THE CONVERSATION WITH TERESSE WAS A difficult one. Holly could tell the woman was disappointed that she was going back to her original specialty, but after explaining that she simply found working with children to be hard, especially when they couldn’t save them, Teresse was happy for her. After all, Holly had said she would give pediatrics a try, but cardiology was what she’d really wanted to begin with.
Moira remained true to her word, giving Holly surgeries to participate in. Embers was not happy about this turn of events at all. He even tried to pull rank on Moira, as he had with Jacobs, but she was feisty and no pushover. Holly admired her more by the minute. Embers wasn’t the only one. A lot of the higher-ranking residents weren’t too pleased either, but Moira was adamant about letting Holly assist her with the surgeries.
The fact that Jake hadn’t messaged her didn’t bother her.
One day, they lost a badly wounded patient. A twenty-three-year-old male who’d come into the ER after a horrible car crash. Moira took the death of her patients just as hard as Holly did, and when Holly found her on the stairs with a cigarette in her hand, she sat down next to her, taking a drag from the cigarette before chucking it away. She then took a Ben and Jerry’s tub out of her pocket and handed it to Moira. “This is how we deal with shitty things,” Holly said, glad when Moira let out a haughty laugh at her offering, even though she looked like she was going to cry. Popping the lid off, she pushed the plastic spoon into the ice cream, scooped up a good portion, and plopped it into her mouth.
They ate in silence for a while, swapping ice creams when they were each halfway through, and slowly, they resumed speaking.
“I don’t think there was anything we could’ve done differently. It was just his time, and I wish that I could take it as well as Jake does, but I can’t,” Moira said.
“How do you know him? I mean, I know you have the same last name and everything…”
“Our fathers are cousins. So he’s my second cousin or something.”
Holly giggled.
“To me, he’s my cousin. I grew up with him and his sisters, so we are really close. You know him well?”
Holly shook her head. “My best friend idolizes him.”
“Who doesn’t? It makes me sick how women drool over him.”
Holly chuckled again. It was disgusting. “Some men, too.”
That made Moira laugh. “I feel sorry for him sometimes, but not all of us can be perfect. He seems to do it so well.”
“Didn’t your mother teach you that no man is perfect? I’m sure there is something about him that makes you want to kick him or hit him in the face.”
“Jake?” She shook her head. “Not a chance.”
Moira stood, and Holly followed suit. Holly could give her two reasons that would make Moira feel differently about her cousin.
“Thanks for the ice cream. I guess it’s true what they say about Ben and Jerry’s. Now I know why so many people are fat.”
Holly smiled.
“See you tomorrow,” said Moira, as they went their separate ways.
By the end of the week, Jake was in the OR again for an emergency surgery, but this time, Holly steered clear. She saw him walk out of the OR, take his bandanna off, and throw it against the wall again. She hated him, but she was not going to do to him what he’d done to her. So, she did what he’d taught her to do in times when things were shitty. She bought him a tub of Ben and Jerry’s.
She found him in the locker room, and after making sure that no one else was in there, she entered. He was sitting on the bench, shirtless. Walking toward him, she stopped when she was near enough and held out a tub. “I’m sure nobody will give you a warning for that tantrum you just threw.”
He gave her a look, one that made her feel as if she’d stepped over the line, but then his lips curved softly upward. Reaching out, he took the tub of ice cream from her. “That was hardly a tantrum.” He cocked his head to the side, inviting her to sit down. She knew she shouldn’t, given the way he treated her, but he was like a magnet, pulling her down to sit next to him without having to use any part of his body.
He ate his ice cream while he told her about the patient. She was someone he’d treated on a regular basis, and she had so many tumors in her head, Holly didn’t know how the hell Jake had even tried to save her from the beginning. Then he told her why: she’d only been fifteen.
