“So … What are we going to do about the band?” she suddenly says, throwing back her long brown hair.
This is it. The question that’s been on my mind forever. The topic of discussion I would have loved to avoid, but knew would come anyway. It’s too important. I don’t know the answer, though.
“I don’t know. Jack’s here, you’re back there.”
“His name’s Jack? Sexy.” She makes a cat noise.
“Nicole … Focus.”
“Right. The band. I don’t know, Amy. I mean, we can continue, and I know we both want to, but I have no idea how. If you’re staying here, that is.”
Sighing, I lean back in my chair. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. Singing has been my life up until I met Jack. I can’t just give it up.”
“But you can’t just give him up, either,” she says with a wink.
“No …”
“I understand.” Rummaging in her pocket, she throws some change onto the table. “Well, think about it. I know you’re not going to decide right here right now, so take your time, but not too much. I’ll stay here in town for a while, get to know the area. I might visit you guys if you’re up for it.” She scoots her chair back and puts her coat on.
I get up, too so that I can say goodbye for now. “Thanks, Nicole.”
“That’s what best friends are for.”
“So, we’re still friends?”
“Heck yeah!” She grabs me and pulls me into a hug so tight she’s squishing me.
“Okay, okay, I get it.”
“You’d better not run away again while I’m here, Amy. Or I’m coming after you!” she says before leaving.
“I won’t, promised.”
“Of course you won’t. You’ve got Jack The Hottie to keep you here, plus, I want you to introduce us soon. Bye now!” With a last giggle she leaves the bar.
“See you darlin’, hope you’ll be around!” Jack’s sister yells.
With furrowed brows I turn around and gape at her, pulling a strange face.
“Nice girl,” she says to me, and she shrugs before walking off again.
I watch Nicole step into her car, and I think to myself that everything’s going to be all right, but it makes me sadder by the minute. I know it’s not true. One of us is going to be disappointed, and I’m sure I’ll be gloomy anyhow, whatever the decision is. Either I lose my band or I lose Jack.
Tough choice.
I sigh and look back at the bar. Jack’s sister is gone. Probably disappeared into the pantry.
There’s a piano in the back, and the moment I spot it I want to play on it. Instruments always have that effect on me. I want to try them out, see how they play. That and the fact that I can release whatever’s built up inside me. Emotions come out much easier with music.
Sitting down behind it, I start with some gentle notes, hoping Jack’s sister won’t notice. The Piano’s not even facing the bar, and I’m sitting with my back against the entrance, so I can’t see anyone if they were to sneak up behind me. Still, I can’t resist playing.
Soft keys become harsh notes, and soon I start singing with the melody.
I want to be free
Free of this burden
Decisions, decisions
They’re never easy, but always present
Deciding fate
Choosing a path is not for me
No, not for me
I don’t want to pick
And risk losing
One or the other
I’m going to yield anyway
Please help me find my way
Find my way
Tears trickle down my cheeks, and I have no idea where they’re coming from, but they make me feel a little less chained up.
“Beautiful song you’re playing there.”
I’m startled by the voice coming from behind me, and I press a note totally out of sync with the rest. Dang, there goes my peace.
“Want something to drink?” Jack’s sister says as she places her beer on the piano.
“No, thanks. I’m fine.” I brush away the tears with my shirt and pretend I have something in my eye.
“God, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard anyone play on that thing.”
“Really? When was that?”
“Oh … you don’t know her. Rose McCallister. She was a wonderful person. Used to play on this thing every day. Back then I was still in business. Money was rollin’ in like candy.” She laughs, and it sounds more like a roar. “Scoot over,” she says, and she sits down next to me. The bench almost lifts up from the weight of her ass, and it makes me giggle a bit. Guess Jack was right about the women in this town being curvy, too.
She holds out her hand. “Karen McCallister.”
“Amy Brooks.” I shake her hands.
