Don't Tell

by Violet Paige

  I ran my tongue over my teeth. “Surprise me.”

  “I’ll see what I can do.” He turned for the bar and I watched as he ordered. He placed a handful of bills on the counter and returned with the two drinks.

  “Here’s your surprise.”

  I looked suspiciously at the dark liquid. “Is it bourbon?”

  “You’ll have to try it.” He took a swallow.

  I followed his lead. The initial sip was strong at first. My throat burned, but then I tasted the sweetness. My limbs started to warm.

  I flinched when I heard my phone vibrate through my purse. I peeked inside the bag to see who it was.

  Garrett had sent a text.

  Stop worrying. I had a great day. I’ll call you soon.

  It was the first time I had heard from my brother since the call yesterday. I tucked the bag in the corner of the booth.

  “Something wrong?” Vaughn pried.

  I shook my head, but suddenly changed my mind. “Actually, yes.”

  “What’s going on?” It was a simple gesture, but his hand slid to my knee and closed over my leg. There was more heat in his touch.

  “Remember when you called last night and I wasn’t quite myself?”

  “Yes. I was worried about you.”

  I looked at the brim of the glass as my finger made a circle around it. “It was because of my brother.”

  “Is he ok?” Vaughn’s brow furrowed together.

  “It’s just if I tell you, I’m worried you’ll think differently about me.”

  “Why would I do that? It’s about your brother.”

  “Because it’s not the kind of thing you talk about with someone you’re casually seeing.” Shit. I didn’t mean to drop our status into the middle of this. “It’s not that—I—”

  His fingers dug into my thigh. “Emily, I’m not going to change my mind about you.”

  My chest seized. It was the way he looked at me with those piercing eyes. Or how his gaze drifted to my lips. Or how with his hand on my leg I felt almost as connected to him as I did in bed.

  “He, umm, he … Garrett has bipolar disorder.” I waited for Vaughn’s expression to change, but it didn’t. “And right now he’s going off his meds voluntarily. It’s one of his protests. He moved out without talking to my mother and is trying to be part of a start-up business at the beach.”

  “Doesn’t sound like a good situation for anyone.”

  “It’s not. My mom has tried. I’ve tried.” I looked at Vaughn. “We’re twins. Garrett and I are twins. And it makes me feel like I should be able to help more—do more for him than anyone else.”

  “You know that’s not actually true? As his sister, you’re the same as everyone else in this puzzle. Did he just call or text or something?”

  I nodded. “He did. It’s been over twenty-four hours since I last heard from him. I think he’s fine for now. Until he hits one of his peaks and crashes. He can’t just go cold turkey off the medication like this.”

  “Sounds like hell.”

  “I used to feel so bad for him. I used to worry about how he felt. How hard it was for him to go up and down all the time. What his body had to go through just so he could function. And then somewhere along the way I stopped feeling so bad for him and started getting angry at him. And I think that’s what eats away at me the most. I’m a terrible sister.”

  “For not wanting to be jerked around by someone else? That doesn’t make you terrible. That makes you human.”

  I sniffed. “And consumed with enough guilt to fill this bar.”

  “I have brothers and sisters.”

  “You do?” I asked.

  “There are five of us total. I’m in the middle. And although I’ve never had to deal with mental health problems with them, there have been other things. Families deal with shit. And what I do, what they do—it’s unrelated. I’m not responsible for their lives and they sure as hell aren’t responsible for mine.”

  My stomach twisted in knots. “You can just make that distinction and you’re ok with it?”

  “Yeah, I am. Doesn’t mean I don’t care. But I have to live my life, and I think you know you have to live yours too.”

  “I do know that. It’s why I moved. Part of the reason.”

  My hand rested on top of his. I needed more of his reassurance. More of his touch.

  “I wanted to get away from him and the problems that came along with the decisions he and my mom made. That and Greer said she desperately needed a roommate.” I smiled.

  “The roommate who is never home?”

  “Yes, that one. I think she really just needed someone to act as an apartment sitter. It was just a ploy to get me here.”

  “Not a bad plan.” He winked and my insides melted.

  Our glasses were empty. The baseball game was in the ninth inning. I hadn’t seen anyone walk through the door in a while.

  “Thanks for listening. And for not judging me.”

  “I already made my judgments about you and they have nothing to do with the brother I’ve never met.”

  His free hand slid to my chin. It moved along my cheek until he had drawn my lips to within inches of his face.

  “You have?” I whispered.

  “Mmmhmm.” He brushed his lips over mine and I sighed before he took my mouth with the kind of kiss that made me forget we were sitting in a bar.

  Our tongues tangled and I inhaled the sweet liquor from his breath. I gasped when his hand moved from my thigh to the sliver of space between my legs. It was reactionary as I jutted forward so his fingers could run along my silk panties.

  I wanted to crawl into his lap. I wanted to shred his clothes and climb on the table for him to take me. I couldn’t kiss him enough.

  Our breathing became rapid. He dragged his hands through my hair.

  “We’re going back to your place.” He breathed into my ear.

  I nodded quickly, tearing myself away from him so I could grab my purse.

