by Jillian Neal
“At the Senate?”
“No, I think they got a hotel room.”
“Oh,” she nodded, “Why?”
Rainer wasn’t sure what the correct way to answer that would be, but as he’d already decided never to lie to her or keep anything from her again, he went on with the truth.
“I asked them to.”
Her brow knitted as she asked again, “Why?”
Rainer let his eyes close for a moment, and he took her hands.
“Because, Em, I need to make this better. I need to know that you believe me. And that you know that for every idiotic thing I did that I’m so sorry.”
“Honest, Em, I did it trying to protect you and take care of you. I need to know that you know how much I love you, and that I would never ever do anything that would make you doubt that, ever.”
With that, she let him pull her towards their room.
Emily eased inside the room taking in the display. Her hands glided over the quilt on the bed. She stared up at Rainer in amazement.
“Wow, when did you do all of this?”
“Uh, this afternoon, mostly.”
“This is amazing,” she whispered. Her bottom lip slid between her teeth. Rainer knew she was still worrying about something. “You didn’t have to do all of this.”
He couldn’t help himself. He went to stand near her but stopped short of pulling her to him.
“I think I did.”
Tears rimmed her eyes. He took her hands. “Em, baby, what? Why are you crying?”
She shook her head. “I just feel terrible. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just can’t seem to shake all of these images out of my head, and you went to all of this trouble, and it’s just so sweet.”
“I told you I hated you. How could I have said that? I don’t deserve this. I’ve been acting crazy since yesterday. I was just so mad at you, and so scared that you weren’t here, and you wouldn’t answer your phone.”
“People put that thing in my car, and I had to leave you. And then those people came to the Arena. When they walked in, I thought they were coming to tell me that you were hurt.”
“You haven’t been talking to me. I don’t know what’s going on. I was so scared.” Her body convulsed, and her breath shuddered as tears began to pour, once she’d gotten all of that out.
She seemed to find relief in saying it out loud. Without thinking, he pulled her against his chest and hugged her, even though she bristled slightly.
“I’m so sorry, baby. Please, Em, please, let’s talk now, or after your bath, or whenever. I don’t ever want to keep anything from you ever again. I didn’t mean to do that. I don’t know what happened.”
“You made me a bath?” she whispered in shock. Rainer couldn’t help the chuckle that exited his lungs.
“Yeah, I miss taking care of my baby. That’s what I always want to do. I know I screwed up really bad, but, please, Em, let me try to fix this.”
She seemed torn in confusion as she stared down at the floor. Frightened regret and doubt pulsed in her rhythms.
“Emily,” he soothed again, “Nothing happened at that stupid club yesterday. I would never have let anything happen. It was work. I stared at a table when I wasn’t casting one of Wretchkinsides’ men. That was all. I swear to you.”
“I know. I just let my imagination run away with me yesterday; and the lawsuit, and you wouldn’t answer your phone, and...” she stopped as he lifted her chin with his thumb and index finger until she was staring into his eyes.
“I know you don’t believe me, because I lied to you, but if you’ve ever believed in me or trusted me at all, please know that I would never cheat on you. I would never ever have let anything happen at that strip club.”
He wanted desperately to kiss her. He wanted to take away the pain he’d caused or alleviate it in some small way, but he stopped himself.
She was still wary, and he wasn’t going to push anything on her. She needed to think about where they were going from here, and he had to give her time, as impossible as that felt.
“Do you want to take a bath?” He gestured his hand towards the bathroom, and studied her.
“Are you going to join me?” she asked cautiously, and Rainer sensed that it wasn’t an invitation. After taking moment to steel himself, he looked away and clenched his jaw.
“No,” he sounded angrier than he’d meant to.
“Why not?” she questioned quietly, letting her gaze fall back to the floor. He looked back at her until she raised her head again. He willed the irritation out of his voice and answered again honestly.
“Em,” he let his thumb graze her cheek tenderly. “You don’t even want me to kiss you. I don’t think you want me in the tub with you.” His voice was haggard as the truthfulness of his statement settled harshly in his throat.
He glanced away and tried to figure out what to say next.
“You go get in. I’ll, bring you some tea.” He stepped away from her and then concluded, “And then I’ll come back in here, until you’re finished.”
He slipped out of the bedroom without waiting for her response. He fixed her a cup of tea and returned to the bedroom determined to do whatever it took to make her believe how much he loved her, and that he’d never meant to lie or keep anything from her.
The room was empty, and the bathroom door was closed, so he knocked softly. Rainer clenched his jaw. He knew that walking back out of the bathroom after seeing her would probably be one of the hardest things he’d ever do, but he resolved to do just that as he heard her voice echo softly, “Come in.”
He stepped into the bathroom and let his eyes graze over her. She’d pulled her hair up into a sloppy bun, her face was flushed from the warm water, the bubbles covered some of her, but it was enough to make him ache to see more. Hot tears cascaded down her face and fell into the bathwater. She was reading the letter. Her chin trembled as she began to sob.
“I’m so sorry,” she cried.
