Teach Me: Sinful Desires

by Sienna Mynx

  She looked at him through the darkness. His eyes were pools of regret. They actually glistened with tears. His pain stirred emotion for her and she almost lost her nerve. So she closed her eyes when she spoke.

  “I don’t want this. I don’t want you. I don’t want us. This is the end of our story. I thought you could teach me the deepest rewards of love. Instead you taught me how to be numb and feel nothing. I want my life back and that means you stay the hell out of it. I don’t have a mask to wear anymore, Sir. And maybe that’s not entirely your fault. I liked the games too. But there are consequences for what we did to each other. We did them for the wrong reasons. You know I’m right” There, she said it. She said it all and there was nothing left. She opened her eyes and Bryce closed his. He hung his head.

  “Is there anything I can say to change your mind?” he asked.

  “Nothing. I can’t stand the sight of you. Whatever I felt for you is dead.”

  “I understand. What are words when they come in the twelfth hour,” he said and stood. “You got me wrong, sweet Destini. I feel more than you think. And everything I feel, all that emotion, longing, desire, tenderness I can summon from my black heart is for you. My rose. I love you, Destini. I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you. But that’s just words, a label with tainted meaning now. I’m sorry that you were hurt because of me. I’ll always be sorry.”

  Destini put her hand to her mouth and wept. He stepped toward her and she stepped back. “Get out,” she cringed. “Just get the hell away. NOW!!”

  “I will.”

  He left.

  Destini sat down slowly and cried.

  Epilogue

  One year and six months later—

  “Okay, this is weird. The night before your wedding and we’re sitting here doing each other’s toes and eating ice cream. We should have gone out,” Naiya pouted.

  Destini smiled. “Get over it, girl. This is what I wanted.”

  “I bet you Russell is getting a lap dance right now,” Naiya teased.

  Destini shrugged. “It’s the last one he’ll ever get, so he better get used to it.” she joked.

  Destini reclined in the soft cushion of the hotel chair. They were on the terrace of the penthouse suite. Russell had gotten it for her so she could relax and be pampered. He was sweet like that now. A changed man.

  “So, are you nervous?”

  Destini scooped more ice cream. “No.”

  Naiya shrugged. “I would be. Marriage is, just yuck. Who wants to be tied to someone for the rest of their life?”

  Destini laughed. She stared out at the city. Her sisters were in the same hotel. Maybe she should have invited them to her private party. She was never close to them. It seemed right that she spend her last night as a free woman with Naiya.

  “Do you think of him?” Naiya asked.

  Destini felt her stomach flutter. Of course she thought of him. Every day and night she thought of him. It took six months to get herself out of the bed and back to the living. It took Russell’s persistence and understanding to bring her here. But, secretly, she always thought and wondered about Sir. Last she heard he left Gaylor and Mrs. Brichton had been appointed Chancellor. But that’s all she knew of him.

  “Destini? You hear me?”

  “I think about him from time to time. In the way you remember your first love or something. It’s like always there.”

  “You two were intense.” Naiya said.

  “Exactly.” She set the bowl of ice cream aside. “But it’s different with Russell. And I can’t wait until our wedding night to show him how special he is to me.”

  “Why? It’s just another roll in the bed—” Naiya sat forward. “You two do get your freak on again since you hooked back up, right?”

  Destini looked away.

  “Destini? Wait. Are you telling me you never slept with Russell since you two reconnected?”

  “We have a deeper connection. A friendship. We didn’t want to introduce sex into it.”

  “What the fuck!” Naiya leapt to her feet.

  Destini rose from the lounger and went back in her suite. She could hear Naiya rushing in behind her. “Hold it right there.”

  She turned and crossed her arms. “Russell has showed me more happiness and tenderness in our new love than any man’s cock ever has.”

