Guarded Desire

by Christi Snow

  I blinked in surprise. “Excuse me? You want me to stay here when everyone thinks I’m hitting her?” I swallowed against the lump building in the back of my throat.

  “Yes. While ViviAnna and her team managed to get the letter from the kidnapper taken down from the website, we convinced TENews to give us a copy of it. Our profilers have been examining it and the state of mind of this guy. It’s no secret that he’s obsessed with ViviAnna and that obsession has in turn been refocused on Illumination. It’s an obsession, but we think it’s based on a kind of devotion and love. We assume that if he thinks you’re hurting her, that it could force him to act sooner rather than later. He actually may come after you rather than the daughter. I don’t think I have to tell you how fortuitous that would be.”

  Of course, she didn’t. I could defend myself. If this guy came after me, then we could catch him easily. At least, that’s how it worked in theory.

  “We’re having ViviAnna make a statement as an outraged mother tomorrow morning. We’re still working out the details, so I’ll let you know as soon as we have a definite timeline. After that, Dillon will tag along with you at all times, providing official bodyguard services to Illumination.”

  “You’re setting it up to make it look like he’s there to protect her from me.”

  “Exactly. And if her attacker has to focus somewhere else, we’re hoping it will be on you.”

  “That could work.” And having Dillon nearby could help ease any lingering tension between Elle and me.

  “I’m so happy you approve.” Her tone was laced with sarcasm, and that was part of why we got along so well.

  Samantha had been one who’d recruited me out of the army for Hawk Works. She’d seen a potential in me that I tried my best to live up to every day. She would not be happy to know how much of my professionalism had been sacrificed on this job. And for what? To dip my wick?

  But my mind rebelled. Elle meant more to me than a sexual conquest. So much more, but I couldn’t consider that right now. My first priority for her had to be as a client who needed my help, not my distraction.

  My priority was my mission. Always had been. Always would be. I couldn’t get distracted anymore. I had to do better, be better.

  I refocused on what Samantha was telling me and then wondered exactly how Elle would take all this.

  ELLE

  After Jonah stormed out of my room, I sat up in my bed, stunned at what had just happened. To say he obviously regretted sleeping with me was a wildly huge understatement.

  Emotion crawled up my throat clogging it. How had I let this happen? I thought I knew Jonah better than that. After being used and tricked by a reporter acting as a student my freshman year in college, I’d worked so hard to make sure that I knew the basic character of whoever I let get close to me. But he’d just proved me wrong.

  I tumbled out of bed, taking the sheet with me as I stumbled to the bathroom with tear-clouded eyes.

  With shaking hands, I turned on the water and climbed into the shower sheet and all, not even waiting for the water to heat as I sank to the floor under the frigid spray and let the tears loose.

  Shit. I was the absolute worst judge of character. I’d thought this time I’d gotten it right. I’d been so careful over the years. After almost making the worst mistake of my life my freshman year, I’d been cautious, making sure I knew a guy before I let him get close.

  I shook my head. What did I really know about Jonah? He was from Austin, and he’d been in the army before becoming a bodyguard. That was literally all I knew.

  Oh my god. I was such an idiot. I knew nothing about him, nothing about his family, his hopes, or his dreams. No wonder Jonah had run out as fast as he could. Everyone knew that a virgin was more likely to grab onto a guy and expect marriage and forever.

  But not this girl. I didn’t want anything else from him. Yes, I enjoyed his company, and I had fun with him, but there was no way I’d fall in love with him. Honestly, I didn’t think it was possible for me to fall in love with anyone. I just wasn’t that emotional of a person. That would be my mom, who could fall in and out of love in a split heartbeat.

  I had decided a hell of a long time ago that I would never be anything like her. Plus, I needed control of my world. Love brought chaos and confusion, but little to no control. Emotion muddied everything.

  But what had I done? Fallen into bed with the first pretty face who I’d let close. While I could admit that I should have been more upfront with him, I didn’t expect him to be so callous and completely blow me off like that. I wouldn’t make the mistake of thinking he was anything more than an acquaintance again. From here on out, Jonah could do his job, and I wouldn’t bother him for sex.