“Baby,” Rainer fell to his knees beside the tub and haphazardly set the mug on the side of the large tub. “I’m the one who screwed up.”
She was mouthwatering. He wanted desperately to touch her flesh, but he clenched his fists beside his legs.
“Rainer,” she whispered.
His eyes closed as he let the sound of her calling him make everything in his world begin to spin again.
“Hmmm?” Was all he was able to get out of his mouth as he stared at her. She let her eyes fall on a stack of washcloths. She handed him the letter.
“Will you help me? You know, wash my back?” She attempted his favorite mischievous smile as she wiped away her tears, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
He considered for several long moments. He weighed everything that had happened in the past two weeks.
“Are you sure you want me to?” He was unable to take his eyes off of her.
She nodded and handed him one of the washcloths, but he didn’t take it. “I don’t think I can just wash your back, Em.”
He’d gladly show her his weakness. He wanted her to have a chance to back away, if she needed to. “So, if that’s really all you want, then I’m gonna wait on you in there, okay?” he gestured his head towards their bedroom and awaited her answer.
“That’s not all I want,” her voice strained. He still didn’t fully believe her.
“You’re sure?” He studied her reaction and tried to determine if she was saying this because she thought he wanted her to.
“Please,” her emerald eyes locked on his.
He knew how much this had to be costing her, after what had been going through her mind for the past two days.
He took the washcloth from her and laid it beside the tub. He rolled up his sleeves and lathered his hands instead of the washrag. He was not willing to even have a piece of cloth between his hands and her body. He began to wash her.
He forced himself to work slowly. He took his time as he massaged her neck, shoulders, and back. He tried to will c
almness into her as he eased the strain he’d caused. He craved to touch other things as he let his hands graze her collarbone.
“You're sure this is okay?” he asked again, not certain he’d be able to stop, if she said it wasn’t. He let his eyes drift slowly back to her face and was elated to see the fire that he loved beginning to swirl in her eyes again.
He groaned from relief as she arched her back and slipped her breasts into his hands. He began groping her greedily. He let his hands dip below the water line to trace her stomach.
Desperation took strong hold of him as he half-moaned, half-begged, “Can I please touch you, Em, please?”
He didn’t want to take anything for granted. He had to know that she wanted him to before he was going to do anything. It didn’t matter how much he longed to be with her. If she wanted him to stop, he would, even if it killed him.
His hand seemed to move of its own accord. He edged closer to what he wanted, but forced himself to stop until she answered.
Her eyes drifted close as she moaned and let her legs fall open for him.
His hand slid lower and pushed against the water. He stroked her gently and then let the water enter her. She shuddered and with her eyes beseeching him, she whispered his name. He leaned down to kiss her softly.
Suddenly, she moved to get out of the tub. He helped her up and let his eyes rake over her naked body, dripping and covered in bubbles. He wrapped her in one of the warmed towels.
She stepped out of the tub and into his arms. She braided her fingers in his hair as she pulled him to her and devoured his mouth.
A low, guttural groan escaped him as he wound his arms around her. He dragged her body closer to his and let her soak his clothes as he consumed her mouth.
His hands grazed her body. He couldn’t seem to touch enough of her silky alabaster skin. He forced all of the love he felt to flow into her. She stepped back and took his hands, leading him out of the bathroom.
“I’m sorry,” she began, but he crushed her lips back to his and slipped his tongue into her mouth. “
I didn’t mean to be so....” she started again, but Rainer let his mouth drift to her breasts. He flicked and prodded her nipples with his tongue as he sucked, and she began to moan.
She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and slid her hands across his chest and then slipped them into his jeans. He regained a moment of clarity and pulled away from her as he gasped for breath and strained under the effort of his offer.
“Em, are you sure?” he drew a steadying breath. “We don’t have to do this. I just wanted you to know how much I love you, and how sorry I am about everything that happened.”
She covered his apology with her lips this time as she popped the snap on his jeans and lowered the zipper.
“I know,” she murmured and then she traced him softly with her fingertips. A forceful moan echoed from his chest.
“You’re certain you want to do this? That you want to be with me?”
He wanted her to know that he would take everything from then on at her pace. He’d never take her for granted again.
“You didn’t touch anyone else? No one danced for you or anything? No one… felt you?”
“Baby, I would never ever put my hands on another woman, and I sure as hell don’t want anyone dancing for me, except maybe you, and then only if that’s what you want to do.”
“You are everything to me, Emily, and I would never do anything to make you feel like you weren’t enough, or do anything that would jeopardize what we have. This…” he moved his hand in the small space between their bodies. “This is all that matters to me.”
A sigh of overwhelming relief issued from her, and he felt her finally relax against him. He removed the picnic basket from the bed then turned back and lifted her in his arms. He laid her gently in their bed.
“I want to take care of you, baby. I want to do everything that lets you know how precious you are to me, and how beautiful you are, and that getting to be with you like this, Em, is the most important thing in the world to me.”
She moaned softly as his vow restored her.
He forced himself to move slowly, to show her that he would take care of every concern that lay hidden in the recesses of her mind.
