Their Miracle Baby (BWWM Romance Book 1)

by Shanade White

  When she looked up and their eyes met, his heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he realized that he wanted Venetia to have their baby. She must have interpreted his look because she gently shook her head no, but Lewis, accustomed to getting what he wanted, shook his head yes.

  The moment was interrupted when someone walked between them and broke their eye contact. Venetia’s heart was pounding; a baby was definitely not in her plans. She’d just learned how to let go and think about herself for a change. It was too soon to think about having someone be totally dependent on her. Hopefully, she thought, as she passed the baby on, the moment had passed and Lewis would forget the crazy idea she’d seen blooming in his eyes.

  When Lewis didn’t bring it up in the car, she though that he’d abandoned the idea. But once they were back in their hotel room, she could tell he was still thinking about it. He was distracted as they got ready for bed, enough so that Venetia decided that she’d better stop this before it went any further.

  “You seem distracted. Is there something on your mind? I’m sorry about my family,” she said, one sentence tumbling out after another.

  “Your family was great. They made me feel very welcome. It makes me sad that my family is so cold. When I have kids, I’m going to love them and they’re going to know it,” he said, sitting down on the bed.

  “Oh, sweetheart. Someday, you’re going to be the best dad in the world. You’re a remarkable man, Lewis, and any kid who has you as their dad will be very lucky,” she said, sitting down next to him and putting her arm around him.

  “What if I said that I didn’t want to wait for someday? What if I said that I want us to have a baby? The timing is perfect. When I saw you with that baby today, I just knew that we should. You would make a wonderful mother, and we would make the perfect family.”

  “But, Lewis, what about the clinic? I can’t leave them yet, they’re not ready. I don’t know if I’m ready. That’s a lot of responsibility. I’ve just learned how to take time for myself.”

  “Just promise me you’ll think about it. Think about how wonderful it will be you, me, and our baby,” he said, pushing her down onto the bed.

  Venetia let Lewis make love to her that night but clung to him afterward, feeling like their perfect little world had just been turned upside down. She realized Lewis was accustomed to getting what he wanted, much like herself; when he wanted something, he wouldn’t quit. That could be a problem since she’d decided that a baby right now was not what she wanted.

  For the first few weeks, Lewis didn’t push her about having a baby. He had his on call days and then a series of procedures that kept him at the hospital long into the night. She knew that he hadn’t forgotten but hoped the reality of their lives had made him see the benefit of waiting a little longer.

  But eventually Lewis brought the subject up. Venetia had been dreading it but knew it was inevitable. She was hoping that she could convince him to give her a little more time. She’d given up the idea of Doctors without Borders which had been hard enough, she just wasn’t willing to give up her new found freedom.

  She tried to explain her feelings to Lewis, but he wouldn’t listen. The result had been their first fight and each of them going to sleep on their own side of the bed. The chilly atmosphere was still present in the morning until Lewis finally broke the silence.

  “I didn’t sleep very much last night, I’m trying to see your side of this, but I guess I’m blinded by what I want and that’s not fair. If you want to wait, I’ll wait. But please don’t make me wait too long,” he said, opening his arms to her.

  Relieved, Venetia went to him, wrapped her arms around him, and hugged him. “Thank you, Lewis. I know how much this meant to you, and I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready.”

  Lewis just nodded his head and walked away to get coffee. But Venetia still felt the chill in the air and hoped that they would be able to get through this bump in their relationship. She loved him more than anything in the world, but she wasn’t going do something she just knew she wasn’t ready for.

  They fell into a routine. Lewis working his on calls and performing surgery during the week, Venetia worked at the clinic. But something between had changed. She wasn’t sure how things had gone wrong so fast, but she was also determined to try and fix it. The only problem was that the fix involved the one thing she wasn’t ready for.

  She began to have problems sleeping, lying awake most of the night listening to Lewis’ steady breath as he slept. Bernice couldn’t help but notice and after a few weeks of this finally approached Venetia to find out what was wrong.

  “I know something’s up with you, so don’t even try to tell me again that you’re fine.”

  Venetia had been holding in her heartache and sadness so long that it just exploded out of her. Bawling, she told Bernice her tale of woe.

  “He wants to have a baby, and when I told him no, he said that he understood, but now he’s become cold. We don’t have fun anymore, he never touches me like he used to,” she wailed, then put her head down on her desk.

  Bernice rushed over and took Venetia in her strong arms and let her cry for a while. “Well, you can’t have a baby just because he wants one. That’s a decision you both have to agree on, but it’s not all lost. He still loves you, I know he does.”

  “That’s just it, I wonder if we were just in love with being in love. It happened so fast, maybe it’s not as real as we thought it would be. I just don’t know any more.”

  “Honey, you guys will make it through this. Just take it one day at a time. You’ll see, he’ll come around.” But even as she said the words, Bernice wondered if some of what Venetia had said was true. Still, it was her job to be there for her friend, not to judge her relationship.

  Venetia went home that night determined to salvage what was left of their relationship. She stopped and bought a bottle of Lewis’ favorite wine and cooked his favorite dinner. She pulled a special silk creation out of the box it had been hiding in since they’d gotten back from New York; it was daring with little fabric to cover her curves. Toping it off with the silk robe that Lewis loved so much, she greeting him at the front door with kisses.

