Just Between Us

by Mrs Hayley Oakes

  Even though the attraction to Kyle was still there, I could fight it, and enjoyed just spending time with him. We seemed to have found a middle ground, and I assumed that he had buried everything else deep down, exactly where I had decided to put it. I saw Ashley and Kathryn most weekends, but during the week Kyle and I watched films, went for drives, went out for lunch, and sunbathed. He took me to the beach one day where we lay on the sand and walked out to the sea. I didn’t realise that a boy and girl could have so much in common, but we liked most of the same films and enjoyed the same sense of humour. I liked Kyle, I really liked him, and he seemed so different to the idiot that I had seen at school.

  One Friday night Ashley had persuaded me to go out, she wanted to go for some drinks in town, and despite my cast I agreed. I had spent the day holed up in the party room with Kyle having a Star Wars marathon as it had rained most of the day.

  “Come on, Soph,” she whined over the phone. “I haven’t seen you in forever, and I need a drink after working with my crazy mother all week.”

  “Ah Ash, what if people bump my arm?”

  “Don’t be stupid Soph, no one will, you’re just embarrassed.”

  “And rightly so.” I sighed into my phone. “Fine.”

  “Fine? Yesss,” she hissed. “I’ll be round in half an hour with wine and a few outfit choices.”

  “Great,” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

  I hung up and then looked up to see Kyle peeping around my door.

  “Hi,” he said stepping around the door.

  “Hi.” I smiled.

  “You fancy a Maccy’s milkshake?” We often took an after dinner drive to McDonalds to get a milkshake. It was something to do and a little treat if we were bored.

  “Ah I can’t, Ash is coming round and we’re going out. Sorry.” I gave him a regretful smile. “I better get in the shower.”

  “You going to town?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” I nodded.

  “I could come,” he said breezily.

  “What … with me and Ash?” I scoffed and then instantly felt terrible as his face fell.

  “Well not on my own, I could ask Vinnie.”

  “Vinnie?” I laughed, “Ash would be all over that but then …” I stopped myself.

  “Then what?”

  “Then those two would be all over each other and that would just leave us.”

  “So.” He shrugged.

  “Erm,” I thought for a second and wondered what the hell this meant. “Fine.” I nodded. I didn’t think about it for too long.

  “Okay, I’ll call Vin.”

  “He’ll probably be busy. It’s very last minute.”

  “He’ll come.” He nodded defiantly and then left the room. I got myself ready for my shower, bagging my cast and undressing as quickly as I could with one arm. I wondered what the hell Kyle was playing at. He obviously wanted people to know we were now friends, which meant that he was ruling out what we used to share. That was fine, and it was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I didn’t want to have this twisted relationship with him, but I also didn’t want to be his best friend, when all I wanted deep down was for him to kiss me. I was my own worst enemy, and I hated myself.

  Ashley arrived on cue just as Kyle knocked on my door.

  “Hi Ashley.” He nodded to her as she sat on my bed sipping wine in her sweat pants and t shirt.

  “Hi”, she said in a surprised voice, as I hadn’t actually told her that Kyle and I were friends.

  “Erm … Vinnie is on for tonight,” he said to me.

  “Vinnie?” Ashley squeaked.

  “Yeah.” Kyle looked at me questioningly.

  “Oh Kyle and Vinnie are going to come, sorry I didn’t get chance to say,” I stuttered. Kyle left the room and Ashley glared at me.

  “Um, what just happened here?” she said, eyes and mouth wide.

  “Well Kyle and I have sort of been here alone a lot recently, and I’ve hurt my arm and we are … friends, I suppose.”

  She shook her head. “What?”

  “He asked me what I was doing tonight, I said out with you so he asked to come and …”

  “You said yes?” she shrieked, “on a girls night? When I had finally decided that Vinnie wasn’t worth any more of my time?” She groaned into one of my pillows. “This is a disaster.”

  “It is?” I looked to her concerned, “Oh shit, shall I cancel?”

