Our Song

by Morse, Jody

  Then again, I wasn’t sure if kissing anyone could ever compare to kissing Colton. Kissing him was just…perfect. There was really no other way to put it. Not that it really mattered; there was a good chance that I’d never kiss him again.

  Ugh. Was this really my life?

  Chapter 34

  I stayed in bed most of the afternoon, where I inhaled an entire box of Lucky Charms and binge-watched every single Nicholas Sparks movie I owned. The weirdest part was that I didn’t even cry over them the way I normally did. I wasn’t sure if it was because I felt numb inside, or if it was because I’d seen them all a hundred times—enough to know that they eventually had happy endings, something I wasn’t so sure would happen for me.

  I was sure Mads and Natalie were still trying to reach me, but I had to leave my phone turned off. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. If my phone was on, I wouldn’t be able to fight the urge to read what people were saying about those nude pictures. I also wanted to keep myself from texting Colton all of the mean things that had built up inside my head—mostly calling him an asshole and demanding that he apologize again.

  I was so relieved Skylar had moved out. We may have known each other forever, but the last thing I wanted was for her to see how much this whole thing with Colton had wrecked me. I didn’t want anyone to see.

  Around five o’clock, there was a knock at the door. Knowing it was probably the delivery guy with the Chinese food I’d ordered, I didn’t even think twice before flinging the door open. Finn stood on the other side.

  “Oh, Vi.” He didn’t even need to explain what he was doing here; I could tell from the apologetic look in his eyes and the sympathy in his voice that he’d already seen the pictures.

  If I had to see anyone, I was glad it was him, at least. I knew he wouldn’t judge me or tell me I needed to get rid of Colton because he was an asshole. He would be there to listen, but he wouldn’t tell me what to do.

  “Is it really that bad?” I whispered as I opened the door wide enough for him to come inside. “I haven’t turned on my computer or the news or anything.”

  An awkward silence hung in the air between us for a few moments before he finally sighed. “I’m not gonna lie. It’s pretty fucking bad,” he admitted.

  “That’s what I figured.” I let out a sigh as I headed back into the living room and plopped down on the sofa. “My career is over.”

  “It is not over,” he insisted, sitting down next to me. “Other celebrities have managed to recover from nude photos. You just need to release the right statement. Have you thought about how you’re going to approach it?”

  I shook my head. “No, I’ve just been trying to process it…and the fact Colton had something to do with it.”

  “Wait, what?” Finn’s eyebrows knitted together at the center of his forehead. “What do you mean ‘Colton had something to do with it’? He’s the one who took the pictures?”

  “No, he didn’t take them. But he did know Jimmy Jones as trying to make people think we were together. He kept it a secret from me. He lied. Well, sort of. He didn’t actually lie, I guess, but he definitely withheld the truth,” I explained.

  “Wow. That’s… just wow.” He shook his head, allowing what I’d told him to set in.

  “Yeah, he’s an asshole.”

  “I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling right now, but…” He trailed off hesitantly.

  I raised my eyebrows. “But what?”

  “Don’t get me wrong, Vi. Keeping a secret like that is something he never should have done, but maybe he just didn’t know how to tell you.”

  “But if he cared about me, he should’ve found a way.”

  “He should have, yeah. But sometimes, when you’re in so deep, you don’t even know how to unbury yourself. Trust me.” There was a look in Finn’s green eyes that told me he was speaking from personal experience. “And it doesn’t mean he cares any less about you. I really believe Colton does care about you.”

  “I don’t know,” I said with a sigh. Did it even matter? The guy had just played a role in the destruction of my reputation and possibly my career, and I was worried about whether or not he actually cared about me? He clearly didn’t or it never would’ve come to this.

  “Did you guys break up?” Finn questioned.

  “Not exactly, but I made him leave. And that’s not all. Jake came here tonight, too.”

  “Wow. What did that asshole want?”

  “He says he wants me back.” The words felt so strange to say aloud.

  “Are you going to take him back?” Finn asked with raised eyebrows.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. I’d wanted to get back together with Jake for such a long time, but now that it was actually within reach, it no longer seemed appealing. It was as though the whole idea of a second chance with Jake had lost its luster. Or maybe it was just the fact that I’d fallen so hard for Colton that there was no longer room for Jake in my life anymore. I wasn’t sure.

  “I know there’s a lot of shit going on in your life right now, Vi, but don’t lose sight of what Jake did to you. He ghosted you. That’s the absolute worst thing any man can do to a woman. It’s hurtful enough to break up with anyone, but to just leave them without even telling them why? That shit’s fucked up.” He shook his head angrily.

  “Yeah,” I sighed. I was starting to the come to the conclusion that love in general was fucked up.

  *

  The next morning, I found enough courage to turn my laptop on. Of course, a picture of Colton and me was plastered all over my homepage. I clicked on it and read the statement that I’d asked Natalie to send out the night before. Finn had helped me come up with it. We’d decided to take a similar approach to the one Jennifer Lawrence had taken after the nude photos of her had found their way onto the Internet.

