Nerd Girl

by Lee, Sue

  “Julia Hayes! I’ve been with you for an hour already and you haven’t said anything to me about this yet? Spill the beans, girl!”

  “Yes, we kissed.” I giggled. “But nothing more.”

  “And … How was it? Is he a good kisser?”

  “Oh my God! Good is an understatement.” I closed my eyes to remember the moment. “I felt that kiss … everywhere.” I emphasized each syllable of my last word.

  “Ooh la la. Yay, Jules!” She jumped up and down, in baby jumps of course, as she was still in her gown. She was clapping her hands like an excited schoolgirl.

  “Anna, I think I really like him,” I said with a concerned look on my face. “When I’m with him, the rest of the world doesn’t seem to exist. It’s like, literally, from the first moment I met him, there’s been this electrical current drawing us closer together.”

  “And that’s bad because?”

  “I just can’t help thinking that he’s holding something back. He didn’t want to come in last night. He said he wanted to take things slow.”

  “What’s wrong with that? Maybe he was being a gentleman. You said he was recently taking a break from someone. I don’t blame him, but that doesn’t mean anything’s wrong,” she reassured me.

  “Yeah, I guess so. You’re probably right.” I picked at some imaginary lint on my dress. “I think maybe this is too good to be true and I don’t trust it yet. You know me; I’m not one to be lucky in love,” I said sadly.

  I couldn’t get the feeling out of my mind that there was something more to it. I feel like there was a reason why he didn’t ask for my contact information that night at Betty’s. I held back that same night because I just wasn’t ready. I wondered how recent this “break” was from his ex-girlfriend. Maybe he was having second thoughts and wasn’t quite ready to get back into another relationship. Or maybe I was a rebound. Or worse yet, maybe he’s still in love with his ex-girlfriend. No, I knew that wasn’t the case. The way he described their relationship, it sounded so passionless, so convenient. It’s possible that maybe he was underplaying his emotions for my benefit. And if he was, could I handle being disappointed again? Would he have the ability to hurt me right now after spending only one day together? It certainly didn’t feel like one day.

  “So, are you going to see him again soon? Did you guys make any other plans?” Anna interrupted my thoughts.

  “No, we haven’t. I guess I assumed we would. I haven’t really thought about it.”

  “That dress looks great on you, by the way.”

  We stood next to each other, looking at ourselves in front of the mirror. We both smiled at our images and then hugged.

  “Julia,” Anna said wistfully. “It’s going to be you standing here someday, with your wedding dress on. Maybe it will even be with Ryan.”

  I gave her that look again like she was nuts and heard my phone chime an incoming text. “Speak of the devil,” I said, but couldn’t hide my excitement. I showed Anna my phone so she could see it was from Ryan.

  Ryan: Had a great time with you yesterday

  “He’s totally thinking of you!” Anna squealed and we both did a little happy dance.

  Me: Me too

  Ryan: How are the dress fittings going?

  I took a picture of us in the mirror and sent it to him.

  Ryan: Beautiful

  Ryan: And the bride isn’t bad either ;-)

  Anna giggled like she couldn’t be more pleased. “You should ask him to be your date at the wedding, Julia.”

  “Oh, God, this again?” I exaggerated a pained expression. “Do you really think so?”

  “Why not? Carpe diem!”

  Yeah, she was right. Why the hell not?

  Me: Would you like to be my date for the wedding?

  There was a long pause. Uh oh.

  Ryan: Can I get back to you on that?

  Me: Sure

  Anna’s brow furrowed. “Well, he didn’t say no.”

  “Great. Now I’ve put him in an awkward spot. It’s probably way too soon for this sort of invitation. He doesn’t want to meet the whole family already, for Christ’s sake. I should’ve thought of all that first.” I hit the phone to my forehead a few times.

  There was another chime from my phone.

  Ryan: Are you doing anything tomorrow night after work?

  Okay, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

  Me: I was planning to go for a run

  Ryan: Can I join you?

