LifeoftheParty

by Trudy Doyle

  “Doll,” he said, pulling the combs from her hair, his eyes like twin chunks of blue ice, “anyone who can make me come like you just did has my undying loyalty, not to mention…” He slipped his hands under her blouse and quickly split it, her buttons flying off. Gina barely had time to gasp before he unsnapped her bra, her breasts tumbling out, Doug swooping to take an already hardened nipple between his teeth. “You’ve got three days of payback fucking coming at you for winning that case,” he said, sucking her nipple until she groaned against him.

  Winning that case. And she had won, by any means necessary. Including compromise, even of herself. Disgust washed over her. When had winning become more important than even her self-respect? She should have known whatever conscience she had left would still come back to haunt her, extracting its inevitable price.

  Oh God, she thought as she drove to Doug’s apartment, what I wouldn’t give for those first three days of voluntary amnesia. She laughed with twenty-twenty hindsight. Of abject, blissful stupidity. She pulled his key from her purse and stepped into the pre-dawn inkiness inside.

  It was almost like following his scent. She snaked around furniture and his strewn shoes to find him still in bed, his arms thrown over his head as he lay on his back, his legs tangled in a sheet that barely covered his cock. She set her bag on the floor with a sigh. He was such a gorgeous man. Broad shoulders, muscled arms, tight pecs and abs like granite. And those eyes! So intense, they were just as riveting whether mired in lust or lit with the thousand different topics that filled their conversations, from politics to cooking to movies to law. He shifted, groaning slightly, and her heart twisted. God, how she loved him, inside and out. She slinked out of her clothes and slipped in to spoon behind him.

  “About time,” he said, grasping her hand.

  She started. “You’re awake?”

  “Doll, I’m a cop. Of course I’m awake. And with my finger on the trigger.” His hand snaked from under his pillow and he slid his pistol to the night table. “I wondered how long you were gonna stand there staring at me.”

  Gina felt herself flush. “Sorry. It’s just that—”

  “You missed me?” he asked, turning around. He pushed himself up, half arching over her. “Same here.”

  As he slipped the sheet from her she rolled onto her back, his eyes grazing appreciatively over her. Inwardly, she thrilled. If these last few weeks with Doug had proved anything, it was he thought her beautiful, and that made her body bloom. Her lips felt lusher, her breasts fuller, her skin so much more sensitive to his touch. At least that was what she wanted to believe. As she lay naked before him, his gaze thick upon her, she could already feel herself rising. All he had to do was touch her and sure enough, she’d explode.

  “You’re beautiful, you know that?” he said, mischief in his eyes as he traced a finger down her belly. “So beautiful I gotta eat you for breakfast.”

  “You do, do you,” she said, brow arched, squirming when his finger met her clit. “But I’m not so—”

  “Shh.” He quieted her with a kiss, his lips roaming down her neck, from one breast to the next before he slid his tongue down her belly to her pussy. “Are you trying to tell me what to eat?”

  She smiled, slipping her hand to his mouth. He sucked in a finger, nipping it. “It’s just that I should take a shower. It’s been a long night.”

  “Don’t care,” he said, opening her legs as he slid down between them. “I can’t wait that long and besides, I love the way you taste.”

  “Well, all right then,” she said, her neck arching as his tongue found her clit. “Who am I to argue?”

  He spread her lips, barely flicking against her clit as a finger slipped into the fiery canal of her vagina. Then back he drew it, feeling for that high and inner spot he knew always drove her half out of her mind. He did this over and over, easing in and out of her pussy while mercilessly teasing her clit until it throbbed and hardened against his tongue. Gina moaned, squirming as she fisted the sheets, Doug splaying her even wider as he pulled her to the edge of the bed and her sanity.

  “Pull your legs up, doll,” he said, kissing her inner thigh.

  “What? Oh no, Doug, please,” Gina pleaded, barely coherent as his slickened fingers slipped in and out of her swollen vagina.

