Neveah Box Series (Neveah Box Set Book 5)

by Angie Merriam

  I love you always, Shep.

  Lilly

  I tore the page from my notebook and carefully folded the paper. I had no place to send it. No way of the letter reaching him, yet writing to him helped me feel connected. I decided I would save it for him. I thought I could write to him regularly, and I would give them all to him upon his return. Writing to Shep eased my heart a little. With the letter tucked neatly in my pocket, I watched the land around me. The trees were still and the animals silent. The air was thick, and my heart was racing. I was anxious. Clearly, relaxation would not be visiting me. I just couldn't shake the restlessness.

  A thought occurred to me and on impulse I decided to leave for Keno. Why not? I had no responsibilities, yet. I still had the money my mother left me, though it was dwindling quickly. I would need to find a job when I returned, but for the time being, I was alone in a giant house, in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do. I thought my mind was craving a bit of closure. Going back to Keno was what I probably needed. I hurried inside to get things ready.

  It didn’t take long, as I had no reason to pack clothes. I turned the fans off, grabbed my purse, and left the letter to Shep on the kitchen table. I decided to drive Shep’s truck down so it could be left with his father. I would ride the train back up. I was on the road within an hour and for the first time felt lighthearted. I was going home.

  I drove straight through, a feeling of anxiousness pushing me. As I navigated the corners of Hwy 97 around the Klamath Lake, I began to relax. I felt tranquil, and that surprised me. I had been afraid to come here. Afraid the memories would be too painful. I was wrong. This was my home, and I felt a surprising excitement as I entered Klamath County.

  I drove through the town of Klamath Falls. The town was desolate compared to the streets up north. I was also acutely aware of the brown mountains that surrounded me, none of the green that was in abundance in Newberg. There were tree lined streets, but only a few grew wild on the hills that hugged the town. No, I thought to myself, none of the green that made Newberg breathtaking. I still, however, found the landscape beautiful and was happy to be home, if only of a little while.

  Another fifteen minutes and I was out of town and almost to my home in Keno. Tiny butterflies fluttered around in my belly. Although I was elated to be home, even if only briefly, I was not looking forward to the news I came bearing. I was on the road for exactly five hours when I pulled into the Wagner driveway.

  Mike Wagner's truck was parked in its usual spot. There was another car in the driveway that I didn’t recognize. Not only did I not recognize the car, it looked out of place out here. Most folks that lived in the Keno area drove trucks, most of them older. There were no shiny black town cars out here. I wondered who could possibly be visiting Shep’s dad in such a fancy ride. Part of me hoped I wasn't interrupting anything, and part of me stood alert. If I had learned one thing in Neveah, it was never to let my guard down. I was sure that I was safe enough here, but I couldn’t allow myself to get too comfortable. Jax had been here. Nothing was impossible.

  I took a deep breath for strength and approached the front door. I had knocked on this door a million times before. This time was difficult and suddenly my hand felt like lead. I was unable to lift it enough to knock on the door. I was willing my hand to move when the door opened. I was standing face to face with Shep’s dad.

  He didn’t appear confused to find me on his front porch. His eyes were full of anguish, though, and seemed to grow even wearier when he looked at me. We stood in silence for what seemed like forever, before he opened the door all the way and let me in. I was just inside the door when his arms reached out and pulled me close. He held me tight, his body trembling. I heard sobs and realized he was crying. My thoughts were racing. Did he already know? How? Who would have told him? Then I remembered the strange car parked in the driveway. I pulled away, suddenly feeling on high alert. “Mr. Wagner, are you okay?” I asked. He looked at me, shaking his head.

  “Lilly, I am so happy you’re safe. I didn’t get word on you.”

  “Word? What do you mean, Mr. Wagner? I have something to tell you, something that I am having a hard time admitting to myself,” I said confused.

  “I already know, Lilly,” he said with deep sorrow.

  “What do you already know?” I was trying to make sense of this. How could he know already?

  “I know what happened to Leah, and Shep, and your mother,” he said, tears pouring from his gentle brown eyes. Agony was carved into his face. He had aged ten years since I last saw him.

  “I am sorry, but how do you already know?” I asked. A strange voice came from behind Mike. A voice I couldn't place.

  “I told him,” were the only words spoken. I stretched my neck to peer around Michael and found the source of the voice. The man was tall and dark. His black hair slicked back. His eyes were dark and full of endless emotion. Something about this man was familiar, yet I couldn’t place him from either here or Neveah. His gaze was startling, though, making me rather uncomfortable.

  “Who are you?” I asked accusingly. Who was this man to come here and tell Michael heartbreaking news like this? Announcing the death of his wife should have come from someone close to him. It should have come from me.

  “I am from Neveah, Lilly. I knew your father. I was his informant. I helped him watch you and your mother for many years,” he informed me, and I could hear the sadness in his words. How did this man know my father and why on earth would he help him watch me? Why was he so familiar to me?

  “How do you know what happened in Neveah and why are you here?” I knew I sounded rather rude, but I couldn't trust anyone at that point. The sadness in his voice echoed in my ears and my heart told me to back off, but my brain was in full panic mode, ready to attack. This man would have to explain a lot and quickly.

