Secrets and Lies

by Annie Jocoby

  Luke put his hand underneath my shirt, and caressed my breast. “Are you sure that you’re up to this, Dalilah?” he asked me. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I knew that he was trying to be sensitive, but I was feeling better and stronger. Nottingham’s beating seemed to be light-years away, really. Like a distant memory. All that I could see that I was there, safe, with Luke, and that Nottingham wouldn’t be able to hurt me again. All my secrets were out in the open, and I wasn’t lying to Luke anymore. In short, I felt free, and I wanted to express this by being with Luke. Making love with him.

  “Oh, of course, Luke, I’m more than up to this. I don’t want you to be rough, of course, but I would love a little bondage. That would be something that I could really get into.”

  His touch was so gentle, like he was afraid that I would break if he got at all rough with me. I felt the goosebumps on the places where his fingers lightly brushed over my skin. The electricity of his actions was coursing through my veins, and my blood was pumping hard. I laid down, and spread my legs open wide. He brought my top off over my head, and then took off his belt, and lightly wrapped it around my wrists and then bound my wrists to the arm of the futon. Then he had a bandana, and tied that around my eyes.

  I anticipated what he would do with great excitement, as opposed to the trepidation that I always felt with Nottingham. His hands were all over my body now, as he slowly brought down my shorts and underwear. I sighed as his tongue stroked inside of me, gently, lightly. He used little force, but it felt amazing. To say the very least. He kissed the inside of my thighs, and started licking and caressing my belly.

  “Oh, god, Dalilah, I never thought that I would see you like this again,” he said, as he worked his way to my nipples. He lightly bit and sucked each one, while a finger made its way to my clit and then inside of me. He swirled his finger inside of me while he hungrily sucked my breasts. I started breathing faster and faster, and I felt an orgasm starting in my clit region and spreading throughout my body. I cried out and arched my back, as Luke’s hands went around me, and he started to suck and bite my neck.

  He kissed my lips gently, his skin lightly brushing over mine. I shivered as he pulled down his pants and slowly entered me. I instantly cried out again, because my second orgasm was even more powerful than the first. He pressed a little more inside of me, and, inch by inch, I felt an overwhelming sensation of passion and love.

  This was how it was supposed to be, making love with somebody. This was how it was supposed to feel. Amazing and loving, not dirty and wrong. I almost felt like this was cleansing me, getting the stench of Nottingham and what he did to me all those nights off of me.

  “Don’t stop, please don’t stop,” I said to Luke, and he slowed down his thrusting more. He had his arms on either side of my neck, and his mouth was tantalizing my own. Butterfly kisses, and deep, longing kisses alternated. He kissed my forehead and my cheeks, and then back to my mouth. Sometimes he seemed like he wanted to hungrily devour me, and, other times, he was as gentle as a feather. I inhaled, simply wanting to capture the moment, like a photograph. Wanting to capture him, bottle him, and keep him with me always. His warm skin and soft scent of aftershave and cologne were filling my senses, and I realized that there was no place else in the world that I would rather be.

  Luke then got some lotion, and started to rub it all over my body. The lotion got warmer the more he stroked it on my skin. He gently put some of the lotion on my breasts and neck, and the radiating heat from his hands, coupled with the heat of the liquid, made me burn with desire.

  My hands were still bound behind me on the couch, but he took off the bandana, and I looked into his eyes. “I wanted to see you, Dalilah,” he said. “I wanted to see you when I come.” And, at that, he groaned a little, and collapsed on top of me.

  I laid there, with my arms wrapped around him. I kissed the top of his head, which was lying between my breasts. Both of us were breathless and sweating, and I, for one, had never felt better or more alive in my life.

  Finally, Luke got up to get us both a glass of water, and I drank it silently. “What’s on your mind?” he asked me.

  “Well, remember when you said that you were afraid that we’d never be together like this again? Like you never would see me naked? I felt the same way about you. All those nights that I was with him, all that I could think about was you. I despaired so much, you wouldn’t believe it.” I hesitated. “I even found that I perhaps wanted to die. I had such guilt and shame over hurting you, and I missed you so much. On top of that, I was literally wed to a man who was cruel and indifferent. I was so desperate that, when I almost drowned in the ocean, I almost welcomed it.”

  Luke looked horrified. “What do you mean, you almost drowned?”

  “Nottingham has this beach house in the Bahamas, and we went there after we...you know...” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Finally, though, I did. “We went there after we got married.” I shivered. “And I went swimming. I’m a very strong swimmer. I try to swim a lot of laps on days when I don’t run. Anyhow, I got out to far and I was caught in a rip tide. I know that even strong swimmers drown in such circumstances, and I thought that I would too. And I felt a sense of peace coming over me. A sense of welcome. I think that I was just so desperate that my life was going to be this horrible thing, wed to this horrible person, that, frankly, death seemed to be a preferable alternative.”

  Luke stroked my hair, smoothing it back. “How do you feel now?”

  “Happy, to say the least. Joyful. Like a 1,000 lb weight has been lifted off of me. Like I can breathe. That was one thing, when I was with Nottingham – I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was suffocating all the time. My legs felt like lead, all the time. All the time. It was the worst feeling in the entire world, really. Knowing that I pushed the knife into you, yet feeling the acute sting of that same knife pushing into me every second of every day.”

  Luke smiled, and lay down behind me. He put his arm around my waist, and snuggled close. “I’m completely happy, too. The circumstances aren’t ideal, by any means, just because, well, you’re technically still married. But I really do think that we can make this work, just as soon as you get a quickie divorce. There’s nothing holding that up, either. It’s not like you guys were together for years and had lots of property and children together. So, it’ll hopefully be a slam-dunk, and you and I can get right back to planning our own wedding.”

