Always You

by Cecilia Gray

  “It’s nice of you to check on her,” she said.

  Rick shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea. Besides, it’s a little crowded at my place.”

  “Lizzie! Is she there? I don’t meant to gossip, but…”

  Rick’s lips hinted at a smile. “Dante slept on the floor. He tried to arm wrestle me for my bed so I would stay on the floor instead.”

  “He didn’t expect to win, did he?”

  “I think Dante always expects to win.”

  They stood on opposite ends of the room, but their gazes leaped to each other with knowing smiles, and for a moment she felt transported back to those nights when they had entire conversations without a single word.

  Rick walked over to her bed, and she held her breath as he leaned over it. He pulled the sheets tight and began to resettle the covers.

  “Habit,” he murmured. “Military school. Can’t stand to see the corners if they’re not tight.”

  Her feet were desperate to cross the room to him, her hand itching to cup his cheek. She set to making Lizzie’s bed just to distract her body from what it wanted. Was she the only one who felt close to him in those moments? The only one who craved more of them? She felt like a woman starving for crumbs from a plate. Maybe he only saw the moments of intimacy for what they really were: small remnants of something that used to be sustenance but no longer mattered.

  Lucy returned, fresh-faced in a blue tank top with a V-neck that dipped low on her chest and pleather black pants that looked as if they’d been painted on. In comparison, Anne felt boring and plain.

  “Oh, Rick, thank you,” Lucy said as Rick put the finishing touches on the bed. He set the bunny on the pillow without a second look.

  “Have a nice breakfast.” Anne was proud she’d said it without a catch in her throat.

  “Aren’t you coming?” Lucy asked. “You must be hungry, too. We both skipped dinner last night when we came back and you totally rescued me.”

  * * *

  The conversation between Rick and Lucy on the way to the cafeteria proved nauseating. Lucy’s ankle, which had fully recovered last night, seemed to have a resurgence necessitating Rick’s steady arm around her waist.

  Anne scanned the tables looking for any friends she could join so she wouldn’t be subjected to Rick and Lucy spoon-feeding oatmeal to each other. She spotted Emma’s golden hair and made a beeline for her. Emma was sitting with Josh and talking up a storm. There was plenty of room for Anne. Unfortunately, there was also plenty of room for Lucy and Rick to follow her.

  “You missed me nearly taking a header off the stage during the dinner, Anne,” Emma said. “I ended up choosing the Vera Wang, and the fishtail skirt was impossible. You know how my mom is always saying to address the whole room? How are you supposed to do that when the room is that huge? I had to keep turning back and forth. I felt like I was inside a spin cycle.”

  Josh said, “You looked good, at least.”

  “I’m sorry I missed it.” Anne accepted the leftovers from Emma’s breakfast tray when she slid it over—still-steaming scrambled eggs and half a cup of black coffee.

  “You were busy playing hero,” Emma said. “I feel like I should get you a cape. So as I was saying, I think we raised double what we projected, which means we can give out dresses and proceeds to Northern California high schools, too.”

  Lucy had not even sat down before she asked, “What are everyone’s prom plans?”

  Emma and Josh went quiet.

  Emma was probably wondering what Lucy was even doing at the table.

  “We plan on going,” Emma finally said. “Isn’t that enough?”

  “Yes, but… who are you going with? All as couples? I figure Ellie and Edward will go together. But are you going with Knight? Is Henry flying up for Kat?”

  “Who are you going with?” Emma asked tartly.

  “I’m still waiting for someone to ask,” Lucy said. “But I don’t mind going alone. It’s about being with your friends and having fun, right? Our last hurrah together?”

  Emma opened her mouth, a familiar saucy twist to her head, and Anne clamped down on her friend’s thigh beneath the table before she could say something hurtful. Emma took a deep breath instead of saying anything.

  “Aren’t you going alone, Anne?” Lucy asked next.