  Me: Sure

  Ryan: Where do you run?

  Me: Greenlake tomorrow

  Ryan: What time?

  Me: 6:30? Meet me at crew house on south end

  Ryan: perfect

  Me: C u there

  Ryan: Have a good day at work tomorrow

  Me: You too

  My second week on the job meant that I was drinking out of the fire hose full blast. I had several meetings laid out for the week where I planned to introduce myself to various people that Catherine said should be on my “meet and greet” list. This included Kyle, among several others, who would be able to educate me on all things Portals 8 launch related. If I wasn’t in a meeting or scheduling one, I spent the rest of my time drowning in the endless pit of documentation called SharePoint.

  I couldn’t help thinking about Ryan; I was beyond eager to see him tonight. I even closed my door, put in headphones, and snuck a peek at one of the YouTube videos I came across when I had searched for him the other night.

  I recalled the conversation my teammates and I had just last week about Ryan. Of course, I didn’t know then that they were talking about my Ryan. My Ryan. I liked the sound of that. It made me a little paranoid and jealous that there were probably many other women who had similar discussions about him. I mean, how many eligible men like him really existed here at MS? If women knew he was available, I bet there would be a line waiting outside his office. Then again, even if he wasn’t available, there would still probably be a line out the door.

  Interoffice dating was a regular occurrence at MS, as it probably was in all companies, but I wasn’t sure how many of them involved a senior executive and an employee lower in the corporate hierarchy. I recalled past rumors about a few different executives who were supposedly diddling one of their employees. For each of these rumors, the man was always an up-and-coming executive in his late thirties or early forties, attractive, and charismatic. The female employee was always a younger, attractive Ivy League grad that was several levels lower than him and who was just starting her post-graduate career. Late afternoon meetings soon turned into closed door meetings, with the need to stay late at the office. A few months later, it was usually the post-grad that ended up moving jobs into another group. Other women in the org would whisper how she slept her way to the top and she was an idiot for letting the senior male take advantage of her. I was guilty of participating in some of those discussions. Not too long after, rumors would circulate about the GM getting a divorce. I wondered if HR had a scorecard that tracked all of this somewhere. Maybe senior executives cheating on their wives just went with the territory.

  Maybe there was even a recent sexy Harvard graduate that already had her sights on Ryan. I wondered if Ryan had any idea how he was perceived by the female population around him. Judging by his awareness of his presence on the internet, he probably had no clue. I couldn’t help feeling a little smug, though. The hottest, most eligible MS executive bachelor was interested in me, at least as far as I could tell. But, if things didn’t work out between us, would I end up being another unofficial scorecard metric? Granted, he wasn’t a married man having an affair, but he was a powerful executive. If the rumor got out, it could jeopardize my career and possibly his as well. I could end up being one of those embarrassing rumors.

  I convinced myself that it was different between us. He wasn’t taking advantage of me, nor was I in his reporting chain of command. But would the MS jury of public opinion think so, too? Could we even keep it a secret? I supposed I c
ould live with limiting public outings and making sure there were no joint appearances around the office. I knew we weren’t at the point in our relationship where we needed to talk about any of this stuff in any level of detail, but I couldn’t help anticipating that these questions would soon need to be answered.

  At 5:45, I decided to head out. As I drove away from campus, my thoughts wandered from potential career-limiting moves to Anna’s wedding. I wondered when or if Ryan would ever get back to me about it. I never should’ve asked him. Now it’s become this thing that’s out there and I can’t take it back. It was like asking someone to the prom and getting a maybe as your answer. The only reasonable conclusion for the maybe was because the person didn’t want to either reject you outright or they were waiting for someone else to ask them.

  I let out a big sigh. I was so glad I was going for a run tonight. My brain was too full of information from the documentation overload and then thinking about the implications of getting involved with Ryan—all of it made my head spin. Not to mention I was wound up with nervous excitement at the idea of seeing him again. I needed an outlet for all my pent up energy.

