Shalia's Diary #8

by Tracy St. John

  I flushed over the praise. “I wouldn’t have made it through without a lot of help. Betra had plenty to do with me being here today.”

  Elwa smiled. “He can’t say enough wonderful things about you. I daresay he’s fallen in love with you and this child.”

  I readied myself for the coming censure. I could well imagine the accusations coming my way. Isn’t my son good enough for you? What kind of woman are you to take his heart and walk away?

  Her smile remained, but it became wistful, almost sad. “My poor Betra. A mother wants so much for her children, but they must go their own way. You’ll find out soon enough.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say to any of that. I ventured into a direction I thought might be safe. “I often wonder what direction Anrel will go when she’s older. How did you feel about Betra joining the fleet?”

  She sighed. “I wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t surprised either. He’s always been a born explorer, always wanting to see new things. I’d rather hoped meeting you and helping to care for Anrel would change his mind, but—” she shook her head. “His heart wants what it wants.”

  “He’s said he’d like a family at some point,” I said, remembering an early conversation with Betra when I’d first gotten to know him. “Maybe once he gets the wanderlust out of his system, he can settle down.”

  She gave me a crooked smile, one that said she didn’t believe that for a second. “Betra is just like my Dramok father. He was home maybe a month out of each year while I grew up. Sometimes less. The rest of the time he was out exploring various worlds as a prospector, on the hunt for valuable natural resources for the Empire. Even now that he’s too frail to do that kind of work, he still disappears for weeks at a time, wandering space looking for some new adventure. He won’t sit still until he dies, and I think Betra is the same way.”

  She took another sip of her drink before bouncing Anrel on her knee. “I am glad my son had the opportunity to have a kind of clan for a few months. It will have to do, I suspect. Thank you for giving him that, Shalia.”

  Well. Far from berating me for having a hopeless relationship with her adored son, Matara Elwa was grateful to me. Of all the outcomes I imagined, that had not been on the list.

  “He has Oses,” I pointed out.

  “Betra isn’t able to – he has no romantic interest in men. I’m not sure what to think about his relationship with that Nobek.” She frowned worriedly in their direction. I looked too and noted that though Oses stood with the group of men, near Betra, he was a little apart from the rest.

  Elwa looked me in the eye. “Does Oses respect Betra’s orientation? Is he pressuring him in any way?”

  I rushed to explain how well they got along without going too much into their personal details. I did my best to impress on her how Oses abided by Betra’s limitations on their intimate interactions, how he saw himself as Betra’s friend, confidante, and protector. I also pointed out that Oses’ age meant he had years of accumulated experience that made it easier for him to accept Betra’s needs than perhaps a younger Nobek would be able to.

  “They care enough about each other to make it work,” I finished, glad to see the elder woman looking somewhat relieved. “I don’t think they can imagine themselves apart now.”

  “Good. Good.” She smiled brightly. “I never imagined the day I would see Betra with anything approaching a male clanmate. Between his heterosexuality and dislike of a stable home life, I have grieved over him remaining alone more than you can imagine.”

  Over the course of the day, her change in attitude towards Oses had a positive effect on her clanmates. Seeing Elwa’s acceptance of the Nobek made them follow her lead. By the time lunch was served, everyone was speaking comfortably to each other.

  I still found myself in private conversations with Betra’s fathers when they could corner me. Over and over I reassured them that Oses had Betra’s interests at heart. By the time I had to go through the song and dance with Hilon, I had the Oses propaganda machine pretty well sorted out.

  All in all, it ended up being a good day. After enough leshella had cleared the way for their curiosity to overcome ideas of politeness, Elwa and Alfra wanted to know all about my prospective clans. I told them about Clans Seot and Aslada.

  “We take one of those ocean cruises every other year,” Elwa beamed. “Imagine being able to jump on one of those ships any time you want!”

  “I think it might get boring after a little while,” her Imdiko said. “But I’m not much for ocean trips anyway.”

  “He’s been known to get seasick even with medication,” Elwa told me as she patted him on the hand. “Otherwise I’d book a cruise every year.”

  I found myself studying Clan Serndi’s dynamics, wanting to see firsthand how an established clan with a Matara functioned. It was clear that Elwa didn’t defer to her Dramok as much as I imagined a Matara might. She had strength and confidence in her own opinions. When she spoke, the men listened carefully. Not that Serndi didn’t come across as a leader. He seemed content for Elwa to have her say. If he disagreed with any views … which happened only a couple of times … he voiced that opposition, but with the greatest of respect.

  All in all, the four of them seemed to be secure in their strengths and considerate of each other’s feelings. I wondered if I could find that with a clan. Did it come with long years of each other’s company or had it always been that way between them?

  “A little of both,” Elwa said when I got her alone to ask. “We’ve almost always gotten along since we met. But yes, we had our moments when we disagreed and didn’t handle it in the kindest way. Fortunately, those moments were few and we learned we didn’t have to be hateful over differing opinions.”