  Anne wished now she had let Emma make whatever witty remark had been on the tip of her tongue. Rick, who hadn’t been looking at her this entire time, finally glanced up. Their eyes met.

  She yearned for him to say anything. Even, Hey, I thought I asked you years ago. But a beat passed. Then another.

  “She’s going with me,” Josh said.

  Rick looked back down, his face stone. Completely disinterested.

  “Isn’t that right, Anne?” Josh said. “We’re going as friends.”

  Anne nodded and smiled. She mouthed thank you.

  “Maybe someone will ask me too,” Lucy said brightly.

  Anne decided that from then on, she would let Emma say whatever she wanted.

  Chapter Four

  Lizzie’s texts were coming fast and furious as Anne made her way to the headmistress’s cottage. She was scheduled to meet Mrs. Wright to photograph the locations she’d decided to recommend for preservation, and she was trying to get Lizzie off her back so she wouldn’t be forced to listen to a buzz from her phone every few minutes.

  Have you red-posted yet?

  I can feel you freaking out. Stop it and just do it.

  Are you getting these?

  You better think of something!

  Anne groaned and finally shut off her phone. The idea of stealing something—even something that had originally been hers—was tying her up in knots. What if she got caught? What would the Board think? Could she be putting the preservation project in danger? Risking her family’s reputation?

  She was so caught up that she was almost at the cottage when she noticed the soft crunch of stones behind her and turned.

  Rick froze. The wind rustled through his hair. A bird called to its friends, who answered in kind. It was only a moment, but felt like ten. Then he lifted the single-lens camera slung around his neck. It was new, not the one she recognized from years ago. “My mom sent me instead. She wasn’t feeling well.”

  “Is she okay?” Anne pressed a hand to her chest. “Should we—”

  “It’s just allergies from being outdoors.” He let the camera drop and ran a hand behind his neck. “She’s fine, but it would be better if she stayed inside.”

  He looked tired, and she’d bet he had stayed up all night worrying about his mom. He probably would rather be anywhere else. As much as she would never hear the end of it from her own mother, she had to give him an out. “Let’s reschedule. Or if you give me the camera, I’ll take the pictures.”

  A rueful grin lit up his face. “I’ve seen your pictures. I’ll stick it out.”

  She smiled, too. They were twenty feet apart, but she felt closer to him than she had any right to feel. “Your mom said something about a list?”

  “I’ve got the list.” He pointed to his head. “We should head back to the school. It starts there.”

  They walked in silence, and she couldn’t help but realize that he’d followed her halfway to the cottage without stopping her or making her turn around. He’d walked behind her for ten minutes not saying a thing. She wanted to ask him why, but she also wanted there to be a real reason… and for that reason to mean more than it probably did.

  They entered the school together, and as they walked toward the stairwell that circled beneath the Murano chandelier, she felt her breath hitch. They went to the same school, but had never been together in the places that used to matter to them. She watched his face carefully for any trace of emotion, but he was all focus. She stood to one side so she was out of the way of passing students and teachers, and he took his position five steps up.

  She loved the way he took pictures. The crinkle in his brow as he stared through the viewfi
nder. He would tilt his head to the right, then back. After a few shots, he’d adjust the lens and fiddle with the knobs.

  Once, he’d been that focused on her. Being adored was an easy thing to get used to and a terrible thing to lose.

  Rick looked down at her expectantly. “Want a look?” He held the camera out but left it on its leash around his neck. She walked over to him, her fingers trembling. The neck strap was short, so she had to lean against him in order to get a look. He thumbed through the photos. Rick smelled just as she remembered, clean and spicy. The back of her shoulder rubbed against his chest, and she felt his breath sluice against the top of her head.

  “They look great,” she said, even though she hadn’t noticed a single picture.

  “Did I miss anything my mom might have brought up?”

  “Nope,” she said, moving away quickly. “What’s next?”

