by Ruby Dixon
It is…a bad time. For all of us.
I cannot dwell on my worries, though. I must come up with a solution. A new place for my people to live. To keep my mate and my kit safe through the brutal season. To keep all of my people safe. It is my duty.
And I feel like I am failing them. All of them.
I comfort Rukhar as he cries. He is hungry, and cold, and tired, and scared. I am, too, but I can at least help where I can. I give him a piece of dried meat to gnaw on. He might be too young for it yet, but it keeps him quiet and occupied.
“Ho,” a voice calls in the distance, and I pick Rukhar up and turn. It is Kashrem and Haeden and Ereven, dragging the travois behind them with the healer. They are racing over the snow, and in the distance, I see dark blots that tell me the rest of my people are not far behind. Good. Some of the anxiety tightening my chest loosens a bit. I head over to meet them.
Maylak needs help getting up from her seat on the travois, and her little girl, Esha, is tucked in next to her, baby Makash at her breast. “Take me to him,” Maylak says.
“He is not himself.”
“He will let me near to help his mate,” she says in a calm, firm voice. “I know it.”
Kashrem collapses, panting and catching his breath, while Ereven supports Maylak and brings her toward Rukh. I am handed a second kit, and Haeden takes Makash.
“Are we camping tonight, my chief?” Esha asks in her sweet, tiny voice. She grabs one of my braids to hold on to as she settles into the crook of my arm.
Haeden and I exchange a look. He knows as well as I do that it is not safe to climb into the Elders’ Cave, even if we could reach the entrance. Not with it perched on the mouth of a deep crevice. “Yes,” I say after a moment, my heart hurting. “Tonight we camp again.”
She gives me a bright smile, delighted with this answer. “I like camping!”
Haeden snorts and rolls his eyes, but a hint of a smile tugs at his mouth. “At least one of us does.”
Esha just beams at me, pleased.
I look over where Maylak is moving to Rukh’s side. She kneels next to him and I see him stiffen in response. I tense, worrying that I will have to help Ereven pull him off of her, but Rukh relaxes a moment later, and then Maylak is at his side, her hands touching Har-loh’s face. The expression on Rukh is one of terror and hope, and I ache for him. I know what it is to fear losing your mate.
I think of Pashov. My friend. A good hunter and always pleasant. I think of his mate, who has been beside herself with worry and fear. Kashrem comes to my side and there is strain on his face, his gaze on his mate. He worries she will push herself too far.
There are so many to worry about right now.
“Do you like camping, my chief?” Esha asks me, tugging on my braid.
I would give anything to have our cave safe and whole again. I think of Eklan, who cared for me like a father, and I feel a stab of grief. I could not keep him safe. As a chief, I failed him. I look over at Rukh, Har-loh, and Maylak, and think for a long moment before answering. “I like my tribe around me,” I tell Esha finally. “I do not care where we are at, as long as we are together.”
Haeden grunts approval, and we both go silent to watch the healer work.
When the rest of the tribe arrives, no questions are asked. My Georgie takes one look at the Elders’ Cave and then begins to direct the others to set up camp. There are a hundred things that must be done—food must be gathered, supplies protected from the elements, tents pitched, the injured tended—and everyone looks to me for answers. There is not enough time to do everything, but I cope as I can. I do not want to push anyone away or make them feel like I have no time for them. They are my people and they need their chief, so I must lead them.
My Georgie never ceases to amaze me with her bravery and courage. She immediately gets to work as well. While I am helping set up tents and doling out skins, she is taking control of the camp. She and a few of the human females build a big central fire, and as the hunters bring in meat, she sets others to work. When Claire starts to cry, Georgie hands her Talie and sets her near the fire. When Ariana panics, Georgie has her take care of Stay-see’s little Pacy. Someone makes a stew. Another begins to make warm clothes for Mar-layn, who got out of her cave with little more than her kit and her mate and has nothing. By the time the suns go down and it grows dark, most of the tents have been set up, food is cooking, and everyone is gathered by the fire. My mate has it all under control, and she is leading her females and keeping as many as she can busy while I work with the others.
