Violet Addiction

by Kirsty Dallas

  I ran to my room, grabbed another pair of draw string sweats, and helped Annabelle step out of the wet ones, wiping her legs clean with a towel before helping her step into the dry, clean ones.

  “No underwear?” Annabelle asked.

  “Now is not the time for modesty,” I muttered.

  Once in the car, I took a moment to take a deep breath, trying to stop the panic resting on my shoulders. Annabelle seemed to be fine, there was no baby about to drop from between her thighs, and the hospital was a little over twenty minutes away, not too far. Everything was okay.

  “Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!” Annabelle began huffing.

  I grabbed her outstretched hand, and we both stared at each other fearfully as she breathed through the pain.

  “Oh shit alright,” I whispered.

  Once she began to relax, I started the car and backed down the driveway a little too fast.

  “If you kill me and my baby, I am going to haunt your ass for eternity,” Annabelle muttered. I forced myself to slow down, sticking to the speed limit but definitely no less.

  “Call Cain,” I suddenly thought. “You have to call Cain.”

  Annabelle clutched her phone with shaking hands and dialed Cain’s number. After a few quiet moments she glanced nervously my way.

  “It’s gone to his answering machine.”

  “Then leave a message, the machine might be turned up loud enough that he’ll hear it.”

  Annabelle paused, waiting for the little beep to leave her message.

  “Cain, are you there? Pick up the damn phone if you are, this isn’t a test, this is a code red.” My eyebrows rose and a smile tugged at my lips as Annabelle continued. “Pick up the phone!” she shouted. When she paused and obviously didn’t get a response, she began to talk a little more calmly. “Right, I’m just calling to let you know my water broke. Well, I assume it broke; otherwise, I peed myself, and that’s kind of disturbing. Oh…” Her voice wavered. “Oh shit…crap…ouch.”

  I grabbed her outstretched hand. “Do that breathing thing again!” I demanded. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Annabelle giving me a really good stink eye.

  “Look at the road, not me,” she said through gritted teeth. My gaze quickly shifted back to the road, but I kept a hold of her hand. Once the pain retreated, she took a few deep breaths. “So, it appears I’m in labor,” she said, sweet as pie into her cell phone. “If you have any interest in seeing your son enter this world, put some damn pants on and get your ass to the hospital. Now!” She hung up.

  “What about Toby?” I asked. “Your parents, Cain’s parents? Damn, there are so many people to call.”

  “Settle down, you big baby,” Annabelle said softly. “I’ll send Toby a text. We’re not exactly at the stage where I want him there for the birth, but I promised to let him know when I went into labor. You can call both families when we get to the hospital.” I nodded, trying to allow Annabelle’s thoughtful calm to wash over me.

  “Do you still have my dad’s cell phone number in there?” I indicated to her phone.

  “Of course.”

  “Would you mind sending him a message too? He’ll worry where I am.”

  Annabelle sent the messages then rested her head back in the seat. We drove the rest of the way like that, me holding her hand, Annabelle swearing and breathing through her contractions. Whether any of us were ready or not, the baby blob was coming.

  We had barely made it through the hospital doors when Annabelle’s contractions kicked up a notch. She leaned heavily against a wall while I grabbed the closest nurse. We were quickly led to a private room and another nurse snapped on a pair of gloves. When she helped rid Annabelle of her sweats and propped her knees up high, wide and open, I turned to leave the room.

  “Don’t you dare,” Annabelle panted. “I’m not doing this on my own.”

  I obediently went back to her side and kept my gaze on the water color painting on the far wall.

  “Is this your first baby?” the nurse asked.

  “Yes,” Annabelle and I answered at the same time.

  “You’ll be fine. What’s your name?”

  “I’m Annabelle and this is my best friend, Violet.” I gave her a surprised look, and she just shrugged.

  “Well, my name’s Jenny and I’m a midwife. I was about to head home but looks like I’ll be staying a little while longer now.”

  “I’m sorry,” Annabelle and I both said at the same time again.

  Jenny smiled. “I live for this, I’m more than happy to put in a little overtime, and, honey, I’m not going to have to hang around for too long. This baby is in a hurry to meet you. You are almost fully dilated.” While she began preparing the room for the birth, I stayed by Annabelle’s side.

