by Ruby Dixon
“What is it?” I ask.
He smooths a big hand down my arm, then my side, as if he has to touch all of me and make sure for himself that I’m all right. “I think…many times I think about go back to cave. By ourselves.”
“The sea cave?” I ask. It’s where we spent last year.
Rukh nods, still moving his hands all over me. It feels good. I’m too tired and spent to be aroused, but just his touch feels wonderful. I could never get tired of it. “Sea cave,” he agrees. “But…no healer. Har-loh…strong but not.”
Strong but not? “My health has been a little fragile at times, I know.” I think back to Rukhar’s birth, when I was so sick I could barely stand. And then I think of my brain tumor, kept in check by my khui. Okay, maybe he’s got reason to worry over me so much.
“Har-loh must stay near healer,” he says in a low voice. “Always.”
“Always?”
“I no lose you.” His big fingers trace my jaw. “So I live with noisy tribe. Because I live with Har-loh. I no live if no Har-loh.”
Tears brim in my eyes again. Damn it, I’m always weeping, aren’t I? I grab him and pull him against me in a fierce kiss, and I don’t even mind that our teeth clash a little. “I love you, too,” I whisper to him. “I don’t live without you, either.”
He says nothing, just holds me close. We lie in my furs for a while, just wrapped in the blankets and feeling together. I have to be more careful, I realize. Rukhar depends on his mommy, but Rukh can’t lose another person he loves so dearly. He’s lost so much in his life already and has been alone for so long.
That decides it. Harlow stays with the healer. Maybe it’s time to give up on my one-woman quest to restore the ship’s computer. Kinda moot now that the ship is on its side and looks like it’ll slide into the new gorge at any moment. But if Rukh can give up his dreams of peace and quiet because he worries over me, I can abandon the computer dream.
It’s something that can wait for another day, or another human. We live in the here and now, and I need to accept that. If the sa-khui are happy with bone spears and fur coverings, then who am I to force space heaters and stone-cutters on them? Not that those are operational anymore anyhow. I sigh.
It feels to me like being stranded all over again with the loss of the Elders’ Cave, but in the scheme of things, I suppose it is very small. We are all together. We are healthy. Nothing else matters.
A baby cries again, and my breasts respond. I pat my mate’s shoulder. “Want to go get our son so we can all three snuggle together?”
He nods and presses a kiss to my cheek. “You stay.”
“I’m not going anywhere, big guy,” I tell him softly.
And I mean it.
4
GEORGIE
“He’s awake?” I look in the direction of Pashov’s tent. People are streaming toward it, including his brothers and Farli. “Is he all right?”
“I don’t know,” Josie says. She puts her arms out to take Talie from me. “Farli was yipping about it as she ran over there. You want me to take over so you can go say hi?”
I give her a grateful look and hand her the long femur I’ve been using as a soup stirrer. We’re doing our best to make every bit of meat stretch, so that means soup for everyone—even the sa-khui, who aren’t big fans. One quill-beast can make enough soup to feed the entire tribe, though, so it’s a wise move. Plus, there’s fruit to be shared afterward. Rokan and Lila are back with more bags of fruit, and we’re carefully saving seeds and pits to replant, and drying the rest before it goes bad.
But I want to see Pashov, just like everyone else. So I hand her both stirrer and child. “Back in a flash.”
I head over to the tent and peek over the shoulders of Farli, who’s holding one of the door flaps open. Kemli and Borran are next to his bed, his mother gripping his hand and beaming with pleasure. Across from them, on the other side of Pashov, is Stacy, who’s wiping her eyes over and over again. She looks tired but relieved, and I’m so happy for her.
Pashov is thin—he hasn’t eaten much in the days he’s been unconscious, and his cheeks are hollow, his color a pale blue. He smiles at his parents and then at his sister. “I am fine, truly. My head hurts, but that is all.”
Stacy sobs a little, and Pashov’s brows go down, his smile fading a bit, as if her reaction confuses him.
“My son,” Kemli says, squeezing his hand in hers again. “You must never scare me like that again. I have aged three hands of seasons every hour you slept.”
He chuckles and then presses his free hand to his brow.
