Just Between Us

by Mrs Hayley Oakes

  “So? We’re doing it again?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “We might never stop.” I laughed.

  He leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips. “I’ll see you later.”

  “I’ll be here.” I nodded and couldn’t stop my face from grinning ridiculously as I watched him walk away. There was something about Kyle that I just wanted to claim. I wanted him to be mine. Seeing him this morning, dressed for work in some ordinary clothes, and knowing what was underneath was just for me made me want to pull him back into this bed.

  Seventeen – Just reunited

  Now - Kyle

  I was ecstatic. I was surprised. I wondered if I’d done the right thing, but I was over the fucking moon. For as long as I could remember every girl just wasn’t her. I wasn’t an idiot, I knew we were over, and I knew it was too weird for her, but I thought one day I might find someone else who fit the bill. It never happened. I did wonder a few years ago if I was remembering things wrong and if I had exaggerated the effect she had on me. I hadn’t. Driving miserable Sophie back with me to London had been hard work, her smell was intoxicating, and yet her face was so crumpled with sadness. There was none of her usual cheekiness or pizzazz, but she still drove me wild. She had faded and I hated to see her like that.

  These last few weeks I had watched her come back to life, watched her when she didn’t even know I was looking. I saw that beautiful fresh face take everything in. I loved to watch her read or intently watch television. She had a quiet innocence in her face that no one else seemed to have. When she turned her attention to me, and her smile lit her face, it made me come alive. She was everything that I always wanted and everything that she said I could never have. When she lay in my arms in Brighton, I held her close, watched her sleep, drank her in, because that was as close as I was ever going to get.

  I wanted everyone to think she was mine last night. When I saw her in that little gold dress, my cock strained to stand to attention, and I could have cried at the misery of Sophie King being the only girl I could never have. I didn’t bring her here to make her want me. I did it because I didn’t want her to feel worthless. I hated the idea that some prick had ruined my Soph and made her feel less than anything. I didn’t have to have her, but I wanted everyone else to think she was mine. I touched her whenever I could, and I would protect her to the ends of the earth.

  Last night, when she walked towards me, touched me, kissed me it was like fucking Christmas. I’m walking on air today, but I have this terrible nagging feeling. Nothing is ever as it seems with Sophie, and I can’t help but wonder what this summer means to her. I might not be her rebound, I might make her feel alive, but does that mean when she needs to go back home that I’m just another happy memory? I don’t want to be part of her past any more. I want to be her future.

  I needed to play this right; I couldn’t scare her away. I can’t be all hot and heavy when she’s just come out of a long-term relationship. I needed to be tentative, but I only had a couple of weeks at the most. I needed to make them count. Shit, I couldn’t deal with having her, having every bit of her like last night and then never again.

  Old Times – Sophie

  “So you’re going to Spain?” I asked, watching him attempt to pack. Men were useless at packing.

  He shook his head, “Not my idea, Soph, but she is my mum, and it’s her wedding. She wants me to give her away for fuck’s sake.” He laughed. “It’s a joke, she barely rings me, but I get trotted out to make her look good at her wedding.”

  “I’m sorry.” I looked down at my hands. Kyle’s parents were lacking a lot of parental qualities that I took for granted with mine.

  “Don’t be sorry.” He walked over to me and leant down to kiss me. “I don’t care.” He grinned at me, “but I’d rather not go to Spain.”

  “Why?” I asked, raising an eyebrow to him.

  “Because,” he said, kissing me again, “I’d much rather be here with you.”

  I couldn’t hide my smirk. “I’ll miss you, too,” I whispered.

  “How about we go out for some food later and the cinema?” he asked. “Final night of fun before I’ve gotta go to the wedding of the year.”

  “What if people see us?”

  “We’ll go to Preston. No one will be there.”

  “Okay,” I said, he pushed me back onto the bed and climbed on top of me, kissing me again.

  “Maybe people should know,” he said in a quiet voice.

  I sat bolt upright. “What?”

