Red Dress

by Bridget Finklaire

  “You sound like you’re at home, to me!”

  “Emotionally, I mean. I can’t distinguish up from down, left from right, nothing’s fixed anymore, and I don’t know what’s true!”

  “For pity’s sake, Katy, what are you talking about?”

  “Should I see Tony, because I promised I would, and I don’t want to let him down?”

  “No, see him because you want to. You enjoy seeing him, don’t you?”

  Katy blushed and swallowed.

  Shanti waited a moment. “Don’t deny your truth. He’s a frothy moment in your otherwise flat day, isn’t he?”

  “He is fun, I suppose, but I don’t want it to get out of hand.”

  “Then don’t let it get out of hand! You’re the one who’s in control!”

  Yes, Shanti was right, she thought, busying herself later with work emails. The phone buzzed.

  Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Meet 0800 hrs at the clock? x

  Her heart leapt, as she instinctively responded. Her rational mind was telling her to cancel, but something else took over. The whole day was free, wasn’t it? She might as well see him now she’d turned down clients. Besides, she’d already told the family she was taking a day off to see an old friend from school.

  Make it 9.30 am. Paddington Station Clock.

  No kiss on purpose. The later time would avoid rush-hour, and besides, they had the whole day, what was the hurry?

  * * *

  Friday, May 8 th 2009 – a six day

  Freddie woke with a terrible fever. Beads of sweat were trickling down his pale face while his bare chest flushed in the morning chill. “Mum!” he groaned.

  “You okay?” asked Katy, rushing into his room. He could barely speak, his throat rasping as he coughed. Putting her hand to his forehead, she shook her head. “You’d better go to the doctor. Do you feel nauseous?”

  “No. My head’s killing me, my throat’s sore, and I’m hot as hell.”

  The tension that had been bubbling since she woke up evaporated in an instant. How could she leave her sick child at home and go gallivanting around town with ‘Baldylocks’? She’d have to cancel. It would be for the best, she knew it. Everyone kept saying she was being guided, didn’t they? Well, this must be the sign she’d been waiting for. “I’d better stay home with you.” She smiled and stroked his hair, a steady warmth enveloping her.

  “Nah, I’ll be alright, Mum.”

  “It’s okay. I can’t leave you like this.”

  “There’s nothing you can do anyway. You were going into town, weren’t you?”

  “It’s not important. I can cancel. I’ll phone the surgery,” she said, scrolling down the speed dial for the number.

  “They’ve given you an appointment at 11 o’clock. I’ll take you.”

  “I can go on my own, Mum, I’m fifteen now, remember?”

  “But you’re not well!”

  “It’s only down the road!”

  Katy’s stomach knotted. The raft she’d been clinging to broke free, and it felt as if she was sinking. Was she the worst mother in the world? “Are you sure?”

  Freddie managed a weak smile then flopped back on his bed.

  “I’m staying, Freddie!”

  “I’m fine, just go!”

  Down in the kitchen, Katy filled a jug with water and fresh lemon slices. Placing it on a tray with a glass, a small bunch of grapes, a couple of digestive biscuits and a slice of buttered toast, she went back to Freddie via the bathroom, where she snatched a packet of paracetamol from the cabinet. “Take a couple of these now and sip at the water. If you feel up to it, have a nibble on the toast. I’ll get some throat lozenges. I think there’s a pack in my briefcase. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Mum, I’m alright. I’ll see the doc and sleep the rest of the day.”

  Katy ruffled his hair and gave him a hug before retreating into the en-suite. “Oh God, please, tell me what to do! Please look after Freddie. I love him very much and please forgive me for being such a bad person. I’m sorry, I really am. I’ll give up Tony and stay home if it’s Your Will. Just show me the way. Give me a sign. Thank you, God.” Her hands were clasped in prayer as the hot water beat down. “Oh, and Amen.” She was out of practice and had forgotten the ending. What was she doing praying anyway? She hadn’t done that since she was a child!