She smiles for a moment and gazes into my eyes as if she sees something floating on my retina.
“You know, you look just like her.”
“Who? Rose?”
She nods. Her comment makes me feel queasy. I know Rose meant a lot to Jack, and I don’t want to be the one replacing her. I don’t want that responsibility.
Trying to ignore what’s going on in my mind, I start playing again.
“If you want, you could play here more often. Maybe I could get some of those old customers back,” she says.
My eyes widen and my mouth drops open. “What? Really?”
“Uhuh. I was hoping I can get this place going again, and I’m thinking you’re just the marketing ploy I need. If things go well, I might even pay you for it.”
“Oh my god. That would be wonderful!”
She chuckles. “Great. I’m glad you’re in. But you’re better off not sharing this with Jack, though.”
“Why?”
“If you’re gonna be here a lot, means you’ll have to cross the bridge, and Jack won’t have that. Plus, he hates the idea of anyone else playing this beauty.”
I sigh and lower my head between my shoulders. “I know. I wonder what’s bothering him so much.”
She purses her lips. “Hmm …” I can see her think, and she avoids my eyes. She knows something.
“But you know, don’t you? You know what happened to him?”
“I do, but …”
“You have to tell me,” I say.
“No, sorry, darlin’, I can’t. Jack’s not been takin’ it so well ever since she … Well you’ve probably seen it.”
“You mean the binge drinking?” My fingers leave the piano. I can’t play notes talking about this heavy stuff.
“I can’t say I don’t understand, I mean, I’ve been there myself. I don’t support what he’s doing, but it’s not like I can do something about it, either. It’s his choice.”
“Yeah, well, it’s eating him up alive, and I don’t intend to just stand by and watch. Something needs to happen. I need to know why he’s so upset so that I can help him.”
Karen gets up again and stretches her back. “If you gotta know, ask Jack. There’s a lot he ain’t telling you. Like the fact that the McCallister Ranch should’ve been demolished and left at that.”
“What? Why?”
“There are some things better left unsaid, darlin’. Talking ‘bout the past brings up old wounds that should be forgotten.” She picks up her beer and walks away again, leaving me with a pit in my stomach. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Chapter 8
Jack
When Maddy and I arrive at my truck, Amy is already waiting for us. Arms folded, head low, lips crushed together. Oh fuck. This doesn’t look good.
I take a deep breath before walking over to her. “How’d everything go?”
She shrugs. “Eh … it was okay.”
“Just okay, huh?” I put the groceries in the back of the truck.
“Yep.” She turns around and sits down in the passenger seat.
Well, if she doesn’t wanna talk, fine by me. Whatever. Guess she needs some space, or something. Girls. As if I ever understand
them.
Amy avoids me. She’s totally silent during the ride home, but she’s chewing on her lips as if there’s no tomorrow. There’s something bothering her, and I wonder what it is, but if I ask about it I’m afraid I’ll get burned to crisp.
“I talked to your sis,” she suddenly says.
“Oh, did ya now? Tell me, was she sour as a lemon today? Or was she more like a grapefruit?”
She rolls her eyes. “No, actually. We had a very interesting conversation.” Her squinting makes it look as though she going to interrogate me. I don’t like it one bit.
Her comment makes me chortle. “Really? Well that’s a new one.”
“She told me the ranch should’ve been demolished. Why?”
What the fuck? Is she still going on about that? “Right. Well, for your information, she’s weird as fuck, and you should take what she says with a bucket of salt.”
“At least she told me the truth, unlike you.”
“What?” I say, frowning. “Where’s this all coming from all of the sudden?”
“Your drinking. You avoid every conversation about it. Even she knows you’ve been drinking, yet you still try to hide it.”
“So what? She runs a bar herself and drinks all day long. Who the fuck cares?”
“I do, Jack!”
Shit, she looks mad now. Maybe I shouldn’t have reacted so annoyed, but seriously, her questions are pushing me to my limit, and I don’t want to cross it. I don’t want to have this shitty conversation right now.