  But Lewis was still cold and distant, participating in the charade, even forcing some excitement at her daring outfit. He made love to her, but she could tell that his heart wasn’t in it. Finally, as she lay in bed, the sun coming up, she knew that what they’d shared was over. They had flown too fast and too high and now gravity was pulling them back to Earth; she just hoped that it didn’t hurt too much when she hit the ground.

  After Lewis left for work the next day, Venetia packed her things and moved them back to her apartment which was empty, as if fate knew that she was going to need it. She left all the beautiful gowns he’d bought for her in the closet, knowing that she wouldn’t have a need for them now.

  She left Lewis a note, knowing that she’d have to deal with him in person, but wanting a few hours to gather her thoughts before she faced him. It was clear to her that there was no future in their relationship. If Lewis behaved like a spoiled child when he didn’t get his way, she wasn’t about to spend the rest of her life giving him what he wanted just to keep him happy.

  It would be one of the hardest things she’d ever done in her life, but she knew that the only way was to leave. Eventually, Lewis would agree with her decision, but first she had to get out of his house and all the painful memories swirling around her. She still had the clinic, she’d just dedicate more time to her work again. Having a life wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

  Chapter 6

  Lewis looked at the note that Venetia had left him, anger mixing with frustration. He’d known that morning that he’d pushed it too far. She’d tried so hard to make him happy, and he just continued to punish her for having her own will. One of the things he’d loved most about her, her drive and determination to help people, had come between them.

  He’d preached to her about having a life, but now that she�
��d discovered her freedom he’d tried to take that away from her. But now she’d run away. Instead of facing their problems together, she’d moved out while he was at the hospital. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. Finally, he decided that if she wanted it this way then that was fine with him.

  He wasn’t going to go chasing after her, let her come to him. He’d said that it was fine if they waited until she was ready to have a baby, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t be unhappy about her decision. She should have hung around and waited for him to get over his disappointment. In his mind, he conveniently pushed the role his actions had played to the back of his mind, making Venetia the bad guy.

  Venetia waited for days for some communication from Lewis, then decided that her instincts had been right. If he cared so little for her that he’d been able to let her walk away that easily, then they had no business having a baby. Her heart ached with longing for Lewis, but she refused to give in to the desire to hear his voice. As miserable as she was, she knew that hearing his voice would only make things worse.

  As the weeks wore on, Venetia continued to miss Lewis with every fiber of her being, but he still hadn’t called her. She had to assume he’d moved on and her instincts had been correct. One night, on her way out of the hospital, she saw him, all dressed up, a beautiful woman on his arm. She ducked behind a post before they could see her, but once they were gone, she sank to the ground in tears, the first she’d shed since she’d moved out of Lewis’ house.

  Lewis was just as miserable as Venetia, but his pride had taken over and nothing could have persuaded him to call her. She’d made her decision and maybe that was for the best; after all, in a relationship you have to compromise, something she’d been unable to do. He’d offered her help with the baby, they could afford as much help as she wanted. But that hadn’t been good enough.

  But no matter how many times he told himself that he was the injured party, a little voice kept telling him that he’d been in the wrong, punishing her for not wanting what he wanted. He was at war with himself, his heart breaking a little more each day he was away from Venetia, but his pride preventing him from seeking her out.

  Venetia was sitting at her desk, a stack of charts in front of her, trying to summon enough energy to finish them before she went home for the day. Bernice knocked and came into her office, the mail in her hand. Taking one look at Venetia, she sat down across from her, concern on her face.

  “I’m worried about you,” she said, throwing the mail on the desk.

  “I’m okay. Just a little tired. I’m not sleeping very well,” Venetia said, picking up the mail.

  “I know it’s hard, but it will get better,” Bernice said.

  Venetia was tired of crying; she’d cried so much over the last few weeks that she’d had to start buying her Kleenex in bundle packs. To distract herself, she started sorting the mail when a flyer caught her eye. It was from Doctors without Borders, a dream she’d forgotten about.

  “Bernice, I’m going to sign on with Doctors without Borders. Dr. Billings can take over for me and we’ll find another doctor. It’s the only way I’m going to get over Lewis. I saw him with another woman last night and it almost killed me.”

  “Are you sure you’re not just running away?” Bernice asked, skeptical.

  “I might be, but what choice do I have? I can’t go on like this. It’s killing me. I’ve always wanted to go, now would be the perfect time.”

  Bernice just shook her head, knowing that Venetia might just be right, maybe a little distance would help her. She still felt that Venetia and Lewis weren’t done with each other, but maybe they needed some distance to see that for themselves.

  “Okay, whatever you need. But I’m going to miss you. It won’t be the same without you,” Bernice said, coming around the desk to give her a hug.

  “I won’t be gone forever. I’ll be back before you know it. With lots of great stories to tell.”

  “How soon will you leave?”

  “As soon as I can arrange it,” Venetia said, conviction in her voice.