  I saw him as I walked to the crew house from the parking lot and watched him in the short moment I had before I knew he would notice me. He was wearing an old, gray Stanford t-shirt and black shorts. Even though his shirt was somewhat loose, I could still see how it molded to what appeared to be well-defined pecs and a lean torso and waist. The muscles on his legs were long and sinewy. It was clear he worked out; he had the body of an athlete.

  I was wearing a relatively tight-fitting white tank top and black shorts with a white stripe on the side. I took extra care in making sure I picked out the appropriate running attire that said I was a serious runner, but I could look cute too. For the most part, I liked my body and took efforts to keep myself healthy and fit. I wore a C–cup and had moderate curves, but unfortunately I had little ass to speak of. I kept hoping running would bulk it up … alas …

  Ryan turned and saw me as I crossed the street. He greeted me with a gorgeous double-dimpled smile and I melted at the sight of him. I walked up to him and we embraced, but he pulled away from me relatively quickly. After the hot and heavy kiss we shared less than two days ago, I couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed.

  Greenlake had a nicely paved trail lined with trees and flowers surrounding its three mile perimeter. It wasn’t too crowded this evening, despite the nice weather, probably because it was Monday and people were still recovering from the weekend. The lake was dotted with Tudor-style homes and the occasional contemporary condo, and on the northwest side of the lake, there were lots of shops and casual restaurants. If you lived in the Greenlake neighborhood, there were two unofficial prerequisites to being a resident: you must own a dog and you must enjoy running. I didn’t have a dog, but whenever I came to Greenlake, I wish I did.

  We ran around the lake at a leisurely pace, slow enough that we could breathe and talk while we ran. The conversation was light as we talked about our days. Ryan had been in meetings all day, as he was every day. It was a critical time for the company due to the upcoming launch, but he had a great admin, Shelly, who helped keep track of his crazy calendar. In my previous job, it was a normal week for me to be double and triple booked in meetings all day, every day. I think once I counted forty two meetings in one week on my schedule. MS was meeting crazy—they even had meetings to plan meetings! I could only imagine how insane Ryan’s calendar was. My day today was simple compared to his, but he sounded genuinely curious and intrigued by the minor details of it.

  When I had the energy, I could run twice around the lake. When I was short on time or just exhausted, it was usually just the one time. Near the end of our loop, I asked if he was up to doing another. Maybe it was the natural high I got from just being around him or all the energy I needed to burn off, but I barely felt winded.

  “You realize I’m an old man. I can’t guarantee I’ll finish the whole next lap.” He sounded self- deprecatingly, but I think he was somewhat serious. “You don’t even look tired,” he observed, leaning forward with his hands on his knees to catch his breath.

  “I will after we’ve done another lap. Trust me,” I assured him. I grinned and took off, not giving him the chance to talk us out of it.

  Ryan had no problem keeping up and we got about halfway around the second loop when decided to finish our run a mile early and grab dinner. After stretching and getting our breath back, I suggested a little Mexican place across the street from the volleyball courts.

  Ryan grabbed a table out on the patio looking out towards the lake. It was warm outside and we were both beat. I was tired and sweaty after the run, but I felt that self-satisfied, satiated feeling I got after a really great workout. I noticed that a sweaty Ryan was a sexy Ryan.

  “I know I should be drinking more water right now, but this beer tastes so darn good.” I took a long swig of my Corona and then smacked my lips in a completely unladylike fashion.

  He nodded in agreement as he took another drink from his own bottle. “I find you so attractive right now.” He laughed, sounding lighthearted.

  “You mean sweaty and guzzling beer?”

  “It’s every man’s dream,” he agreed. He was smiling, but his eyes were glazed.

  They called our number, signaling that our food was ready and we could pick it up at the counter. We were both starving, having worked up a good appetite from the run.

  “Wow, this is really good,” he muttered between bites of his chicken enchilada.

  I nodded, too focused on eating my tamale to speak. We continued to eat our meal in comfortable silence, watching the passersby.

  “Julia, about Anna’s wedding …” he began.

