Neveah Box Series (Neveah Box Set Book 5)

by Angie Merriam

  I pleased Theron. He was fast asleep beside me, his naked arms and legs entangled in mine. He hadn't noticed the tears or the sobs I cried as we both reached our peak. I was careful not to say Shep's name in those intimate moments when I had truly convinced myself it was Shep I was making love to, not this strange man. I laid in the dark, silently going over my plan, over and over.

  My original plan to follow him when he went for supplies disintegrated when he explained his power to me. I had a new plan now. As long as Theron was alive to imagine, I would never escape. I had to kill his imagination. I had to kill him. I got up out of our filthy bed. Laying there made me ill. I was careful to move slowly. I didn't want to wake him. I didn't bother dressing. It didn't matter. He would just undress me again. A pleasured man always came back for more, and I knew Theron was no different. The difference this time would be me. I understood what had to be done now. I would not be unprepared.

  I felt strange walking through the cabin knowing nothing in it was real. Sure, it was all tangible, edible, and scented but once the imagination went away all of the stuff would go away too. He was a detailed man, she gave him that. He nailed everything down, down to every last spoon. He would never have to leave for supplies he would just imagine them there. That was why time stood still, he didn't think about it progressing. He lived in the moment.

  It was hard to be quiet when I rummaged through the utensil drawer. The cabin was still surrounded by darkness, so I had to find what I was looking for by touch. The metal clinked together, causing an echo in the cabin. I was sure he would wake but when I quieted and held still I could still hear him snoring lightly. Relieved that he slept like the dead, I continued my search. I found, near the back of the drawer, a small sword, Neveah's version of a steak knife. The edges were like a razor, and the end was pointed like a needle. The thing was small enough to hide under my pillow.

  I would let him sleep a little while longer before I woke him to make love again. He would be disorientated from sleep and sex. He would be hungry for more sex. He would not be thinking clearly. I would take control. I would kill him. I would find my way home.

  I went back to the bed and slid the knife under my pillow. I slid back into bed and stilled when he turned to wrap me in his arms again. The time was coming.

  Shep recalled every conversation he had ever had with Theron. The boy was frightened of his powers in the beginning. Shep taught him to embrace them, harness them, and how to use them. Shep had been training him how to kidnap his own wife. He remembered the boy talking about a tiny chunk of land off of Raven Island. The land didn't connect to Raven Island and was too small for life to sustain, unless all you had to do was imagine everything you needed.

  Shep remembered Theron's exact words. “There is this girl who I like. I will take her there one day. We will be married, have babies, and be happy.” Shep encouraged him back then. How was he to know the girl he was thinking of was Lilly? Why would he? Shep didn't even know who Lilly was during that time. Even now he really had to recall how Theron knew her back then. He was flipping through his brain when the image of the boy in Antiope appeared in his mind, the boy who had been watching Lilly. The two of them laughed about it then. Theron seemed so young, just a little boy. The more Shep thought of it, he realized the boy was more of a young man, not much younger than he was at that time. In a haze of wedded bliss, the shock of discovering he possessed powers, the disbelief that a parallel world existed, and the fight he was told would have to be fought, he felt much older than most boys, including Theron. The harder Shep pushed to remember the boy the more he worried. The innocence of a boy having a crush on a girl was lost on Theron. When Shep remembered the things Theron had confessed, his heart felt crushed, and he pushed Lucy to fly faster.

  “Come on, girl. Let's get Lilly,” he urged the beast whose wings sliced through the air as quickly as they could.

  Yes, Theron had been taunting Shep. He would talk about sex with Shep and his desires for the girl he dreamed of. Shep had laughed and encouraged the boy to go after the girl. His girl. Shep's heart was pounding out of control as he remembered the way Theron spoke sexually of Lilly. Shep prayed he would make it there before the man laid a hand, or any other body part, on his wife.

  The air was growing warmer. He was nearing Raven Island. He was getting closer to Lilly. He didn't know how he would find the imaginary place Theron had built, but the island was little. Shep would find her. The closer he got, the harder his heart pounded, the quicker his breath came. He was getting closer to her. He was going to find her.