  “I have people in Neveah still, people who report back to me. I am sorry about all you have been through, Lilly. I feel responsible,” he stated and sat on the old couch, resting his head in his hands. The agony was painfully obvious and if this man was acting, he was doing a damn good job. I decided to rein the bitch in and give him the benefit of the doubt.

  His choice of words confused me. Why would this strange man be responsible for what had happened? I had never seen him before. Michael draped an arm protectively around my shoulder and led me further into the trailer I had spent so much time in. The place seemed foreign now without Shep and Leah. At Michael’s urging, I sat on the couch, and he sat beside me. The strange man sat across from us, trouble written all over his face.

  “Who are you?” I asked again, my tone sharper than intended. I reminded myself to try to be understanding, at least until he explained himself. The man didn’t answer at once, but I felt Michael tense next to me. “Who is he?” I asked, looking at Shep’s dad. I was hoping he would explain to me who this man was.

  “I think it would be best if he explains things to you, Lilly,” he replied and sat back. The strange man sighed and ran a hand through his hair, clearly not comfortable with what he was about to tell me. I was ready to demand answers, the understanding wearing off, when he finally spoke.

  “Lilly, my name is Eldon Androni. I believe you have heard of me. I left Neveah many years ago for reasons of which you are aware. I have been helping your father James Mender. We have worked together to keep you safe from Jax for the last ten years. It seems I have failed terribly and I am so sorry,” he finished, studying me for a reaction.

  I didn’t know what to say. I was sure the shock was evident on my face. I stood and started pacing. My mind began rapidly processing the information he had just dropped on me. So the Andronis disappeared to the Ordinary land? This man, Jax's father, my grandparent's closest friend, had been helping my father? He was trying to make things right from Earth and now felt as though he failed.

  I couldn't believe he was here. I couldn't believe he was helping my father, and I couldn't believe he felt responsible for something that happen
ed in another world. I truly felt terrible for this man. He had to come to terms with the fact that his only son was a madman. He left his home, his friends, and tried to right the wrongs his son caused. He was not a failure. He was a very noble man.

  “You’re not responsible for any of this. You had no control over what happened this time or in the past. My grandparents don’t blame you or your wife. In fact, they miss you greatly,” I said, still pacing. I thought I had left Neveah behind. I wanted to leave Neveah behind, but I was beginning to think that was impossible. I saw Eldon tense when I mentioned his wife and was curious as to where she was. “Is Selene here as well?” I asked. He didn’t answer right away and looked as though he was remembering something that was very painful. I was almost sorry I had asked, yet I needed to know.

  “Well, after we learned what Jax had become, we left Neveah. We came here in hopes of escaping the pain our son had caused. Selene just couldn’t get past the guilt. She badgered herself daily, trying to place where she had gone wrong with our son. It didn’t matter what I said to her, she just couldn’t let go. The guilt and pain was unbearable for both of us, but more so for her. I came home one day and found her dead. She took her own life. It was then that I decided to track Jax. I couldn’t let him hurt anyone again. I no longer considered him my son.” He paused, and I thought he was trying to fight the tears.

  “He was a stranger to me. He was a very dangerous, twisted, and dark stranger. My son died long ago. Anyway, I found your father watching you and your mother. He told me Jax had been watching you as well. We worked together, but it seems once again I have failed.” Aldon Androni hung his head in shame, a shame that did not belong to him. So many had let their blame fall to them…my grandparents for not stopping things sooner and for sending me into harm’s way, Denali for not getting to my parents sooner, Shep for not stopping Jax sooner, and of course, I blamed myself. Every action seemed just a bit too late. I had gone over the situation myself, trying to figure out what went wrong. It wasn’t until this moment, standing here with Jax’s father, that I realized none of us were to blame.

  We were all naïve when it came to fighting Jax. None of us had the vaguest idea how to defeat an evil such as he was, yet we all rushed in, hearts blazing, courage in abundance, and we all shouldered a blame that was not ours to bear. We had done our best. We had been there. We had tried. Jax was no longer a threat to anyone, which should have offered condolences of some sort. We all lost someone, but we made it through, and we would trudge along.

  There was no point in blaming ourselves for things that could not be changed. I told this to Mr. Androni before hugging him tightly and thanking him for helping my father all those years. “How did you find yourself here with Mike?” I asked, curiously.

  “Well, once your father went back to Neveah I found myself alone and useless. I came here in hopes of helping to keep Mike informed of his family's progress in Neveah,” he was telling me when Mike cut in.

  “I have been so grateful to have Eldon here. He has kept me connected to my family. I am proud to call him my friend,” Mike said before reaching a hand out to Mr. Androni. The two men shook hands before Mr. Androni announced that he had to leave.

  I encouraged him to go home to Neveah, assuring him my grandparents would be thrilled at his return. He promised to consider it. He shook Michael’s hand again and kissed my cheek. Just before he left, he whispered, “I would love to meet my great grandchild someday, if his mother allows.”