  So went the afternoon as they moved to the library, the academic offices, and classrooms until it was time for the tree, and going to the tree meant the meteor field was next. She’d never been back there with him since the day she’d broken up with him. She didn’t know if she could handle it. It would’ve been hard even without adding in the memories of that place, without the sight of the tree he’d destroyed.

  How could he be so unflustered?

  They walked out to the central courtyard, where she wasn’t surprised to find some of their friends lying beneath the apple tree. It was one of the last remnants of the orchard that had been on the property before the Academy was built. Most apple trees didn’t live more than one hundred and twenty years, but this tree seemed as ancient as the earth. Part of Anne believed—hoped—that it would live on forever.

  Fanny, Tran, and Josh were sitting beneath the tree. Lucy sat nearby, the way she always did, trying to be part of the group but never quite fitting in.

  Fanny and Tran were in tracksuits and sweating, probably from their morning workout. Normally, Fanny and Josh ran together, but Anne knew Tran was jealous of his girlfriend’s morning sessions with the famous actor, so he’d started joining them even though he hated being up early, hated jogging even more, and had no hope of keeping up with Fanny. He didn’t seem to mind being passed, though.

  Fanny gave Anne a questioning look as she wiped the sweat from her brow. Her gaze darted to Rick and then back. “You need any help, Anne?” she asked.

  “No, we’re fine. We’re documenting the historically significant parts of the property for the new developers,” Anne explained. “Rick’s mom is the liaison to the Board.”

  “Ahh.” Fanny gave her a sympathetic smile. “Do you want company anyway?”

  “We’re okay.” She did want company, a buffer between herself and Rick. But she wanted to be alone with him, too.

  “I need a shot of the tree,” Rick said. “Do you guys mind moving out of the photo?”

  The trio got up and dusted the grass and dirt off the backs of their legs. Josh ambled over to Anne and casually rested his arm over her shoulder. “We should coordinate outfits for prom. I have a vest that will go with the hot red number you’re wearing.”

  “Only if you want to wear it,” Anne said. “You should wear what you like.”

  “What if I like looking good next to you?” Josh said.

  Anne rolled her eyes. Typical Josh response.

  Still, she knew his attitude was as much for his benefit as hers. The only way he seemed to cope with Fanny being with Tran was by being a complete flirt with anyone and everyone else. So she let him flirt. Where was the harm? The two of them must be the saddest students at the Academy.

  “I think we have enough pictures,” Rick said, setting the camera to lie against his chest.

  “But you only took a few shots.” Anne had watched him carefully plan and shoot every single photo thus far, as if it were the last preservation photo that would ever be taken. Which was probably the case. Why would he take only a few minutes with the tree?

  “There’s a picture of the tree in every Academy brochure. Between my photos and the others, we’re covered.”

  “I’m sure Rick knows what he’s doing,” Lucy said, joining the group without an invitation. “You really know how to use that camera. I just use the one in my phone. All the knobs and spinning parts confuse me. I don’t get it.”

  “It’s not too hard,” Rick said. “Once you figure out whether moving a part left or right gives you more or less light or more or less zoom or focus, it’s pretty easy.”

  “I’d love it if you showed me sometime,” Lucy said adoringly.

  “Uh, sure. But this camera’s just a loaner for the day.”

  “I can rent one.”

  “Next?” Anne said loudly after clearing her throat. “Or did we get everything?”

  “Not everything.” Rick held her gaze, his lips frozen in hesitation.

  Her stomach clenched. Of course they weren’t done. She knew that. But now they had an audience. “The meteor field,” she said.

  Tran’s eyes lit up. “Meteor field? What’s that?”

  “It’s this field in the forest where a meteor must have hit years ago,” Anne said.

  “That sounds so cool,” Lucy said.

  Tran eagerly turned to Fanny. “We need to check that out.”

  “Actually,” Fanny said, her gaze darting to Josh, “I’ve already seen it. Josh took me there a few times when we were rehearsing for the school play.”

  Tran digested this information while sucking on his lip ring, a move that Anne now knew meant he was nervous or angry and trying not to show it.