Holly’s heart melted, and she, too, had tears in her eyes. Fifteen-year-olds who spent time in hospitals instead of malls reminded her of her twin. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, I’ll get over it just as I get over all the other shit that happens in my life.” He sounded a tad sarcastic, so Holly didn’t push that any further.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Jake. Take a shower, go home. You look like shit, and you could use some rest.”
Jake laughed and grabbed her around the neck, pulling her in for a hug. “No, I just need some TLC from you, then I’ll be fine.”
She stared at him, her eyes soft. She wanted to comfort him, but she was not going to have sex him right now. She lifted her head and gave him a soft, tender kiss. Tracing his lips with her tongue for the smallest of moments, she felts his arms relax around her. She sighed and pulled away.
“I’m sorry, Jake,” she whispered as she got up. She lifted her hand to touch his cheek, but decided against it. She didn’t look back at him as she walked away.
Jake ignored her for the next four days, and although she was surrounded by cardio patients, surgeries, and procedures to watch from the gallery, she struggled to ignore how cold he was toward her when he didn’t want sex.
She’d thought she’d feel better, empowered, after not giving in to him when he snapped his fingers for sex. But somehow, she felt even worse. He’d wanted her to comfort him, and she’d denied him. It was for the best, really. She hated the way she felt after sleeping with him, hated the way he treated her. And even though she kept telling herself she hated Kate, she couldn’t keep doing what she was doing with Jake, if only for the sake of his fiancée and his son. She couldn’t keep doing it to her heart.
On the sixth day, she saw The Beast in his parking spot. So he is here, and probably sleeps here, too. She’d been off the day before, but hadn’t expected to see him so early this morning. Rev had asked her to work a shift for him as he had terrible toothache, promising her that he’d go to the dentist that day, which meant that she would be doing a double shift.
The minute she walked in, three to four ambulances came screeching in to stop in front of the entrance. Doctors scurried every which way, some teaming up, and she was glad when Moira nodded her way, urging her to follow. Holly didn’t even have time to change into scrubs before she found herself helping an attending stop the bleeding from one patient’s chest.
Hours later, after completing a surgery with the attending from the ER, Holly was up in the gallery watching a complicated procedure. Moira shouted orders, and Holly could tell she was getting frustrated with the resident who was assisting her. When it finally looked as if the patient’s heart was beating normally again, Jake and Desire walked in. Jake started to assess the head injuries sustained by the patient while Moira closed his chest cavity.
Suddenly, the man’s heartbeat slowed. Jake threw his hands up and backed away, as Moira opened the patient’s chest up again to massage the heart. But, she struggled. Holly knew she should be down there, helping, showing her the way Dr. Somers had shown her to do it.
“We need blood,” Moira yelled.
Holly had never seen so much blood pour out of a chest cavity. The man’s heart was growing weaker by the second. They didn’t have enough time. Holly was on edge, and her mind was working on overdrive. The massaging technique Somers used flowed through her mind. She knew the secret wasn’t merely in the massage. The secret lay in using the patient’s own blood to curb the blood loss. She should be down there.
Moira yelled at the resident again. It looked as if she was on the verge of panic.
Not being able to not do anything, Holly rushed to pull on scrubs and ran into the OR—totally against the rules.
“Where is my blood!” she yelled at Holly.
“It won’t be here in time, Dr. Peters. Move!” Holly barked at the resident. She asked for an empty IV bag, and for a nurse’s assistance. She made a small incision right above the patient’s v-line, being extra careful as his chest was already open, and inserted the tube, drawing blood before it oozed out and was lost.
“What are you doing?” Moira asked Holly, who had moved to massage the heart with both her hands, her eyes intent on the blood dripping into the empty IV bag.
“When it’s full, hang it, then let it drip back into his body until the blood arrives,” Holly ordered the nurse, ignoring the way everyone was staring at her.
“It’s working,” Moira said a few seconds later. “Where did you learn this?”
“As I mentioned before, Dr. Somers was old, so I was essentially his hands.” Holly looked at Moira, able to see from her eyes that the woman was smiling beneath her surgical face mask. Moira turned to the disgraced resident. “Jefferies, find my blood, now. Scallanger, you stay.”