  “No, it’s a disaster as none of the outfits I have bought are anywhere near slutty enough for this.” I laughed, and she gulped her wine. I was lucky that Ashley was focusing on the Vinnie situation rather than why Kyle and I were suddenly friends and why he wanted to come out with us. We had our own social circle, and they had theirs. He would never usually go out partying with girls, but luckily Ashley was focusing on herself.

  Vinnie arrived a little while later. “Soph, we’re going upstairs to drink. Come up when you’re ready and we’ll order a taxi,” Kyle shouted through my door. Ashley sipped her wine whilst curling her hair in the mirror and gave me a questioning look.

  “Since when did he call you Soph? And why is he being so …”

  “Nice?” I added.

  “Weird,” she said. I looked away from her and concentrated on getting my little black dress on. “Maybe his dad is paying him to be nice to you,” she reasoned and glared at me.

  I shrugged. “Maybe.”

  After we were sufficiently dressed, we made our way up to the third floor, and the boys were entertaining themselves with the Xbox.

  “Looking good Ash.” Vinnie grinned as we entered. She smiled sheepishly.

  “Nice to see you too, Vin.”

  Kyle’s eyes roamed over me, but he just smiled tightly and clapped his hands. “Right, let’s go.” Vinnie downed his beer, and we made our way downstairs.

  We got a taxi and spent the first few hours bar-hopping around Blackpool. Everywhere we went Vinnie found a way to touch Ashley, and all her attention seemed to be focused on him. We didn’t have the girly night that she was anticipating, but she didn’t seem to mind much at all.

  “This is fucking mental, eh?” Vinnie said as we stood by the bar. “Kyle and Sophie … friends.” He laughed to himself and patted Kyle’s shoulder. He grimaced.

  “Why?” Kyle barked.

  “Well,” Vinnie stuttered, “you just never … were.”

  Ashley looked between both men and laughed breezily, “It’s great, now come on, more shots.”

  We ordered another drink and made our way up to the second floor where we could look down onto the dance floor. “Look at that prick,” Kyle whispered into my ear, pointing out some guy who was rocking some particularly terrible moves. “He looks like Mr Bean.” I turned to him and laughed.

  His voice in my ear had every one of my nerves standing on edge. I looked into his eyes, and he smiled back; it made me ache for him. I could control myself when I wasn’t influenced by alcohol, but this was killing me. He was acting completely cool, and I was ruining things. He had obviously got over his attraction and mine seemed to be accentuated the longer I couldn’t touch him.

  Later in the night we moved on to a club where Vinnie and Ashley began to drape themselves around each other. We all stood at the bar and a Beyoncé song started playing, so Ashley pulled me onto the dance floor. I shook my head as Ashley was determined to look irresistible to Vinnie and danced sexily as if her life depended on it. I couldn’t help but join in as the song took hold, and we threw our heads back in laughter.

  We danced for a few songs and then went to find Kyle and Vinnie. They weren’t far from the bar.

  “Shit Ash,” Vinnie said pulling her towards him. “You almost gave me a heart attack dancing like that.” He wrapped his arms around her and went in for a kiss. I turned to Kyle and rolled my eyes. He didn’t smile, instead he held my glare with a serious face.

  “What?” I mouthed to him over the noise, my eyebrows furrowed.

 
He passed me my drink and shook his head. I squeezed into the space next to him and said, “Thanks.” He placed his arm around me lightly, no one would see from where we stood, but I could feel it there blazing through my clothes. It was all I could do to not to groan, just having him near.

  “Do you want to dance with me?” he asked.

  “Really?” I looked at him with question. “Here?”

  “Why not?”

  “I … um … Okay.” I had never seen Kyle dance other than in Mexico, and I assumed it was against his moral code once back on British soil. I thought he cared too much about what people thought.

  “Come on.” He took my hand and led me out to the crowded dance floor. It felt so good to have his hand in mine again, and I could feel the anticipation of having his attention here on the dance floor where we could be any other young couple having a good time, not two people who could never even think about being together.

