Uncle John’s Giant 10th Anniversary Bathroom Reader
Page 10
Revelation: In June 1997, 14-year-old Shasta Aslam sliced a tomato in half for her grandparents’ salad and saw what appeared to be the Koranic message “There is no God but Allah” spelled out in Arabic in the veins of one half of the tomato, and the words “Mohammed is the messenger” written in the other half. “There were some letters missing and it was hard to decipher,” her grandmother told reporters, “but the message was clear.”
Impact: Hundreds of Muslims from all over the United Kingdom went to view the tomato. “They knock on the door and I take them through to the kitchen and open the fridge door for them to have a look,” the grandmother explained. The tomato has since been moved to the freezer.
In 1900, the average American slept 9 hours, 20 minutes. Now it’s 7 hours, 20 minutes.
NICE BUN
The Sighting: The face of Mother Teresa in a cinnamon bun in Nashville, Tennessee
Revelation: In the fall of 1996, bakers at the Bongo Java coffee-house were baking cinnamon buns when they noticed one that bore a striking resemblance to Mother Teresa.
Impact: Bongo Java owner Bob Bernstein shellacked the bun and put it in a display case beneath the coffeehouse’s cash register. The story was reported in newspapers and on national television. The coffeehouse, now a tourist attraction, set up a Web site and began selling “Immaculate Confection” T-shirts, mugs, cards, and “Mother Teresa’s Special Roast” coffee beans. More than 2 million people from 80 different countries have visited the Web site, and many have left messages. “I hate to burst your bubble,” one visitor wrote, “but to me, it looks more like Abe Vigoda in a hooded sweatshirt.”
When Mother Teresa—who didn’t even allow her own order to use her image in fundraising—learned of the bun, her lawyers asked the coffeehouse to remove it from display. “If it were sacrilege, we’d stop,” a Bongo spokesman said. “But it’s not.”
THIRSTY FOR ENLIGHTENMENT
The Sighting: A statue of Lord Ganesh, the elephant-headed Hindu god of wealth and power, drinking milk through its trunk.
Revelation: On September 21, 1995, a Hindu in India had a dream that Ganesh, the god of wealth and power, “wanted some milk.” So he held an offering of a teaspoonful of milk up to the trunk of his Ganesh statue…and it drank it. As word spread over the next few days, the same phenomenon was observed in Hindu communities in England, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Nepal, the Netherlands and the United States. (Skeptics point to capillary action—the ability of porous stone and metals to absorb liquids—as a likely culprit.)
Impact: According to Indian news reports, “So many Hindus were caught up in the mass hysteria that milk supplies were depleted and shopkeepers raised the price of milk 20 times. The military used bamboo canes to control the worshippers flooding Hindu temples.” The phenomenon spread to other religions. “After reading news reports,” one man in Kuala Lumpur wrote, “I tried the same thing on Mother Mary and baby Jesus. They drank a whole spoonful.”
Loudest snore on record: 93 decibels. Noise level of a lawnmower or jackhammer: 95 decibels.
OLYMPIC MYTHS
Every four years, we’re treated to another round of Olympics. Whether you watch them or not, it’s impossible to avoid all the hype—which, it turns out, isn’t all true. Next time someone refers to “Olympic tradition,” read them this.
THE MYTH: Athletes who competed in the ancient Greek Olympics were amateurs.
THE TRUTH: Technically, maybe. But in fact, they were handsomely rewarded for their victories. “Contrary to popular belief,” says David Wallechinsky in his Complete Book of the Olympics, “the Ancient Greek athletes were not amateurs. Not only were they fully supported throughout their training, but even though the winner received only an olive wreath at the Games, at home he was amply rewarded and could become quite rich.” Eventually, top athletes demanded cash and appearance fees—even back then.
THE MYTH: In ancient Greece, the Olympics were so important that everything stopped for them—even wars.
THE TRUTH: No war ever stopped because of the Olympics. But wars didn’t interfere with the games because: 1) participants were given nighttime safe-conduct passes that allowed them to cross battle-fields after a day’s fighting was done and 2) the Olympics were part of a religious ceremony, so the four olympic sites—including Delphi and Olympia—were off-limits to fighting.