I check on Maylak; the healer has collapsed again, her kit taken out to be nursed. Har-loh is on the mend, sleeping peacefully. Even Rukh looks calmer, and I suspect the healer has put her hands on him as well. He sleeps beside his mate, and Rukhar is out with Kemli so they may sleep. Maylak and Kashrem are curled around each other, sleeping as well. I must remember that we should save them food for when they awaken.
I move to the next tent, where Pashov is resting. A nest of furs has been set up to keep him comfortable in the small tent, but he looks the same as ever—his eyes are closed, his face is bruised and swollen, and one horn has been broken off. It will grow back, but it makes me wince at the sight. Stay-see is at his side, her hair a mess and her face paler than usual. She holds his hand tightly in hers. “How is he?” I ask.
“He hasn’t woken up,” Stay-see replies, voice soft. “He’s sleeping and he’s breathing fine, but he just won’t wake up.”
“He will,” I tell her in a firm voice and give her shoulder a touch. “Do you need anything?”
“I need my mate to wake up,” she says, voice wobbling. “That’s what I need.”
“We all do. He is my friend as well. I would like nothing more than for him to wake up and laugh with us.”
She sniffs and swipes at her cheeks. “Right.” She nods, her gaze never lifting from her mate. “I’m okay, but thank you for asking.”
“Would you like to come by the fire for a bit and eat?”
“No, I think I’ll stay here. I don’t want him to wake up and be alone.” Her voice wobbles again. “Is Pacy with Georgie still? Does she need to bring him back to me?”
“He is taken care of. Watch over your mate. Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will. Thank you.” She lifts Pashov’s bigger hand to her mouth and kisses his knuckles. “You’ve seen this kind of thing before, right? Where Maylak healed someone? He’s going to live, isn’t he?”
I do not wish to lie, but…I do not know what to tell Stay-see. I have seen many live, and I have seen others die from less. “If he can be healed, she will fix him,” I tell her. “For now, we must wait.”
“That’s a terrible answer,” she whispers. “But thank you for not lying to me.”
I leave the small tent behind, aching for my friend and his mate. By the fire, Farli is braiding cords with Meh-gan, her little dvisti pet in her lap. Georgie looks over at me and gives me a little nod. Things are under control.
For now.
3
Vektal
There are not enough tents to go around. Even though the sa-khui make use of all parts of the animals we hunt, we have lost much of what we owned. The tent that Georgie has claimed as ours is small and barely big enough for the two of us to squeeze into. Add in that Pacy is sleeping with us tonight, as well as Esha? It is very…crowded.
Georgie puts a finger to her lips as I open the tent and join her. It is late, and the fire is dying down. One of the hunters will stay up all night to keep watch over the camp and ensure that the fires remain burning to frighten off any curious metlaks. Everyone else is going to sleep and try to forget for a few hours.
I would like to forget, myself. And I can think of no better place to do this than in my mate’s arms. She is curled up in the furs, an enticing sight. I strip off my leathers and tug off my boots, not an easy task given that I cannot stand upright. My mate checks on the kits—all three bundled together on the side of our fu
rs, and then holds a hand out to me.
I join her, sinking into her arms. She is warm and soft and smells like smoke and wind and milk. I love the scent and breathe in deep, nuzzling against her teats. Some of the stress I am carrying falls away.
“How are you holding up?” Her voice is a mere whisper. She strokes my mane, her small fingers dragging through the tangles.
I close my eyes and just hold her for a long, long time.
“That good, hmm?” She caresses my jaw and then traces her fingers over my brow ridges. “It’s going to be okay.”
“I do not know if it will be, my sweet resonance.”
She cups my jaw and forces me to look up at her. She is beautiful in the low light, her smooth human face perfect in the shadows. I love her round cheeks, her flat forehead, her strangely curly hair. I love everything about my mate. So much that it hurts to think of her lying still and lifeless, like Pashov. I am lucky she was one of the first out of the cave. “It’s hard right now because you are the leader,” she tells me. “But you are doing a fantastic job. I promise. No one could ask for more.”