  “Cain is supposed to be here,” she whispered after another contraction.

  I rubbed her back as she leaned forward in an attempt to get more comfortable. “I’m sorry. That’s my fault,” I murmured.

  “No, my fault for making him choose. Do you think he’ll get the message?” She sounded so young and frightened.

  “It’s Cain we are talking about, he’s been dying for that phone call and he’ll be pissed he missed it. He was probably in the shower.” That seemed to mollify Annabelle. I grabbed her phone from my back pocket where I had stashed it when the nurse had helped her undress. “I’ll just check, maybe he’s been trying to call.” I didn’t have time to look at the screen before Annabelle let out a low, long groan.

  “There’s another one coming,” she said a little anxiously.

  “It’s okay, honey, I know it hurts, but this is quite normal.”

  “I want to push,” Annabelle struggled to say.

  “It’s only been twenty minutes but let me check you again; you might be fully dilated.” With a calmness I couldn’t begin to understand, Jenny got down and busy between Annabelle’s knees.

  “It really hurts,” Annabelle confessed, a tear slipping free. I put an arm around her back and tried to help her into a more comfortable position, my free hand grasped tightly in hers.

  “That’s why us women have babies, not men. We can handle this.”

  Annabelle tried to laugh, but it was crippled with pain.

  “Okay, Annabelle, if you feel the need to push again, you go ahead and push. You’re fully dilated.” As the next contraction built up, Annabelle’s entire body grew tense, and she let out a long, low moan. Jenny stayed between her legs, her gloved hands resting calmly on the bed. “Good girl, that was perfect. I can see your baby’s head. Another couple of pushes and it will be over.” I knew the moment the next contraction gathered, her body once again growing taut before she held her breath and gave one great big push. “Perfect, you’re doing so well, honey, the head was almost out with that one. Nice deep breaths and relax a moment. With the next contraction, you’re going to push good, long, and hard, and we’ll get that baby out.”

  One more push and it happened so fast I barely realized what had happened. In the blink of an eye, the baby slipped into Jenny’s ready and waiting hands.

  “Good girl, you did great. Look what you did.” She held a wriggling, bloodied little blob up in her arms.

  “Holy shit,” I whispered.

  “I did it,” Annabelle breathed with a hiccup in her voice. Jenny lifted Annabelle’s shirt up, exposing the skin on her tummy and laid the baby right on top of her.

  “Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?” Nurse Jenny asked, and my shocked expression caused her to chuckle. “Come down here, I’ll talk you through it.” While Annabelle watched her baby with a mixture of relief and awe, I carefully took the scissors and cut through the slightly spongy cord that had kept the baby connected to his mother. Moving back up to Annabelle’s side, we both stared in stunned silence at her baby. He was perfect, tiny little fingers, a tiny little nose, and a tiny head full of dark hair.

  “Does he have a name?” Jenny asked.

  “Oliver,” Annabelle whispered, and
I stilled.

  “You don’t have to use the name I picked; you and Cain must have one you both agreed on.”

  Annabelle shook her head, a finger resting under the hand of her baby. “No, we couldn’t agree and Oliver was the only one we didn’t argue over. Oliver Cain Everett.”

  Jenny took Oliver from Annabelle, cleaned him off a little, and then wrapped him up in a blanket. The baby boy was gently placed in my arms so Jenny could help Annabelle deliver the placenta. I couldn’t take my eyes away from him. Everything about him was simply a marvel, from his little bow lips to his tiny little toes. While staring in wonder, the door to the room burst open.

  “Annabelle!” It was a voice I would know from a thousand miles away, a voice so familiar it wrapped around my heart, and I felt myself relax for the first time in two weeks.

  “You missed it!” Annabelle said with the attitude I had come to know so well. “Lucky for you, Violet was here; otherwise, I’d be kicking your ass from here to Texas.” Cain stepped up beside me and I chanced a glance at him. He looked awful, no doubt as awful as me. His eyes softened at the sight of us though, then his gaze dipped to the wriggling blob in my arms.