  “Like this,” he said, pushing up until her heels rested on the end of the mattress. “That’s it,” he said, his hands searing her thighs as he opened her. He licked her periphery, his breath hot against her skin, her ass writhing as he pursed his lips and blew softly against her throbbing clit.

  “Fuck me,” she begged, but he only pushed her legs back until her knees nearly met her breasts, the engorged whole of her pussy raw and exposed and completely at his mercy. “Doug! Goddamn it! Do some—”

  When his mouth fell upon her she nearly screamed, his tongue as manic against her clit as it had been laissez-faire before. Almost instantly she broke into a sweat, her ass lifting off the bed as a climax racked through her body.

  “Like that?” She heard the packet tear and then, climbing to the bed, he rammed his cock in to the hilt.

  This time she did scream, apoplexed by the most intense pleasure she’d ever felt. He drove his cock in and out, shackling her wrists over her head with one large hand.

  “Did you miss me, Gina?” he asked, driving her harder with every thrust. “Did you think about me fucking you?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, hardly able to speak. She was coming again, this time even harder than before, her head thrashing, her hips bucking to meet his. “Oh yes, all the time, all the… Ah…”

  “Really?” he asked, those eyes burning right into her. Yet even through the haze of her pleasure she could see him clearly. With the dawn eking though the blinds, he looked as drunk on her as she felt on him, a sheen of sweat on his forehead, those powerful shoulder muscles flexing with each thrust, his lips curling around the edges of his imminent orgasm. He let go of her wrists, looking down on her. “That must mean you love me.”

  She gripped his face between her hands. “Oh God! Oh God!” She seized his mouth with hers as she wrapped her legs around him, Doug pummeling her once, twice before he went rigid from his climax, slumping against her.

  A few moments later he brushed his cheek against hers. “Jesus, you can fuck.”

  She laughed. “All I did was pretty much lie there.”

  He smiled, shifting the weight of his large body off her. “Sometimes that’s all it takes.” He kissed her quickly. “Christ, I missed you.”

  “Same here, sweetie,” she whispered, and again her heart twisted. How would she ever tell him?

  He pulled himself from her, dropping the condom in the trash before he lifted her from his bed. “Now it’s time for a shower.” When they got in together, he soaped her from head to foot and fucked her again, holding her high against the shower wall, his legs splayed and hers around his hips. And after they got out and they dried each other, and he rubbed lotion all over her body, he hoisted her atop the sink and fucked her once more. Even in the bedroom she wasn’t safe, because as she bent into her suitcase to find her jeans, he fell to his knees behind her and tongued her until she writhed and shook and fell to the bed.

  “Holy—shit,” she panted out, Doug behind and caging her with his leg, “you sure like to fuck me.”

  He pulled her hair back from her neck and kissed her pulse point. “I love to fuck you,” he murmured. “So much I can’t keep my cock out of you.” He turned her to face him, his eyes tentative. “Is that insane or what?”

  Those eyes— Jesus. How they tore through her. She couldn’t look at him, snuggling against him instead, wishing she could crawl inside him and hide until he absorbed what she knew she’d have to tell him. “Maybe.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “Gina, baby, come on. You know it’s more than that. I love you. I love you so fucking much I’d like to die sometimes.”

  Damn, she hated it when he got Gothic. Hated how it made her feel. As
crazy paralyzed in love as he was, and she just couldn’t allow herself that. Not when she had to do what she knew she must. Even thinking of it made her sick. She cringed against him.

  He felt it. “Gina?” he said, lifting her chin. “What’s the matter?”

  She couldn’t put it off any longer. She had to tell him. Because as odd as it seemed, in such a short span of time, he was so in tune with her, she was certain he already knew. “Doug, there’s something I have to tell you.”

  He stared at her a moment before his eyes lit with joy. “You’re pregnant.”

  Gina pulled back, the breath knocked out of her. She was right. Sometimes he positively terrified her. “Why did you say that?”

  “Oh come on, Gina.” His eyes swept over her. “Just look at you!” He brushed back her hair, gazing at her with such love she nearly collapsed. “We haven’t known each other long, barely a few weeks with all the time we’re apart, but I’ve never felt like this with anyone. I know it’s crazy but sometimes I think I can feel what you’re feeling, know what you’re thinking even before you say it.”