  I didn’t have any experience to compare to. God. Had I been awful? A sick feeling settled low in my stomach. The idea that I’d been a disappointment...yeah, that sucked big time.

  Had the sex been bad for him? For me, it had been fantastic. Even with the pain, he’d been phenomenal. My pussy clenched, sending a spasm of pain with the remembered pleasure.

  Even if I had sucked, it didn’t give Jonah-fucking-Sutton the right to treat me like something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe.

  Righteous anger boiled through me, blowing away the remorse and regret. I could handle anger much better than this stupid self-pity.

  I stood up, adjusted the temperature of the water, and threw the wet sheet out the shower door. I squared my shoulders; I was not this person.

  No more feeling sorry for myself. No more letting men decide how I felt about myself or my life. This was my life. My choices. My world. And I wasn’t going to let any mere man dictate how I thought about it.

  I scrubbed at my face, my tender body, saying those things to myself over and over. I wasn’t anyone’s thing to treat as less-than. They wouldn’t get away with it anymore. None of them.

  After an extra-long, extra-hot shower to ease my aches and pains, I got out and took extra care in making myself presentable. Although I didn’t do it very often, I’d been raised by ViviAnna. I knew how to make myself up so that I looked my very best.

  I carefully applied makeup, put on some of my tightest jeans, knee-high, high-heeled wedge boots, and a draping top that showed off my cleavage as I moved. I even added a gold locket that fell in between my breasts to emphasize the deep shadow there. I flat-ironed my hair, adding just a curl to the ends where the length would circle around my boobs. With a final spritz of my signature perfume created exclusively in Paris, I was ready.

  To face the world. To face Jonah.

  No one would see how he’d crushed me.

  No one.

  JONAH

  When I walked back into the loft apartment an hour after I’d left, I couldn’t believe what I found.

  Dillon and Elle were in the kitchen, laughing like they were best friends and she didn’t have a care in the world. For some reason, I’d expected her to be upset.

  There was a bottle of tequila between them and two empty shot glasses. I frowned at them and focused my displeasure on my best friend. He winked and gave me a subtle shrug as he wrapped an arm around Elle’s shoulder.

  I scowled at that arm, because it had knocked the deep-plum fabric of her shirt off her shoulder, revealing way too much of her creamy, silky skin to my friend.

  “Hey, Joe’s back,” Elle said.

  I gritted my teeth at the annoying nickname but didn’t say anything, I knew I’d hurt her. If it made her feel better to call me that, I could deal.

  “Come join us.” She opened up the cabinet and snagged another shot glass, filling it and the other two to the rim. “We’re celebrating.”

  “What are we celebrating?” I asked.

  “Why, the sexual revolution, of course.” Elle giggled. Her eyes widened like she’d just thought of something, and she pointed at Dillon. “You know.” She squinted at him like he was some sort of science experiment. “You fucked my best friend, I fucked your best friend...” Her forehead
wrinkled as she considered something. “We have quite the incestuous little tête à tête going on. What do you think? Should you and I fuck each other next and close the circle?”

  Dillon’s eyes widened, and he choked on his breath. If I hadn’t been buzzing with the jealousy digging under my skin, I could have laughed. But it took everything I had not to march over there and yank Elle away from Dillon’s side.

  She nodded as if this made perfect sense. “I need more experience to make sure everyone is having a good time.”

  Wait a fucking minute. She needed more experience? With someone besides me? No. Not even just no, but Hell! NO!

  “Um, no.” He cast a sidelong glance at me. “I’m not sure either of our best friends would be okay with that.”

  Elle huffed out a long, put-out sounding sigh, and I turned my scowl to her. Did she want to fuck Dillon?

  Over my dead body!

  “Listen, sweetheart,” I said through gritted teeth. “I think maybe you should slow down on the tequila.”