  My heart was beating out of sync, causing a flutter in my chest. I felt a rush of fear run up my spine. It was time to end this. I felt it. I feared it. I craved it. I turned towards my captor and brushed my lips on his. He began to stir. I allowed my hands to travel his naked body. He began to moan. He was half asleep. “I want you again, Lilly,” he whispered dreamily.

  “You will have me,” I replied softly. I urged him onto his back and slowly climbed on top. I felt his face and was pleased to feel his eyes were closed as I still couldn't see. I bent forward, resting my chest on his. In an effort to appear as though I was steadying myself, I slid my hand under my pillow, reaching for my weapon. Without warning, he grabbed me and flipped me over. He was awake now. He pinned my arms beneath his and began his assault on my body. Again, I tried to be in the moment with him. I tried to think of a way to free my arms. I needed my weapon. I didn't have to think long.

  “Turn over on your belly,” he demanded.

  “What?” I asked breathlessly.

  “Turn over. I want to do it like the animals,” he said, and I had to swallow the vomit that was rising in my mouth. I turned over. He braced himself using my hips for support. I stretched my hands under my pillow and screamed when he ripped through me. The pain was unbearable. I felt like my body had been ripped in two. Tears streamed down my face. Either he didn't notice my pain or my scream turned him on because he moved his hips harder and faster exploring a part of my body that had never been touched.

  I could hear his pleasure moans and harnessed my pain. I felt rage stir inside of me. I gripped the knife and prepared to kill the man.

  “You like that, Lilly? You like the pain? I love your pain,” he said just before I turned as quickly as I could, running the tiny sword across his face. I didn't kill him, but wounded him enough that he pulled out of me and reached to touch the blood on his face. I scrambled to get off the bed. He grabbed my ankle causing me to fall and hit my face on the edge of the bed.

  “Why did you do that? I thought we were having fun!” He demanded in a voice that made me shiver. His hand slashed across my face as my hand with the sword plunged into his belly as hard as I could. He stumbled back slightly. Suddenly, the darkness was gone. The walls were fuzzy. It was working. He couldn't concentrate on the image when he was in pain. I gripped my tiny sword, ready to swing again when I heard it. I heard my name. I heard the voice that was so familiar to me.

  “Lilly! Lilly! Where are you?” Shep's voice penetrated the imaginary walls. I screamed back for him. “Shep! I'm here, help me!”

  Theron gathered himself and came at me again. He knocked me to the floor. He wrapped his hands around my neck. He didn't say a word, but his eyes told me all I needed to know, me or him. One of us would die. I began to swing my arm frantically, cutting and stabbing over and over. He never loosened his grip, but the walls were fading. Shep's voice was becoming clearer. I felt Theron's blood flowing over me. I felt his body weaken. My own body was growing tired from the fight and lack of oxygen due to Theron's death grip around my throat. I swung one last time with all my strength and felt the sword bury deep in his side. He lost his grip on my throat. I pulled the sword out of his side and swung again, this time reaching his throat. The sword buried deep into his soft tissue of his neck, and his body collapsed onto mine.

  “Lilly, call for me!” I heard Shep yell. He was getting closer. All the walls and imaginary things were g
one. I was lying in the middle of a forest with Theron's corpse pinning me to the hot sand. Between the weight of his body and being choked moments before I found myself out of breath and barely able to talk but I tried. I sucked in some air and yelled weakly for Shep over and over until he was there, pulling Theron off of me.

  “Oh my God. Lilly, baby.” He scooped me up into his arms and carried me to a small grassy patch of land under a tree. I clung to him for my life and my sanity. I didn't realize I was crying. I forgot I was naked and covered in blood. I didn't care. Shep was there. He came for me. He found me. I held him tightly as though he might disappear. I looked up at him and saw that he was crying as well. He was holding me nearly as tightly as I held him.

  “I'm so sorry. I should have never left you alone. I promised to protect you and I failed. Again. I am never letting you out of my sight again. When I think about what could have happened to you. Lilly, I almost lost you.” He was sobbing through his words, his body trembling as he held me.