  Oh. That came out of the blue.

  “I wanted to let you know that I’m not avoiding your invitation,” Ryan said seriously.

  I gulped, but suddenly had trouble swallowing the food I had in my mouth. “No, don’t worry about it. I know you probably have other plans,” I said as nonchalantly as possible.

  “I just can’t commit to it right now. I wanted to let you know so that you didn’t misinterpret it as me not wanting to be there with you, because I’d like nothing more.”

  “Oh,” I said, both surprised by his response and relieved as well.

  “I’ve committed to going to a fundraiser for Children’s Hospital. It’s for … a good friend,” he explained. He tilted his head coyly. “Are you going to ask anyone else to the wedding?”

  “No, I wasn’t planning on it,” I replied to his visible relief. “It’s almost easier that I go alone anyways. I have the whole extended family there. It wouldn’t be very fair of me to subject you, let alone anyone else, to all of that.”

  He smiled. “I wouldn’t have minded,” he assured me. “Can I consider the invitation open-ended? I might be able to get out of my previous obligation, I just can’t commit right now.”

  “Sure, of course,” I said and smiled back.

  If there was any way for Ryan to have declined my invitation gently without hurting my feelings, he had successfully done it. Not only was I okay with him not being able go with me, but I was flattered by his explanation.

  I could see my old apartment from my vantage point and pointed to it. “I used to live about half a block up this street. I moved here right after graduating the UW and lived here for a few years. I would’ve loved to have bought a condo here or a small house, but there were none available in my price range at the time.”

  “I used to run down here all the time when I was in school. I lived over on Ravenna,” Ryan said. Ravenna was only a few blocks away. “I shared a house there with a couple of guys my senior year.”

  “What were you like in college?” I asked, curious about his younger years.

  He was happy to talk about college. He listened to grunge music in the early 90s and went to clubs like the Crocodile Café to hear bands like Soundgarden, Nirvana, and Pearl Jam. I jokingly told
him he was a time capsule straight out of the early Seattle grunge music scene. He pretended to look wounded, but laughed.

  Ryan’s dad paid for school, books, and room and board, but made him earn his spending money. He did manual labor jobs during the summers, and worked at the computer lab during the school year. He remembered the days when he could go a whole weekend on just twenty bucks. Even though he grew up in Magnolia, it made him appreciate money and the value of a dollar.

  I had always thought of kids that grew up in Magnolia as privileged, private school brats. Magnolia was only a five minute hop from Queen Anne, tucked away in its own little inlet directly north of Elliott Bay. It was an extremely protected upper class neighborhood in the northwest part of the Seattle limits. Apparently his parents hadn’t spoiled him, though.

  With two girls in college at the same time, my folks helped out as much as they could, but both Anna and I had to take out some loans and worked through college to help pay for any personal extras and entertainment. I had great memories from college, though. The nerd that I was, I joined a business club at the UW business school, and that’s where I met the bulk of my college friends, including Andrew. I decided not to mention that part to Ryan.

  Ryan graduated from the UW in ‘95. He explained that most of the jobs that existed today in technology didn’t exist when he was in college. We were both blown away by the knowledge that the burst of technology that we now knew as a normal part of our lives, really didn’t take off until Portals ‘95 came out. He thought being at MS would’ve been cool back then, but he went straight to the Bay Area after graduation to start what he thought would be a long investment career. I mentioned that I was in my last year of Junior High in 1995, which made him cringe.

  He got all corporate genius on me for a little while, talking about the advances of social media in our culture and speculating where it would be in a few years. I only thought of it from the perspective of having a Facebook account, which I really only used to post my vacation photos, my arrival at a trendy restaurant, and to satisfy my curiosity about what my friends were up to. I wasn’t much of a Twitter user, but what MS professional didn’t have a LinkedIn account? That was the extent of my social media usage, though. He encouraged me to get more engaged with understanding the social media benefits for marketing and how it could be used to build stronger customer relationships. He said this would help me in my job.