Nerd Girl

by Lee, Sue

  “Honey, I know everything,” he said with a little head whip and wink. “Stick with me, girl, and you’ll do just fine around here.” He smiled at me and nodded with the utmost confidence.

  I giggled. “Thanks, Vivek,” I said. “This is going to be a fun team, I can tell already.”

  Ten minutes later, I headed to Catherine’s office, which was down the hall and around the corner. I was glad that it was located a little distance from mine. It was always uncomfortable having your boss right on top of you. She was drafting an email and her face lit up when she saw me. As expected, Catherine looked as sophisticated and sharp as the first two times I’d met her. Did she ever look bad? Now that I knew about the whole doppelganger thing, she did look a little like Grace Kelly. She was a classic beauty, with a strong, perfect nose, blond hair, green eyes, full lips, and a defined jawline. Today she was wearing a pale pink pleated skirt, a simple white spring blouse, and a pair of light gold high heeled sandals. Like the last couple of times I saw her, she looked like she just walked out of a fashion catalog. Even in one of my new summer outfits, I felt young and unsophisticated next to her.

  She extended her hand to welcome me. “Hi, Julia! We’re all so glad you’re finally here.”

  “Thanks, Catherine. I’m really happy to be here,” I added genuinely.

  “So did you have a good weekend?”

  “Yes, I did. Thanks.” I paused but Catherine looked at me expectantly, so I added, “I took a long, three day weekend and played it pretty mellow. I went shopping and did some much-delayed spring cleaning. I had some good downtime to relax before starting the new job.”

  “Good for you for taking some time to relax before the craziness.” She emphasized the word craziness.

  “Did you enjoy your weekend?”

  “Yes … and no,” she said thoughtfully. I could tell she was thinking of what or whomever was behind the “no” part of her answer. “I spent some of the time catching up on work. I also spent most of Sunday with my dad, which was due.”

  “Well, it’s a bummer you had to work over the weekend, but spending time with your dad must’ve been nice.” It was more of a question than a statement.

  “Sort of.” Catherine paused and squinted. “He’s in an adult care facility. He has Alzheimer’s. It’s not exactly what I would call fun, but it was good to spend some time with him. I don’t get to do it as often as I would like to lately.”

  I was surprised, yet touched, by her honesty and her willingness to bring up such a personal topic. I empathized with her immediately. “My grandfather had Alzheimer’s while I was growing up.”

  “Really?” She sounded surprised.

  “Yeah, he passed away when I was sixteen, but I have a good idea of the difficulty and progression of the disease.” I gave her a knowing look that she acknowledged with a small nod and tight mouth.

  “Well, fortunately, my dad’s in a really good care facility. My boyfriend helped me work through all that several years ago. So, Dad’s as comfortable as he can be at this point and being well taken care of. That’s the best I could ask for.”

  I smiled back with understanding. “I’m really glad to hear that.”

  I found myself speculating on what type of manager she was. Catherine had a solid professional reputation, which was one of the reasons I wanted to work for her, but it was nice to see something personal, something that showed her vulnerability. There was something reassuring about knowing that your boss had a human and emotional side to her.

  “Thanks, Julia.” When she looked back up at me, her professional face was back on. The small talk was over. “So, these next few weeks are a bit crazy for me. I think I mentioned during your interview that I’d be traveling for most of August. I’ll be in Paris through this weekend and then Singapore and Japan the week after. I’m leaving tomorrow so I can get time with EMEA HQ team before they all disappear for their August holiday. I thought I would also get in a long weekend to hang out in Paris.” She winked.

  Who could blame her for wanting to get a couple extra days in one of the most beautiful cities in the world? I would certainly take advantage if the opportunity ever presented itself.

  She tightened her lips and continued, “I really hate doing this to you on your first week on the job, however, with GA I need to get out to the regions to make sure we’re all coordinated for the launch.”

  The GA, or aka General Availability, launch date was set for late October, less than three months away. The whole company was in a frenzy anticipating the next generation of Portals.

