When Darkness Loves Us

by Elizabeth Engstrom

  “Not at all. Why don’t you come in and meet my wife while I get the keys to the truck.”

  Sally Ann smiled inwardly. She felt devilish. She followed him to the door.

  “Maggie? Honey, come meet a friend of your mom’s. She was out walking and got a little too tired, so I’m going to give her a lift back.” He turned to Sally. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He disappeared down the hall.

  Maggie walked warily into the living room. Her tone was venomous. “What in the hell are you doing here?”

  Sally Ann smiled. “Well, hello, Maggie. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? You’re looking well.”

  “Don’t play cutsie with me, Sally Ann. If you tell Michael who you are, I’ll finish ruining your ugly face.”

  Sally took a step toward her sister. “Maggie. I don’t want to hurt anybody. I just want to make a life for myself.”

  “Then go make it somewhere else. You can’t do it here, and you can’t do it with us!” Maggie almost spit those last words, then turned on her heel and went back to the kitchen. Sally Ann sat down, put her face in her hands, and started to cry.

  She felt Michael’s hand on her shoulder. “Are you all right, Mrs . . . Mrs . . . uh, I don’t even know your name—I’m sorry.”

  “SALLY ANN HIXSON!” she wanted to scream in his face. She looked up at the concern in his face and started to cry harder. “Can’t . . .”

  “Mrs. Cant? Maggie? Would you fetch a glass of water for Mrs. Cant, please?”

  Sally Ann took the proffered glass of water and drank it down without looking at Maggie. She didn’t need to see the hate that was written all over her face; she could feel it emanating from her whole being. “Thank you very much. I’m feeling better now. Maybe we’d better go.”

  She went straight to her room, past her mother sitting silently in the living room. The next morning she was gone.

  8

  “Clint? Clint, It’s Mommy. I’m back.” Sally Ann raced through the tunnel, holding tight to the wrist of the wailing child she was half dragging behind her. “Get up and walk or I’ll leave you here!” The child cried louder, trying desperately to keep up, hiccuping fear. “Clint!”

  Her sense of navigation came back in a rush. She knew exactly where she was going. The tunnels were her old friends. The smell, the roughness beneath her shoes, the blessed darkness, all meant she was home. And at home she would find peace.

  She felt empathy for the child trailing behind her. The initial blindness was an awesome, frightening thing. They ran through the first tunnel that wound around, then approached the huge cavern with Monster Lake. She tried to hush up the girl before they entered, and succeeded in lowering her screams to a whimper. Sally tried to suppress the terrible constriction she felt in her stomach as they entered the cave. They crossed the path between the lakes as quickly and quietly as possible. As soon as they were back into the comfortable tunnels, they took off running again.

  “Jackie?” But even as she called, she knew Jackie was gone forever. “Clint! Come see what Mommy has brought you.” Out of breath, they slowed to a walk, and passed an auxiliary tunnel that had a dank and terrible smell to it. The well was at the end of this tunnel. She stopped and put her face up to Mary’s. “Smell that? You must never, never go near this place. The whole underworld is yours to play in, but you must return to the Home Cavern as soon as you get near that smell.”

  “I don’t want to play here. Please. I’m scared. I want to go home.”

  “This is home for you now, Mary.”

  After an exhausted sleep, Mary was slightly more docile, and she followed Sally Ann as long as they kept contact with their hands. How flexible the young are, Sally thought. How adaptable. The sleep felt wonderful. She awoke refreshed and invigorated. Ready for a new day. It was so good to have your sleeping and eating regulated by the body rather than by the sun. She laughed and skipped along the main tunnel, teaching Mary how to quench her thirst by sucking the dripping water from the side of the tunnel.

  Eventually, they reached Home Cavern, and Clint was there.

  They hugged each other and cried together and she felt all over his whole body to make sure he was all right. Thin, perhaps, but that is the way of the underworld.