  “I'm so sorry too, Shep,” I said, knowing now was maybe not the time for a full confession, but I couldn't hold it in. Not when he was holding me so close.

  “No, Lill you have nothing to apologize for. You did what you needed to do. That's it,” he stated as though he knew what I was going to tell him.

  “You don't even know what I did,” I said through tears.

  “I do. I saw Calista. She didn't come out right and say it, but she implied strongly and I understood. I understand, Lilly. You had sex with Theron to save yourself and our unborn child. I'm not angry. I'm not jealous.” I stared at him in disbelief. Here was my Shep, confessing he knew I had slept with another man, and he didn't care. I know my reasons were right, but I hated myself for what I had done and because of that I wanted him to hate me too. And, he knew about the baby. The shock on my face must have been easy to read because he continued.

  “Look, Lilly, I don't like that you did what you did. I could easily allow jealousy and rage to take over but I don't want to. It's irrational. My trust and faith in you, in us, is not broken. I love you. I love us. Together we are one. We are whole. We need each other to survive. I can't live without half my heart. We have both done things that had to be done or we were tricked into doing, but in the end it's still you and me. That's all that matters. You and me and James and our unborn baby,” he said before resting his hand on my belly.

  “Please trust me, Lilly. We are going to be okay. We will make it through all of this and when we do we are leaving Neveah behind to raise our family. I am done being heroic and saving lands and stopping psychopaths. I just want this to be over so we can go home. So we can be us again. Well, us plus two. Okay?”

  “Yeah, okay, Shep. Thank you for coming for me. Thank you for understanding.” That was all I could say. As happy and grateful I was to have him there, to be rescued, I felt battered and broken. My body hurt all over, in places that should never hurt, I was naked and bloody, and emotionally I was worn down.

  “I killed him Shep. I have never killed anyone before. I don't know how I feel about it. Part of me is disgusted with myself for having the ability to take a life, but a bigger part of me is relieved. Relieved, he is gone and relieved that I was strong enough to go through with it. When he first brought me here he told me you were dead. He said you were all dead. I believed him and I kissed him. Then I felt you. I knew you were alive. Once I figured it out I made a plan. I am so happy you came for me, Shep.”

  “Me too, baby, me too. Now let's get you cleaned up.” He lifted me into his arms again and carried me to a small pond. He set me down gently and undressed himself. He slid in first and held his hand out to help me in. The water was warm and soothing. Shep began gently scrubbing my body with his hands. Methodically, he cleansed my body of Theron's blood and cleansed my heart of the guilt I felt. When his hands reached around to my backside, I flinched, and he stopped, his eyes bore into mine. I didn't have to tell him what had happened, he knew. Thankfully, he didn't ask me to explain, though I saw the pain in his face. His eyes were glossy, and his face was turned down in a frown. He gently rubbed my behind, rinsing away the remnants of my captor.

  Once I was cleansed of Theron's blood and bonds he held me gently in the water. His skin on mine was comforting. His arms around me gave me security. We stayed that way until my hands began to wrinkle. “Look, my fingers are prunes,” I said and for the first time we both laughed, just a little.

  “Come on, baby, let's get you home.”

  “Shep, I have no clothes. They all disappeared when Theron died.”

  “It's okay. I wasn't sure how long I would be gone, so I brought a change of clothes and a blanket.” He went to Lucy and grabbed his pack. He returned and began rustling through it. He held up a t-shirt and a flannel and jeans. I began laughing hysterically.

  “What? I know it's not high fashion but it will work.”

  “I know, it's just, can you imagine me in your jeans. I could swim in them. Here,” I said and grabbed the t-shirt, slipping it over my head. I took the flannel and buttoned it up before sliding it over my legs and hips. I used the arms to tie it tightly around my waist. “Tadaa, high fashion,” I said as I flung my arms above my head. He shook his head at me and smiled. “Glad to know you have not lost your creativity,” he said before pulling me into his arms.

  “I was serious when I said you are never leaving my sight. At least until we are back home where things are normal. I love you, Lilly. This place has hurt us enough. It's time to finish it and move on. Now let's get off this hot chunk of land and get you into a proper bed.”