THE MYTH: To honor ancient tradition and discourage commercialism, organizers of the modern Olympics decided that only amateur athletes could compete.
THE TRUTH: Not even close. It was “amateurs only” strictly to keep the riff-raff out. Baron Coubertin, the man responsible for bringing back the Olympics in 1896, was a French aristocrat who wanted to limit competitors to others of his social class. “He saw the Olympics as a way to reinforce class distinctions rather than overcome them,” writes one historian. Since only the rich could afford to spend their time training for the games without outside support, the best way to keep lower classes out was to restrict them to amateurs.
Heavy thought: The average fashion model weighs 23% less than the average American woman.
THE MYTH: The torch-lighting ceremony that opens the games originated with the ancient Greeks.
THE TRUTH: It has no ancient precedent—it was invented by the Nazis. The 1936 Olympics took place in Berlin, under Hitler’s watchful eye. Carl Diem, who organized the event for the Führer, created the first lighting of the Olympic flame to give the proceedings “an ancient aura” Since then, the ceremony has become part of Olympic tradition…and people just assume it’s much older than it really is.
THE MYTH: The 5-ring Olympic symbol is from ancient Greece.
THE TRUTH: The Nazis are responsible for that myth, too. According to David Young’s book, The Modern Olympics, it was spread in a Nazi propaganda film about the Berlin Games.
THE MYTH: Adolf Hitler snubbed U.S. runner Jesse Owens at the 1936 Olympics in Berlin.
THE TRUTH: This is one of the enduring American Olympic myths. Hitler, the story goes, was frustrated in his attempt to prove Aryan superiority when Owens—an African American—took the gold. The furious Führer supposedly refused to acknowledge Owens’s victories. But according to Owens himself, it never happened. Hitler didn’t congratulate anyone that day because the International Olympic Committee had warned him he had to congratulate “all winners or no winners.” He chose to stay mum.
THE MYTH: The Olympic marathon distance was established in ancient times to honor a messenger who ran from Marathon to Athens—about 26 miles—to deliver vital news…then died.
THE TRUTH: The marathon distance—26 miles, 385 yards—was established at the 1908 games in London. It’s the distance from Shepherd’s Bush Stadium to the queen’s bedroom window.
THE MYTH: Drugs have always been taboo in the Olympics.
THE TRUTH: Drugs weren’t outlawed until 1967. In fact, according to the Complete Book of the Olympics, drugs were already in use by the third modern Olympic Games: “The winner of the 1904 marathon, Thomas Hicks, was administered multiple doses of strychnine and brandy during the race.”
Uh-oh: 40% of nurses say they wouldn’t want their family to be treated in hospitals where they work.
FAMILIAR PHRASES
More unusual origins of everyday phrases
CARRY A TORCH FOR SOMEONE
Meaning: Be devoted to (in love with) someone
Origin: During the 19th century, a dedicated follower showed support for a political candidate by carrying a torch in an evening campaign parade. Only enthusiastic followers took part in such rallies. A fellow who carried a torch didn’t care who knew that he was wholeheartedly behind his candidate. Later, the term was applied to someone publicly (and obsessively) in love.
SELL LIKE HOTCAKES
Meaning: Go over big; have a big commercial success
Origin: In the early 1800s, hotcakes were the popular fast food at carnivals and country fairs. Anyone who set up a hotcake stand was sure to make a killing.
PUT T
HE SCREWS TO SOMEONE
Meaning: Pressure someone mercilessly
Origin: According to Robert Claiborne in Loose Cannons and Red Herrings, “The screws aren’t those used to fasten a piece of woodwork together, but the much larger screws used to compress such things as cotton bales. If someone’s putting the screws on you, they’re squeezing you for all you’re worth.”
BAWL SOMEONE OUT
Meaning: Berate (or yell at) someone for doing something wrong.