  “Well once people know that’s it, it’s out there, let them talk, and then it’ll quiet down.”

  “Quiet down?” I gasped, “I can’t even begin to think what my mum would say, let alone my dad, and then everyone from school.”

  “They’ll get over it,” he said, pulling himself up to sit next to me.

  “I thought we both agreed that this was our secret?”

  “How long can it stay a secret?” he sighed.

  “Forever,” I said, outraged. “I mean it’s just for fun, isn’t it? When we go to uni it’ll have to stop. Won’t it?”

  He jumped up and went back to his packing.

  “Kyle.” I stood to touch him, already missing his attention and feeling guilty that things had suddenly turned ugly.

  “You’re right. It has to end when we go away so it’s fine. I just …”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, “I just think it’s not worth everyone gossiping and talking and upsetting our parents for a bit of fun.” He nodded soberly.

  “Do you know what, Soph?” he said, taking some more t shirts from his drawer and stuffing them haphazardly in his case.

  “What?”

  “I don’t think anyone’s ever been ashamed of me before.” His expression was jovial, but his eyes were sad.

  “I’m not ashamed.” I sighed.

  “No?” I was at a loss for words and didn’t want to dig deeper, causing more of an awkward situation.

  “I’ll let you pack,” I said walking to the door.

  “I think I’ll see Dave tonight,” Kyle said as I left, I looked back to him as he watched me for a reaction. I nodded.

  “Probably for the best,” I said and then left the room with tears in my eyes. That certainly would not be the last time I cried over Kyle Hanson.

  I went downstairs, got a drink, grabbed a book, and sat in the sun. A little while later I heard Kyle thunder down the stairs and then burst out the front door. His tyres screeched out of the driveway five seconds later. I sighed. What the hell did he think? That suddenly we could be together, let people know? It wasn’t that simple, and what was the point? University would be a fresh start for both of us, and we deserved to each find someone who wasn’t related to us, something that was normal. Kyle was far from boyfriend material even if he wasn’t my step-brother. He was crazy moody when he wanted to be, spoilt, unreliable, too attractive to be good news, and to my parents he was the poster boy for damaged goods. My mum loved Mick, but she knew that he’d let Kyle down, and that he was a mess as a result. His reaction to our little discussion proved all of that.

  I decided to walk to Ashley’s, as I couldn’t risk driving in my cast, and it was a nice day. It was only a ten-minute walk, so I hooked up my CD player and set off. All I could think about was Kyle, typically, and this was another reason why we both needed a fresh start. My obsession with him was not healthy.

  “Hi,” she said, answering the door. “Come in. You want a drink? Mum’s made some Pimms.”

  “Okay.” I nodded, she poured us both a glass, and we made our way outside to sit on her mother’s fancy decking.

  “You all right?” she asked.

  I nodded.

  “Kyle?” she asked quietly, her eyebrows raised.

  I nodded.

  “You two sort things out the other night?”

  “Yeah.” I sighed “But it’s so confusing, he’s such hard work, and I have no idea what he wants from me.”

  “He’s a man
, and a damned attractive one, so he’s obviously going to be hard work.” She laughed. “The pretty ones always are.” She sipped her drink. “So what’s happened?”

  “Erm well after Friday we sort of made up.”

  She nodded. “I.e. had sex.”

  “Um,” I looked at my drink, a little embarrassed. “Yep and decided that we would, you know, be together, but no one would know.”

  “Right.” She nodded slowly. “His idea?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “No, mine, I just … I don’t want people to know, my mum would go mad, and people from school would think it’s weird, and it’s not like it’ll last or anything.”

  “So?”

  “So he sort of mentioned us telling people today and I … freaked.”

  “Freaked?” She laughed. “Like how?”

  “Ah I just rambled on about how weird it was and how everyone would find it weird, and I think he took it the wrong way.”

  “Which way?”

  “I think he thought I was ashamed of him or something?”

  “Are you?” she asked, sitting back in her chair and basking in the late afternoon sun.