  “I love you, Shep, let's go.” I let him lift me onto Lucy. My little burst of energy that I had when I concocted my outfit hadn't lasted long. I was exhausted. I leaned on Shep and slept. When I woke I was in our bed at the compound, with James sleeping in the cradle beside the bed.

  “Hello, baby,” I whispered. I gently stroked his head. He had grown so much. I was angry that I had to miss so much time with him. Shep was right. This place was poison to us. We had to stay and fight this battle, but after that we had to go home. I laid back down and dreamt of home.

  ~Chapter Thirty One~

  I’m not sure how long I slept, but when I woke the room was dark and Shep was beside me. I could hear the quiet snores of James beside my bed and felt my heart relax. I was home. They were alive. We would be alright. I knew that now and that knowledge made me feel more relaxed and confident than I had felt in a long time, however, my time with Theron was still thick in my mind.

  I knew it was unreasonable to expect myself to forget about him, his imagination, the sex, me killing him, yet all I wanted to do was wipe that image out of my mind. My body was touched by another man leaving me feeling dirty and tainted, especially when I think about the last way Theron chose to use my body. I knew it wasn’t fair to say he raped me since I gave consent, but I still felt violated. I had half my brain comforting me, telling me it wasn’t my fault. I did what had to be done. The other half mocked me, called me a whore for giving in. Told me, I didn’t fight hard enough.

  I was caught in an internal war. I cried for what was taken from me. I cried for the way he hurt and violated my body. I cried because I was ashamed. I cried because I was weak. I cried because for a second, when I thought I had lost everyone in the world that mattered, I allowed myself to like Theron. I was thankful that he rescued me from Kelsha. Had he not done that I probably would not be lying in bed with Shep beside me. I hated Theron, without a doubt, but I was grateful too. Because of him, I was alive.

  I reached to dry my face that was soggy with tears and turned to my sleeping Shep. “I love you, my chocolate muffin. I am so sorry for what I did. What I had to do. I’m sorry that I believed in him, even if it was only for a moment. I can’t begin to tell you how dirty I feel. I want to want you so badly but my body feels broken. I want you to touch me, but I am afraid. Being with him hurt me physically and mentally.” I was whispering my confessional to a sleeping Shep be
cause I was too much of a coward to admit my feelings to him any other way.

  His arm reached around my waist, and my body stiffened in response. He was awake. I immediately felt panic. Had he heard everything I said? When I heard him sigh sadly I knew that he had.

  “Please don’t tense up like that when I touch you, Lilly,” he whispered. Before I could respond, he pulled me close and continued. “I hate that he touched you. I hate that you were put in a position where you would have to trust another man. I hate that he hurt you so badly that you shy away from my touch. I hate that I have to wake to hear you crying. I hate that you feel so ashamed that you can’t talk to me unless you think I’m sleeping. You know me, Lill. I love you more than life. As much as I hate what happened, as much as the idea of you agreeing to have sex with another man invokes a rage inside of me that I have never felt, as much as I want to be angry with you for allowing it, I can’t. We have both done things in this world that goes against the people that we are as individuals and who we are as a couple. I can’t fault you. I can’t be angry with you. You have to trust me.”

  “I do trust you, Shep. I just hurt so badly. I have all these emotions tied up inside of me, emotions I have never felt before and I don’t know what to do with them. It’s everything, Shep. I never imagined that another man would touch me like that. I hated it in my heart and in my mind but my body responded the first time. My body found pleasure in my hearts pain. How can I live with that, Shep? Then the second time, just before I killed him, he shocked my senses when he took me from behind. I felt my body rip open. The pain was unbearable yet I had to endure it. I had to wait for the right time to kill him because if I didn’t he would have won. Then I heard your voice. Your voice gave me strength. I focused on you and forgot that he was torturing me in ways I never imagined. I have never killed anyone before, Shep, but killing him made me feel good. I felt as though taking his life gave me back part of my own sanity, yet that scares me as well. It scares me to know I killed a man and I have no remorse for it. Am I a monster, Shep?” It felt good to confess to Shep even though I knew it was hard for him to listen to the things I needed to say.