  She touched his cheek. God. She knew what he meant. Even knew what he was going to say next. Knew she couldn’t bear to hear it.

  “Gina,” he said softly, “are you?”

  She said, “Yes, but—”

  “But what?” He smiled, absolutely beaming. “Marry me.”

  She shook her head. “Doug, I know you said that the first time we were together, but no one would take that kind of offer seriously.”

  He grabbed her, kissing her neck, her cheek, then quickly on the lips. “I was as serious then as I am now. No. Even more. Because I’m so much more fucking in love with you than I was then, and let me tell you, that’s a lot of goddamn love because I was insane for you from the minute I walked in that courtroom. Marry me, and let’s raise our baby and maybe even ten more.” He laughed. “I never had a real family, so this ought to be nuts, but what the fuck.”

  “Doug.” She shivered. Those eyes, so icy, were positively drilling through her, mining her thoughts as easily as if they were his own. And Christ, if that didn’t scare the hell out her. Because if they were, if he truly knew what she was thinking, she was honestly afraid neither one of them would live through the experience. She eased away from him and off the bed.

  He didn’t say anything as she hurried into her clothes, pulling his own on as a minute passed and the next round of revelations queued up before them. Finally, as she fumbled through her purse, he took her by the shoulders and turned her toward him, dipping his head to her upraised eyes.

  “What is it?” he asked simply.

  She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening to his. “I can’t marry you.” Ever. Not now. Not after this.

  His jaw clenched. “Why?”

  “Because I can’t. It’s not right.”

  “What do you—”

  “Because…” She wanted to say because I love you too much, but she couldn’t. She could never say that. If she did, if he knew what she’d done, it just might kill him. Lord knew it was killing her. “It isn’t fair.”

  He gripped her arms. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  She moved away, flipping her hair from her face, a gesture long essential to her thought process. Here it comes, she told herself. She took a long, stabilizing breath, crossing her arms in front of him. “I can’t marry you just because of this…pregnancy.”

  He stared at her a moment then sighed with what she hoped wasn’t relief. “Baby,” he said softly, “you want me to tell you again? I love you. And our baby.”

  “Don’t,” she hissed, “say that.”

  “What?” He looked truly mystified. “Say what?”

  Her chest tightened. She didn’t know how much longer she could stand it. Gina felt the bile rising in her throat, a mix of hormones and anger and impatience for her heart to hurry up and finish breaking, so she could get on with whatever was left of her suitably now miserable life. But what was worse was that hers wouldn’t be the only heart she’d be breaking, but also this man’s whom she’d surely die for. But she also knew it couldn’t go any other way.

  “I’m not keeping this pregnancy,” she finally said.

  His eyes narrowed in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

  She had never been more. Her heart hammered, she felt dizzy, her legs threatened to buckle. But she had to hold her ground. There is no alternative. She was resigned. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  He gripped her shoulders. “Gina, please, don’t do this. Please don’t do this.” He pulled her toward him, clutching her so tightly the breath caught in her lungs. “Tell me what you want from me, but please don’t do this.”

  She closed her eyes against their stinging, his heart pounding against her cheek, his scent dizzying her thinking. “Doug, you have to stop. Trust me when I say I would keep it if I could, but I just can’t.”

  “Why?” he said softly. “Because of me?”

  “No, no, no. Of course not.” She brushed her hand down his chest. Lie. Lie. Lie. “If anything, I don’t deserve you. But I’m not ready for this. I just can’t do it.”

  He kissed the top of her head, each cheek, her forehead, his breath hot and frantic against her face. “I never knew my father, you know? Bastard took off on my mother, left us in some goddamn shithole.” He held her face in his hands, staring down at her with such intensity Gina started to tremble. “But I’d never do that to you. I want to take care of you. I want to take care of—”

  “Stop it, Doug,” Gina said, pushing away. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

  “Why? You don’t think I could do it?”