  She sneered at me. “Don’t call me that. I sure ain’t your sweetheart, and don’t cock-block me, either. If I want to have sex with a guy, I will. A lot of guys, in fact.” She nodded like she’d just made a decision.

  My vision turned red at the thought of some other guy getting inside her tight pussy. That was my tight pussy, and no one else would be claiming rights to it.

  I clenched my jaw. “No.”

  Elle just turned her back toward me, slid from her chair, and set to washing the shot glasses in the sink.

  Dillon sent me a commiserating glance and mouthed, You fucked up.

  I closed my eyes in agreement. I totally had.

  Suddenly, Elle’s shoulder tightened as if what I’d said a moment ago had just made it through her tequila-soaked brain. She turned to me with her hands on her hips and an angry scowl on her face. “Excuse me? Did you just honestly tell me no?”

  Dillon took a step back like Elle was a bomb about to explode and he needed to get out of the blast range.

  “Yes, I did. If you want to have sex, you have it with me.” I winced internally. Even I could hear how chauvinistic and domineering that sounded. This girl was so going to make me lose my job.

  I needed to add some logic into this, as if there was any real logic to be had about how crazy possessive she made me. “You can’t forget you’re in danger. You can’t just let anyone come here into your house, into your life.” Into your body. Definitely not that. Not while I could still breathe.

  Although from the looks she was sending me, I may not be breathing much longer.

  She didn’t say anything for a long while. “What exactly are you offering?” She gave me a long lingering look up and down my body that sent heat directly to my dick, waking it up in a heartbeat.

  “You need sex, you come to me,” I said.

  Dillon began to cough, but I ignored him. This was between Elle and me. While it was my job to protect her, I’d do it in every way possible. That was my job.

  “Only sex, right?” She sounded like that was what she wanted. What the fuck?

  I knew I wasn’t cut out for long-term, but most girls didn’t think that. Most girls wanted more. I wasn’t that much of a loser. What was her problem with me?

  Damn. Did she dislike me that much?

  I was convenient for her. For someone in Elle’s position, it was hard to find people she could trust, who didn’t want to use her to get to her mother. She didn’t have many choices, which is probably why she had still been a virgin. Elle wasn’t stupid. She would never allow just any idiot into her home, right?

  But none of this made me feel any better about what we were discussing. The fact of the matter was she wanted sex. I could accommodate that. If I could offer her even a measure of pleasure without hurting her, I was in. And I would make for damn sure that she loved every single minute of it. I had no doubt I would. Already, I was rock hard just remembering how amazing it had felt to feel her sex clamping down on me, milking the orgasm from my cock.

  “Yes,” I said. “I could agree to only sex. If that’s what you want.”

  Dillon made a choking sound and poured himself another shot of tequila.

  That wasn’t such a bad idea. “Pour me one?” I asked.

  “Me, too.” Elle stepped up beside me and pushed her shot glass across the counter to Dillon.

  But as soon as she stepped into my space, I couldn’t focus on anything else but her. The lemon and floral scent rose off her skin, filling my nostrils with the smell that I was quickly coming to associate with heaven.

  I sank my face into the hair draping across her shoulder as she shoved my shot glass into my hand.

  “We need to toast to seal our deal,” she said low into my ear. “Hot sex, no strings. You and me, for as long as we’re both happy with the arrangement.”

  Shivers rolled down my spine, and I turned to face her, her heat scalding me from the inside out. I gave her a sharp nod. “I’ll drink to that.”

  Her gaze, filled with challenging fire and desire, met mine.

  We both lifted our glasses and gulped the fiery liquid down.

  When she set her glass down, she still had a drop of the liquid on her top lip. I cupped the back of her neck and licked it off her. She moaned and clawed at the front of my shirt.

  My tongue delved deeper into her mouth. She tasted like the smoky flavor of the tequila, but I could still sense the underlying tones of lemon that would always remind me of her.

  She grabbed my waist and tugged my hips to hers as she plundered my mouth, not letting me take control, but fighting me for dominance.