“You’re destroying yourself, and I need to know why.”
“I’m not gonna talk about that,” I say, sighing.
Finally we’ve arrived home. I can’t wait to get her out of my face.
“Then when are you going to talk about it?” she says. “You can’t avoid it forever. I’ve seen you crying. Maddy’s seen you crying. This is not good, Jack.”
“Don’t you talk about Maddy and my problems in front of her.”
I can feel my blood boiling. Fuck, she’s really pissing me off now.
“Maddy, why don’t you go outside, sweetie? Amy and I need to have a talk.”
She looks sad, but nods anyway. I curl my arm around the seat and manage to open the door for her so that she can get to the house on her own. I watch her walk inside before I turn my attention back at Amy.
She snorts. “Like that’s going to solve anything. You need to confront your problems. Face them head on.”
“Like you do?” I say, shaking my head.
“At least I’m telling you what’s going on in my mind. With you it’s all guesswork.”
“I told you it was going to take time, Amy. You knew this.”
“I know … but I also know you can’t run away from your sadness forever. I can see it, Jack. It’s killing you. You’re grieving over something, and the sorrow is eating you alive. I can’t watch you go through this anymore. I need to know what’s wrong so that I can help fix it.”
“You can’t fix this … No one can.”
“Then at least stop with the drinking.”
“No, I won’t! Damn it, Amy. It’s my only escape from this fucked up world, can’t you see? It’s my problem, not yours. Let me solve it on my own, ‘kay? I’ve done fine without you for the last couple of years.”
Shit, now I’ve done it. Her eyes are filling with tears, and it’s all my fault. Her face contorts as if she’s just heard the most hurtful thing ever. It’s true.
She slams open the door and runs to the house.
Goddamnit, McCallister!
I smash the steering wheel before getting out of the truck myself. “Amy!” I call after her.
I run into the house and notice Maddy’s gone upstairs. I can see it from her little footsteps that left dirt on the wood.
Looking to my left, I see Amy standing in the kitchen. The pantry’s open. In her hands she has all my bottles, and she’s pouring them through the sink.
“No!” I storm over to her and snatch one bottle from her hand, but she fights me for it. “What the fuck are you doing? Are you crazy?”
She chucks the empty bottles into the sink and throws in the last one, too. “No, you are. I’m doing you a favor.”
With my teeth clenched together I roar. “Fuck! You just fuckin’ wasted it all! Poured my money right through the drain.”
She just stands there, arms crossed, blocking the way, but I can see the hurt in her eyes. It doesn’t make me care, though. Fuck her and her bullshit. I hate what she does to me. She takes away the only thing I have to soothe the pain. It’s so fucking provoking, and I cannot stand it.
“Fuck this shit. I’m outta here.”
I bolt out the door, leaving her alone in the kitchen, crying.
***
My vision is blurry, so I stop the truck. I’ve been driving for God knows how long, but it doesn’t help me anyway. I’m right at that fucking place where it all began. Staring down at the abyss that started this whole fucking mess.
I hate this place. It terrifies the shit out of me.
But I need to be here, too.
It’s been so long since I’ve seen this bridge. Since I drove over it, let alone walked over it.
The wind is rushing though my hair, creating a curtain in front of my eyes. A wet mess, seeing as I’m bawling my eyes out. The tears just keep coming, and I can’t stop them from flowing. Everything about being here makes me feel the anguish I’ve been trying to avoid.
On days like this, I wish I still had her.
Rose. God, how I miss her. She’s the only one who understands me. Who knows what I’m going through, apart from Maddy. I need her, and she isn’t here.
“Why? Why did you leave me?” I scream, but my voice disappears into the dark crevices below.
The water’s gushing through the canal, and I’m peering down at it. My heart’s racing, and I think I can feel it in my throat. Just looking at that water is making me feel sick.