  Naiya shook her head. “I understood you giving up Rain. Hell I even understand you turning down that publishers offer and fighting for your teaching license. I kind of suspected after you and Bryce Carson you wouldn’t be able to write her anymore. But I thought you were over this guilt and shame. That you were really moved on.”

  “Huh? Ah, hello, diamond!” Destini wiggled her engagement ring in Naiya’s face. “See this here? It means I am ready to move on.”

  “Bullshit. Why haven’t you slept with Russell? Now you’re afraid of sex?”

  “Naiya stop. Leave it alone.” Destini picked up the remote and turned on the television. Naiya stormed over and snatched it from her hand. She turned it off. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Why? Why?”

  “That’s none of your business.”

  “It’s because of Bryce. Shit, Destini. It’s been more than a year since you two split up and you haven’t had sex with the man you’ve already slept with in the past and started dating again? That’s not normal, girl.”

  “Okay, that’s enough,” Destini snapped. She glared at her friend, feeling a new tightness in the center of her chest. “I don’t need sex. Not like that. And I sure as hell don’t need a man to want me because I blow the hell out of his dick. The past year with Russell has given me more perspective on what my true needs are than those months tied to Bryce’s bed. Okay!”

  “Are you in love with him?”

  “I’m not talking about Bryce anymore. This conversation is over.”

  “Not Bryce.” Naiya grabbed Destini’s arm. “I’m talking about Russell. Are you in love with him.”

  “Of course I love him.”

  “Hold up, that’s not what I asked. Are you in love with him? You know the difference.”

  Destini opened her mouth to say something but stopped. She didn’t need to prove anything to Naiya. Russell Dumont had been her lifesaver. She thought she’d never find herself again. He was the best friend she could have ever had. He let her stay at his vacation home. He sat with her and listened as she poured out her childhood, her insecurities, the affair at the club and Bryce. He listened and he never judged her. And then he told her why he was the man he was those years during their first relationship. They found a level of mutual respect they never shared before. She was free with him. He even tried to encourage her to write again. Now, she only wrote for herself.”

  “I guess I got my answer,” Naiya said, walking away.

  “I will be a good wife to Russell. He is a good man now and we deserve to be happy with each other. I will give him babies, and a home, and I will make sure to never take what he’s done for me for granted,” Destini said with a shaky voice.

  “Sweetheart. You’ve never gotten over Bryce. And if you don’t face that now, it will come to surface. Do you want that to happen after you’ve been married with two kids and a dog? Do you want to sentence Russell to a life with no passion because you keep it locked away for a man you say you don’t want?”

  Destini shook her head. “I’m getting married tomorrow. That’s final.”

  ***

  Rain sat down in her place, alone. She preferred the quiet darkness that enveloped the room. It was kind of fitting. Sitting before her was a cardboard box. Its flaps hung at its sides and its contents poked out of the opening. She could see a stiletto boot and a vibrator, among other things. She smiled at her past and tried to understand it.

  “Debbie?” a voice called from the room.

  Her head lifted up. So much for quiet. It appeared Conrad was up. He walked out and stopped to see the contents of the box. His brow lifted. They’d been married two yea
rs now. He hadn’t seen these things since she broke down in his arms and told him her real name.

  “What’s this? You kept these things?”

  Rain lifted her eyes to him. “I know I told you that I didn’t need them. But it’s how we came together. So...”

  “Hey, it’s cool.” Conrad sat next to her. He gave her a sly smirk. “I kind of miss Rain.”

  She gave him an incredulous look. “You do?”

  “Debbie, it was always about pleasing each other, loving each other. I always knew that. Rain is what brought us together. Why would I ever question that?”

  She smiled. “Sometimes I feel ashamed of what I’ve done, who I was.”

  “Never.” he pulled her to him. “You’re beautiful because you live the life you want. And I’m grateful to have the chance to live it with you.”

  She turned and hugged his neck. “How did you ever put up with me?”

  “Hey, I like to be tortured. Remember?”