  “So, while I’m out, I have a few things I’d like for you to work on.” Catherine took her time explaining my assignments for the next couple of weeks. She needed me to update the global marketing campaign scorecard first thing. It was basically a fancy status update that required the coordination of feedback from all MS region marketing teams. The hard part was figuring out what to report in as few PowerPoint slides as possible.

  “I know it might sound a bit overwhelming, but you can ask your teammates for guidance and assistance. It’s a great opportunity to start reaching out to folks in the subs and start building some of those key relationships.”

  I gulped and smiled nervously at her. “Okay,” I replied bravely. “I’ll figure it out.”

  Catherine wasn’t finished yet, though. “When you’re not working on the scorecard template, I’d like you to research the upgrade offer materials for Portals 8. We have a lot of digital marketing assets that you’ll need to become familiar with to provide the subsidiary teams guidance, prior to and after GA. I would also get intimately familiar with the campaign cookbook for Portals 8.” She continued to ramble on while I desperately tried to type all of my notes into my laptop. “Kyle Warren is a great resource in the US sub. He could actually give you some guidance on the scorecard, and you can review how the US sub is marketing the upgrade offer.”

  I nodded with relief. “I know Kyle. We’ve worked together before on some email marketing best practices in my old role. He’s great.”

  “Perfect,” Catherine replied. “Then you’ve already got a great resource on your side.” She smiled. “Oh, and before I forget, let me forward you our All Hands meeting invite to you. It’s this Friday afternoon. I won’t be there, of course, but you should definitely go since it will be a great introduction of the overall organization.”

  As Catherine searched her calendar to send me the appropriate meeting invitation, I couldn’t help myself from stealing a peek at the one picture she had in her office of her and what I imagined were some colleagues at a product launch event. It looked a lot like Ryan, but I couldn’t be completely sure. I took a closer look and a little thrill went through me. The man in the picture looked a little younger, but he had the same dimpled grin, the same piercing blue eyes. It dawned on me that if Ryan was in this event picture with Catherine, then he theoretically could be in this organization or was at one point. He said he worked in the US sub. I wondered if he worked with Kyle. Certainly though, he and Catherine had worked with one another at some point in the past. All I needed to do was ask Catherine who was in the picture, and if it was Ryan, I would have his last name. Bingo!

  Something held me back. I started clamming up at the thought of actually seeing him again. What if he didn’t want to see me again? What if his attraction to me had all been in my mind? What if I was better off not knowing for sure? I was starting to feel flustered and distracted. As all these thoughts whirled around in my head, Catherine noticed my confusion and frowned.

  “Don’t worry,” she said reassuringly.

  Crap. She had mistaken my distraction over Ryan as concern over my new job responsibilities.

  “I have faith in you. You’ll be fine. I wouldn’t have hired you if I didn’t think you were capable of all of this.”

  I smiled back at her tentatively, not admitting the real reason for my distraction. Before I could sort out my thoughts, she stood.

  “Let’s have you meet th
e rest of the team. We can walk down the halls and I can do some introductions.”

  I tried to push Ryan out of my thoughts. Focus, Julia. You don’t have to ask Catherine about him now. The picture wasn’t going anywhere. I could ask her later or in our next 1:1 meeting. I knew Anna was going to think I chickened out and I guess I did, but oh well. I liked to think it wasn’t so much that I was afraid to know who he was, but that I was merely postponing the fact until I was ready to better handle the knowledge of who he might be. Besides, I had to concentrate on my new job. By the sound of it, I would have plenty to keep me busy for the next several weeks.

  For the next twenty minutes, I was introduced to various folks in the organization, including a re-introduction to the rest of Catherine’s immediate team. Catherine had four direct reports, including myself. Two of them I had already met during the interviews and I’d met Vivek this morning. As we continued our way down the Los Angeles hallway, a tall, blond woman headed towards us, smiling when she saw Catherine. Stopping the woman, Catherine took the opportunity to introduce us.