  “The photos that were released were against our will. As human beings, we should have the right to decide what does and doesn’t make its way into the public’s eye. If you are someone who has looked at the photos, I hope that you will seriously reevaluate your morals and values. How would you feel if YOU were the one in those pictures? Would you want the world to see? By looking at them or talking about them, you’re contributing to the reason why our society is so sex-obsessed.

  As much as I would like to apologize for the pictures, I can’t find it in me to do so. Those photos were never meant to be taken. We didn’t plan this. What you witnessed was an act of love that was intended to stay between two people; it was never meant to be seen by anyone else. The fact that they were somehow released for the world to see is a serious violation of our privacy.”

  I couldn’t help but feel that it was somehow incomplete. I wasn’t sure what it was about it. Maybe it was simply the fact that I hadn’t gotten in touch with Colton or his team of people at all prior to releasing the statement. It felt like something we should have done together, but…fuck togetherness. It wasn’t like he’d thought about doing shit together when it came to the events leading up to this disaster, so it only seemed fair that I could worry about the cleanup on my own.

  As I re-read through my statement again, I realized the part that sort of threw me off was where I’d called sex “an act of love.” Finn had come up with that description, and while I knew that it got the point across to the public, I sort of wondered how genuine I was really being. Was what we’d shared an act of love?

  At the time, it’d felt like we were making love. It was the first time I’d ever felt that with anyone—not even Jake. Sometimes when I had sex, it had been purely fucking; other times, it had felt like I was having sex with a friend or it had been purely passionate with no real emotional connection. With Colton, it felt like I had everything—everything I’d ever needed, everything I’d ever wanted. The two of us had felt perfect.

  That probably should’ve been my sign that nothing about this was right. I should’ve known that if something feels too good to be true, it probably is.

  *


  I knocked on the door of Jimmy’s office, which was already open.

  He glanced up from his computer. As his gray eyes fell on mine, they filled with a look of surprise. “Viola! What a pleasant surprise.”

  Pleasant surprise my ass. He had to have known I would show up.

  I stepped into the room and sat down in a chair across from his desk. Folding my arms across my chest, I said, “Why did you do it?”

  His facial expression changed from warm to stony. “Why did I do what, exactly?”

  “The pictures. I know you’re the one who took them,” I accused.

  “That’s a pretty big assumption to make, don’t you think?”

  “And yet, you’re not even trying to deny that you’re the one who did it,” I pointed out.

  He leaned back in his computer chair, an amused look filling his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. However, I can say that those pictures seem to only be helping your career. Blowin’ Up My Phone hit the number one spot on the Billboard chart, and those pictures likely have to do with why.”

  I swallowed hard, realizing he was indirectly telling me the reason he’d set this whole thing up. If people thought Colton and I were romantically involved, they were more interested in our music. The whole idea made me feel sick to my stomach—so sick that I found myself at a loss for words.

  “Have you had the chance to think about what we talked about?” Jimmy asked. “You know, writing your whole album with Colton?”

  Ugh. What type of asshole thought he could post naked pictures of me for the entire world to see and then expect me to give into what he wanted? There was no way in hell I was going to agree this. I would’ve rather lost my contract with Regal Records than let him walk over me like that.

  “Yeah, I gave it a lot of thought. I was going to do it,” I admitted. “Unfortunately, Colton and I are no longer speaking.”

  Jimmy pursed his lips. “I see. Well, what about Jake Palmer?”

  “What does Jake have to do with anything?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

  “He told me the two of you spoke.”

  “He did speak to me…about getting back together.”

  “Oh, so he was going to take that approach. Smart guy.” Jimmy’s lips curved into a slight smile.

  “Do you want to tell me what you’re talking about?” I asked, placing my hands on my hips angrily.

  “I offered Jake a record deal, but only if he could get you to agree to collaborate with him on it,” he explained. “I guess he thought you would be more likely to agree to do it if the two of you were a couple again.”

  So the asshole really hadn’t regretted what he’d put me through, and he really didn’t love me. He’d just been feeding me lies—lies that he thought I wanted to hear, lies that would help him reach his own selfish goals. Then again, should I have really expected anything less of him?

  Still, it made me sick to think that I’d actually believed him. A part of me—even if it was a very small part—had thought that maybe he even deserved a second chance. When had I become so fucking stupid when it came to guys?

  “Maybe the next time you arrange for me to work with anyone else—or date them—you should talk to me about it first,” I said, rising to my feet and storming out of his office, without even looking back.

  I knew I would need to finish my current album, but once I was finished, I was going to need to look for a new label to sign me, because I was so done. I was done with Jimmy Jones. I was done with Jake Palmer. I was done with Colton.

  I was done with everything.

  Chapter 35

  ONE MONTH LATER

  “Is this blindfold really necessary?” I asked Finn. To say I was grumpy that he was making me wear it would’ve been an understatement. I was downright pissed.