I turn around and lean against the bars of the bridge, dropping down to my ass.
It’s all for nothing. Rose is gone. My drinks are gone. Amy’s probably gone, too, after my explosion. I’m alone, and it’s fucking scary.
Then again, I have myself to blame for it all. Who the hell would want to stay with me? I’m the one who could’ve made everything okay. If only I’d been faster, more agile, stronger …
The salty tears roll over my cheeks and end up in my mouth, making my lips all dried up. I feel miserable, and there’s no one here to keep me from doing what I’ve been thinking of doing: going after her.
I try to wipe my eyes, but it’s no use; they turn wet within seconds again. I try to focus on Madeline, but all I can think of is Rose and that sweet smile of hers that I won’t ever see again. And it’s all because of fucking stinking me.
Slamming my hand against the hard concrete, I try to push away the pain by getting hurt. Blood is better than a perforated heart.
I can’t do this anymore. I shouldn’t come here ever again. I have Maddy to look out for. No matter how shitty I feel, she needs me, and I need to be there for her. I need to stay alive for her.
Slowly, I get up from the ground and make my way toward the truck again. The night has already set in, and I can barely see anything in this forest covered area. Luckily, I had my engine still on, and the lights from the truck help me find my way.
Getting inside, I pull the door shut and step on the gas. I make a circle and get back on the road. As I start on my trip back, something suddenly jumps at me from the forest, and I scream.
A giant deer crashes into my truck. The car starts to flip from the impact. Jerking the wheel, I try to steer it back, but it’s too late. I’m heading for the water.
Tumbling down the edge, I can hear the truck getting beaten to shit by the forces of nature. The bumping and sliding is making me clash into the window and bang my head against the wheel.
My vision is getting darker, and soon everything goes black.
Chapte
r 9
Amy
I dry my tears with a towel and throw all the empty bottles into a garbage bag. I feel like shit, though. Jack just left after yelling all sorts of crap, and it’s freaking me out. Where has he run off to? Will he come back? Is he going to be okay? It just doesn’t feel right.
There are just so many things that he’s not telling me, and I have a feeling I’m missing one big clue.
Digging through my memories, I try to discover what I’ve not been seeing. Then I remember the hidden box of clothes under his closet, and that he didn’t want me snooping around there.
It might give me some clues as to what he’s hiding from me.
I go upstairs and into his room. I immediately dig out the box and open it. In it I find another photograph of that woman. It has to be her.
“Where’s daddy?”
I turn around and see Madeline standing in the door. Holding her doll, she’s staring at me while yawning.
“Daddy had to go out for a second. Hey, Maddy, who is this?” I show her the photograph.
“That’s mommy. Mommy’s not here anymore …” she says, her voice turning softer with every word.
I get down in front of her and grab her by the arms. “What happened to your mommy?”
“Mommy didn’t come out of the water … Daddy says she’s in heaven now.”
My eyes widen. No. No, it can’t be. Jack’s wife drowned?
Madeline plays out the scenes with her dolls; the drowning and the coffin. Jack’s afraid of water, and he doesn’t let his daughter swim. He never lets me drive my car alone and he wants to avoid bridges.
Everything’s connecting in my head now. Little bits and pieces of information sticking together like one giant puzzle. That bridge. That crossing. The water. It must’ve happened there. That’s where his wife drowned, and for some reason he’s blaming himself.
Shit. He has to be there right now.
“C’mere,” I say, and I lift Madeline and take her downstairs.
“Where are we going?” she says as I give her her jacket.
“Gonna pick up your daddy.”
Dragging her to my car, I forget to put on my own coat, but I don’t give a rat’s ass at the moment. I need to find Jack. What if he’s really at that bridge? The place his wife died has to bring back memories he’d rather forget. He’s so blinded by his sadness that he’d do the craziest things. Like … jumping.
Blissful volume 2 (New Adult Romance) Page 7