  Rain laughed. She bit his cheek. “You know, I can still fit into my cat suit.”

  “Mmm, do me baby,” he said, flipping her to the sofa.

  She looked up at him with love, and purred. “Have you been a bad boy?”

  ***

  Destini rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She couldn’t believe it. After Naiya fell asleep, she got out her laptop. She opened her last confusing chapters for Rain and spent six hours writing her conclusion. And when she typed the last word, she felt such a peace. Giving Rain her happily ever after with her soul mate. She wanted to tell Naiya, but she thought better of it. Maybe she’d tell Russell. Yes. She’d finally let Russell read the new and improved Rain. If they were going to spend the rest of their life together, she would.

  “Hey? You up?”

  Destini closed the lid to her laptop. “Morning,” she smiled.

  “What were you doing?”

  “Therapy,” Destini said. “Now it’s my wedding day. Go get my sisters. Let’s have breakfast and start getting ready.”

  ***

  They had to fly into Martha’s Vineyard. The secret many didn’t know was that Russell business ventures were booming. They had money. Therefore, no expense was spared for this wedding. They had a guest list of over 150, which included senators and a few celebrities she had no idea he knew. Destini was a bundle of nerves.

  The old chapel had a private wing for worship. It was where she and her party were allowed to dress. Destini was finally afforded a few minutes alone when she stole away to the sunroom outside in her wedding gown. She hadn’t planned on being this nervous.

  “Destini?”

  Hearing a man’s voice shocked her. She whirled around in her dress fearing Russell had skipped out on his promise. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could have prepared her for the person who stood there smiling.

  “Bryce?”

  He wore his black leather jacket and jeans. He smiled warmly at her.

  “Bryce, what are you doing here?”

  “Trust me, Destini. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t come. I—”

  “What are you doing here?” Destini said, shaking her head, no.

  “I’ll go. Don’t get upset. I just, you look beautiful, Destini. I had to come, to see... I don’t know why I came. I’ll go.” He turned to leave.

  “No. Wait.” Destini shocked herself. She felt her skin burning, her heart seizing. She felt such an elation that it made her head swim. “Ho-how are you?”

  He cast her a look over his shoulder. That look that would make her do anything to please him. “I’m miserable. I have been for quite some time. Ever since the day I lost you.”

  Destini’s bottom lip quivered. “Why didn’t you ever call me, write me?” she asked. She felt stupid for asking. It was as good as an admission that she wished he had.

  “I owed you the respect of honoring your wishes. I’ve learned a lot.”

  “Where have you been? I heard you left Gaylor?”

  “I’m back at Gaylor. I’ve been back for about two months. I missed the kids. I couldn’t stay away permanently.”

  “Oh.”

  “But he’s gone. My father.”

  “Gone?”

  “He returned to Ireland. I’ve had three of my sisters come to the states. They’ve been working at Gaylor with Delores Brichton.”

  “And your brother?”

  “He’s around. Just not interested in Gaylor with dear old dad gone. We co-exist. He leaves me to run the school and he does what he does.”

  Destini blinked, stunned. For Mitchell Gaylor to leave must have been a tremendous feat. She knew there was an interesting story there. Bryce read the questions in her eyes. He smiled. “I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. He ultimately signed everything over to me. I’ve done some house cleaning, Destini.”

  “I’m happy for you. For your family.”

  “Thanks. We’re healing. It’s a process.”

  Destini turned away from him. It hurt to look at him. It hurt so bad she could feel her eyes burning with the urge to weep. “So why did you come here again?”

  “To say to you what I’ve failed to say to you so many times.”

  Destini wouldn’t turn around. She couldn’t. If she had to hear it she would have to hear it with her back turned. “Okay.”

  “I was wrong to insert myself into your life. I never knew how far my obsessions would go. But I was wrong for so many things. What I can’t apologize for is falling in love with you. It’s been remarkable what loving you has done for me. You gave me such strength, Destini. You taught me so many things about myself. I’m a better man because of it. I know it cost you a lot and I don’t deserve you. But I love you. And I couldn’t let you marry another man without having said that.”