  “Meet your son, Oliver.” As careful as one who had never held a baby before could muster, I transferred Oliver into Cain’s arms. The baby looked even smaller in Cain’s larger, stronger embrace.

  “Oliver, he’s perfect,” he said with a tight voice. After the longest time, his eyes reached mine again; he looked hesitant and awkward in my presence.

  “I’ll give you all some space,” I whispered, leaving the room before Annabelle had a chance to object. I wandered down the hall in a daze until I almost walked into the massive form of my dad. He looked a little frantic and worried.

  “Is everything okay, pumpkin?”

  I nodded, unable to speak, and wrapped my arms around him. “Oliver Cain Everett, he’s perfect in every way, and Annabelle is fine.” Exhaustion settled in quickly once the adrenaline wore off. “Dad, will you take me home?”

  For the second time in as many weeks, Dad piled me into the car and drove me home. I wasn’t a blubbering mess this time, and the pain in my heart was different. Numb. It seemed I had finally reached the point where my body had slipped into shock and detachment in an effort to save my sanity. Seeing the look on Cain’s face as he held his son made me realize he was going to be just fine. He had the perfect replacement for the loss of our love. Me however? I wasn’t so sure if I’d be alright, but I was certainly no stranger to fighting battles over and above my weight class. Once home, I crawled into my bed and drowned myself beneath the safety of its covers. Sleep came easily and swiftly.

  The distant sound of music floated on the fringes of a dream. It was a soft melody, fluid and gentle, drawing me towards it. As the music became louder, my recognition of my surroundings slowly settled on me. I was in my room, and it was dark, the only light filtering from the moonlight that shone through my open curtains. It was then I realized that the music was coming from within my room. I slowly sat up and stared at Cain who sat in a chair at the end of my bed, his guitar in his lap.

  “I was beginning to think you would never wake up,” he murmured. “You haven’t so much as moved for nine hours. I was beginning to get worried, but your dad said you haven’t been sleeping well, so I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “What are you doing here? Is everyone okay? Annabelle? Blob?”

  Cain smiled. “Annabelle and Oliver are fine. I left them at the hospital last night. Toby was there, and I wanted to give them some space.” Cain put the guitar aside and leaned forward, capturing me in that striking blue gaze that could hold me captive so easily. “I wanted to thank you. Thank you for taking care of Annabelle and helping her when I wasn’t there.” I shrugged awkwardly. Did he think I wouldn’t? “Regardless of what you might think of yourself, Violet, you are one of the most selfless people I know. You care about others more than you do yourself. I both love you and hate you for that. I never understood why you couldn’t see how deserving you are of your own love.” He ran a hand through his hair which hung freely. “But that doesn’t matter because I’ve got enough love for you to make up for it.” He stood, taking his guitar with him. “I know why you walked away, I know you did it for me and I respect your reasons for leaving. It ripped my heart from my chest watching you leave.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve always followed you, baby. I promised you I always would, but I need you to follow me this time. Just once, I need you to come to me. I need to know you need me as much as I need you. So, I’ll be at home, waiting. If you don’t come, I’ll let you go, and I won’t ever bother you again; you have my word. It will hurt and I know it will never heal, but I’ll do that for you if that’s what you want.” With one last glance, he left.

  I sat in stunned silence, my eyes seeing the closed door to my bedroom, but at the same time not really seeing it. I would have thought I had dreamed the entire thing if it wasn’t for the purple iris that sat on my bedside table. I wasn’t dreaming. Cain wanted me to come home, had pretty much begged for my forgiveness. Annabelle had given us the green light, there was nothing stopping me, yet I hesitated. Why was I so frightened of loving Cain? We had so much history, had shared so many good times and so many bad times. How could so much love and passion be connected to so much heartache? And that’s what truly scared me. The heartache. I didn’t think I could cope with any more heartache. Losing Cain broke my heart and there were only so many times something could be broken before it was unsalvageable. I was terrified of having to endure his loss again. This was my chance, my chance to walk free, find something and someone safe, someone whose loss wouldn’t destroy me. I could play at love, pretend I had all I needed, but at the end of the day, nothing compared to having it all. Not even the fear of losing it. My world didn’t seem complete as just Violet. I needed Cain to make it whole; I needed Cain to make it peaceful, but at the same time, that thought scared me enough to falter. A soft knock at my door broke my thoughts. My dad slowly pushed the door open and wandered into the room, taking a seat in the chair Cain had just vacated.