The tent goes still, everyone looking concerned. As I watch, Stacy trembles, her fingers pressing to her mouth.
“I am all right,” Pashov says. He rubs his forehead and then gives us a rueful smile. “It is no more than a headache after drinking too much sah-sah. Do not worry over me. I shall be out and hunting again in no time.”
“No,” Kemli says firmly. “You will stay here in camp with your mate, and rest. Just because the healer fixed the worst of it does not mean you are completely healed.”
But Pashov is frowning, his smile gone. “Did you say…mate?”
I hear Stacy suck in a breath.
Everyone is quiet. Pashov looks at his parents again, and then at Stacy, and I realize the confusion on his face is for her. Oh my god. He doesn’t recognize her.
Kemli is the first one to speak. She nods. “You have a mate.”
“Who?”
Stacy seems to flinch all over.
Kemli nods at Stacy. “She is your mate. Do you not remember?”
Pashov gazes at Stacy for a long moment, then shakes his head. “I…do not see anything. I have a mate?” His eyes widen in alarm. “Is…did I resonate?” He looks at the human in surprise. “To you?”
Stacy jolts to her feet. A broken sob escapes her, and then she pushes out of the tent, barreling into the snow.
Pashov tries to get up from his bed, worry on his face. Multiple sets of hands immediately pull him back down. “Rest,” Kemli orders him. “You must rest! Give her time.”
“But—” Pashov begins, casting a pained look after Stacy. “I…do not want to hurt her.”
“There is no way this cannot hurt,” Kemli says. Her face is worried, but she presses her hand firmly to her son’s shoulder. “But you must stay here and rest. You almost died, my son.”
“I shall get Maylak,” Farli says, casting me a worried look. She darts off.
I head out after Stacy, because how can I not? She’s one of mine, and she’s a close, dear friend. The person that should be supporting her and helping her through all of this doesn’t even know she’s his mate. I try to imagine how it would feel if Vektal lost all memory of me, and shudder.
Oh god, and he didn’t even remember his little son, Pacy.
I find Stacy sobbing, collapsed behind a nearby tent. Her fists are covered in snow, and as I watch, she slams one into the ground.
“Oh, Stacy.” I kneel next to her, putting my arms around her.
She flings herself into my arms, crying as if her heart would break. My own tears start, and I stroke her hair as she holds on to me, soaking the front of my tunic with her tears. “He d-doesn’t remember m-me,” she chokes out between sobs. “Or Pacy. The last two years we’ve spent together? Our resonance? It doesn’t exist to him.” Her hands clench my leathers. “Georgie, he doesn’t remember me!”
“It’s temporary, Stacy. It has to be.” I rub her back. “He suffered a terrible head injury. He was near death. These things take time.” It seems like a shitty way for the universe to reward Stacy’s unflagging devotion. She hasn’t left her mate’s side since the cave-in. Now he’s awake and…still not quite whole. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. Anything you need, you just let me know and we’ll make it happen.”
She sobs for a little longer and then looks up at me, her eyes puffy, the blue glow edged with red from her tears. “I need someplace to sleep.”
“What?”
“I can’t stay with him, Georgie. I’m a stranger. My baby’s a stranger.” Her words are bitter and her voice shakes. “I can’t have him look at me…like he did earlier. Like it’s a big blank. I’ll die inside.”
“You can stay with me tonight,” I tell her firmly. “And as many other nights as you need. You know we’ll take care of you.”
“I wanted him to take care of me.” She crumples against me, sobbing anew. “I wanted him to wake up and take my hand and let me know everything is going to be all right. And…he’s not even my mate. Not anymore. How can we be mates if he doesn’t remember anything?”
“It’ll come back to him,” I say fiercely, hugging her close and stroking her hair.
It has to, doesn’t it?
Hours later, Stacy’s sobbed herself to sleep in a pallet of furs in mine and Vektal’s tent. Pacy’s curled up next to her, and now that Stacy’s quiet, I can finally put Talie to bed. I snuggle her in the blankets with me, imagining what it’d be like to lose home, security, and mate all at once.
I decide I’m the luckiest because I have my Vektal.