  I hadn’t thought anyone could tell here, in the Ordinary World, after all I didn’t even feel pregnant anymore. I also had not connected him as Shep's grandfather. I now understood why he seemed familiar to me, he looked like Shep. I looked up at him shyly. “I would be honored to have you a part of this baby’s life.” I squeezed his arm and smiled before he made his way out the door and away from Keno.

  I stood on the porch, watching him drive away, feeling a strange sense of sadness at seeing the man go. I had only known him a few moments, yet felt deeply connected to him. I sighed and made my way back into the trailer where Mike was waiting for me.

  “I am so sorry, Michael. I brought Shep’s and Leah’s things back to you, along with Shep’s truck. I thought you might want it,” I said and paused, fighting back the tears that were threatening to make their appearance. I choked the sob back and continued on. “I also came to tell you that you are going to be a grandfather,” I said. This time I smiled at him. I was hoping to lessen the pain that echoed in his eyes.

  “A grandfather, huh? Wow, that is something, isn’t it?” He paused, as though trying to find the words. He went to the couch and collapsed. “Can you tell me what went on there, Lilly? I mean, what really happened?” His voice laced with pain, confusion and anger. I took a deep breath, sat beside him and began the story.

  I told him the history of Jax Bane and how we discovered he was Shep’s father. I told him what I knew of Leah and her death. I told him how brave she had been and how she desperately tried to protect Shep from Jax. I told him of my parents’ deaths and also how brave Shep had been. I tried to smile as I spoke of Shep, but I could feel the tears welling in the corners of my eyes.

  “Where is Leah’s body?” he asked quietly.

  “I honestly don’t know. I know Shep saw her. She was in Jax’s compound, but I don’t know what became of her body. I can only assume that was one of the reasons Shep went back to the compound with his aunt Kelsha, to bring his mother home,” I replied, trying to smile, to no avail.

  “I am so sorry he left you like that. The son I raised would never have done such a thing,” he whispered, clearly angry with Shep, and with good reason, I thought.

  “I know. He wasn’t Shep when he left me. I think his aunt Kelsha did something to him. I don’t know what. I truly believe Shep has a plan, I just wish he didn’t have to push me away to accomplish it. He will come back, though. I have to believe that he will come back.”

  “Why didn’t you stay in Neveah? How did you leave him there?” He looked up at me, his eyes glossy. Though the question was blunt, it wasn’t asked in contempt. It was as though he was asking how I was able to move forward when he clearly wasn’t able to.

  “Leaving Shep in Neveah was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I just couldn’t stay. I don’t know why, but I had to get out of Neveah. Maybe it was too painful and I am running away. Maybe I am a coward that didn’t want to be faced with Shep's betrayal day after day. If I stayed in Neveah I would feel an overwhelming urge to find him and force him to come with me. I know he wouldn’t come and his resistance would hurt too much. He knows where to find me. I will wait for him to come back to me. I know he will.” With that I was able to truly smile at Shep’s father. “He will come back to us,” I assured him as much as I was assuring myself.

  “Will you be staying here then?” he asked, full of hope.

  “No, I am going back to Newberg. If, I mean when, Shep comes through that portal I want to be there. Plus, it's really beautiful there, peaceful, much like Keno. You should come stay too, or at least visit. The house is big enough.” I offered, but I knew that although he might visit, he wouldn’t stay. This was his home and held his memories.

  “Thanks, Lilly. How long are you staying? How do you plan to get home if you are dropping Shep’s truck?” he asked curiously.

  “The train,” I replied.

  “Oh, no, you are not taking the train alone. You take Shep’s truck with you. He would want that and I have no use for it here. Besides, you might want to take some more things to Newberg with you, make that house more like your home and you will need the truck to haul stuff,” he spoke firmly, and I was very thankful to him.

  “Thank you, I appreciate that. Do you think I could talk you into helping me load some things up?” I asked, knowing he would.

  “Of course, kid,” he replied.

  “Well, I’m gonna head over to my place and pack some things up. Maybe you can come over for dinner and help me load up. I wan
t to head out in the morning.”

  “Of course, I will go to town to pick something up. Pizza sound good?”

  “Great,” I replied and headed out the door. Normally, I would walk between the two houses, but since I would be loading my things in Shep’s truck, I drove it down the dirt road. I pulled up to my trailer, and my heart balled up in a knot. Though it felt amazing to be home, the thought of my mother not being here was heartbreaking. I sat in the truck, looking at the trailer, trying to gather courage to go inside. Finally, after sitting there for a long time, I decided to go inside.

  It was just as I had left it. I didn’t know what I expected to find, but nothing was out of place. Being in my home was like pulling the scab off of an old wound. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I wandered from one tiny room to the next. I touched the knick knacks my mother had collected and dusted faithfully every week. I didn’t realize the tears that were so freely flowing. I felt my mother. I felt the old me, all over this place. Flashes of the past flashed through my mind. Drawing with my mother, singing and dancing around the trailer using curling irons and brushes as our microphones, and movie nights. Games with Shep, plays Shep and I would make up and perform for my mother. The night I found my mother gone, reading the note. The days I spent with Shep before I left for Newberg, before our lives crumbled to dust. I collapsed onto the couch and sobbed. I mourned for all that I had loved and all that I had lost. I fell asleep in a pile of tears and hurt.