I grunt, because I do not know that I agree. All I see is more to be done, and my people are yet sleeping in the snow. “I do not know where we can go.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
“I wish I could do more.” I think of Stay-see, holding Pashov’s hand with a desperate fierceness. Maybe she needs more furs—it is cold tonight. I start to get up—
—Only for Georgie to pull me back down against her once more. “Stay,” she murmurs. “You’re allowed to take a few hours for yourself. And it’ll all be there in the morning. You need your sleep.”
I hesitate.
She tugs at my arm, trying to pull my larger body against her, and I give in. It is too nice to hold on to my mate. After the day I have had, nothing gives me greater pleasure. I sink into her embrace once more, letting her wrap her arms around me. As our bodies press together, I can feel the low hum of my khui singing to hers.
Even in all this, our bodies remember each other. I stroke her soft skin, thinking of our second resonance we had just a short time ago. Then, I was filled with joy. One kit is a gift beyond words. Two seems like an incredible bounty. And yet…now that we have no home, I am filled with worry. Will I have someplace safe for my Georgie and Talie to live during the brutal season? They cannot stay in tents. Georgie’s human body is much too fragile, and Talie is too young.
My tribe has grown an enormous amount in the last few seasons. I do not know how we will manage. There are so many humans and kits to protect, more than ever before. They must be protected at all costs.
“I can practically hear you worrying,” my mate whispers. “Harlow and Rukh and their kit are alive. It doesn’t matter that we lost the Elders’ Cave. We’ll find someplace new to live. Give the runners a chance to come back, and see what they found.”
“You sound so sure.”
She chuckles low. “Oh, I’ve had my share of freak-outs. Sometimes I look around and just want to scream and throw my hands up and wait for someone else to fix things. But you know what? That’s not going to happen. And did you see Maddie just jump in and start taking charge? I saw her do that and I realized I can’t sit around. You are the leader. I’m your mate. That means we have to lead, together.”
“You are not frustrated?”
“Oh, I want to scream and cry as much as the next person. But our tribe needs a leader, and you can’t do it all on your own. I’m trying to pick up the slack where I can and help out.
I am humbled. I hug her tightly to me. “You are the best of mates.”
“We’re in this together, you and I.” She strokes my cheek again, her caress loving. “It’s all going to work out. I’ve been in worse situations. Remember when we humans crash-landed here with nothing but a pair of pajamas? At least now we have food and blankets and, well, a clue.” Her chest shakes with a suppressed laugh. “We got through that, and we’ll get through this. All of us. Together.”
Perhaps she is simply telling me what I need to hear. Perhaps she is giving me the same emotional support she gives the tribe. It does not matter, because it is what I need to hear. My mate has all the confidence in me. That I will not fail us.
And I will never let her down.
HARLOW
I watch my mate sleep next to me. Rukh’s face is relaxed in slumber, but there’s no hiding the dark circles under his eyes. I’m guessing he hasn’t slept in days, and it’s all because of anxiety over me. I love my mate, but I’m worried about him. He hasn’t been himself.
Then again, I suppose I haven’t, either.
I only have vague memories of my injury. Just a lot of pain, a conversation with Rukh down in the belly of the ship, and then a lot more pain. Flashes of warmth and Maylak’s kind face.
Maybe it’s good I can’t remember. I think about the ship being broken, being lost to us. It’s our only connection to technology, and within the depths of the near-incomprehensible computer, there’s so much information and so much that can help us make our lives better here, if only I can get to it. It’s obsessed me for the last six months or so.
But then again, maybe it’s a good thing that it’s gone. I know I’ve tried to make new equipment for the sa-khui, only for it to be met with distrust. A space heater? No one wanted it. No one trusted it. My stone-cutter? No one used it but me. The language download is the only thing that anyone found useful, but they didn’t trust that, either. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been pushing what I want on the tribe versus what they actually want for themselves. So, yeah, if they’re happy with spears and slings and fur blankets, maybe that’s what we leave it at, then.