  “God no.” I shook my head, “I just think my mum wouldn’t be happy, or my dad, and he’s not the type of guy I want to end up with so …”

  “So, a bit ashamed, then?” She laughed, scrunching her nose.

  “I suppose it’s just for fun, so why outrage everyone for it to fizzle out once we go away to uni?”

  “Maybe he doesn’t see it like that,” she urged, smiling tightly. “Maybe Kyle Hanson is in love.”

  “Oh God.” I started to laugh, “Don’t be ridiculous, we both know that guy, and love is not in his repertoire.”

  “Until now.” She raised an eyebrow.

  “Stop teasing me.” I shook my head.

  “Okay, he is a man whore, but he seems to like you from what you’ve said.”

  “I like him.” I sighed. “But I can’t be his girlfriend.”

  “Because you’re ashamed of him?” Ashley asked again.

  “Am I?” I asked her seriously.

  “I think he’s everything you want sexually, obviously, but he’s not who you want people to see you with. It’s more than the step-brother thing.”

  “You think?” I asked. “I think I would just die if people knew, they’d think I was desperate dating my brother.”

  “He’s not your brother,” Ashley scoffed.

  “He sort of is.” I smiled tightly. “And I just want to be normal, have a normal relationship, meet someone who isn’t him.”

  “Okay.” She nodded. “I think you need to stop it now, then. If it’s going nowhere let him know, and don’t lead him on.”

  “I can’t stay away from him, Ash.” I covered my face with my hands. “I can’t.”

  “Shit,” she said, “I think you like him more than you think.”

  “I know.” I shook my head. “It’s so confusing.”

  “It’s a head fuck. Look, let’s call Kath and have a girls” night, eh?”

  I nodded. “She can’t know.”

  “My lips are sealed.” She touched my arm tenderly and gave it a squeeze. “For the record, Soph, if Vinnie wanted everyone to know about me, I’d parade him up and down the high street like an award winning poodle.”

  “So what are you saying?”

  “If you don’t want people to know, then it’s obviously not right. Trust your instincts, Okay?”

  I nodded.

  We had a great night at Ashley’s, drinking her mother’s Pimms, and chatting excitedly in the back garden until the sun went down. Kathryn was happy to see us, as she had been busy at work these past few weeks. Ashley’s mum made us some mojitos after the Pimms was gone, and we turned some music on full blast to dance in the garden. We laughed until our stomachs ached, and I was so glad to have my friends. These girls would be here for me always, even when men broke my heart or confused me with their nonsense. Kyle wasn’t the be all and end all for me; he was just the beginning. I had my whole life ahead of me, and he wouldn’t be the only man to touch me and make me feel electric.

  As it reached midnight, Kathryn called a cab and dropped me home on her way. Mum and Mick were in bed when I got home. I had texted earlier to make sure they knew where I was. I crept inside, got myself a drink from the kitchen, and shuffled quietly to my room. I undressed, which I had got very good at despite my cast. Kyle was leaving tomorrow for two weeks with his mum, and I needed to spend the time trying to forget him. I wanted to be his, I wanted him to touch me, but common sense was fighting my every move. This body wanted him, and I loved spending time with him, but he wasn’t right for me. He was far too gorgeous for me to be ashamed of him. I wasn’t but I knew that he wasn’t meant for me. I didn’t want to date my step-brother, and he was in a different league than me. He could have any girl he wanted, and probably would. I could picture making a fool of myself for him, only to be cheated on when he was at university, or worse still, whilst we were both still at home. He wasn’t boyfriend material.

  I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth, and Kyle appeared at his bathroom door.

  “Where’ve you been?” he asked.

  “Ashley’s,” I said with the toothbrush still in my mouth.

  He took a step towards me. “I was pissed off,” he said flatly, as if that explained everything.

  “I know,” I said, placing my toothbrush back in its holder.

  “You annoyed me.”

  I nodded. “What do you want me to say?”

  “I don’t want to go away with everything like this.”

  “Like what?” I sighed.

  “Awkward.”

  “It’s fine.” I smiled breezily.

