by Lee, Sue
I shook my head a little at her overzealous excitement. “You always want the happy ending, Anna.”
“And you don’t think this last week with Ryan warrants that conclusion?”
I knew I had a corny, lovesick smile on my face. I watched the steam rise from my coffee cup, basking in the warm feelings I got whenever I thought of Ryan.
“Look at you!” she exclaimed. “Julia Hayes, you’re in love!” She grinned all-knowingly. “I know that look.”
I met Anna’s gaze. I had a huge grin on my face. We giggled like schoolgirls at my dopey happiness.
Sisterly love and endearment burst from her face. “Oh, Jules,” she reached out to hold one of my hands, “I knew it was going to happen to you sometime. I had a really good feeling about Ryan. I’m so happy for you.”
Then, honest to God, she actually cried tears of joy.
Tuesday morning arrived and it was time to return to the reality of life. It seemed like forever since I had been in the office. I had unofficial permission to “work” from home, but habit and a moral sense of obligation compelled me to go in even though I technically had no real work assigned to me anymore. At least if I was in the office, it was easier for me to keep up the pretext that I was still employed and part of the team. I knew if I missed another week of work, people would start asking questions. I planned to stay out of Catherine’s way and hide in my office to look for new jobs.
When I got off of the elevator, I took the longer route to my office, intentionally avoiding passing Catherine’s. I found myself almost sneaking into my office and shut the door quickly behind me. As I docked my laptop and my machine beeped on, I heard my phone chime a text. It was Ryan. I smiled, knowing that I had left him only a little over an hour ago.
Ryan: miss you already
Me: me too
Me: I enjoyed my wakeup call this morning ;-)
Ryan: I can still taste you
I immediately flushed. Lord. I felt my pulse speed up and I swore the room just got warmer. Memories of Ryan’s tongue between my legs this morning flashed through my brain. He said he was merely returning the favor. I couldn’t think of a witty comeback to his text, as I was momentarily speechless. When I looked down, he had sent another.
Ryan: gotta run to a budget meeting
Me: c u tonight - love you, xoxo
Ryan: love u 2 - xxx
I loved flirty, playful Ryan. Who would’ve ever guessed that Mr. CVP could be so flirtatious or so dirty? Sexting at work. Whew.
Over the course of the next few hours, I planned to surf the internal MS career website for potential job openings. Thankfully, it was still early enough in the fiscal year that there would be no shortage of job postings.
I typed in level “62” and “Program Manager” as my initial search criteria. The results came back with 200+ positions. Ugh. I needed to narrow this down somehow so I could sift through the list.
I was sure to stay away from the US Subsidiary job postings, since that’s where my boyfriend worked. That would certainly be an HR violation.
Boyfriend, hmm … I surprised even myself that I now considered him my boyfriend. I chuckled; calling Ryan my boyfriend sounded so juvenile. The term just didn’t fit him, considering the fact that he was a hot older man in his late thirties, though Sugar Daddy was way off base. I guess he was my boyfriend now. The thought made me smile. In fact, I found myself smiling an awful lot lately, despite the fact that my career was going down in flames.
The search results showed a lot of marketing roles in CMG, my current org. I skipped past those pretty quickly. Stephanie was likely no longer a fan of mine and since she had the final say on any of my promotions or bonuses, it wouldn’t be very smart of me to remain in her organization. Not that I thought someone like Stephanie would hold my relationship with Ryan against me, but it would just be really awkward to see her on a regular basis. Not to mention the potential conflict of interest with Catherine.
That narrowed it down to IT, Operations, or Services. Boring. I had just left IT and the idea of going back was as exciting as watching golf on television. Operations and Services didn’t sound any better.
I slammed my laptop shut in frustration and decided I needed to take a break just as Mia knocked and waved through the window next to my door. I motioned her to come in.
“Did you eat lunch yet?” she asked casually. Instantly sensing my mood, she raised her eyebrows. “We should go out to eat somewhere. Come on.”
I let out a big breath. Relieved to be rescued from the irritations of my previous activity, I grabbed my purse and followed her out my door.
“Any preferences on where to eat?” she asked.
“How about Bento Box?” I suggested.
We headed down the stairs towards the main lobby, since Mia was parked out in front of the building. As we rounded the stairs to go down to the next level, I halted as I saw Catherine walking up with a tray of food.
“Hi, Catherine,” Mia greeted cheerfully.
Catherine looked up to the sound of her name and then immediately froze when she noticed the two of us. “Um, hi,” she replied with a smile that didn’t touch her eyes. She made eye contact with me briefly, but her face was a mask and showed only iced calm.
“We’re just heading out to lunch. But don’t worry, we’ll be back in time for our team meeting,” Mia said, oblivious to the chill emanating from Catherine to me.
I didn’t have the team meeting in my calendar. It was obviously an intentional oversight.
Catherine met my eyes briefly and I feigned a fake smile for Mia’s benefit. “I’m going to cancel it. I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. I’ll reschedule the meeting for later in the week.”
“Uh oh, are you feeling okay?” Mia asked with genuine concern.
“Just a little tired these days. I’m getting some tests done,” said Catherine.
