Guarded Desire

by Christi Snow

  Jonah

  It was eight o’clock at night before we finished with the hospital and police interrogations, and were free to go home. All of us were exhausted as Nate led us down the hall of the police station and into the reception area.

  ViviAnna rose from the corner sitting area with a quiet exclamation of relief as she wrapped Elle in her arms. For a moment, Elle relaxed her stiff shoulders and sank into her mother’s embrace. That was the first show of vulnerability I’d seen from her in hours.

  Even as Elle had explained to the police how two of her “friends” had betrayed her in the worst way, she’d remained strong and stoic. I doubted anyone could see how brittle she’d become throughout the day, but I could. It worried me.

  She hadn’t looked to me for support even once today. That had given me an unsettled feeling that had grown worse throughout the day. I wanted to go home and wrap her up in my arms in bed, knowing that she was safe as we let the stress of the day go away for at least a few hours.

  But right before we exited the police station, Elle turned to me. “I’m going to go to my mom’s hotel room for the night. I think I just need to get away to decompress.” She didn’t quite meet my eyes.

  Before I could say anything about her plan, ViviAnna swept Elle into the protection of a waiting bodyguard.

  ViviAnna turned to me. “This is for the best. She needs time.”

  Without giving me a chance to respond, she turned and her entourage surrounded her, cutting me off as they flowed out into the chaos of reporters and cameras outside the police station. I never had a chance to see her again as the bodyguards hustled the two of them into their limo, separating me from them. Two other bodyguards motioned for Dillon and I to get into the other limo idling at the curb.

  No! I needed to be with her tonight. Elle might feel like she needed space, but I knew her better. We’d both rest better, together.

  When the car door shut behind us, quiet enveloped the car. I rapped on the glass divider separating the driver from the back. He rolled it down. “Yes, sir?”

  “Can you take us to the Windsett Plaza, please?”

  “No, sir. I’m sorry. My strict instructions were to take you to Miss Illumination’s apartment building, so that’s where we’re going.” He didn’t give me a chance to reply before he rolled the divider back up between us again.

  I clenched my jaw and slammed my back against the seat, which just make my throbbing shoulder throb more. “Son of a bitch!”

  Dillon cleared his throat. With his red eyes and pale skin, he looked just as rough as I felt. “Give her the night, man. It was a hard day for everyone. She may just need her mother tonight.”

  I nodded, but had a feeling that this went much deeper than that. The lead weight in my gut, in my heart, told me this was much more serious than just needing a few hours. The one thing I knew about Elle Wilcox was that she would never run to hide behind her mother...not unless something had shaken the very core of her foundation. And I was terrified that the earthquake that had shaken her today had taken me completely out of her life.

  AFTER A NIGHT OF LITTLE sleep with worrying about Elle, my cell phone rang early the next morning. The caller ID said it was the Gran Colina Police Department.

  “Jonah Sutton,” I answered.

  “Mr. Sutton, this is Nate Bromley. If you’d like a full update on the case against Gustaf Montes, the investigating detective, Detective Anderson, has been given permission to share all the details with you. But he’s on his way out of town early this morning. If you want to hear it straight from him, you need to be down at the police station within an hour.”

  “I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” I needed to know everything, and if a cop was willing to share that information with me, I wasn’t going to pass up on it.

  Twenty-eight minutes later, I walked into the police station and asked to see Detective Anderson, who I’d met the day before.

  He led me back to his office and offered me a cup of coffee that I happily took. My body and mind felt battered after the day before. I needed as much help as possible to wake up.

  He handed me the cup and then sat behind his desk. “I wanted to let you know that charges have been filed and booked on Mr. Gustaf Montes and his niece, Minerva James.”

  “Charges have already been filed?” That was fast. Usually, the investigation would take a couple of days, and the district attorney would compile all the evidence to see what was the most expeditious way to pursue charges.