As if my thoughts summon him, he peers into the tent a moment later, his eyes a glowing question. He looks tired, but he also looks so handsome that my heart aches with all the love I have for him.
I put a finger to my lips and gesture at Stacy, then stroke Talie’s hair as she sleeps.
He nods and removes his boots, then crawls into bed with me. Careful not to disturb Talie, he still manages to somehow pull me and her against his big, broad chest. Comforting us, the way Stacy longs to be comforted and can’t have. Even if Pashov hugged her right now, it wouldn’t be the same because he doesn’t know her. She’s a stranger to him.
My heart wrenches for her, and I suddenly feel like weeping all over again.
Vektal presses a kiss to my brow and whispers, “Is she well?”
“As well as can be expected.” I look over, but she’s not stirring despite our low conversation. Too exhausted. “It’s been a real blow.”
“He is upset, as well,” my mate says. “He has hurt her and feels badly. He is confused, too. His memory has many gaps in it. Maylak says it is not something she can encourage his khui to fix. That it will take time.”
“But the memory will come back?”
“She cannot say.”
Oh, poor Stacy. Poor Pashov. I hold my mate and my kit, closing my eyes. “God. Please let him get his memory back.”
He presses another kiss to my brow. “Is this the time that I tell you everything will be all right, my mate? As you did to me the other day, when I brought you my sorrows?” His big hand strokes Talie’s curls, and I melt at the sight of father and daughter, so peaceful. “You kept me going when I wanted to collapse. I will do the same for you now. It will all work out, my mate. Pashov will remember her…or he will not. But give them time to find their path. We can be a friend to both until they are ready to talk.”
I sigh. “You’re right. I just want to help her, to fix it. She’s suffered so much.”
“We are all suffering. Stacy knows this. She would not ask you to bear her burdens. Just like I would not ask you to take on all of the tribe’s suffering. We are in this together, my sweet resonance. We will find a home again soon. We will ride out the brutal season, and we will emerge as a stronger tribe. No…as a family.”
He’s right.
Things are hard right now, but they will get better. Already, things are looking up. We have the fruit cave. We have Pashov awake and mostly whole again. The runners will return with more supplies. We’ll figure something out. As long as we have hope and our tight-knit little community, we’ll be fine.
Stacy gives a hiccupping little sigh in her sleep, and I hurt for her.
If she can’t have hope, then I’ll have hope for her.
Everything will be all right in the end. We just need to take it one day, one hour at a time. And until then, we lean on each other and we hold tight.
Author’s Note
After the events of the last book, I just couldn’t let the big ‘earth-shake’ go without showing a little more from additional points of view. I had a few nuggets of info in the last book (such as what happened to Rukh and Harlow) but because we only see things from very specific character viewpoints, it’s hard to sometimes show them.
I really, really wasn’t planning on doing another short story between books. I try to make them pleasant reads but non-vital ones, if that makes sense. I don’t want readers to feel like they MUST read a story in-between the longer novels. I think of them more like fan-service. If you want to hang out with me a while longer, it’s my thank-you to you for living and breathing in this world with me.
Sometimes, the stories don’t let go, though. As the author, I had a hard time getting past the big shakeup. The more I sat and thought about it, the more I couldn’t let this piece of story pass into barbarian history without a bit more clarity. I had to give Harlow and Rukh and Georgie and Vektal a little bit more screen time, if only to show just how ‘big’ of a change this was for our tribe.
So this isn’t sweet and full of babies and sexy goodness. But I think that’s all right, because it’s full of family and hope, and sometimes those things are just as important.
For those of you wondering, I’m already at work on the next book. It should be October (barring any mishaps) and will be BARBARIAN’S HEART. If you follow my Facebook, you already know who it’s about. <3
Barbarian on!
Ruby
The People of Ice Planet Barbarians
As of the end of AFTERSHOCKS
(suggested pronunciations in parenthesis)
OKAY, SO THERE IS NO MORE TRIBAL CAVE. Sorry, little tribe! But for clarity and readability, we’ll keep grouping our people like so until they find a new home.