As I eyed Catherine during this exchange, I noticed that she did look a bit tired and pale; thinner, too. But breakups will do that to some people. Guilt washed over me, knowing that I was the cause of her not feeling well. I looked down towards the floor in remorse.
“Okay, then I guess we’ll see you later. Good luck at the doctor’s office. I hope you feel better,” Mia said sympathetically and waved goodbye.
During this whole run in with Catherine, I hadn’t spoken a word, nor did Catherine direct any conversation at me. Thankfully, Mia didn’t seem to notice. She was her usual perky self.
“So what’s up? Did you have a good holiday weekend?” Mia asked as she started the car.
What was I allowed to tell her? I couldn’t tell her why I was frustrated earlier, nor could I tell her who I spent the weekend with. Hopefully sometime within the next few weeks, I would have a new job and could consider sharing the details of my new relationship with Mia. I knew that it was inappropriate to discuss it with her any time before that. Besides, I made an agreement with Catherine and Ryan that the team wouldn’t know. As I rationalized all of this in my mind, Mia waited for me to answer her question.
“Um, yeah. I did.” I searched my brain quickly for something more to say. I knew she was waiting for details. I went with my old standby approach to lying. Stay as close to the details of a story so that you decrease your odds of getting caught. “I, uh, went to the San Juan Islands with a friend of mine.”
“Oh really?” She gave me a mischievous look. Mia rarely let any potential opportunity for a juicy story get past her. She and Anna would love each other. “Tell me more.”
“There’s nothing to tell. Sorry to disappoint.” I tried to look innocent. “I went with an old friend of mine from college.” The first time I had ever gone to the islands was with my friend from college, so it was partly the truth, right? “She was visiting from out of town and we thought it would be fun to get away for a couple of days.”
“You didn’t mention anything about the San Juans last week.” Mia eyed me suspiciously, like she wasn’t buying my story.
Mia didn’t answer right away, but I noticed that the smile on her face was growing. She lifted her left hand off the steering wheel, showcasing some serious bling on her left hand.
“You got engaged!” I cried. “AHHH!!”
Both of us squealed again with excitement and started tapping our feet on the floor, clapping and bouncing in our seats. We were such girls.
I cupped my hands over my mouth in awe. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! Tell me how it happened!”
Trying to make sure that she didn’t have the chance to ask me any more personal questions, I easily pulled her into telling me stories about the proposal and now her upcoming wedding plans. For the next hour or so we ate our sushi and chicken teriyaki while Mia told me about their trip and how Matt had gone down on the traditional one knee to propose after a moonlight stroll on the beach. It was everything Mia had ever imagined a proposal to be and I was content to hear her story and share in her memories. I really was happy for her. Matt and Mia were perfect for one another.
The server at the restaurant arrived with our bill and took both of our debit cards, which led to a momentary lull in our conversation. As expected, Mia took advantage and redirected the focus of our conversation back to me.
“So I saw Kyle yesterday.”
Gosh, she was good. She might’ve been put off for an hour, but I should’ve known better than to think she had forgotten. Her eyes narrowed and there was no escaping her gaze. Crap.
“He said something about you being into someone from his team, and that’s why you won’t go out with him …” She looked as if she was personally offended. “What’s up with that?”
My mouth gaped open. I honestly didn’t know what to say at first. “Oh, that,” I scoffed, taking a drink of my water in an attempt to postpone my answer and think of something to say. “It’s nothing. I was just telling Kyle that so that he would back off.” Crap. Now I was telling more lies to cover other lies. I felt my face flush in my own freefall.
Mia eyed me suspiciously. “How can you not be interested in Kyle? He’s so great. Not to mention he’s hot, and available, and totally into you. What’s wrong with you?” She was looking at me like I was crazy.
“I’m … I’m getting over a bad breakup.” Why didn’t I think of this earlier when she started pushing me on him a few weeks ago? “I’m just not interested in dating anyone new right now.”
“How long ago was the breakup? You never mentioned it before,” she said accusingly, not relenting on the third degree.
“Um, it was about five months ago,” I said weakly. I could see the wheels turning in her head. She was trying to figure me out. She knew I was hiding something.
“Okay, Julia. I don’t buy it, but I get it. You don’t want to tell me whatever it is that’s going on.” She sucked in a quick breath and her eyes grew wide. I saw the light bulb come on in her head. “You’re not sharing with me who it is. Kyle is telling the truth, but you’re keeping it a secret because it’s a hush secret office romance! And I bet I know him.”
SHIT! Fuck! Damn! I tried rolling my eyes, like her observation was totally off the wall, but I couldn’t help blushing; it was a dead giveaway.
“That’s it! I knew it. Julia Hayes, spill the beans.” Mia narrowed her eyes and suddenly looked all smug and greedy, like Gollum and his precious.
“No.” I shook my head. “That’s not what’s going on.” I squirmed in my chair. She was waiting for me to continue. I tried to apply my negotiating class techniques with her, the same ones I had applied on Ryan once. When there was a verbal battle of wills, the one who spoke first was usually the one that lost. Mia must have taken that class, too. It was a popular one here at MS. I waited and waited, but it wasn’t working. She held out. Man, she was ruthless.