  “Yes, his obsession with ViviAnna was deeply seeded. The district attorney allowed ViviAnna to visit with the suspect last night. Not only did she get a full confession out of her former makeup artist, but he also confessed he was hiding the photographer he’d kidnapped. She was found last night. She’s dehydrated, mentally traumatized, and malnourished, but should recover. He’s agreed to plead guilty. As far as the court is concerned, the case is already done and closed.”

  Wow. That was incredible, but what a relief for Elle to not have to go through the spectacle of a trial.

  “That’s fantastic,” I said. “I know Elle has to be happy about that. You said that this guy Gustaf was ViviAnna’s former makeup artist? Is that where his obsession began?”

  The detective shuffled the papers in his file. “Yes. Gustaf Montes was the head makeup artist on ViviAnna’s video for Work It. In his mind, that job was the culmination of his brilliant career. When the tragedy happened on set, that fame was lost to him. He’s never recovered mentally from that.

  “To say the guy is off his rocker is putting it mildly. He lives in Austin, and we’ve secured search warrants for his house there and also for the house he’s been living in here. Both places were literal shrines to ViviAnna. His obsession appears to have covered decades. We found photos of her daughter from birth up until a few days ago.”

  Detective Anderson cleared his throat. “Since ViviAnna was so well-protected, his focus switched to the daughter. He thought if he could show ViviAnna his creative brilliance that she would accept him into her inner circle. You already saw how good he was with makeup.” The detective shuffled through the file on his desk. “Not only did he impersonate the old, grandmotherly Mrs. Latham, but he also posed as a janitor in one of the buildings where Illumination attended classes. He would also pose as a college student along with his niece, Minerva.”

  Jonah frowned in concern. How had they missed all this? In one of those disguises, Gustaf could have gotten to Elle at any point. It was terrifying. “What about the niece? Has she also confessed?”

  The detective shook his head. “No. She’s a harder nut to crack, but now that Gustaf has started talking, he hasn’t stopped. He doesn’t seem to be worried about protecting her, either. I’m sure the district attorney will be able to convince her to plea with the amount of evidence against her, especially since they’re charging her as an adult.”

  I stilled. “She’s a minor?

  “Yes. She’s only seventeen and not even registered at New Mexico Tech. Basically, he didn’t give her any choice in the matter of cooperating with his plan. He’s her only living relative and her guardian. There’s an internal investigation by social services in Texas to see if there might be a history of abuse. From what we can tell so far, he’s only had custody of her the last year. We’re still in the process of trying to figure out what happened to her parents, but it doesn’t look good.”

  Had that sick man killed his family members to gain a pawn? I shuddered. The idea of it was so horrific. And that made it even more frightening to think about what he could have done to Elle.

  Knowing Elle, she would want to do something to help Minerva despite all that had happened with the girl. Knowing she’d also been a victim in all this changed things. “Does Elle know all of this?”

  “Yes. Since Ms. Wilcox is heading back to Austin, she was here about an hour ago. She’s already working with a lawyer on behalf of Minerva James.” He shook his head like that was a lost cause.

 
“Wait. What do you mean? She’s headed to Austin?”

  The detective hesitated, as if suddenly realizing that maybe he’d just spilled something that he shouldn’t have. “Um, maybe I—”

  “It’s okay.” I stood. “You said she was here earlier?” I didn’t even wait for his answer. Maybe I had time to catch her. She was running, and I couldn’t let her go without talking to her first. I rushed out of the police station and dashed to the car. Maybe I could catch her at the Plaza before they left.

  But when I arrived at the Plaza, I was told that ViviAnna’s party had already checked out. I tried to call Elle, but it went immediately to voice mail.

  I left a message. “Please, Elle, talk to me. I want to see you, make sure you’re okay.”

  I texted the same thing but had no response. With no other options left, I went back to her apartment. When I entered, I could smell her perfume. She’d been here, might still be here. Hope bloomed in my chest.