  He stood in front of me and pulled me to him. “I get it Soph, Okay? When we leave here for uni it’s all over, but let’s not let that ruin the rest of our summer?”

  Transfixed by his mouth as he spoke, his eyes seemed to implore me to agree. “Okay,” I agreed.

  He leaned down to kiss me, and my body responded, as usual. “Come on.” He lifted me up and carried me to his door.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered.

  “I’m sleeping with you tonight because I’m going to miss you.”

  “Kyle …” I said tentatively.

  “I know, we might get caught, someone might walk in, blah blah blah. I’ll set the alarm for five am, and you can crawl back in there then, Okay?”

  “Okay,” I sighed.

  He laid me down on his bed and lay next to me with his face next to mine. He brushed my hair from my face and grinned.

  “I wish things could be different,” I whispered.

  “I’m happy with what I can get,” he said kissing me. “I’m just not used to working this hard for it.”

  I laughed and kissed him back.

  Now

  Just checking in. Apparently the baby’s head is engaged, so he could come at any time xxx Ashley texted as I lay in Kyle’s bed sipping my tea.

  Isn’t that a bit early? X, I asked.

  Yes. Probably going to be weeks though. Just my luck. How’s things there? You shagged him yet lol xx

  Things are good. Having a blast, we went to a club opening last night x

  I notice you didn’t answer the shag question? X I knew she would catch that, but I couldn’t lie to her.

  I’m happy Ash x

  I’m glad but take care of your heart Soph. x

  I’m fine, don’t worry about me. Tell Vinnie Hi and hang onto that baby until I get home xxx

  When will that be exactly? xx

  A few weeks. I’ve got to be back for school early September. xx

  Miss you and love you xxx

  Miss you too xxx I smiled at her last text. Ashley had been the only one to know how hard my relationship with Kyle had been. It was so intense and so deeply passionate that I struggled so much when it all came to an end. She was there for endless phone calls and bitched about him with m
e to try and make me feel better. The problem was that back then I think she assumed it hadn’t been my decision. Kyle had made the final push but I had forced him there. Looking back now maybe I had made the worst decision of my life.

  I decided to spend the day lazing around the flat, considering I had the hangover from hell and a huge grin on my face. I couldn’t be seen in public until I had calmed down a bit. Last night kept replaying in my head, the need to touch him, the way he felt, the senses heightened just as I had remembered. Everything always felt so right with Kyle, even though it was anything but right. He made me feel like nothing else mattered except him and me. Nothing else existed except what we were to each other. From the second I tasted him I knew I had left it too long as I was afraid to let go.

  I sat in my sweat pants and vest top watching television and dozing off to sleep sporadically through my hangover. I unearthed my Kindle from the depths of my suitcase and attempted to start a new book but couldn’t concentrate with my sore head. Eventually I dragged myself into my en suite bathroom with a cup of tea, ran a bath and submerged myself in order to gather my thoughts and pull myself together. I wasn’t eighteen anymore, and I wasn’t naïve either. I had choices, and I was old enough to face the fact that Kyle was what I wanted. I was also old enough to know that I couldn’t wait around for someone to come along and make me feel the way Kyle did. That was never going to happen. I had just come out of a long-term relationship and the timing could be better, but I had to admit that this, this man, this life, this was what I wanted. It wasn’t too soon. It wasn’t because I was low after breaking up with Simon. I think Kyle was always what I wanted.

  By half three I was dressed, my hair was still wet and hanging down my back, but I no longer smelled of alcohol or looked dishevelled. As it approached four and Kyle’s home time, I suddenly felt nervous. It was ridiculous. I had been staying with him for weeks and was more relaxed with him than anyone, but the thought of seeing him after last night made me feel a little bashful. We were drunk last night, and it was amazing but it could have just been a one-night deal for him. Perhaps it was a fit of nostalgia, or he couldn’t turn me down due to the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. I wanted to think he felt the connection to me, too, but I couldn’t be sure, and without him here I started to question that.