  Destini closed her eyes. She hugged herself as her heart shattered. Why did he wait so long to tell her? Why did he wait until today to come to her, now of all days and tell her. She loved him so much. She missed him so desperately, and she hated him for waiting until now to make her believe in him. “Bryce,” she turned.

  He was gone.

  She wiped at her tears. There was a single white rose with a baby blue ribbon by the door. She walked over, her wedding gown dragging behind her. Destini stooped and picked it up. She opened the envelope.

  Destini,

  I love you. Always and forever. Be happy.

  B-

  “Why now?” she said. She broke into sobs that released freely. She cried so hard she thought she’d never stop. The door opened, but she couldn’t lift her head. And when Russell’s arms came around her, he drew her to his chest. “I’m sorry, Russell.”

  “Hey, don’t be. I know what happened.”

  “What?” Destini looked up through her tears.

  “He called me. He wanted to apologize. He asked for permission. If it would be okay if he came and saw you.”

  “Why did you say yes? On our wedding day! Why would you do that?”

  Russell gazed down at her with such love “Forgive me Destini. I needed this.”

  “What? To bring him here? For what?”

  “I love you Destini, but I want all of you. I don't have all of you do I?”

  “Yes. I love you. I choose you. I don't want or need Bryce Gaylor.”

  He wiped her tears with his thumb. “Then why the tears?”

  “Russell please don't do this. Don't give up on me.”

  “Don’t you know, Destini? With love comes sacrifice. And I do love you. Enough to open your eyes, to who you really want.”

  “I would never abandon you at the alter.”

  “It can't be abandonment if we agree. If we're honest with each other. Love isn't comfortable always, and it isn't always the final reward. You needed to see him. You needed to be sure.”

  “We’re getting married,” she said, shaking her head, refusing to accept anything else.

  “Are we? Look at me, sweetheart. What do you want? Tell me. Tell me that this is what you want and I will follow you to the very end. T
ell me who do you really love.”

  Destini threw her arms around his neck.

  ***

  He decided to rent a motorcycle when his plane landed. He loved Martha’s Vineyard, especially the highways along the coast. Leaning into the bike, he let the wind be his guide. It eased his suffering. Seeing her was harder than he had imagined. It took every ounce of restraint not to grab her and carry her out of the chapel. He imagined he’d have many sleepless nights where he’d toil over his lack of action.

  Bryce thought of calling his therapist. He knew Charles would be upset that he defied his advice and sought her out. But he needed someone to understand. For over a year, he’d watched her life from the sidelines. Never interfering, no matter how much it made him suffer. He learned that his desire both to please and destroy his father was the source of his torment. Once he made peace with himself, he understood the powers of love and forgiveness.

  Bryce leaned into the next turn. He heard the honking of a horn behind him and steered his bike further to the edge of the road so the car could pass. Down the cliffs, the Atlantic Ocean crashed and broke against many rocks. The car kept honking. He checked his rearview mirror to see it was a limo. Confused, he slowed then stopped at the curve. Bryce removed his helmet as the door opened.

  “Bryce!”

  He looked back to see Destini in her wedding dress. He was off his bike and she was in his arms in minutes. He couldn’t believe it. He put her face in his hands. “What are you doing?”

  “I love you,” she smiled.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I love you, Sir. All of you, every part of you. I’m sure.”

  “I love you, baby,” he said, lifting her up into his arms. He swung her around keeping her to his chest. Destini squealed in joy. Bryce showered her face with kisses. “But what about the wedding?” he chuckled. “Should we find a chapel?”

  “Russell told me that loving a person means you have to follow your heart. He let me go. He’s a good man, Sir, I do love him, but I can never ever replace how much I love you.”

  “I love you too, sweetheart. With all my heart.”