My breasts feel achy and full, and I know my son needs to be fed. Somewhere outside of our small tent, a baby cries. It’s not him, but my body reacts just the same—my breasts start to leak.
At my side, Rukh stirs, blinking awake at the child’s cry. His gaze focuses on me, and then a fierceness comes into his gaze. He wraps his arms around me and holds me crushingly tight against him. “Har-loh.”
“Hey there,” I murmur, sliding my hands over his bare shoulders. He feels tense, as if he’s still carrying the worries of the world inside his chest. I feel my khui thrum in response to his nearness, and his responds. I smile. “Listen. We’re singing together. We must be feeling better.”
The look he gives me is full of hurt and worry. His big hand caresses my face. “My mate. You…hurt? Healer?”
At least he’s speaking again. I’m relieved, and at the same time, I suspect that while Maylak was working on me, she might have worked on him a little as well. “I’m fine. Leave her alone. I’m sure she’s tired.”
The look on his face grows stubborn. “If you need—”
“I don’t,” I promise him. “Truly. What I need to know is if you and Rukhar are all right. Where is our son?”
He rubs a hand over his face, as if struggling to focus. He still looks exhausted, poor thing. “With…Shorshie. She helps.”
I make a mental note to thank Georgie later. I can relax, then, if he’s with her. She’ll make sure he’s fed and kept happy. My focus turns to my mate. “How are you feeling?”
“I no matter. You—”
I press my fingers to his mouth to stop his words. “No, I’m serious, Rukh. Are you okay? You scared me.”
His eyes widen, and then a scowl crosses his face. “I scare you? You…you…” He threads his fingers through my hair and then buries his face against my shoulder. “I nearly lose you.”
“I’m fine,” I tell him, though I’m downplaying how I felt. Before the healer got here, I wasn’t fine. I was pretty out of it. “I know you’re worried, but Rukh, you worried me, too. We have to think of Rukhar. If you have to choose between him and me, always choose him—” I break off when he growls low in his throat, like an animal.
So I smack him on the arm, because I’ve had enough of that shit.
He sucks in a breath and
looks at me with a shocked, wounded expression.
“I’m mad at you!” I tell him. “How dare you fucking lose your shit! We have a baby! Our son! He needs us!”
Rukh’s look of pain doesn’t sway me.
“How do you think I feel, knowing that when I was hurt, my mate totally lost his mind and endangered my son? It’s not just you and me now, Rukh. We have a child to think about. I know you were scared and worried about me, but you have to, have to think about Rukhar. I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to me and you weren’t able to take care of him. I can’t bear to think of our son alone, just like your father left you alone.”
He flinches. My words hurt him. I feel like the meanest, cruelest mate ever, but all I can think about is my little Rukhar, left without both parents—me, dead, and his father gone feral. It’s not a pretty thought.
“Did you not think about Rukhar? We have to be strong for him, even when one of us is in trouble. He has to come first.”
“I think of him,” Rukh tells me in a gruff voice. “I think of Rukhar. Always. But then I think of my father, and how he did not live after my mother die. All day, he move. But he not live.” He presses a hand to his chest. “I no want to do to Rukhar. But…without Har-loh, I no live.”
Tears burn my eyes. I reach out and touch his face, because I love the big guy so much and it hurts to see him in pain. “I love you, too, and I wouldn’t want to go on without you, either. But we’re parents. We can’t be selfish and think just about ourselves. Would you want to do to your son what your father did to you? Leave him alone in the world? To fend for himself?”
He shakes his head slowly. “All I could see was you…and blood. I not think.”
I nod. “I love you and I would never leave you if there’s any other chance. Any at all. You know I’d follow you anywhere. You wouldn’t even have to ask. Just know that I’m always at your side.”
Instead of comforting him, he looks further troubled by my words.