  “I brought you some surprises, Clint. Some jam.” She took the small jar out of her bag and handed it to him. She laughed at his puzzlement, took it back and opened it for him. He stuck his finger in and licked it.

  “Ick. What’s that taste?”

  “Sugar, honey. You’re supposed to like it.”

  “I don’t like nothing from there.”

  “How about this?” and she handed him the sweater. “Here, I’ll help you put it on.”

  “I don’t much like this either.” He kept running his hands over the soft wool. “What’s making those noises?”

  “That’s your new sister, Mary. She’s come to live with us and be your playmate.”

  “She doesn’t sound so good.”

  “I was afraid like that when I first got here. Be nice to her. She’ll learn the ways of our life soon.”

  Clint walked over to Mary. “Wanna swim?”

  “I want to go home,” she sniffed.

  “She’s dumb, Mommy.”

  “Give her time, honey.”

  While Mary slept, Sally Ann and Clint talked. He wasn’t interested in hearing much about the time she’d spent “in the sun,” but she did tell him that some people would probably come into the tunnels to look for them. “Can we find a place to hide for a while, Clint?”

  “Sure. I’ve found some places that nobody else could find.”

  Sally sensed a change in Clint. He seemed older. Distant. Maybe it was because she knew that he was twenty years old, instead of thinking he was only about eight. Maybe being on his own for a couple of months had matured him.

  After sleep they started. They dumped the jam into the lake and filled the jar with food. That went into her bag along with the extra T-shirts she had brought and some moss. Mary was a problem, but Sally Ann had expected it and was prepared. Clint tried to emulate her patience, but it was hard for him. He was so swift in the tunnels.

  Clint led them down a series of side tunnels that were barely big enough to crawl through in some places. Up and down they went, following his lead.

  Finally, one tunnel came to a dead end at a lake and they had to swim underwater to find the opening on the other side. This was nearly an impossible task for Mary, but the fact that she was so small and light helped a lot; they virtually held her breath for her and pulled her under and through the tunnel entrance.

  The other side was a perfect space. It was dry and warm, with a deep swimming hole in the middle, and a brisk stream running down one side. The new Home Cavern.

  Sally set up housekeeping, making beds, preparing a toilet, continually keeping her ears open for invaders. They came, but she never heard them.

  PART THREE

  1

  Sally Ann and Mary sat on the side of the swimming hole, their feet dangling in the water. The children were playing loudly in the pool, splashing and laughing. Clint was throwing them high into the air and they begged for turns over and over again. He was a good father.

  “I’m going to go away for a while, Mary. I have some unfinished business to take care of.”

  Mary grabbed her hand. “Are you going up there? Can I go and take the boys? Can Clint go? Can we all go with you, Sally? Oh, please?”

  “You know Clint and the children can never leave this place, Mary. And your place is here with them. This is your home now. I’ll be back. I won’t be gone long.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t go.”

  “I know, dear. I’ll be back before you miss me. Time passes quickly down here.”

  Clint had nothing to say when she told him. His silence spoke of his disapproval. She packed some gear and left without further discussion.

  The door at the top of the stairs was open, as she expected. She knew Michael would leave i
t that way in case any of them cared to return. She spent two days at the bottom of the stairs, getting used to the light, then ventured up. It was hot.

  How do I look now, she wondered. She skirted the woods and made her way to her mother’s house. Strengthening her resolve, she knocked on the kitchen door. Her mother looked dully out at her.

  “You’ve come back.”

  “Yes. Momma.”

  “Well, come in and clean up.”

  Not exactly a rousing welcome, but about what she had expected. After all, she had kidnapped Michael’s youngest daughter and given her a life in the caverns. Not an act to endear her to the family.

  After she showered, she put on the clean housedress her mother had laid out. She examined herself in the mirror. Her face looked about the same. A few more lines around the mouth and eyes, maybe. Somehow she didn’t feel nearly as monstrous as she had the last time she was here. The smell of bacon frying came through from the kitchen. She joined her mother, wordlessly set the table, then sat down and waited.