“Fine,” I said, breaking under the pressure. “You’re right. But I can’t tell you who it is. It wouldn’t be fair to him.” I looked up at her uncertainly. I knew I had lost the negotiation, but I still had to hold back some of my cards. “We agreed to keep the relationship confidential. That’s all I’m going to tell you. You’ll need to be content with that.”
“Okay, fine. You win.”
What? I win? I thought I rather lost that one.
“I respect that you’re keeping this to yourself because of potential professional … complications. If you’re keeping it a secret, he must be someone who’s either married or in a leadership role, because why would you need to hide just another regular colleague of ours, right?”
Wow, she was good at this deductive reasoning stuff.
“But I hope that someday you can trust me enough to tell me. If you need to talk, just know that I’m here.” She actually seemed hurt by my reluctance to share more.
I really only just met Mia, but I did enjoy her company and we had become quick friends in the last month. I hoped we would be able to continue our friendship, even after I left the team. “Thanks, Mia. I do trust you and I value our friendship, but we’re not ready to come out in public yet.” I looked at her with sincerity and some trepidation. “There are some really good reasons why I need to keep this to myself. You’ll understand when I do explain it all to you … someday.”
Mia sighed. “Okay, fair enough.” She was finally giving up.
I breathed a sigh of relief that I was temporarily in the clear. It made me sad to know that I was intentionally holding back information about my life and about my boyfriend from my friend. It made me extra sad to be leaving the team, too, because Mia and I had become such good friends in such a short span of time. When the news came out, I wondered if she would be able to guess what happened. Of course she would. She probably already has a list of possible scenarios.
When I returned to my desk, I had better luck looking for available positions that I might be interested in, and by the end of the day, I had two informational meetings scheduled for this week. For the rest of the afternoon, I racked my brain trying to figure out what the hell I was going to tell these hiring managers.
“So, why are you looking to change positions?” Brett, the hiring manager for my first informational, asked with a smile.
I had spent the last twenty-five minutes talking to Brett about his open position and why I might be a good fit for it. Brett was a Senior Director in the OEM group and looked about the same age as Ryan. Brett was the classic up-and-coming MS executive. He was clean-cut, handsome, and exuded intelligence, cool calm and confidence. He was wearing a starched white button down that covered a flat stomach and beige pants that had probably been chosen by his wife. Near the back of his desk sat a digital photo frame that rotated blissfully happy images of his two children, a little boy around five and his younger, toddler-aged sister. He probably had a friendly Labrador that greeted him at the door every evening when he came home from work as well.
He was looking for a Marketing Manager to help drive joint Portals 8 marketing launch plans between the hardware PC makers and MS. I knew very little about this area within Megasoft, but was hoping to convince Brett that the operational expertise I brought from my IT job history working with third party partners was a good match.
I knew that I would need to be prepared to answer the very question that Brett had just asked. At this stage in the job search process, Brett wouldn’t know that I had just been hired by CMG only a month ago. If I wanted to move forward and formally interview for the job, I had to assume that HR would tell him a general reason for my short duration at CMG. Ryan and I both agreed that it would be best if I was forthcoming to any potential hiring manager, rather than the other way around.
Here goes. I had rehearsed the answer in my brain all last night; Ryan and I had worked on it together. I knew I had to be as generic as possible about the circumstances, but I didn’t want to blatantly lie.
“Well, I’ve on
ly been in my role in CMG for a little over a month.” I noticed Brett immediately arched an eyebrow, but I pushed on. “I accepted the role because I wanted to work directly on the Portals 8 launch. I knew it would help me achieve my long term career goals of becoming a world class marketing manager. It was everything I was looking for as my next career step.”
Brett looked at me with some suspicion, but his silence signaled that he was waiting to hear the rest of what I had to say, before making any judgment.
“Shortly after I started my new role, my manager and I discovered that we had a, um … personal conflict of interest. Neither of us knew about it prior to me taking the position. HR agreed that it would be best if I were to move to another position. I have my GM’s complete approval and support to do this, as it’s in the best interest of both parties.”
Brett just looked at me quizzically. I expected him to be taken somewhat aback, but his continued silence and scrutiny started to make me nervous.
He finally spoke. “You must know that changing positions a month after you start is highly unusual,” he began, acknowledging my nod of understanding. “This role is a very visible position, working between our partners and product groups. I can’t afford investing the time to hire someone new, get them up to speed, and then having them depart a month later for some unknown reason.” He paused for a moment and I continued to nod. “You don’t have to answer this, but it would help me a great deal if you could provide me a better understanding of what this personal conflict was? If I’m going to take a risk with you, I need to know some more details.”
In translation, what he should’ve said was, I understand that this is a very uncomfortable question, but if you don’t answer it, you likely won’t be considered for the position. Therefore, answering the question isn’t optional.
I hadn’t planned to actually tell anyone what really happened. Crap. A little rattled by his question, I blurted out too quickly, “I’m dating my manager’s ex fiancé.” I didn’t mean to, but my face automatically cringed. Fuck. Just shoot me now. If there was ever a time that I wished myself to disappear from somewhere, it would be now.