  Thirty minutes later, she was showered, dressed and made-up with subtle smokey-eyes and a flash of neutral lipstick. There was no restriction on what she could wear now, so she’d selected a pair of skinny jeans with ankle boots, a tight-fitting, cropped jersey, and a red leather biker’s style jacket. A chunky silver torque necklace finished off the ensemble. Her pulse was racing as she checked herself in the mirror. She should stay at home with Freddie. It was only right. Popping her head around the door to his bedroom, she called gently. “I can stay, you know! I honestly don’t mind!”

  “I’m not a kid, in case you’d forgotten! It was my birthday last month and I can handle it.”

  “If you need anything, anything, just call me.” She hesitated, turning her thoughts first to Freddie then to Tony. “If you change your mind, or you don’t feel up to it, please, Freddie, just phone me, won’t you?” A part of her wanted him to need her, this man-child of hers.

  “I will. I’ll be okay.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Mum! Just go!”

  Giving him a big hug and kissing him on the forehead, she said goodbye then left, windchimes jingling behind her as she closed the front door. An intoxicating mixture of guilt, anxiety and excitement swept over her. Hands shaking, heart thumping, she gasped at the damp morning air before sitting on the low garden wall that ran along the pavement, her mind darting between Freddie, Tony, and Richard. Covering her face with her hands, she sobbed quietly for a moment before regaining her composure. She took the keys from her bag and marched back to the front door, staring at it, her hand level with the lock.

  Her shoulders relaxed and her mind became calm as she drew breath. He’d said he’d be okay. There was nothing she could do, anyway, except hang around and take him to the doctor. He could be asleep now, and she’d disturb him. Dropping her hand to her side, she remembered he wanted to be a man, taking care of himself. She couldn’t stand in the way of that, could she? Bowing her head, she zipped the keys into her bag, then turned and headed towards the station. She’d call Shirley next door to let her know. She could keep an eye on him, she thought, fishing out her phone and dialing Shirley’s number.

  The train slid from the platform as Katy raced down the steps. Damn. She’d be late. Sitting on the bench, she tapped out a text.

  Sorry, running slightly late. Missed the train. Will be there asap. x

  A pair of pigeons were cooing farther along the platform, and she watched them lock beaks. How strange, she’d never seen that before! Pigeons kissing! An incoming message tore her away from her fascination.

  Don’t worry, I’ll be waiting. xxx

  A smile spread across her face as her heart fluttered. Looking up, she noticed a new poster for an online dating site: A happy, smiling couple, arm-in-arm, with the outline of a heart drawn around them in red. The train arrived, and Katy took a seat. She’d better check in with Freddie.

  You okay? Let me know if you want me to come back. Shirley next door is home if there’s an emergency. Love you xxx

  There was still no reply when she got to Paddington. He must have fallen asleep. Zipping up her jacket, she stepped off the train and strutted through the barrier towards the clock. She spotted Tony straight away and made a beeline for him. He was dressed in a suave Italian suit jacket with a plain t-shirt, designer jeans, fashionable leather boots and a chunky belt. Striding towards the slight, bald figure, a smile played at her lips. Her worries relinquished their grip, melting away as he beamed at her.

  “You look fantastic!” He seemed to be rooted to the spot, mesmerized and doe-eyed.

  “Where shall we go?” She smiled up at
him.

  “Your call!”

  “Café first?”

  “Righty-ho. Lead the way.”

  “There’s a lovely place in Little Venice. Follow me.”

  Marching confidently out of the concourse with Tony by her side, Katy smiled from ear-to-ear, her hair bobbing with the new spring that had found its way into her step. It had been ages since she’d enjoyed a day out in the capital and today was an excuse to visit some of her favorite haunts. As Shanti had said, she was in control.

  Sitting opposite each other in the coffee shop, they ordered a pot of Darjeeling tea and a home-made, almond croissant.

  “I love the almond ones,” he said, cutting it in half.

  “Me too!”

  “Darjeeling’s one of my favorites, apart from Earl Grey.”

  “Really? Same for me!”

  Their faces moved closer as they leaned forward to share the pastry.

  “I almost didn’t make it!” Freddie still hadn’t replied to her text, and she was fretting.

  “Oh? What happened?”

  “Freddie’s not well.”