  All in all, it was a good time. I think I learned a thing or two, particularly that I want a clanship like Betra’s parents have. I may have found what I’ll hold out for.

  September 25

  This morning, Betra and Oses took off early to spend time with Betra’s parents again. I elected to sleep in. I hoped no one took it personally. All the leshella yesterday pretty much zonked me out. When I realized Oses and Betra weren’t drinking much and Anrel would be taken care of, I indulged. Fortunately, leshella doesn’t lead to hangovers, but I wasn’t keen on getting up and going first thing this morning either.

  I lay in bed, letting myself slowly wake with the aid of the coffee Betra brought me before he and Oses left. Anrel chewed on a toy and her toes as I took my time.

  Once I got up, I commed Candy to see what she was up to today. “Want me to come over?” she asked.

  “If you don’t mind looking at me still in jammies and with crud in my eyes,” I yawned.

  She laughed. “On my way.”

  She showed up with a couple of pastries she’d snagged from the dining room and a cup of their coffee, which was better than what comes out of my dispenser. What a pal.

  She wanted to know what I’d been up to “besides sex” as she put it. I caught her up on all things Shalia and Anrel. She was fascinated to hear about Betra’s parents and our beach party.

  “What about you?” I asked once I’d finished.

  “Oh, I’ve been setting up dates,” she said vaguely. “I’m supposed to have my first one later this week.”

  I crooked a brow at her bland tone. “Try to curb your enthusiasm. So much excitement is unseemly.”

  She gave me a defensive look. “I’ll be excited in seven days.”

  “What’s happening in seven days?”

  “Stidmun will be here. He’s got some leave due and he’s taking it to come see me.”

  I blinked. She was getting together with Commander Stud Man? The gorgeous unclanned Nobek?

  I spoke carefully. “I wasn’t aware you were still in contact with him.”

  “Yeah, well, we get along. And we want to see each other.”

  Silence stretched between us for a few moments. I thought about it. She was supposed to be vetting candidates for clanship, not b
anging single Nobeks. But who was I to say anything? I was spending time with Oses and Betra.

  The trouble was, Stidmun was stationed not too far from Kalquor. If Candy was half as infatuated as I suspected she was, she might choose to carry on with him for some time. Time she could be looking for her happily-ever-after.

  I debated on whether or not to point that out. In the end I had to admit it was none of my business unless the affair did some sort of harm to her. She was a grown woman, perfectly capable of living her own life without my input. She’d not asked for my opinion. Therefore, it was not my place to offer it.

  “It’s nice he’s got the time off to spend with you then,” I finally said.

  She beamed at me like a teacher with a particularly intelligent student. “I think so too. He’s talking about us going to the mountains to do some hiking.”

  “Sounds great. I hope you two have a blast.”

  I got around to putting on clothes after a while. Candy and I visited the childcare facility, which was staffed by Imdikos. I came away feeling good about the group, but they freely admitted they hadn’t cared for a child as young as Anrel before. Most of the children they’d cared for were over two years old. I’ve been asked to conduct a class to train them with infants as at least two women at the complex were expecting. Imdiko Nosdu, second in seniority at the complex and expecting father, happened to come in as we were talking. He asked to attend the class as well.

  After that, Candy and I decided to work out while Anrel napped on a blanket on the training floor. I told her about Oses’s suggested trainers, and we agreed to find out if they’d take her on too.

  Today gave me a glimpse into how a typical day might roll once I was settled into a daily routine. But daily routine is not going to happen too soon, as I found at after Betra and Oses returned.

  “Okay, so we’ve got our orders. We have 16 days until we report for duty,” Betra said right after greeting me. “We’re going to take you on a tour of our favorite places starting tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” I said, dazed by the suddenness. But why was I surprised? Our time was limited, so we had to take full advantage.

  Oses nodded. “Get your things together, pet. Everything you and the baby need for our trip.”

  So much for being unpacked.

  September 26

  Our first stop on our vacation was the oldest Temple of Life in the Empire, located five hours away in the mountains. It’s still in use, but people are allowed to stay overnight.

  Unlike the free-standing structure on Haven Colony, this temple was carved right into a mountain. That probably doesn’t sound so impressive given Kalquorians live in mountains and cliffs as a rule and are used to making habitable structures out of what nature gives. Yet when it comes to this particular structure, ‘impressive’ doesn’t begin to approach the place.

  This particular Temple of Life isn’t simply a hollowed-out mine within a mountain. It’s not a series of caves cut into the rock. When I call this place carved, I mean CARVED from top to bottom, inside and out. With columns. With architectural details like arches and buttresses. With historical scenes and people’s portraits cut with the utmost precision into the walls. These aren’t crude renderings I’m talking about. The animals and people in the designs would fool me into thinking they’re the real thing if they weren’t the color of the stone. I have never seen anything like this place. I think I could spend the rest of my life in here and never see every bit of the artwork that it possesses.