Origin: “The word bawl for a loud, rough cry goes back to the fifteenth century and probably derives from the Latin for baulare, to bark like a dog, the word first meant to bark or howl the way a dog does, but it was also applied to the sounds of other animals, especially cows and bulls. This supports the theory that to bawl out originated as ranch slang, suggested by the bawling or bellowing of angry bulls.” (Animal Crackers, by Robert Hendrickson)
Poll results: Baby-boomers now say that “old age” begins at 79.
PULL YOUR OWN WEIGHT
Meaning: Do your share
Origin: Surprisingly, a rowing term. “Each member of a crew must pull an oar at least hard enough to propel his or her own weight.” (Have a Nice Day No Problem, by Christine Ammer)
DEAD SET AGAINST SOMETHING
Meaning: Unalterably opposed to something
Origin: An industrial term. When a machine is bolted down or fastened so it can’t move, it’s said to be “dead set.”
DRUM UP BUSINESS
Meaning: Find a way to sell things
Origin: “Before the practice of advertising in printed media became so common, traveling hawkers of various wares would enter a village in their wagons and attract an audience by beating a drum,” (The Whole Ball of Wax, by Lawrence Urdang)
A BOOBY TRAP
Meaning: A hidden hazard, designed to surprise the victim
Origin: Literally a trap for a booby (or boob)—a term that probably came from the Spanish word bobo, meaning stupid.
FIT AS A FIDDLE
Meaning: In tip-top shape
Origin: “The phrase was originally ‘fit as a fiddler,’ and referred to the stamina of fiddlers, who could play for a dance all night long without even getting tired.” (Why Do We Say It, by Castle Books)
MONKEY SUIT
Meaning: Formal wear; a tuxedo
Origin: “The organ grinder’s monkey, dressed in a little jacket and given a hat in which to collect coins, was a familiar sight in the 18th and 19th centuries. About 1820 a close-fitting, short jacket was called a monkey jacket for its resemblance to the street musician’s monkey; toward the end of the 19th century this name was also used for tuxedo jacket.” Eventually the tux itself was nicknamed monkey suit. (Raining Cats and Dogs, Christine Ammer)
More than 50% of Americans say they take 15 minutes…or less…for lunch every day.
COURT TRANSQUIPS
Here are some more great moments in American jurisprudence. (These quotes are taken from actual court transcripts.)
Q: “How many trucks do you own?”
A: “Seventeen.”
Q: “Seventy?”
A: “Seventeen.”
Q: “Seventeen?”
A: “No, about twelve.”
Q: “The respiratory arrest means no breathing, doesn’t it?”
A: “That’s right.”
Q: “And in every case where there is death, isn’t there no breathing?”
Q: “Tell us your full name, please.
A: Mine?”
Q: “Yes, sir.”
A: “555-2723.”
Q: “Mr. Daniels, do you have any problems hearing me?”
A: “Not really.”
Q: “Where do you live?”
A: “Pardon?”
Q: “To the charge of driving while intoxicated, how do you plead?”
A: “Drunk.”
Q: “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?”
A: “Yes, I have been since childhood.”
Q: “Where do you live?”
A: “LaPosta Tailer Court.”
Q: “How do you spell that trailer court?”
A: “T-r-a-i-l-e-r C-o-u-r-t.”
Q: “Do you wear a 2-piece bathing suit now that you have a scar?”
A: “I don’t wear a bathing suit at all now.”
Q: “That can be taken two ways.”
Q: “Are you restricted in some way by having your third finger shot off?”
A: “Yeah, a little.”
Q: “What could you do before the accident that you can’t do now?”
A: “Wear a ring on it.”
Q: “What device do you have in your laboratory to test alcohol content?”
A: “A dual column gas chromatogragh, Hewlett Packard 5710A with flame analyzation detectors.”
Q: “Can you get that with mag wheels?”
A: “Only on the floor models.”
Q: “Do you recall examining a person by the name of Rodney Edgington at the funeral chapel?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edgington?”
A: “It was in the evening. The autopsy started at about 8:30 p.m.”
Q: “And Mr. Edgington was dead at that time, is that correct?”
A: “No, you dumb asshole. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.”
It’s estimated that 75% of all U.S. dollars contain traces of cocaine.