  “You let him in?” There was no admonishment in my voice.

  Dad smiled. “Caught him climbing through the bathroom window and nearly clobbered him with a baseball bat.” That made me smile. Dad rubbed his hands over his tired face. “You know, I always wondered how loving someone could feel so right and wrong at the same time. I loved your mom, I never once questioned the love I felt for her, yet I saw how destructive she was, and I knew life might have been easier without her, safer. At the end of the day, I was happy to settle for a life of love even if it came with pain, and I’ve never regretted it, even the pain.” He leaned forward just as Cain had done. “Sometimes, you just gotta be a little bit daring and a whole lot brave, pumpkin. That’s what love is about. You gotta feel it all to make it real, the good times, the bad times, and everything in between.”

  “Thank you, Daddy,” I whispered.

  “Any time, pumpkin.”

  The shrill whistle from a bird nesting high in the large oak tree filled me with a sense of normalcy I’ve been missing for too long now. Living in cities and out of hotels means moments like this are few and far between, the quiet peacefulness of suburbia drowned under concrete chaos. The air was warm, the sun’s rays spearing through clusters of foliage from above, dancing off my pale skin as I wandered across the yard. The house before me is large, a two story beast with a wide front porch and a large block of land with thick, tall trees running down either side, so the closest neighbor felt as if they were an eternity away. Unlike the tiny two bedroom shack I grew up in, this home is a masterpiece.

  When I reach the porch steps, I’m so nervous my hands are shaking. Three short steps up, another five to the front door. My heart is beating so hard, its loud echo begins to drown out the birds and whispered breeze that rustles the leaves at my back. I don’t hesitate as I raise my hand to the door and knock softly but surely. After a short time, I
hear heavy footsteps approach from the other side. Now I feel so nervous and fragile, I wonder if the wind that wraps itself around me will blow me away. Finally, the door is pulled open and I lean on every ounce of strength I possess to level my gaze and peer into those intense blue eyes that have been more of a home to me than the roof and walls I grew up in. We just stand before each other, staring. Just the two of us, Violet and Cain, just as it should be. Regardless of how much we’ve fought and ached during our journey together, everything just seems right when I am by his side. It was almost as if every breath I took when I was apart from Cain caused me physical pain, but as soon as we were in the same room again, that pain dissolved and I was left with the knowledge that this was my true place in this world. Cain didn’t move, didn’t speak, just watched me with a wariness I found unfamiliar and heartbreaking. It was unlike Cain to be anything but confident, and his guarded presence made me hesitate. Eventually, my gaze lowered to the ground between us as I cleared my throat and drew on some more of that courage that had led me to this point.

  “So…” I glanced up to look directly in his eyes, not only wanting Cain to hear my words, but wanting him to see the truth in them. “I used to think you deserved more than me, that you deserved a perfection I couldn’t possibly give you.” When he went to speak, I put up my hand to stop him. “Hear me out; otherwise, I’ll make you brush your teeth, too.” His lips tipped into a crooked smile. “I realized that to be happy, things don’t necessarily have to be perfect, and that if you can look beyond my imperfections and find happiness, then maybe I can, too. Our family isn’t going to be perfect, in fact, it’s going to be downright unconventional, but that’s okay, because we do imperfect really well. I think that’s what makes us work.” I could see the hope beginning to burn in the depths of his eyes and it tugged at my heart. “You once told me that I’m your home. Well, Cain, you’re my home too, and I never wanted to leave you, but I had to. The thing is I don’t want to live half a life somewhere else when I could live a full life here.” I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but my emotions began to betray me, and a single tear pushed itself free. “I’ll always follow you.” A sob caught in my throat as I struggled for composure. “I love you so much, and I’m sorry for hurting you, but you should know how much it hurt me too. Leaving you like that…” Tears fell at the memory of Cain’s stricken features. “It was the single most painful and heart breaking moment in my life, and I never want either of us to feel that way again.”