  It took less time than she imagined to get things arranged. In only a few weeks, she was on a flight to Brazil, her papers in hand. She was headed to a small village deep in the rainforest. There she would administer to the sick, especially the kids, while teaching the native tribes anything that might help them to prosper.

  She was excited to off on a new adventure, thoughts of Lewis less on her mind, the farther away from him she got. It still hurt, but at least she was making the most of her decision not to have a baby. There was still plenty of time to find someone who would love her the way she thought that Lewis loved her; together they would have the family she wanted someday.

  Back in the city, Lewis was moping around his apartment, missing Venetia, but not sure how to deal with it now that so much time had passed. She might have moved on, but he hadn’t heard any gossip around the hospital about her seeing anyone else. The more he thought about her with another man, the more desperate he became to see her and make sure that wasn’t true.

  He hadn’t seen her around the hospital the last few days, which now that he thought about it wasn’t a good thing. What if she’d quit the clinic and moved away, he might never see her again. That thought brought a fresh wave of pain slicing through him.

  Jumping to his feet, he raced back to his bedroom. He’d throw on some clothes and go see Venetia. The mirror in the bathroom held the reflection of someone he hardly recognized. He hadn’t shaven or showered in days, his pajamas were covered in spilled food, there were dark circles under his eyes, and his skin was pale.

  Shocked that his appearance had deteriorated to such a point, he was hunting for some clean clothes, which appeared not to exist, when the doorbell rang. Annoyed at the interruption, he pulled open the door without even looking to see who was on the other side. He was surprised to find his sister standing on his door step.

  “Hello, brother dear. I haven’t heard from you since the benefit. I was hoping that you’d made up with Venetia, but from what I’m seeing now, that hasn’t happened. Are you ready to talk about it because it looks like you desperately need some advice?” she said, pushing past him into the house.

  Handing Lewis one of the cups of coffee she’d brought, she followed him back to the living room, pushed a pile of papers off a chair, and sat down. He stood and looked at her for a second before shrugging his shoulders and collapsing on the couch.

  “There’s not much to tell,” he said, not meeting her eyes. He’d already figured out that he’d behaved badly and that most of what had happened had been his fault, but he really didn’t want to hear someone else say it. Especially not his sister, the only person in his family he still cared about.

  She’d always been there for him, saved him from poverty when he’d split with their parents, but she also knew him better than anyone else in the world. When he’d taken her to the benefit a few weeks ago, he’d refused to talk about the breakup, knowing that she’d only take Venetia’s side. He hadn’t been ready then to hear how selfishly he’d been behaving.

  But sitting there in his living room, his sister waiting expectantly for some explanation, the full enormity of what he’d done hit home. “Mary Joe, I think I’ve screwed up royally,” he said, finally meeting her eyes.

  “Well, that much was clear to me. What have you done?”

  Lewis thought about what he had done. “I suggested that we should have a baby,” he said, hoping that she’d see what a good idea it had been. “I mean I love her, and I thought she loved me. It just sounded so perfect, our own little family.”

  Mary Joe, sat stunned for a second. “You what?” she said, her shock clear in her voice.

  “I suggested we have a baby,” he said, knowing that he was in trouble now.

  “So, first you turned her life upside down, demanded that she change for you. Then, without even the slightest hint of marriage, you suggested she have a baby.”


  “Not a baby, our baby. I offered her as much held as she needed. She’d still be able to work,” Lewis said, trying to defend himself, but even to him the argument sounded empty.

  “Have you lost your mind? How did you think she’d react to that suggestion?”

  “I guess I wasn’t thinking. When she said no, I was so disappointed,” he said, hanging his head.

  His sister shook her head, knowing all too well how he’d probably reacted. “Let me guess, she said no and you acted like a spoiled brat. As much as I love you, brother, I know only all too well how you behave when you don’t get your way. I’d thought that by now you would have learned, but evidently not.”

  “Mary Joe, what am I going to do? I really do love her and I’m miserable without her. But I was angry when she moved out. She left me a note to call her or come by her apartment so we could talk, but I did neither.”

  “You just ignored her?” his sister said, incredulous.

  “Well...” He couldn’t bring himself to admit that he had again.

  “Now you’re a double idiot,” she said, then fell silent.

  “I have to do something, I can’t go on like this,” he said, hoping she’d tell him what to do.

  “What do you think you should do?” Mary Joe wasn’t about to let him off the hook.

  Lewis was hoping that she’d say that she’d go talk to Venetia, smooth the waters for him. She’d done it in the past, helping him through difficult situations he’d gotten himself into, but evidently he was on his own this time.

  “I better go see her, try to explain. But what if she doesn’t listen or, even worse, what if she met someone else?”

  “You probably should have thought of that before you drove her away,” Mary Joe said, getting up. “I’m leaving. If you’re going to go see Venetia, a shower might be a good idea.”

  Lewis was in the shower before the door shut behind his sister. He had to fix this; he and Venetia were meant to be together, but he’d rushed things. How stupid he’d been to ask her to have a baby. He’d been so wrapped up in his little fantasy that he’d ignored reality. Worse, he hadn’t wanted to listen or understand her side of things.