  “Oh no! Poor Freddie! Are you sure you want to spend the day with me?” He looked crestfallen. “I know what it’s like when your kid’s sick. If you want to go home ...”

  “He’ll phone me if there’s a problem.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to come between you and your son!”

  He was genuinely worried, thought Katy, reaching out to touch his fingertips. “Honestly, it’s fine. I’m here, aren’t I? Let’s enjoy ourselves!”

  “Where are you taking me, then?” Tony winked.

  “I haven’t decided yet!” Taking a sip of tea, she watched him over the rim of her cup, knowing exactly where she planned to go.

  “Rain’s forecast.”

  “I’ve got a brolly.”

  He topped up her cup. “You have the last bit,” he said, motioning towards the croissant.

  A crumb fell from her mouth as she ate, and he leaned across, brushing it gently from her close-fitting sweater. The intimacy of the moment took her by surprise, and she fiddled with her left earring and then the chunky bangle from Richard. A feeling of guilt shot through her. Rich could come here with her if he liked, but he never wanted to! He was such a suburbanite – never leaving the security of his own patch.

  “I thought we could go to Covent Garden. I’ll show you round the Freemasons Hall,” said Tony.

  “Covent Garden? I haven’t been there for ages.” Because Richard hated Covent Garden, that’s why, the same as he hated Camden Market, Islington and Spitalfields. Anywhere with alternative overtones and a creative undertow made her spirits soar, while it made him critical and scathing. Her heart yearned for those sorts of places. It wanted to discover trendy Hackney and Hoxton. If only Rich were more like her.

  “Penny for your thoughts!” Tony gently patted her hand.

  “Do you know North London?”

  “Not really, but I’m game for anything!”

  “Let’s settle up here and head to Covent Garden first.”

  “Righty-ho. Sounds perfect.” He turned around, raising his hand towards the waitress who came scurrying over with the bill.

  “I’ll get this!”

  “No, you won’t!”

  “Oy!”

  They were laughing, mock fighting for the piece of paper when her hand landed squarely on his. She blushed, moving it aside. “Half each, then!”

  “No!” He was pushing her away now, giggling as he handed cash to the waitress.

  “I’m just nipping to the loo.”

  “Me too, see you back here.”

  Leaving the restaurant, Katy checked her phone. Still nothing from Freddie.

  “Just need to call home,” she said, dialing the number and letting it ring.

  “It’s me. How you feeling?”

  “Bit better. Been asleep.”

  “Did I wake you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Sorry, but it’s quarter to eleven, just to let you know. You’ll need to head to the doctors.”

  “Okay.”

  “Will you be alright?”

  “Yep. Don’t worry.”

  “I’ll call you again in an hour or so to see what he says. Or you ring me when you’re finished?”

  Pursing her lips, she slipped the phone back into her bag. Guilt requires punishment, she thought. Something she’d learned at one of those endless CPD courses. She and Tony disappeared into the subway at Warwick Avenue before taking a train to Piccadilly Circus. They could walk from there.

  The Freemasons Hall was an imposing building, and she wondered how she’d never noticed it before. Tony waltzed her in, offering his credentials at the front desk before showing her around. Shivering within the bowels of the great halls, she pulled her jacket around her. There was a distinctly odd energy, and Katy could feel her stomach tightening, her jaw clenching, as if making herself as rigid as possible might act as a shield. She was afraid, she realized. The vibration was all wrong, but Tony didn’t seem to notice. Perhaps she was mistaken, she thought, dismissing her deep misgivings and pretending to be interested. It was only when they stepped outside into the soft Spring light that she felt relieved of the heavy energy lurking within the halls.

  Freddie had left a message.

  Tonsillitis. Gave me penicillin, paracetamol & ibuprofen.

  Managed a piece of toast and some digestives. xx

  He must be feeling better, she reasoned. Thank goodness he was okay. Holding her head high, she aimed a silent prayer of gratitude towards the heavens.

  Weaving her way through the labyrinthine streets of Neal’s Yard, Seven Dials and on into Soho, Katy soaked up every sound, smell, and sight. “I didn’t know this existed,” said Tony, trying to keep up with her brisk pace. “You certainly know your way around!”