  “Stephanie, I’d like to introduce to you a new member of my team. This is Julia Hayes. She’ll be working with our digital marketing assets for the Portals 8 campaign cookbook.”

  Stephanie shook my hand firmly and smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Julia. I know Catherine’s been searching for a while to fill this position. From what she’s told me about you, I think you’ll be great. Welcome to the team.”

  “Thanks. I’m excited for the opportunity.” I was surprised to hear that Catherine had already spoken to Stephanie about me. I knew from the MS GAL that Stephanie was two levels above Catherine, with only two levels between her and the CEO. Executive seniority here was stacked based on how many levels they were from the CEO. Stephanie Wheeler was the Corporate Vice President of Digital Marketing and Advertising at Megasoft. I had obviously heard of her, but had never met her. Frankly, she had a reputation for being a total bitch. She looked like she couldn’t be more than forty or forty-five at the most. That was impressive.

  I was always surprised to see so many young executives at this company. Many of our GMs (General Managers) and Corporate VPs were barely over forty. However, to see a woman in this position was a powerful statement to the twenty-five percent of this company that was female. Even at MS, where women equal that of their male counterparts in intelligence and ambition, there was still a glass ceiling. My own observation was that the women who did make it to the top were probably better than their male counterparts. I thought women had to prove themselves that much harder to be able to compete in a sea of alpha males. Right or wrong, though, higher up women always had the reputation of being bitchy, intense, and fierce competitors; it was a total double standard. Nonetheless, it was good to see a woman in such a high position. I couldn’t help wondering what sacrifices she had to make in her life to get there.

  After the introductions, I headed back to my office to let the morning’s activities and information sink in. It was going to be a while before I had another long, relaxing weekend; maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to start a new book the other night after all. I sighed and laid out my plan of attack for the next two weeks.

  An hour later, my stomach growled as my thoughts kept returning back to Ryan. Damn him. I had promised myself to stop obsessing over him. I’m pathetic, because it took less than twenty-four hours before my promise flew out the window. My moment of opportunity to ask Catherine about the picture had passed. Well, at least the picture wasn’t going anywhere. I supposed I could ask Catherine about it anytime. I shook my head, exasperated at the ridiculous coincidence of the situation.

  I’m not sure how much more time went by, but when I saw movement in the corner of my eye, I looked up and Vivek was standing at my door. Amy, one of the girls who had interviewed me, was with him. She gave me a little wave, smiled and said hello.

  “Amy and I are heading to the cafeteria to grab lunch,” Vivek offered. “We were wondering if you wanted to join us.”

  “Sure, that sounds great,” I said appreciatively. I needed the distraction.

  As we headed downstairs to the cafeteria, Amy asked how my first day was going. I filled her in on my deliverables and she offered me her assistance tomorrow.

  I remembered Amy well from my interview. She appeared to be a little older than me, maybe in her early thirties, and she had two little boys, ages four and one. I recalled seeing several pictures of her family in her office. She was Asian, with beautiful, long, layered black hair, and stylish in her Nordstrom Seven jeans and fitted blazer. Amy managed the vendor relationships with all of our marketing agencies. She was friendly, smart, funny and down to earth. I liked her immediately.

  As we entered the cafeteria located in the first floor of the building, I perused the various food stations. The food in MS cafeterias was actually quite decent. I walked by the grill, the sandwich bar, pizza bar, and debated between the stir fry bar and the salad bar, opting for the latter. I waited in line at the cash register and when my turn was up, I swiped my badge to trigger a debit from my prepaid account.

  I grabbed a lime sparkling water from one of the large soda refrigerators and spotted Amy waving at me from a booth on the far south side of the cafeteria. As I settled myself into the booth, Vivek and Amy were discussing our annual performance calibrations.

  “I’m a little freaked out about this new rating system. Did you have your review yet?” Vivek asked, sounding nervous.