  He placed his hand on my hip, and we swayed together. “Every bloke here wants a piece of you, Soph!” he shouted in my ear over the music.

  I shook my head. “You’re crazy.” I laughed and tapped my head to indicate his madness.

  He pulled me closer. “No, dancing like that before, I saw every bloke’s eyes on you.” I didn’t respond. “I can’t bear that.”

  “Kyle …” I began, but I had no words. What could I say? That it had nothing to do with him? Or he had no right to say that? When all I wanted was for him to kiss me right here, right now, despite what I knew was right and sensible, I loved that he was jealous.

  “I can’t stand seeing everyone else making a play for you.”

  “No one is.” I sighed.

  “Only because they think you’re with me, if they didn’t, every guy in here would be giving it a go.”

  “Rubbish.” I shook my head and pushed him away. I wanted him but suddenly I was dubious of his intentions again. “Is this why you’re here? Doing this? Hijacking our night out? Because you don’t want anyone else to have me?” I raged.

  “No.” He pulled me to him again. “It’s because I fucking want you, Sophie!” he shouted back.

  I looked up at him dumbfounded, and all I could see were his lips. He saw me stare at them, and he moved in closer. “I want you, Soph.”

  “I’m so confused, Kyle,” I squeaked, “are we even friends? Is all this really you? I can’t tell if it’s all just so we can sleep together again.”

  “Jesus, Soph, I can’t win. I want you, and I’m trying my damndest to make that happen, and you just question every bloody move I make.”

  “I just don’t want to be a fool Kyle, or worse, broken-hearted.”

  He held the top of my arms, keeping me at arms length, “Jesus, Soph, I’m not asking you to marry me, you don’t have to be in control of every bloody feeling, sometimes you just have to go with it.”

  “I did go with it, and you made me feel like a whore, remember?”

  “You’re exaggerating,” he spat.

  “You were a complete dick,” I barked.

  “Fuck.” He ran his hands through his hair, “I’ve tried everything to make that right, and it’s still not enough.”

  “I don’t want you to have to try. Just be you, just be Kyle, and I’ll see if I like you or not.”

  “Forget it,” he blazed, walking off the dance floor. I ran after him and caught his arm.

  “Kyle!” I shouted, and he shook his head.

  “I can’t do this anymore,”

  “Kyle …” I said again, but he shrugged me off.

  “Vinnie, we’re leaving,” Kyle said when we found Ashley and Vinnie, who were looking at us with concern. They had obviously seen some of the recent display, but I wasn’t sure how much. Vinnie didn’t wait to be told twice, he kissed Ashley and then followed Kyle through the crowds out of the club. I swallowed hard and turned to Ashley who was staring at me wide-eyed, biting her lip.

  “That looked … intense,” she said, wrapping her arm around me. I nodded. “You want to go home?”

  “No.” I shook my head.

  “How about a cocktail?” she asked as I tried to swallow my emotion and ignore the hollow pit in my stomach. This was for the best. I could never trust Kyle, he took too many forms, and we had to stay away from each other.

  We got another drink and found a seat.

  “So,” she said, eyebrows raised, “you and Kyle?”

  “It’s not like that …”

  “What is it like?” she probed.

  “Nothing, it’s nothing.”

  “That wasn’t nothing.” She placed her hand on mine. “You can trust me Soph, I won’t tell a soul. Not Kathryn, no one. I promise.”

  I looked to her with tears in my eyes, “Oh God.” I wasn’t sure I could admit it. “We slept together … a lot,” I whispered through tears.

  She nodded and pulled me into a hug.

  “And what? He’s angry? Wants more? You had a fight?”

  “I ended it, he was a dick on ball night, and I just don’t know if I trust him, but he’s been so sweet these past few weeks and now …”

  “What?” She soothed.

  “Now he wants it the way it was before, but I don’t want that.”

  “What do you want?” she asked, pulling back and wiping my eyes.