BRAND NAMES
You already know these names—here’s where they come from.
ACE BANDAGES. When World War I broke out in 1914, the Becton Dickinson Company had to stop importing German elastic bandages and start making them in the U.S.A. They held a contest to give the new product a name. The winners: a group of doctors who called it ACE, for All Cotton Elastic.
ALPO. The original canned dog food, introduced in 1937 as All-Pro. Shortened in 1944 to Alpo.
ARM & HAMMER. In the 1860s, the Church family owned the Vulcan Spice Mills. Their logo was an arm and a hammer, representing the Roman god Vulcan (who was a blacksmith). When the family formed a baking soda company in 1867, they used the same logo…and eventually named the company after it.
DELTA AIRLINES. Huff-Daland Dusters, formed in 1924, was the world’s first crop-dusting service. When they moved to Louisiana a year later, they changed the name to Delta Air Service (because they were serving the Mississippi Delta). In 1929 they began their first passenger route, between Dallas and Jackson.
GRAPE-NUTS. The first Post cereal, introduced in 1897. The reference to grapes comes from the baking process, in which part of the starch in the dough is converted to dextrose—commonly called “grape sugar.” And C. W. Post thought the cereals small granules looked like nuts.
SARA LEE. Charles Lubin and his brother-in-law owned three bakeries in the Chicago area. But Lubin dreamed of bigger things—he wanted a product that would be distributed nationally. In 1949 he created a cheesecake that he could sell through supermarkets, and named it after his daughter, Sara Lee Lubin. Within five years the company had developed a way to quick-freeze Sara Lee cakes and was selling them all over the U.S.
In June 1989, two original carbon scripts of Citizen Kane sold for $231,000.
WORD GEOGRAPHY
Did you know that many words are taken from place names? Here are some examples, from a book called Toposaurus, by John D. Jacobson.
BUNGALOW
From: Bengal, India
Explanation: England’s 200-year occupation of India led to many borrowed Hindi words. An Indian bangla is a one-story house, often with a roofed porch (in Hindi, a veranda). Bangla— which literally means “from Bengal”—was anglicized to bungalow.
BIBLE
From: Byblos (a city now called Jubayl in present-day Lebanon)
Explanation: The ancient city of Byblos was where the Phoenicians converted a plant called papyrus into a type of paper. Greeks called the paper biblios, after the city,
and soon a biblion meant “a little book.” In 400 A.D. Greeks started using the word Bible to refer to the Christian scripture. Lower-case bible today means any authoritative source work.
SLEAZY
From: Silesia, Poland
Explanation: The Eastern European region of Silesia was known for its fine cloth. Eventually, so many low-quality imitations wound up on the market that Silesian turned into sleazy.
JEANS
From: Genoa, Italy
Explanation: Genoa—called Gene by sixteenth-century Europeans—was the first city to make the denim cloth used for jeans. The pants were named after the city.
SPA
From: Spa, Belgium
Explanation: The Belgian resort town of Spa was known for its healthful mineral springs. As a result, the term spa became associated with mineral water. Today it means “a place to rejuvenate.”
The fingerprints of humans and koalas are virtually identical.
THE EIFFEL TOWER, PART I
It’s hard to believe now, but when the Eiffel Tower was proposed in the late 1800s, a lot of Parisians—and French citizens in general—opposed it. Here’s a look at the story behind one of the most recognizable architectural structures on earth.
REVOLUTIONARY THINKING
In 1885, French officials began planning the Great Exposition of 1889, a celebration of the 100th anniversary of the French Revolution. They wanted to build some kind of monument that would be as glorious as France itself.
The Washington Monument, a masonry and marble obelisk, had recently been completed. At 557 feet high, it was the tallest building on earth. The French decided to top it by constructing a 1,000-foot-tall tower right in the heart of Paris.
Now all they had to do was find somebody who could design and build it.
OPEN SEASON
On May 2, 1886, the French government announced a design contest: French engineers and architects were invited to “study the possibility of erecting on the Champ de Mars an iron tower with a base 125 meters square and 300 meters high.”