  Vaughn hailed the first taxi he saw on the street. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other in the backseat. The driver cleared his throat when we reached the curb in front of the apartment.

  We stumbled out of the car, Vaughn pulling me into his arms as he walked backward to the entry. I’d never hated the three flights of stairs as much as I did at this moment. My bed was so far away.

  By the time we got to the top step, his mouth was on my neck. His hands shoved my dress to my hips. I pressed my palms into the door. The keys fell to the floor.

  “Oh God,” I moaned.

  His fingers raked over my sex, still swollen and sore from last night.

  “Do you think your neighbors would care if I fucked you right here?” he growled.

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  I stepped obediently out of my panties as he guided them down my legs. His hand palmed my ass.

  “I don’t know if I care what they think right now.”

  Granted, we were the only apartment on the top floor, but I didn’t know what the people below would think if they walked out looking for the source of the sounds of passion and saw us on the upstairs landing.

  “Keys are on the floor.” I gulped the words between breaths.

  “They can stay.”

  He spun me around to face him. As soon as I saw his eyes I forgot why I cared about the keys or the neighbors. He shoved me against the wall and I wrapped my hands around his neck. His firm lips moved against my throat. His jacket fell to the ground, exposing my shoulders.

  I heard his belt buckle and the sound of his zipper. My hands helped work the dress pants out of the way. His glorious cock was free and I kissed him feverishly as he yanked my leg around his hip.

  The tip of his shaft reached my entrance and I hissed as he pushed inside me.

  It was blinding as he stretched around me, pushing deep inside me.

  Quickly, he picked up my standing leg and slammed me against the front door, sending his cock deeper.

  “Oh God, Va
ughn.”

  His mouth covered mine, silencing my cries of pleasure. He held my lower back and I knew there was no way this strong man would drop me. Slowly, I let go of the hold I had on his neck and let my hands float overhead, feeling the passion of each of his thrusts.

  “Fuck,” he growled with a soft whisper. “I’m going to come hard.”

  I whimpered. My head rolled to the side, my arms free. My eyes closed, feeling the intensity of our bodies sealed and heated.

  He pumped in and out of me until I knew his orgasm had taken him. He bit my shoulder, clamping his teeth into my soft skin while he pulsed inside me. His body rigid and still. The sting of the bite turned to a tender kiss. He pressed his forehead to mine.

  “Shit, Emily.”

  I exhaled. “I can’t feel my legs.”

  He gently placed my feet on the floor, retrieved his pants from his ankles, and handed me my panties. He leaned over again to get the keys that had spilled out of my purse.

  “We can go inside now?” I asked.

  “We can.” He slapped me on the ass and I giggled.

  I had never done anything so explosively impulsive. What if someone had heard us? What if on the way to work I ran into one of the neighbors who knew I had sex in the hallway?

  I let us into the apartment, tossing my purse on the couch. I walked to the kitchen to pour us both glasses of water. Vaughn peeled the clothes from his body and walked into the bedroom as if he had always lived here.

  I followed him and watched as he lifted the comforter and crawled into my bed naked. I blinked.

  He patted my side of the bed. “Coming?”

  I nodded. I slid the dress off my body and moved in next to him. He brought me into his arms and against the hard planes of his chest. He kissed the back of my head and within minutes had fallen asleep.

  I stared at the ceiling in disbelief. His hands were wrapped against my bare skin as he fell into a steady rhythm of breathing. I inhaled deeply and let myself relax. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

  12

  I flipped to the next open page in my journal. I looked at the last date and realized it had been two weeks since I had written. I leaned into the pile of pillows on my bed. I had a night to myself.

  Vaughn said his business trip would be short. It was an overnight.

  I had papers to grade. I had cases to study. I needed to submit a report to Max. And all I could think about was the cold shallow spot in my bed. I had turned to my journal, thinking I could focus on something other than how much I missed him. In only a few short weeks he had become a constant craving.

  I kicked the covers in frustration, and marched to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine.

  The dishes from last night’s dinner were stacked on the counter. I closed my eyes, remembering how Vaughn had kept me from putting them away. The chills ran up my arm and down my spine.

  That’s what I should write about. How Vaughn had infected me with some kind of sexual intoxication. I was a different woman than the one who had moved to D.C.

  It wasn’t that the boxes were unpacked and all my clothes hung in the closet. Or that I knew my way around the Metro and campus. Those things had come with time. Each day I walked through my new life, they became a part of it.

  I should write about how something tugged and pulled me toward Vaughn. How I could look at him and feel the current running between us. It defied logic. He had awakened me. Brought happiness when everything else was muddled and gray.

  I didn’t know how he’d done it. I had dated other men I knew more about than Vaughn. It seemed by the third date I had a complete history on their favorite sports teams, who they voted for the first time, and every place they had gone on summer vacation as a kid. They weren’t afraid to hand over their biographies. They were scared to death to hand over themselves. The distance they kept wasn’t in a list of personal accomplishments or sharing every opinion that occurred to them. The distance came from under their skin. From time they could give. From fear that feelings for me would cripple their lives.

  The irony was that Vaughn was the opposite side of the coin. I knew him better than any man who had been in my bed.