  If she wanted to be in charge of this show, I was perfectly okay with that. I let her have her way with me. In fact, my mind was exploring all the ways I would happily let her dominate me, starting with her riding my cock.

  She reached down and stroked the fabric where my hard, thick dick pulsed. My hips surged into her touch.

  “So, are we agreed?” she asked.

  “Hell, yeah,” I said, my voice shattered with unsatisfied lust.

  “Then let’s take this upstairs.” She tugged me by the belt loop.

  “Don’t mind me,” Dillon called from behind us. “I’ll just sit down here awkwardly and pretend like I don’t know the two of you are having sex. With me here. Right here. Right below you.”

  I’d completely forgotten he was there. Again.

  Elle stopped and turned with a frown and a hand on my chest. She was a step above me on the stairs, so she could look over my shoulder. “Dillon?”

  “Yeah?”

  “My couch still hasn’t been cleaned.” She raised her eyebrows in challenge.

  Dillon snapped his mouth shut.

  She nodded. “Yeah,” she bit out. “Exactly.” She turned and strutted that fine ass up the stairs.

  I followed her like an obedient puppy. But that was probably appropriate since I was definitely panting after her.

  As we climbed the stairs, I disarmed.

  She’d been acting completely self confident and sure about what she wanted up until this point. But when she got to the top of the stairs, she faltered. This time, she didn’t turn to face me. She just stood there, rigid. I could practically see the stress vibrating through her tense muscles.

  I leaned against her back, wrapping my arms around her and tilting my head over her shoulder so I could see her face from the side. “You know, it’s not too late to call this off if you’re not comfortable.” My dick screamed in denial, but I ignored it.

  Her shoulders relaxed as she shook her head. She tilted her ass against my erection. “That doesn’t feel like it would be okay.”

  “Ignore that little detail.”

  “Not so little from what I remember.”

  I laughed. “You’re trying to distract me, but it’s not going to work. A lot’s happened today. You don’t have to rush into bed with me...or anyone else.”

  She turned around to face me fully and took a deep
breath. “I want to sleep with you, again. I want to learn how to please you. What guys want in bed.”

  I growled low under my breath at just the hint of her sleeping with someone else.

  She trembled, and her gaze dropped to my chest. “But if we do this, sex is all it is. Consider yourself...I don’t know...my tutor or something.”

  “Sex tutor?”

  She nodded.

  The throbbing in my pants was becoming more and more insistent.

  “Are you sure that’s what you want?” Why the fuck was I arguing with her on this? This was the kind of arrangement any guy would kill for, but something about it just didn’t feel right.

  First, because I didn’t want to coach her so she could go use that knowledge to fuck some other guy. But secondly, because it felt like Elle was settling. Even settling for me...it felt wrong, like she’d shortchanged herself. I didn’t like that one little bit.

  She nodded again as she bit her lip, a distracting motion I couldn’t ignore.

  I leaned down and softly kissed those lush, plump lips. Soon, she was pliant in my arms, but I could still taste the tequila on her, so after a few more nips, I set her back from me.

  “Okay,” I said, and another surge of blood shot to my dick with the knowledge of what I’d just agreed to. More sex with Elle.

  Her expression opened up. “Really?” She tugged my shirt from my pants.

  I wanted to just let her keep going, but not tonight.

  “Yeah,” I said, even as I stilled her hands. “But we’ll start this tomorrow. You’ve had several shots tonight, and I want your head perfectly clear when we begin this thing between us.”

  Her bottom lip popped out, and I ran the pad of my thumb over it, wanting nothing more than to lick it again. My self-control was tattered right now. If I did that, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop.

  “Besides,” I said, “I imagine you’re still a little sore from earlier. Believe me when I say that I think it will be better if we at least give your body a few hours to recover.”

  “Okay,” she said slowly as she ran her palm over my denim-covered erection. “But you know I could take care of this another way.” She licked her lips and dropped her gaze to the front of my pants, making it obvious that she’d happily drop to her knees right now.