. It was just a dark pit of horror I thought I would drown in. If it hadn’t been for Beck. And Gabriel. And all the guys. I’d forgotten, but they’d taken shifts and stayed by my side, drunk with me, listened as I ranted. But my real blood brother hadn’t been there.
“The funeral wasn’t important,” I replied. “Their business, their legacy was important.”
“I agree,” he replied. “But what was their business? It was their work ethic, their love for what they did, their talent.” He paused and glanced out of the window. “You’re their legacy.”
His words were like a sucker punch to my gut. All I’d wanted my entire life was to be the son they would have wanted me to be. To have the business they should have had. I’d wanted to honor them. “Why didn’t you talk to me about it? You could have told me about the debts and—”