  I raced up the stairs, but didn’t see any sign of her. Literally nothing. Her shoes, her clothes, her toiletries...everything was gone. While I’d been at the police station, she’d been here, clearing out her belongings. My stomach sank.

  She’d left me. I felt like my heart was digging its way out of my chest. It hurt to breathe, to think, to consider that I might not see her again. Is that what she wanted?

  She’d told me that she loved me. Had she been lying? Or was she just scared? The events of the last day would knock anyone on their ass, but why wouldn’t she let me help her?

  The answer was simple. She didn’t trust me. I’d let her down. Let her get hurt. And now, she didn’t trust me to give her what she needed. I couldn’t blame her for that, could I?

  Dammit.

  I thought I knew her better than this. I loved her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I thought we were getting close to the same page, but instead, she’d left without even a goodbye.

  I sank onto the edge of her bed.

  I needed to figure out a new plan of action. Did I give her time? Or go after her? My automatic reaction was to chase her, but that might not be what she needed from me right now. Could I be strong enough to let her go?

  The idea of it brought me to my knees. I didn’t want to let her go. I needed her in my life.

  I needed more coffee for this. I went downstairs and in the kitchen found a folded note with my name on it on the countertop. I snatched it up, relief flooding me, but then I read the few, basic words.

  Jonah,

  I’m sorry. Use the apartment for as long as you need it.

  Elle

  That was it. For some reason, those few words hurt more than being shot yesterday. She was really gone, and she might never come back.

  And that hurt most of all.

  Chapter Twenty

  Three months later

  Elle

  I entered the theatre lobby for intermission, thrilled to have seen Trace’s name at the very top of the Broadway marquis outside. He’d done it...accomplished his dream. The early buzz about the show had been phenomenal, but tonight was the real test...opening night. Tonight, the critics were getting to see the best of my best friend. After this night, he would be around even less, but that didn’t dim my excitement for him.

  Like so many times in the past three months, I’d come alone tonight. I’d gotten used to being alone now despite my heart having a hole where Jonah belonged. I wasn’t even sure if he’d fit there anymore or if he’d want to fit there anymore.

  In the aftermath of Gustaf’s second attack on me, I’d realized something. All my life, I’d relied on everyone else for support. At first, that job had fallen to my mom’s entourage, then it had shifted to Trace, and finally, I’d relied on Jonah.

  When I’d been in the middle of having a panic attack at the hospital, I’d realized how reliant I’d become on him and that scared me. That wasn’t fair to him. He couldn’t be my stability. He’d had that with his mother and the fallout had crushed him. Love needed to be a partnership, and at that point in time, I couldn’t bring that to the table.

  I still wasn’t quite there, but I’d worked so hard over the last few months to try and get there—therapy sessions, talking things through with my mom, facing my fears about the media, and what those fears meant for me long-term in life and at the EDAC once I graduated.

  I’d also worked hard on Minerva’s behalf to make sure she didn’t pay the rest of her life for her crimes. Her uncle had coerced her and the fear of homelessness had driven her to do heinous things. She’d served a couple of months in juvenile detention and now worked for EDAC in Austin as a means of community service. I still couldn’t interact with her on a friend level, but I had kept up with what was happening with her. I didn’t want her to be fall through the cracks and get lost completely. I didn’t like what she’d done, but I understood why.

  I still planned to graduate, although I’d taken the rest of the last semester off.

  Standing on my own meant not behaving like an eighth grader and keeping secrets from my mom. I’d told her about Trace, and she’d become one of his biggest supporters. In fact, she was supposed to be here somewhere tonight, but that was her thing. Being here alone was mine.

  I’d learned to go out in public and deal with the press and paparazzi like an adult. I’d learned how to eat alone and not feel self-conscious about it.

  I’d learned how to be alone and deal with it, but I didn’t like it. I missed Jonah like a missing limb. He was a missing part of me.