  “No, mine’s Wednesday, the week after Catherine gets back. I’ll be happy if I get a three,” Amy replied. Her lips were in a tight smile and when she caught my eye, she sighed and shrugged.

  Vivek shook his head in disagreement. “You’ll get a two. The executives love you. They all know who you are and you kicked ass this year.”

  “No, I won’t get a two. I come in at nine each morning and leave at five. I don’t work at night. I don’t commit my life and soul to this company.” She said this matter-of-factly, with no excuses or apologies. “I’d be perfectly happy with a three, because I want to spend time with my family.”

  MS had a performance management system known as “stack ranking” for rating their employees as top, good, average, or poor. One was the best, five was the worst. Since it was based on a bell curve, most people got three as a score. Your score directly correlated to your annual bonus, stock awards and salary increases.

  There had always been a passionate debate, both inside and outside of the company, as to whether or not this was the most effective way to grade employee performance. Vanity Fair even wrote an article about it last month, blaming a perceived MS demise in part to this performance rating system. I could see some logic to the stack ranking approach, as this was a good way to clear out the bottom feeders. The part that I never agreed with was the insistence that a bell curve must be met. If there was a high performing team, like Catherine’s team, and everyone was a rock star, unfortunately someone had to get the low score. Yet if there was another team with a group of mediocre performers relative to your own team, they would have some people still come out on top. I never understood the macro-level justice in that. Sometimes, this would foster competition with members in your own team, which might lead to an aggressive, unfriendly working environment. The theory was that everyone was out for his or her own, rather than helping the company in a “one for all, all for one” attitude. No one said MS was a walk in the park. I was a firm believer in the philosophy, “If you can’t handle the heat, then get out of the kitchen.” And many did. I didn’t disagree with the Vanity Fair article, but like any argument, it showed only one side of the story.

  I earned a two this year. I had my review a few weeks ago, before I left my old team. Thankfully, scores were assigned before I told my manager I wanted to leave. I’m not saying that I would’ve had a lower score had they done the calibrations after they knew about my intentions to leave, but the risk was always there.

  I looked to Amy admiringly. “I’
m so amazed that you’re able to work here, with all the demands this company asks of you, and still manage raising two boys.”

  Vivek nodded in agreement. I could tell Vivek looked up to Amy and I could see why. I was single, had no children, and sometimes I could barely keep up with the pace MS demanded of me. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like taking care of two kids and a husband on top of that.

  “Yeah, well I don’t have much of a choice,” she said humbly. “Maybe someday I can cut back to part time or something. I’m trying to get my husband to get a job here; he does server sales right now. If we can get that to happen, I might think of quitting or maybe doing some consulting part time. But for now, I have to stay because of the benefits.” She shrugged. She didn’t sound like she was complaining, though. She had resigned herself to this reality and was merely trying to make the best of it.

  “Amy is my idol,” Vivek said with reverence. “She has her priorities in order. Even after what she just said, she’ll probably still get a two, because the executives love her. She’s such an ass kisser.”

  Amy teasingly whacked Vivek on the head. “Shut up.”

  Vivek looked at me and whispered conspiringly, “Amy is Catherine’s favorite, too.”

  She glared back at him in jest and I couldn’t help laughing at their friendly banter. They were obviously good friends as well as co-workers.

  A petite, dark-haired girl walked up to our table. She was gorgeous and I recognized her from the interviews. “Can I join you guys?” she asked.

  “Of course,” Amy said as she scooted over further on her side of the booth.

  “Hi, Julia. Do you remember me? I’m Mia,” she greeted me enthusiastically.

  Mia was also on Catherine’s team and had been on the interview loop. She looked about my age; tiny and full of energy. She had on a pair of contemporary, red-framed eyeglasses and bright red lipstick to match. With her long dark brown hair, cute bangs, and beautiful light blue eyes, I could see why her doppelganger was Zooey Daschanel, though Lisa Loeb would’ve been a close second …