  “It’s not a real blind date unless you wear a blindfold, Vi,” he insisted. “Besides, we’re almost there.”

  It had been nearly a month since my life had fallen apart. Well, that was a bit of an overstatement. Mads and my team had managed to get most of the web sites that had posted my pictures to remove them. My career actually seemed to be doing well. Blowin’ Up My Phone had held the number one spot on the Billboard chart for the past month.

  I’d thrown myself completely into writing new, happy songs, even though I felt anything but happy. My life had become sort of boring now that Colton was no longer a part of it. He’d called me and texted me numerous times, but I always ignored him. I knew firsthand how much it sucked to be ignored, but I just didn’t feel ready to speak to him yet.

  It wasn’t even because I was mad at him anymore. I mean, yeah, the secret he kept really sucked, but at the same time, I knew there were far worse things he could’ve done. The media had already forgotten about the nude photos and they hadn’t done anything to hurt my career. If anything, Jimmy was right; they’d sparked my career. It was all going to be okay.

  But so much time had passed that I didn’t even know what to say to Colton at this point. Talking to him would mean that I’d need to admit that I’d overreacted, so it seemed easier to just not say anything at all.

  Even though we hadn’t been in touch, I still thought about him a lot. That was why I’d asked Finn to be my matchmaker. I didn’t know if anything serious would actually come of it—to be honest, I couldn’t have seen myself falling for anyone as hard as I’d fallen for Colton—but I hoped I could at least find a distraction.

  Anyway, that’s where we were now—on our way for my first blind date. I found it odd that Finn had come with me to introduce us and that he’d insisted on blindfolding me, but he swore that was how it was always done.

  “Okay, Vi, I just need you to step into the elevator,” Finn said, interrupting my thoughts as he led the way.

  “Where the hell is this first date going to happen?” I was confused, to say the least. I couldn’t think of anywhere he could’ve been taking me with an elevator.

  “You’ll see,” he replied, as he led me into the elevator. I could just hear the smile in his voice.

  As the doors closed, I said, “You better hope no one gets in this elevator with us. They’re going to think there’s some BDSM shit going on in here, with me being blindfolded and all.”

  “I don’t have you in handcuffs. I think we’re good. Besides,” Finn said, pausing a moment, just as the elevator came to a stop. “We’re almost to our location.”

  “Hmm.” Something about this elevator felt familiar, but I wasn’t sure why. I tried to push the thought away, deciding that I was probably only imagining it. All elevators were pretty much the same…weren’t they?

  I heard the sound of the doors opening and then Finn grabbed my arm. “Okay, watch your step,” he said as he led the way out of the elevator and into the hallway.

  “Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?” I questioned exasperatedly.

  “You’re so impatient, Viola. You’ll find out where we are in, like, two minutes from now.”

  I heard the sound of a door opening and then we stepped inside. Another door opened and then he said, “Okay, we’re here.”

  “Are you staying the whole time?” I asked.

  “Nope. I’m leaving right now. In fact. I want you to count to thirty and then take the blindfold off, okay?” Finn said.

  “Okay,” I agreed with a sigh.

  I heard the sound of the door closing and then what sounded like the door locking. What the fuck?!

  Screw counting to thirty. I pulled off the blindfold then. When I realized where I was, I tried not to puke.

  Finn had locked me in the recording studio. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Colton was standing on the other side of the glass. His blue eyes locked on mine.

  Turning away from him, I walked over to the door and knocked on it, twisting on the door handle. “Finn! Let me out of here, you asshole!”

  “Just listen to what he has to say, Vi. I’m gonna go grab a coffee,” Finn replied from the other side of the door.


  Frustrated, I turned back to Colton. “What do you want to say that you felt you needed to lock me in here for?”

  Truthfully, I was just annoyed that he and Finn had apparently planned this whole thing and locked me in here against my will. If Colton had just come to my apartment, if he’d just tried to talk to me, I would’ve listened. But he hadn’t. Instead, he felt the need to hold me hostage in the recording studio, apparently.

  He put a finger to his lips, and then strummed the chords on his guitar. He began to sing into the microphone.

  I can handle all the nights when I’m alone

  That’s not what breaks me

  When I see your face on the cover of magazines

  I still smile even though missing you drives me crazy

  Most of the time when people ask how I am

  I pretend that I’m okay, that this isn’t killing me

  But then our song comes on

  And it reminds me

  How broken you left me that day

  That without you, I’m just not the same

  I need you in my life again

  Because, baby, you’re my best friend

  You’re the music of my heart

  It’s killing me for us to be apart

  I hear it playing almost everywhere I go

  Our song on the radio

  I could see a thousand pictures of you and be okay

  But hearing the sound of your voice drives me insane

  I remember when you used to say my name

  It kills me to know I’m the one who hurt you

  I hope you know how much I still love you

  When our song comes on

  It reminds me

  How broken you left me that day

  That without you, I’m just not the same

  I need you in my life again

  Because, baby, you’re my best friend

  You’re the music of my heart