Holly couldn’t believe she’d stolen a resident’s spot in surgery, but she smiled nonetheless, her hands busy within the man’s chest.
“Dr. Peters, are you waiting for an invitation to continue? We’re a bit busy here,” Moira joked.
Jake and Desire stepped closer.
As soon as the blood arrived, Holly removed the catheter, closed the unusual incision she’d made with a careful and delicate stitch, and covered the wound with skin tape.
Moira had found the weakness in the man’s heart and was working on repairing it, and as soon as it was stabilized, she closed him up again. Both Holly and Moira remained in the background as Jake and Desire continued with the injuries to the patient’s brain.
“What happened this morning? What caused all those traumas?” Holly asked.
“Construction accident. I hate those,” Moira said. “Great call earlier, by the way.”
“It’s a bummer I couldn’t show you Somers’ technique.” Holly apologized.
Moira smiled. “Not to worry. There’s always next time.”
A half hour later, Moira told Jake she was heading out as she might be needed elsewhere. The patient was now stable.
“Go,” he said.
Nodding, she turned to Holly and cocked her head for her to follow. Clear of the others, Moira said, “I can’t believe it! Never in the history of medicine has an intern taught an attending something like that, or shoved another doctor with a higher rank away from an operating table.”
“I’m sure I’ll get a warning for that.”
“A warning for being better than someone else?” Moira squinted. “Not likely.”
Laughing, they headed toward the cafeteria.
“I need to take a shower, I really feel dirty,” Holly said. “I won’t be long. I’ll meet you there.” Their paths diverged.
After her shower, she found Moira at one of the tables. She was definitely a Peters, just as beautiful as her cousin. She laughed and joked with the other doctors while eating a salad. Holly wondered why Jake had never mentioned her when they were together.
Moira noticed her and made space for her at the table. It was weird how welcome she made Holly feel, like she was already a resident and not an intern.
After lunch, Moira took Holly with her to do rounds on patients she had treated over the past couple of days. Holly helped her check their stitches, listened as Moira asked follow-up questions, and paid attention when the doctor went over their charts, as well as their progress in recovery.
Jake was finally done with his surgery at four that afternoon. Holly didn’t want to talk to him, so she avoided his OR, pretending to fill out a patient’s chart at one of the nurse stations until he passed. She and Moira had another small surgery that evening, and the hospital quieted down around ten. Most of the doctors had gone home, including Jake. Holly didn’t see The Beast in the parking lot.
She felt as if she could breathe again. It wasn’t that she was afraid of him, but she was afraid to be alone with him. She struggled to control herself around him, and even though she hadn’t given in the last time, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to curb her need for him again. Proud of herself, she decided to go down to the hospital’s gym. The gym was impressive, and she needed to clear her head.
Rain poured down on the hospital’s roof and down its windows; Holly thought the glass would shatter from the force of it. Lightning struck every few minutes, and thunder rumbled in the air.
She ran on the treadmill as hard and fast as she could, but when her legs began to ache, she’d had enough. Standing in the shower felt great, and as the water wet her hair and ran down her back, she closed her eyes. She wasn’t surprised that images of Jake’s naked body filled her mind; the way he would stare at her with those icy green eyes he shared with his daughter. But when her breathing became heavy, she shook her thoughts back to the present. She couldn’t do this anymore. He had a family.
Lightning struck again. The lights flickered and then went out. A shrill scream left her mouth, and she started to laugh in the dark as the water continued to pour on her head. Feeling for the taps, she turned the water off and opened the shower door in search of her towel. Finding it, she wrapped it around her body.
As it was awfully dark, she was grateful for her phone as she could use its light so she could see herself in the mirror. She jumped when her face wasn’t the only one reflected in the mirror.