  “How’s Mary?”

  “She’s fine. She’s happy, Momma.”

  Her mother turned with fury in her eyes. “Don’t you dare talk of happiness to me. You. Living under the earth like a worm. Destroying all that Michael and Maggie had by taking their little girl like you did. You’re Satan himself.”

  Sally Ann endured her mother’s venom. She knew it had to come out sooner or later, and was glad Cora could get it off her chest so soon. She stood up and put her arms around her mother as she stood at the stove. She felt the silent sobs shake her frail frame. Her mother had grown old. Very old.

  “Oh, Sally Ann, why have you come back again? Just when a hurt has healed, you come back to pick it open again. Why do you do that?”

  “I’ve come to see Michael.”

  “I guess I knew that the moment I saw you at the door. Well, there’s the phone. Get it over with.”

  The number was written on a list Cora kept on the wall. Sally dialed the number slowly, praying that Maggie wouldn’t answer the phone. She did.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, Maggie. This is Sally Ann. May I speak to Michael, please?”

  The phone bounced on the floor, and Sally Ann visualized Maggie’s open-mouthed shock. The idea gave her distinct pleasure.

  “Hello? Hello, who’s this?” Michael.

  “Hello, Michael. This is Sally Ann. Would you come to breakfast at Mother’s this morning?”

  “Oh, my God . . .” the phone went dead.

  Sally smiled, slowly hanging up the phone. “He’ll be right over, Momma.” Cora left the room. Sally heard the bedroom door close.

  Michael pulled up to the front door in a cloud of dust, got out of the truck, and walked up the front steps. He paused for a deep breath, then opened the screen door and came in. “Sally Ann?”

  “In the kitchen, Michael.”

  He came in and sat down at the kitchen table. He was visibly trying to keep himself under control. “Where’s Mary, Sally Ann?”

  She turned to look at him and he took in the black teeth, the scaly, thin skin, the ragged hair, and the arms so thin they were like little sticks. All his anger disappeared.

  “I came back to tell you that you have three grandchildren.” His mouth fell open and he stared at her. “Three beautiful children, Michael. They play in the water and laugh and love. And they don’t believe in you.”

  A new type of anger held him to his seat. The thought of three children in caves. What kind of a monster was this woman? Then he thought of Mary. Sweet Mary. Like a flower. She survived down there? But . . . who was the father? He laughed. “You’re insane, Sally. There’s no children. There’s just you and your twisted ways. I knew Mary. She was too fragile. She could never have survived down there.”

  “You’re wrong, Michael, I survived. And your son survived.” Shock froze his face.

  “My son?”

  “Yes. Our son. And now he and Mary have three children. I’m sorry I don’t have pictures of them for you.”

  He jumped up and grabbed her skull and started to squeeze. He could feel her thin, brittle bones, and he just wanted to pop her head like a melon. “You monster! I’ll kill you for this!” His rage was born of fear, and didn’t last. His hands slipped from her head to rest on her shoulders, and he started to cry. She put a comforting hand on his face.

  “It’s not so bad, Michael. They’re really very happy. It’s a whole different type of existence down there, but it’s not a bad life.”

  “We looked for you,” he sobbed. “We searched for weeks. There are so damned many tunnels down there. We all got sick. We couldn’t believe that anybody could live down there. Oh, Sally Ann.” He sank to the floor and hugged her legs. “My soul ached to think you have been down there all those years. All those years I had given you up for dead. I locked you down there that day and didn’t know it. And I’ve lived with that guilt ever since.”

  She stroked his hair. “It’s okay, Michael. I thought it wasn’t, but it is now. Everything is all right. Our son is a good man, and he’s a good father to the boys and a good husband to Mary.”

  “When Mary was missing and Maggie told me it was you staying here with Mom, I didn’t believe her. I hit her. She makes me so angry sometimes. But I had to believe her when your Mom said the same thing, and the lock was broken off the door to the stairs. Our life hasn’t been the same since.” Sally Ann smiled slowly above his head. “How could you . . . ? How did you raise a child down there?”