CAVE 1
Vektal (Vehk-tall) - The chief of the sa-khui. Mated to Georgie.
Georgie – Human woman (and unofficial leader of the human females). Has taken on a dual-leadership role with her mate.
Talie (Tah-lee) – Their baby daughter.
CAVE 2
Maylak (May-lack) – Tribe Healer. Mated to Kashrem. Mother of Esha and Makash.
Kashrem (Cash-rehm) - Her mate, also a leather-worker.
Esha (Esh-uh) – Their young daughter.
Makash (Muh-cash) — Their newborn son.
CAVE 3
Sevvah (Sev-uh) – Tribe elder, mother to Aehako, Rokan, and Sessah
Oshen (Aw-shen) – Tribe elder, her mate
Sessah (Ses-uh) - Their youngest son
CAVE 4
Warrek (War-ehk) – Tribal hunter and teacher.
Eklan (Ehk-lan) – His father. Elder. Dead. Sorry, old guy.
CAVE 5
Ereven (Air-uh-ven) Hunter, mated to Claire
Claire – mated to Ereven, currently pregnant
CAVE 6
Liz – Raahosh’s mate and huntress. Currently pregnant for a second time.
Raahosh (Rah-hosh) – Her mate. A hunter and brother to Rukh.
Raashel (Rah-shel) – Their daughter.
CAVE 7
Stacy – Mated to Pashov. Mother to Pacy, a baby boy.
Pashov (Pah-showv) – son of Kemli and Borran, brother to Farli and Salukh. Mate of Stacy, father to Pacy.
Pacy – Their infant son.
CAVE 8
Nora – Mate to Dagesh, mother to twins Anna and Elsa.
Dagesh (Dah-zzhesh) (the g sound is swallowed) – Her mate. A hunter.
Anna & Elsa – Their infant twin daughters.
CAVE 9
Harlow – Mate to Rukh. ‘Mechanic’ to the Elders’ Cave. Spends 75% of her time there with her family.
Rukh (Rookh) – Former exile and loner. Original name Maarukh. (Mah-rookh). Brother to Raahosh. Mate to Harlow.
Rukhar (Roo-car) – Their infant son.
CAVE 10
Megan – Mate to Cashol. Mother to newborn Holve
k.
Cashol – (Cash-awl) – Mate to Megan. Hunter. Father to newborn Holvek.
Holvek – (Haul-vehk) – their infant son.
CAVE 11
Marlene (Mar-lenn) – Human mate to Zennek. Has unnamed child. French.
Zennek – (Zehn-eck) – Mate to Marlene. Has unnamed child.
CAVE 12
Ariana – Human female. Mate to Zolaya. Mother to Analay.
Zolaya (Zoh-lay-uh) – Hunter and mate to Ariana. Father to Analay.
Analay – (Ah-nuh-lay) – Their infant son.
CAVE 13
Tiffany – Human female. Mated to Salukh and newly pregnant.
Salukh - Salukh (Sah-luke) – Hunter. Son of Kemli and Borran, brother to Farli and Pashov.
CAVE 14
Aehako – (Eye-ha-koh) – Acting leader of the South cave. Mate to Kira, father to Kae. Son of Sevvah and Oshen, brother to Rokan and Sessah.
Kira – Human woman, mate to Aehako, mother of Kae. Was the first to be abducted by aliens and wore an ear-translator for a long time.
Kae (Ki –rhymes with ‘fly’) – Their newborn daughter.
CAVE 15
Kemli – (Kemm-lee) Female elder, mother to Salukh, Pashov and Farli
Borran – (Bore-awn) Her mate, elder
Farli – (Far-lee) Their teenage daughter. Her brothers are Salukh and Pashov. She has a pet dvisti named Chahm-pee (Chompy).
CAVE 16
Drayan (Dry-ann) – Elder.
Drenol (Dree-nowl) – Elder.
CAVE 17
Vadren (Vaw-dren) – Elder.
Vaza (Vaw-zhuh) – Widower and elder. Loves to creep on the ladies.
CAVE 18
Asha (Ah-shuh) – Separated from Hemalo. No living child.
CAVE 19
Bek – (BEHK) – Hunter.