  The rooms the priests gave us to sleep in are no different. Every inch of the walls and ceilings have patterns or scenes or some design worked into the stone. I have yet to get out all of my toiletries to get ready for sleep. Every time I try to unpack something, a carving I didn’t notice before catches my eye and I have to stop and examine it.

  More than the astounding surroundings, this place feels like peace. I swear there is some sort of aura about the temple, this sensation of overwhelming calm the moment you get near it. And inside, it’s like stepping through a containment field where trouble cannot penetrate. It’s like perfect serenity has a home and this is it.

  We had so much fun when we first got here today, exploring the chambers and talking to the priests. As usual, Anrel was a hit with everyone we encountered, priests and tourists alike. It’s a good thing she seems to instantly like everyone she comes in contact with. She’s such a happy baby, always smiling at everyone around her.

  We attended a class on getting in touch with our better instincts. At first I thought it was a little silly. Discount what our minds and the evidence tells us when our guts say differently? Even when the proof of our intellect seems overwhelming? But the more I listened, the more I realized I’d done such things on some level at different points in my life. I remembered my horrified reaction to the Little Creep the first time I saw him. Boy, had I been right about him. I’d been quick to trust Candy in an atmosphere where I knew I had few Earther friends. I’d been right about her too. So maybe there was something to it. At any rate, I found the discussion fascinating.

  I will say one thing about the Temple of Life: the priests don’t seem to judge anyone for anything. I overheard more than one person ask for opinions on ethical dilemmas. Instead of saying, “you should do this,” or “you’d better not do that,” the priests gently probed the person’s beliefs for what they felt was right in their situation. Rather than dictate, they provided directions towards the paths that could be taken, pointing out the pros and pitfalls of each choice. Then they left it up to the person to choose their own way.

  They don’t even charge for letting people spend the night and eat their food, as Betra, Oses, Anrel, and I are doing. Their attitude is, if you are moved to donate then do so. We were moved, all right. I put half next month’s allowance into the place. If our whole vacation was spent here, I’d be perfectly content. However, we’re on our way again the day after tomorrow.

  Betra just asked if I want to take a shower with him and Oses now that Anrel’s asleep. Hee hee, it seems particularly naughty to do stuff like that in a holy place … except I’ve seen some scenes carved around this mountain that make pleasure clubs look innocent. I think I might have to convert.

  September 30

  The days are flying by. I can hardly believe how quickly time is passing, but vacation is such a whirlwind. With one exception, I have been having the time of my life.

  I think the last thing I wrote about was the first place Oses and Betra took me: the ancient Temple of Life. From there, we went to the underground city of Snalor. This wasn’t just a marketplace, but an entire city. They were enjoying some annual festival they throw. There was a lot of exhibitions, performing theatrical arts, concerts, and partying. All day and all night, the city was full throttle. I understand it goes on for a full week (on Kalquor, that’s ten days). We enjoyed a day of that, but it was really not the atmosphere for a baby. It was pretty clear by some of the wild goings-on in the streets that Kalquor is no longer used to having small children around – the festival was definitely an adult-centric atmosphere. We stayed long enough to sample some local cuisine and a couple of Anrel-friendly shows. After dinner we retired to our suite. We could hear the beat of non-stop lemanthev through the walls all night.

  Now we’re on the plains of Itegen, a hot, dry place about a hundred miles from Kalquor’s largest desert. It’s really wild out here, with a lot of exotic animals who live only in this one place. We did a shuttle tour to see the wildlife in their native habitat yesterday. We were able to get out and view the herbivores with nothing between us, but when it came to the predators, we had to remain inside the shuttle and watch them through the vid windows. We saw a pack of senilows take down a giant umtopel, which looks like a cross between a cow and a stegosaurus, if you can imagine. The senilows essentially look like fangs with long, skinny legs. Brutal creatures. I was glad to be inside the shuttle where they couldn’t get me.

  I’d still rather see a senilow than w
ho we ran into in the village this morning where we’re staying. Ugh, I thought I’d seen the last of Dramok Resan. But nooooo, the big-eyed jerk came out of a shop just as we were passing by.

  He wore a exo-skeletal brace, obviously still recovering from the spinal injury he’d suffered during the Tragoom attack on the transport. He stopped short as he recognized us.

  Oses and Betra bowed, the typical respectful greeting. Betra spoke, “Hello, Dramok. It’s good to see you on your feet. Are you able to enjoy your leave?”

  Resan returned their bows with a nod of his head. “Very much, thank you Imdiko.” He looked at Betra, his gaze frankly curious before looking at me between my two sweeties. “Matara Shalia. You and your daughter look well.”

  His tone was impersonally polite. At least I was spared the acid of our usual exchanges. I returned the favor. “Dramok Resan. I’m glad to see you recovering.” Yeah, right. He’d better recover after what I went through to keep him alive.