“Do you need me to set the cast, sweetheart?”
She nodded. After smiling at her adoringly, he cupped his hand and reveled in her energy as she let him in. He soothed her body as he closed her womb. As soon as he was finished, he lavished her lips with deep, fervent kisses as she wound her body around his.
He pulled off everything he was still wearing. He wanted her to be able to feel his energies as they rolled in hungry waves that came from every piece of him.
“I want to touch you again, baby, okay?”
She shivered in anticipation. Another loud moan escaped her.
He kissed his way down her neck, and, as he caught her breast in his mouth, he slipped his fingers inside her. She writhed from need and expectation pent up deeply inside of her. He kept his other arm wrapped around her and cradled her to him as he worked her over. “Does that feel good, baby?”
She panted, unable to catch her breath. A loud, evulsive moan answered his question.
He kept up the deep, fervent strokes, then kissed his way across her stomach and licked up her slit. He laved her clit with his tongue, taunting the swollen gland, as he kept his fingers massaging inside of her.
She broke hard. She convulsed and cried out for him. All of the stress and emotion had her bound tightly. Her body seized as he lessened the intensity of his strokes and soothed her.
Her pleading moans overwhelmed him. He needed her to know that she was his. Nothing else would ever come before her again. He needed to possess her.
She was throbbing and fevered. Her body was primed all for him. He moved back up her, and spread her legs with his hands as she called out his name.
“What, baby? Tell me,” he angled his knee to keep her thighs spread.
“Take me,” she bucked underneath him.
He caught her hips as they rose, and he entered her fully as she cried out for him.
“My God, you feel incredible,” he groaned in ecstasy.
She began to beg him for release, and he pounded into her, harder. Her legs wrapped up over his back.
She wanted him deeper. It was a physical request he was only too happy to give her as he lifted her body and drove himself in.
He buried himself in the heavenly perfection of her. He forced her open past his hilt. Her eyes flashed as she took all of him with a gasp of approval.
He drove her further. He felt her pulse around him as she trembled, and her breath washed from her lungs.
Suddenly, she screamed out his name. Her body contorted under his deliciously as he pushed her over the edge.
Their energy spun in tantric accord as she pulled his from his body and supplied him with the intoxicating waves of her own.
He watched her writhe. Her hair splayed wildly across the bed as her face displayed her ecstasy, and he lost it all.
He spilled everything he was inside of her, and felt her body seize and tighten around him as he collapsed on top of her.
Rainer held her tenderly to him for a long while as they allowed the serenity to envelop them after the tempest. He eased her onto his chest and kissed her head.
“Do you want to eat, sweetheart?” he asked sheepishly. “I really meant for us to eat first. I guess I got a little carried away.”
She laughed, but then moved to pull on a shirt. Rainer pretended to pout just to hear her laugh again. He picked up the picnic basket, and helped her unpack it as he began telling her about the sandwich shop and his day.
He was pleased that she seemed to enjoy the sandwiches as much as he and Logan had. They chatted a little about the Summation Exhibition game Saturday.
Emily seemed much more herself, but he wasn’t fool enough to believe that the images that she’d conjured in her head weren’t still there, lurking bene
ath the surface.
“This was just so sweet, Rainer. I still feel terrible you went to all of this trouble.” He collected their sandwich wrappers and wrapped his hand around a can of Dr. Pepper. After chill-casting it until slight ice crystals formed just the way she preferred, he handed it to her.
“Em, baby, I know how awful yesterday must have been for you, and I also know that I haven’t done a great job of showing you that I will always be there for you and only you, that I will always take care of you, keep you safe. I was keeping things from you so you didn’t have to worry, and I just ended up scaring you more. So, if all of this,” he gestured around the room, “Even makes up for a tiny bit of the damage I’ve done, then it was more than worth it.”
“Rainer, you are an amazing fiancé, and I know I completely overreacted yesterday. It just…” she shook her head and succumbed to the tears she’d tried so hard to fight.
Rainer set down their drinks and pulled her on his chest.
“It was just a really hard thing to have to think about, and I guess I was just so angry that I had to think about it in the first place. I just went kind of crazy. I didn’t know what else you hadn’t told me, and then you went to that place.” Her voice caught as she shuddered and waged battle against emotions that threatened to overtake her.
He nodded and slid his hands under the t-shirt she’d put on as he began to rub her back and cradle her closely.
“Nothing happened, Em. I swear to you, baby.”
She drew several steadying breaths. She leaned up away of him, and her jaw clenched as she willed calm from the air around her.
“I think,” she let her eyes close for a moment before forcing herself to go on. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I’ve been in love with you practically since I was born and,” she shook her head in utter disbelief, “And somehow you loved me back.”
“I never had to go through having a crush on you and then watching you go after, or date, other girls. I just don’t think I ever realized how amazing that is until I sat on Fionna’s couch yesterday knowing that beautiful women were parading themselves around in front of you, taking their clothes off. And that they’re able to do things that I don’t even know how to begin to do, with way more experience than I have, and you’re a guy. And you’d been keeping so many things from me.”