  “One has to do what one has to do, Michael. His name is Clinton.”

  “My God. Will you take me to see them?”

  “Of course, Michael. You won’t be able to really see them, it’s too dark. But I’ll take you to them, if you like.”

  Cora paled when Sally told her what had happened. “You can’t take Michael down there!”

  “I can and I will. Besides, he wants to go. He wants to see his son.”

  Cora looked at her in horror, then turned to her closet. She put on a jacket and scarf. “Where are you going, Momma?”

  “To church.”

  2

  Sally Ann laughed when she saw what Michael brought with him. A whole backpack, with sleeping bag, food, fresh clothes, and flashlights. “No flashlights,” she said.

  “I can’t go down there without a flashlight.”

  “If you take a light, you go alone.” He saw the resolve in her grotesque face. Reluctantly, he left them behind.

  They descended. She breathed the familiar air of the main tunnel. Refreshing. She urged Michael to walk faster, but he was unaccustomed to walking in the dark so their progress was stumbling and slow. “At this rate, it will take us a month to get to them.” He didn’t think that was very funny, but Sally laughed. He was amazed at her ability to navigate.

  When they reached Monster Lake, Sally told him of the beast that lived in the waters to the left of the path. They rested near the entrance, and when Sally made a meal of the slugs they found on the floor, Michael found this practice so revolting that he quite lost his appetite. She laughed at this, too. “You’ll be eating them soon enough.” He didn’t believe that a monster lived in the lake and told her so. “Take a swim in there, then, if you don’t believe.” The thought of swimming in total darkness made his flesh crawl.

  He found his backpack cumbersome, and Sally was quickly losing patience with his slow pace. In fact, she was not as thrilled to be with him as she had imagined she would be. He was foreign here. This was not his element. He didn’t belong. Well, she would take him to see his children and grandchildren, and then he could go back.

  They tiptoed through Monster Cavern, then resumed their normal slow pace. Sally found the temptation to leave him when he was sleeping deliciously irresistible. He would wake up and find himself alone. The panic in his voice as he shouted for her was comforting. Then she would return to him and he was so glad to have her back. At last she was needed. Clint had needed her, but that was dif
ferent. This was Michael, the man she had needed for a long, long time. And now he needed her. Not for companionship, but for basic survival. She loved it.

  They stopped frequently and slept. She convinced him that there were tunnels too small to take the pack into, so he agreed to leave it, taking with him only his essentials—sandwiches. Along the way she told him stories of Clint and his growing up and what a delight he was. He shared with her stories of his children. Justin, he said, was in the air force, thinking about making a career of it. The twins had been modeling and making television ads for some time. He spoke of his marriage to Maggie, how it had come about, how her father had died, the relationship between Cora and Maggie. She encouraged him to talk; it made her realize how little she missed that world. In fact, she was glad she was back where she was comfortable.

  As they passed the tunnel with the dank smell, she told him of her grueling trip up the well shaft, adding bits here and there about how much she had missed him. He was horrified. She was glad.

  They reached the first Home Cavern and she showed him where she had given birth, where for twenty years they had had their home. He was beginning to have an appreciation for her strength, her courage. She could feel it, and he made little comments alluding to the fact that he had no idea . . . Of course he had no idea. What a fool he was. She impressed upon him the number of smaller tunnels, some dead ends, some leading to huge caverns with hundred-foot drop-offs, the dangers of wandering without knowing where you were going. He insisted he would stick close to her.

  She felt a growing surge of power in this relationship. The tables had indeed turned and she was enjoying every minute of it. She toyed with the idea of just leaving him and letting him find for himself the overpowering fear. Let him discover his own inner strength, she told herself with contempt. It takes no balls to ride a tractor. Was this the man she had pined for during more than thirty years in the underworld? This was her God, this weak man who carried peanut-butter sandwiches with him and whined when she wasn’t by his side when he awoke? She must have been insane.