  “I don’t mean that.”

  “Then what do you mean? I couldn’t take care of the kid?”

  She waved him off. “This is a ridiculous argument. That’s not the point.”

  “Then what is?” He came toward her, hands fisted. “What’s so fucking important you have to kill our kid?”

  Her mouth dropped in outrage. “How dare you.”

  “It’s what you’re gonna do, isn’t it?”

  Gina dropped to the bed, yanking on her boots, near blinded from welling tears. She turned away, swiping at her eyes. “You don’t understand. Do you think I want to do this? You think I’m some kind of callous, unfeeling bitch?”

  He fell to a crouch in front of her, his face filled with anguish. “Then explain it to me, doll. I’ll listen. I love you, I’d fucking die for you, so give me one good reason why we can’t do this. If it’s something you want me to do to make it easier I’ll do it. Just tell me what it is. Please.”

  “You, you, you! Well, it’s not just about you. I can’t raise a kid now. Why won’t you listen to me?” But she could hardly hear herself, her head was spinning so. How had she let it get this far out of control? Gina looked at him, and in that one glance, it nearly killed her. She had never seen him like this. Her icy-cool detective was teetering on the brink. To prolong it was monstrous. She climbed from the bed.

  “I have to go,” she said. “We’ll talk about it when I get back.”

  He looked at her as if she were insane. “Are you joking?”

  “I’m due in D.C. by one.”

  He leapt to his feet, grasping her arm. “Fuck D.C. You’re not going anywhere until we settle this!”

  “There’s nothing to settle,” she said, twisting her arm loose, the words flying from her mouth so foreign to what she was feeling she almost laughed. “I’m sorry, Doug, I’m so, so sorry, but I can’t keep this pregnancy, I just can’t.”

  “Why?” He slammed his hand against the wall, his face red, livid. “When I’m a goddamn cop and you’re a fucking lawyer?! We make enough goddamned money together to support ten families! Give me one solid reason why we can’t have this baby. Just one logical reason why and I swear to God I’ll leave you the fuck alone. Just one!”

  One reason? Just one? If he only knew. It was logic that got us here
in the first place. “Doug, you know it’s got nothing to do with money.”

  “Then what is it? Tell me.” His phone rang. He ignored it, grabbing her arms. “Come on, doll. You always had the answers before.”

  There was only one, and if she told him it’d kill them both. She started to shake. “I can’t— You don’t— Doug, please.”

  His phone rang again from where it lay on the bed. She could see it was his partner, Carmelli. Still he still ignored it, his fingers digging into her arms. “Come on, Gina,” his voice seethed, pulling her flat against him. “Stop fucking with me and give it to me straight.”

  She stared at him, his whole body coiled with anguish, and if there were a time when she would hate herself more she couldn’t imagine it. She felt sick with a guilt she knew she’d carry with her until the end. His house phone rang.

  “You better answer that,” she said.

  “Answer me,” he insisted. “Don’t you think I can handle it?”

  Could he really? Gina looked into eyes bleeding misery and a kind of wildness she’d never seen in him before. It terrified her. She tried to pull away. He gripped her tighter. She couldn’t tell him ever. He would never believe how devious she was, how the art of the deal really worked, how winning had always trumped the method. She could never live up to his standards. And when he realized that he would hate her—hate her with everything inside him, and that she could never take. That would kill her for sure. So it was better to cut it off now before it got even worse than the horrendous state it was already in.

  “Let go,” she said.

  He shook her slightly. “Tell me!”

  Someone started pounding at his door, and when he looked to it she wrenched herself loose. God, she loved him. Loved him more than she’d ever felt herself capable of, so much she’d die for him as well. But she wouldn’t kill him. And knowing the truth would surely do that. Because the truth was worse than any lie she could fabricate, yet lie she would. She’d open her mouth and lie as though she didn’t care. Which was, in truth, the biggest lie she could ever tell. So she channeled her courtroom demeanor, affecting her iciest veneer, and as every part of her shattered inside, she looked to the only man she’d ever love and lied with every fabric of her being.