A chuckle reverberated around the enclosed space, the sexy kind that made her stomach turn, and swirled in her gut. His arms wrapped around her. It was evident he’d been at the gym, working out until the lights went off. “Hiding from me again?” he whispered, kissing her shoulder.
She loved his kisses, but she had to be strong now. “I can’t do this anymore, Jake. You’ve got a family,” she said softly. In her mind it sounded stern, full of confidence.
He laughed as if it wasn’t a big deal, or maybe he didn’t believe it. “I’m going to take a shower, I need one,” he simply said, pulling his shirt off in front of her.
He sure knew how to reel her in, and his muscular, sun-kissed chest was one of the hooks he’d caught her with. His pants and shoes disappeared, as if it were the most natural thing in the world for him to be naked in front of her. He was so full of confidence, and she didn’t know if she loved or hated it at this very moment. Not wanting to look, she kept her gaze on the sink until he was in the shower.
“What, you’re not going to join me?’
“I just had a shower, thanks,” she bit out. Her breathing hardened and her heart rate picked up speed. No, don’t. Don’t do this. Be strong. But her lips parted of their own volition and her chest rose and fell with want.
Jake chuckled, as if he could hear it, knowing she wasn’t serious about refusing him.
All she had to do was stand her ground this time.
The shower turned off faster than she’d hoped it would, only giving her time to put her panties, bra, and top on. She heard him get out, and when she saw him from the corner of her eye, he had already wrapped a black towel around his waist. He looked like a Tommy Hilfiger model walking out of the ocean, begging you to eat his… scratch that… begging you to buy his cologne.
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, and when she opened them again, he was standing right behind her, staring at her with his smoldering eyes reflected in the mirror.
She turned around to look him in the eye. “I can’t do this.”
He smiled softly. “I heard you the first time.”
“Then why are you making it so difficult?”
“I’m making it difficult?”
“Jake, I’m serious.” Her tone was flat.
He lowered his head to kiss her earlobe, brushing his lips softly against her neck, moving down to her shoulder. Her eyes closed. Why did it have to feel
so good?
“Then tell me no, and I’ll go.”
She wanted to say it so badly, she did, but she didn’t know if she had the strength.
He stared right at her with those eyes, and in the faint light they held more gravity than ever before.
“I know you want this, Holly,” he whispered again, touching her arm softly. Her stomach fluttered as a million goosebumps appeared all over her skin. His touch scorched her skin.
She closed her eyes as his lips moved to her ear again.
“You seriously don’t want me?”
That was so not what she’d said. She wanted him, more than she’d ever wanted a man her in entire life. She’d never want another man that badly again, but she couldn’t do it. “No.” She forced the words out of her mouth, swallowing hard.
Jake frowned, but nodded. “Okay,” he said with a slight smile. He gave her a soft kiss on the temple, then turned away.
She should’ve just let him go, but groaning, she lightly touched his hand just as he made to step away from her.
He moved so fast, she found herself pinned against the wall. Their lips locked on one another’s, and for the first time in a long time, she was kissing him fiercely. Their breathing was fast and hard, and when his towel dropped, it was only a matter of seconds until her panties followed the same path down to her ankles. She’d just gotten one foot free, when Jake grabbed her butt cheeks and lifted her up, thrusting himself into her.
They tugged on each other’s lips. She bit into his shoulder, and her nails dug deep into his back, scoring his skin. Jake grunted in appreciation, but Holly knew he loved it; he deserved some payback for the marks he’d left on her that first night. A thought entered her mind. She secretly wished that Kate would find them. If Kate walked in on them, perhaps Holly wouldn’t have to keep reminding herself to lock away her feelings.
Half an hour later, both utterly sated, they got dressed. Jake was the first to leave, giving her a simple goodbye. As for Holly, she remained where she was, waiting for the horrible worthless, dog-like feeling to creep inside of her again. It didn’t matter how much she wanted him, the awful feeling superseded her want. Slipping to the floor with her back against the wall, she let her sobs wrench out of her.
Secret Love (The 4Ever Series Book 2) Page 23