  I curled under the covers and rested the wine glass next to the bed.

  Instead of picking up my journal I reached for my laptop. It had been a month. More than a month, and I had resisted all my instincts to research Vaughn. Until now.

  I didn’t have all the details. I didn’t have a picture of his past or the experiences of his life. I was selfish, but I wanted them.

  I typed his name into the Facebook search bar. I waited for his picture to pop up.

  Nothing.

  I scrunched my nose and tried Instagram and lastly Twitter.

  Nothing.

  I started an internet search next. I came up empty. Vaughn Hunter didn’t show up anywhere.

  I closed the computer and sat back. I realized not all guys liked to be on social media. And they liked being tagged and linked even less. He was a private person. I knew that. But I chewed my bottom lip, trying to figure out how I would ask him about it.

  I couldn’t mention it without revealing I had tried to find him.

  The question I had to answer for myself was, what difference did it make? Did it matter if I couldn’t find pictures of Vaughn online? Maybe I was spared the awkward pain of seeing him with an ex-girlfriend. What would I get out of scrolling through pictures of him with another woman?

  My phone chimed with a text.

  I picked it up.

  Thinking about me?

  I smiled.

  Maybe.

  I wasn’t ready to tell him that I couldn’t think about anything other than him. I knew it was too soon. I knew a month of dating and sleeping together wasn’t long enough to bare my soul. Even though it was as if Vaughn knew my soul. He knew parts of me no man had touched. Pushed me to a ridiculous Internet search. I was embarrassed.

  Want to go somewhere this weekend?

  I stared at the phone. Was he asking me to leave town with him? I scrambled through the schedule in my head, dying to tell him yes.

  What were you thinking?

  My responses were much calmer than my feelings.

  I know this place a few hours away. Lots of wine.

  I held the glass I had poured. He wanted to go to one of the wineries. I’d heard people at work talk about them. Fall was apparently the best time to go. Holy shit. I imagined an entire weekend with Vaughn on vacation.

  I’d love to go.

  He typed back quickly.

  I’ll make the reservations.

  Perfect

  I had a deposition on Monday with Lana Foley, but I could still make this work. I’d have to tell Vaughn we needed to leave earlier on Sunday, but I wasn’t going to say no. I’d work my ass off the rest of the week to prepare.

  It was the without a doubt the most intimidating and daunting case of my life, going up against a U.S. senator. But Vaughn was just as important. I thrived with him. I needed him. A flash of hesitation whipped through me. Was it irresponsible to put Lana’s case behind my relationship with Vaughn?

  I convinced myself I wasn’t doing that. I had the rest of the week to prepare. And it wasn’t as if a deposition was the same as being in the courtroom. I had a long way to go on her case. This was only the beginning. The first stride in the marathon. Right now I wanted to spring to Vaughn.

  On Friday afternoon I skirted past Meg, shoving files in my messenger bag. I still had to pack a suitcase and change for our drive to the winery. I made a list of what to pack. If I hurried, I could throw it together in ten minutes.

  “Where are you going?” she asked.

  “Weekend plans.” I smiled.

  “That’s all you’re going to say? You never leave early.”

  I paused in front of her desk. “It’s with a guy.”

  “Really? That sounds serious. A weekend trip. Wow.”

  I shrugged, trying to downplay the significance. “It�
�s just a quick trip. I’ll be in Monday for Mrs. Foley’s deposition.”

  “I’m not worried about a deposition.” She rolled her eyes. “Tell me who the guy is. That’s more interesting.”

  “More interesting than prosecuting a senator who had an affair and fired his mistress when she got pregnant? Your definition of interesting is skewed,” I teased.

  “Oh come on,” she whined.

  “Maybe after the weekend,” I hinted. “See you Monday morning.”

  “You can’t leave like that.”

  I laughed. “Have a good weekend, Meg.”

  I left her to contend with Addie. I ignored my officemate’s sideway glare when I stacked my files and turned off my laptop at least an hour early for a work day. After working together in close quarters for over a month, Addie still hadn’t warmed up to the idea of sharing space. She didn’t like to collaborate on cases. She didn’t like to share the students.

  Most days I felt as if she were guarding secrets, protecting her methods in case I might steal them. The program was competitive, but I didn’t view the other attorneys as my nemeses. I accepted she did.

  The odds were stacked against us. With the amount of residents in the program and a limited faculty slot, the margin was too narrow to get caught up in defeating each other. Working in the clinic helped me see that there was enough evil being waged on women in the world. I wasn’t about to pile on it by back-stabbing my colleagues. I’d rather not get ahead than push someone down.

  The apartment was quiet while I packed for the weekend. I texted Greer that I was going to be out of town for two nights. I didn’t hear back from her.

  She didn’t have access to her phone in some of the senate committee meetings. She said security was always a top concern. She had to leave her phone in the office. I’d probably hear from her later tonight. I wasn’t ready to give her other details anyway. She would interrogate me more than Meg had.

  I quickly gathered a few outfits, making sure to pack a special black lacy number I had ordered online. I didn’t have a plan when I saw it on the website. Only that Vaughn had to see me in it. I zipped the suitcase until it was closed completely.