  “I just like spending time with him, and I love it when he touches me, he’s … it was amazing, but I … what if he’s a prick again?”

  “I think you need to think about this seriously, Sophie.”

  “I know,” I wiped my tears away, “tell me something I don’t know.”

  “That was a different Kyle tonight, though.” She sighed. “I knew something was up, the way he watched you, the way he acted around you … it’s like a nicer version of him.”

  “But what if he’s acting like that just to get me in bed again?”

  She laughed. “I don’t think he’s that good an actor.” She squeezed me again. “Only you know what you want and who he is to you, but don’t let him make any decisions for you.”

  “I won’t.” I sighed. “To be honest I think that ship has sailed after tonight.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know much about men, but I do know they always want what they can’t have, and he marched out of here tonight like the spoilt brat he is. He knows what he wants, and he won’t give up.”

  “You think?” I asked hopefully.

  “The fact that you are happy about that speaks volumes, Soph …”

  “Please don’t tell anyone Ash, Okay? Promise?”

  “I promise.” She nodded.

  Later as we sat in the take away eating our food, I changed the subject from Kyle. I was interested to know if Vinnie had asked her on a real date yet, and she was adamant that she would be looking for someone else any time soon; she had wasted enough time. She could certainly have any man and Vinnie knew that, that’s why he gave her just enough to keep her interest, but he couldn’t quite commit. We hailed a taxi half an hour later and cuddled in the back on the way home. Ashley got out first and then I climbed out, paid with my good arm, and fumbled in my bag for my keys. Before I found them in my bag, which was difficult with one arm, Kyle opened the door. I looked up at him soberly, and he gave me his most serious face.

  “Hi,” I said quietly.

  “Hi,” he said. I stepped inside, and he didn’t move back much.

  “I … “ I began to speak, but he pulled me to him and hugged me.

  “I’m sorry, Soph,” he whispered into my hair.

  “No, you’re right,” I whispered, “you are trying, and I’m just looking for reasons for it to be a lie.”

  He nodded. “I don’t have a great track record.”

  I pulled back and looked up to him. “Ashley knows.”

  “Oh.”

  “She guessed after you walked out.”

  “So?”

  “So, she won’t tell anyone.”

  He nodded. “Come on let’s go to bed, I shouldn’t have left y
ou in town with a broken arm anyway. Dad would go mad.”

  “I’m fine, I was going to go out without you in the first place.”

  “No.” He shook his head, “You never were.”

  We reached my door and whispered “Good night.” He went to his room and I went into mine. I managed to get my pyjamas on but just couldn’t forget the night. Our secret was out now, and if Ashley guessed, self obsessed Ashley, then someone else would eventually. We had no choice but to stay apart, no choice but to be the opposite of together. It made my heart ache, and I wished that I didn’t have to ignore what I desperately wanted, to feel Kyle all over my body again. Even before he tried to be friends I still ached for him, and now I just wanted him even more.

  In that moment I couldn’t remember why it was so wrong. He wanted me, God he’d spent enough time proving to me that he was different than I thought. Shit, no other boy had ever come close to making me feel the way he did, and no other boy had gone out of his way for me the way he did. It was suddenly so clear to me. I wanted Kyle. I liked him, craved him, and was desperately unhappy at the thought of not having him. I hated the thought of him with anyone else as much as he hated the thought of men lusting after me. I had to live for today as tomorrow might never come. Shit, I wanted him.

  Before I knew it I was walking through the bathroom to his room. I took a deep breath and walked inside. He sat back on his bed, arms behind his head, just wearing only his boxer shorts. His face was illuminated by the television. When he saw me he sat up.

  I walked towards him. “Kyle,” I whispered. He watched me intently and his mouth hung open slightly. “I want you, too,” I said, “a lot.”

  He made his way over to me on his knees and then pulled up to stand in front of me. “A lot?” He grinned, taking my face in his hands.

  I nodded, looking up into his intense gaze.

  “About fucking time,” he said kissing me hard on the lips.