  “I asked her to keep it a secret,” Josh said by way of explanation.

  The ensuing pause made it clear that this revelation had not made things any better.

  Josh tried again. “It’s where I go to rehearse all my stuff. I kind of need it quiet.”

  “Yeah, no problem,” Tran said, turning away. But judging by the work on his lip ring, he didn’t mean it. Fanny looped her arm through Tran’s, but he didn’t pull her into him like he usually did. “Let’s go check it out,” he said instead.

  * * *

  They made their way slowly through the woods. Anne could tell that Fanny wanted to run ahead with Tran so they could be alone and she could explain why she’d never told him about the meteor field. Anne hadn’t known Josh knew about the field—or how he’d even found it. She’d always assumed it was her and Rick’s special spot.

  Now even Anne wanted to run ahead. But they were all forced to walk at a snail’s pace because Lucy’s cranky ankle had decided it was injured again. Rick stood on Lucy’s left and Josh on her right as they helped her over fallen branches and loose stumps.

  “She’s good at being a damsel in distress,” Fanny murmured to Anne.

  Anne resisted the urge to turn around, but her mind filled in the blanks: Lucy clutching Rick’s shoulder, and Rick holding her tightly at the waist.

  She walked faster, and Fanny kept pace, a surprised lift to her brow.

  “Just one more set of photos,” Anne said. “Then it can be over.”

  “Has it ever been over?” Fanny asked. “As long as I’ve known you… it’s been Rick.”

  “Everything will be over soon,” Anne said. “Whether we like it or not. At least that’s one good thing about the school shutting down.”

  “Anne!” Fanny’s eyes rounded with shock.

  “Don’t tell Lizzie I said that.”

  “Don’t worry. I value my life too much, and she’s bound to kill the messenger.”

  “I don’t mean to sound whiny or ungrateful. But I feel like I’ve been spinning in the same circles for the past few years. Except for making friends with you guys—which has been the best thing in my life—I’ve been stuck in the same rut. Maybe with the closing of the Academy, my life can finally change.”

  “Change always seems to happen in traumatic ways,” Fanny said as they cleared the trees and entered the meteor field.

  No matter how many times Anne came here,
she was always awed by the way it opened up into white-barked desolation. The shift in energy from greenery to gray.

  It was clear that Tran and Lucy, seeing it for the first time, were just as affected.

  Lucy seemed to have forgotten her injured foot as she ran out into the sand and dropped to her knees. Her good hand scooped up sand, and she let it fall through her fingers.

  Tran pulled Fanny against his cheek. “You’re going to pay for keeping this from me. I’m not sure when or how, but I’m going to be very creative.” He kissed her, and she laughed.

  Josh turned to Anne and sighed. “There goes our spot.”

  “I wasn’t aware it was our spot,” Anne said.

  “Ours in that both of us were selfishly keeping it to ourselves.”

  “How could you have asked Fanny to keep it secret from Tran?” she said, a little reproachfully.

  “Technically, I didn’t. They weren’t dating at the time. Although…” He gave a rueful smile. “I did like having the secret with her after they started dating. We had a lot of memories here, just me and Fanny. I wanted to keep those for myself. You can relate to that, can’t you, Anne?”

  Instead of answering, she watched Rick set the camera to his eye. He walked the perimeter of the tree line, moving away from their tree. She didn’t even know why he needed her here. He hadn’t asked her about whether he was capturing the things his mom had brought up during their tour. He hadn’t even looked at her since arriving at the field.

  She dug the toe of her ballet flat into the sand and traced out a circling labyrinth.

  Lucy flipped onto her back. “The sand is so warm,” she said.

  Tran and Fanny walked along the field with their fingers intertwined. He tried to lash out to grab her at the waist, revealing a flash of tattoo along his beltline, but she was too fast and kept sidestepping him. “Give in, Fanny,” he said.

  “I will, if you catch me.”

  “You’re going to have to give in eventually. You need my help.”

  “I can do it on my own.”