  Every day, I reached for my phone to text Jonah with a little victory or achievement, but every day I waited, not sure if I was ready yet. He deserved to have a mature me, comfortable in my own skin and life without him having to prop me up. He needed me to be whole. In the meantime, I’d sent him hand-written letters. I still needed something to connect us. The old-fashioned art of writing to him helped with the ache of missing him. And he’d respected my request for space. I’d never heard back from him.

  Now, I worried that I’d waited too long.

  I took a sip of my wine and glanced around the room at the familiar faces. I’d grown up in Hollywood. Half these people had come through ViviAnna’s house, and I could go over to any circle here and do the chitchat thing. But this aloneness felt right. I knew I needed to learn to stand on my own and not worry about the whispers.

  Even now I could hear them...

  “Isn’t that ViviAnna’s daughter?”

  “It’s so sad about what happened to her.”

  “I heard she dropped out of college.”

  “She looks good.”

  At that one, I straightened my shoulders. I did look good. In fact, I looked downright amazing if I did say so myself. Just another part of what I’d been working on. Tonight, I wore a glittering, gold gown. There was no hiding in the corner in this dress.

  I refused to stand in the corner and hide ever again.

  But I wasn’t doing this for anyone else. I was doing this for me. I deserved to be the best version of me that I could be...just because it made me feel good.

  “I hoped I’d see you tonight.”

  I turned toward the masculine voice. “Dillon!” I threw my arms around his neck. “Trace didn’t tell me you were coming tonight.”

  Dillon’s face flooded with embarrassment. “He didn’t know. I didn’t tell him.”

  I frowned at him. “Why not? I thought things were going well between you two.”

  Trace and I still talked every few days, and he’d been giddy. While he hadn’t seen Dillon since leaving New Mexico, they’d talked and texted every day...more so than I even talked to Trace.

  “This is a big night for him,” Dillon said. “I don’t know what’s going to happen between us, so I didn’t want that to distract him. He should be free to do what he wants and not have to entertain me.”

  While I could see what Dillon was saying, I knew my best friend. He’d want to know Dillon was here for him. I was about to tell him that
when I saw Jonah.

  All the blood leeched from my face. He looked amazing in his tuxedo, but the vision beside him shocked me to my core. On his arm was a beautiful, statuesque, red head. Her long red, velvet dress clung to her curves like a second skin, and she had some amazing curves. She was gorgeous as they laughed together, pure joy between them.

  My stomach churned...jealousy, remorse, and so much pain mixed into a toxic combination.

  I’d waited too long to contact him.

  “What is it?” Dillon looked behind him to see what I’d seen. His eyes widened when he saw Jonah. He turned back to me with a shake of his head and started to speak.

  “I’m sorry, Dillon, but I see someone that I need to go speak to.”

  Dillon frowned in confusion as I went in the opposite direction from where I’d just spotted Jonah.

  So much for all my newfound courage...

  JONAH

  For the barest of moments, I’d seen a glimpse of Elle as she stood with Dillon. She looked amazing, and my heart leapt in my chest, but then as quickly as I spotted her, she was gone in a swish of her golden, silk dress.

  I dragged Tessa, our new firearms expert, along as I honed in on Dillon.

  “Where did she go?”

  “I don’t know, man. We were just talking, and all of a sudden, she took off like she’d seen a ghost.” Tessa caught up and joined us and Dillon punched me in the shoulder. “Or”—he gestured to Tessa—“like she’d just seen her ex with his new girlfriend.”

  My eyes widened, but then a huge grin slipped over my face. If the sight of Tessa with me had bothered her, then I still had a chance.

  ELLE

  I was halfway to my seat when I realized what I was doing...running from reality, my life, my problems...all of which I’d sworn I wasn’t going to do anymore. I stopped and did an about-face. I wasn’t going to run. Not this time.

  My future was worth facing any harsh reality. I’d done this to myself. Now, I needed to accept the consequences.