  Boarding a double-decker bus to Camden, they sat at the front on the top floor, giggling like two teenagers bunking off school. The bird’s eye view of Oxford Street, Regent’s Park, and the elegant buildings along its perimeter, brought a feeling of joy to Katy. She was proud to be a Londoner. Camden Market and Camden Lock could be a bit miserable in the rain, but the street food at the Lock would be perfect for lunch.

  The rain stopped as they sat by the canal, eating takeaway Vietnamese food with wooden chopsticks.

  “I love it here!” said Tony, slurping up a mouthful of noodles.

  “Me too!”

  “Lauren can’t stand Chinese! It’s a real treat, especially Vietnamese! I don’t think you can get it in Oxford.”

  Katy laughed as she picked up a fresh spring roll. “Rich isn’t keen on markets. He’d rather go to a restaurant, so it’s a treat for me too!”

  “There’s a pub by the lock – shall we have a glass of wine?”

  “Gewürtztraminer goes well with Vietnamese, I know it’s white, but what do you think?”

  “I think it’s a pub that sells beer. Shall we have a real ale instead?”

  Sipping at their beers and chattering, they hadn’t noticed the time. The clouds had parted to reveal a thin ray of sunshine.

  “Just going to check in with Freddie,” said Katy, hunting for her phone in her bag. “Oh, my goodness! It’s 3 o’clock!”

  “Bloody hell! Time flies when you’re enjoying yourself!”

  Freddie was watching television. He’d made himself a sandwich and was evidently on the mend.

  Katy tucked her phone away and turned to Tony. “Do you fancy going to the Heath?”

  “Why not?”

  “Let’s go to Parliament Hill. There’s an amazing view of London from up there.”

  Gulping down the last of the beer and depositing their rubbish in a nearby bin, they headed back towards the bus stop to catch another double-decker.

  “The top?”

  “You bet!”

  Katy sat quietly next to Tony, both of them gazing out of the huge front window. They’d been nattering all day about food, w
ine, beer, music, holidays, Freddie, Lauren, and Richard. Not once had she or Tony said anything that might be considered a flirtatious chat-up line. No, there was nothing in this liaison except friendship. They got on, had a laugh, liked similar things, and that was it! Besides, he wasn’t really her type, she thought, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. And they were both married. In any case, it was she who’d made the running, made this day exciting, not him. A day off in London with no responsibilities! What bliss! Leaning back in the chair and placing her feet up on the handrail in front, she decided it was time to treat this thing as the companionship that it was. As Shanti had said, she was in control. “You and Lauren must come over for supper one weekend. It’d be great to meet her! Bring your guitar! You and Rich can jam while we sing the ‘doo-ups’!” Whatever it was that Tony said, Katy didn’t hear. Stunned by what she’d done, she wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry or feel relieved. Of course, it was the right thing to do, so why did it feel so wrong? Why had it jarred, when all she was doing was bowing out of a silly, little game that would only bring trouble? Just because she’d opened up the tête-a-tête to include their spouses, it didn’t mean the enjoyment would stop, did it? Had she just been relishing the game and not the company? Perhaps she was trying to recapture something from her youth? Her head was spinning. The bus stopped outside Kentish Town Station, where two pigeons were locked by the beaks, just like the ones she’d seen that morning at Turnham Green. “Parliament Hill Fields, this bus terminates here,” went the announcement. Katy gripped the pole and sashayed down the spiral stairs, fully aware that Tony’s eyes were on her derriere. Oh, what did it matter anymore? She’d blown it now, and it was absolutely for the best! Opening her brolly against the drizzle, she pressed on up the pathway to the viewing area. Tony’s arms were folded around him, his collar turned up.

  “Come on! Share my brolly!” she said, watching him scurry to catch up with her. She was out of breath from marching off the adrenaline that had been lingering in her system all day. Free at last, she smiled. Everything was back to normal and she’d see Richard later and fling her arms around him. “Here!” she panted. “Over here. There’s one of those metal things that show you what all the buildings are.”