  I put aside my own feelings that I might have ruined him, career-wise, by leaving Nottingham so soon, and turned around and kissed him. He responded, physically, and entered me again. I sighed. It seemed that nothing had ever happened between us. Those weeks apart never happened. They were like some kind of bad dream that disappeared into the ether, like smoke or fog. How could I have left him like that? That was so wrong of me, no matter the reason. Luke was absolutely right about that. I thought, I really and truly thought, that I was doing the right thing in leaving him like that, but I knew, in my heart, that I was really doing the absolute wrong thing for both of us.

  This went on for awhile, both of us exploring each other’s bodies with our tongues and fingers. I got on top of him, and rode him, and he got on top of me and thrusted in and out eagerly. As the night wore on, we started to get more rough and passionate with each other. It was as if, the more we made love, the further away our separation seemed. Where the beginning of the night was tentative, tender and sweet, the end of the night ended with more animalistic, wild, passionate fucking.

  As the night ran into dawn, and Luke and I were still going at it, there was one thing that ran through my mind. We were back together. Truly back together.

  And, for that moment in time, it seemed that life couldn’t be better.

  Chapter 34

  Luke

  After last night, Dalilah and I were officially back together. There were complications, of course, but we were back on track, and it felt amazing. The complications were that she was still marri
ed, and I was facing an assault charge. I was due to be arraigned, and then Dalilah and I would be heading back to Maine to spend the holidays with my family. After that, we would have to look ahead and strategize our next moves.

  Was I upset that my momentum on my career was apparently back to ground zero? I was, of course. I dreamed of having my career rocket after my show, but that wasn’t going to happen. I was going to have to be just like every other starving artist out there, once again, although I did hope to have some money left over from my show after taxes and legal fees for my assault. It might even be enough for me to cut back on my bartending hours and concentrate on what was important – Dalilah and hustling for more jobs.

  But I was shocked on the morning of my arraignment to find out all that I was charged with. I showed up at the courthouse, Dalilah holding my hand. I hadn’t yet hired an attorney, because I hadn’t really had the chance. Plus, my money from my show hadn’t quite come in. It was due to hit my account on the following day, so I didn’t have the money to hire an attorney right at that time. But I was dressed as nicely as I could be, wearing the well-worn, by then, suit that her father gave me.

  I went up to the bench when the judge called my name. I figured that I would be facing some kind of misdemeanor charge. No problem, I’d just do my community service or pay my fine, and not look back.

  But, the charges that the judge read to me shocked the hell out of me.

  “Luke Roberts,” the judge said. “You have been charged by the State of New York with two counts of felony assault, which is a class D felony, carrying the range of 2 years to 7 years in the New York penitentiary, and one count of burglary in the second degree, which is a class C felony, carrying a range of punishment from 3 years to 15 years in the New York penitentiary. How do you plead?”

  I blinked my eyes. Three felonies? Burglary? What the fuck? I didn’t break into that building.

  My heart started to race. Penitentiary time? Felonies? I wasn’t expecting this at all. I mean, it was a little fight. Guys got into fights like this all the time. And there wasn’t a guy alive who wouldn’t kick Nottingham’s ass after what he did to Dalilah.

  The judge was looking at me expectantly, and I just said “not guilty, your honor.”

  The judge nodded. “This case will be remanded for trial. In the meantime, I would suggest that you hire an attorney. These are very serious charges.”

  I nodded my head. “Yes, your honor. I will, your honor.”

  He smiled and called the next case.

  I went over to Dalilah, and took her hand, and the two of us walked out of the courtroom.

  We got out into the street, and then both of us sat down on a bench. It was a typically freezing day, it being just before Christmas in New York, but the day was also clear.

  “What the fuck,” I said. “Burglary? What the fuck.”

  That was when I noticed that Dalilah had her phone in her hand. “I looked up burglary when the judge read the charges to you. And you can be charged with burglary here in the state of New York if you knowingly enter a building with the intent to commit a crime and you cause bodily injury in the process.”

  “Crap. This is fantastic. Now I’m going to have a felony record on top of everything else. Burglary. I guess I didn’t see that one coming. And what the hell? Felony assault? I thought I had to cause some kind of injury for that.”

  “You do,” Dalilah said. “So, there you go. Nottingham wasn’t injured. Was he?”

  I thought about he doubled over in pain after I punched him in the gut. It was entirely possible that he was injured, more than he let on. I had no idea if he sought medical attention, though.

  “I don’t know, to be honest. He didn’t seem injured.” I shook my head. “Goddamn. What’s going to happen next? Thank god I’m going to be getting the money from the show in. Looks like I’m not going to have a whole lot of it left, though, after Uncle Sam gets through with me, and I hire an attorney.”

  I knew about attorneys, and knew that nobody good would even look at me for less than $15,000, when I was charged with three felonies.

  $40,000 for taxes, $15,000 for an attorney. I still can take home around $45,000, which means that I still have a chance to cut back on my bartending hours and spend more time trying to make a go of this art thing.

  I put my arm around Dalilah. “Well, let’s not think about all this right now. Right now, I’m taking you home to meet pop and my crazy brothers and sisters. With any luck, you won’t be subjected to Serena. But if you are, just know that she’s a piece of work. An absolute piece of work. But, you’ve been warned so...”

  “I actually can’t wait,” she said.

  “Me neither.”

  But, of course, in the back of my mind, I knew that this little interlude with my family was only delaying the inevitable. Because when the holidays were over, I was going to have to face reality.

  I was back to square one on my art career. I was facing three felonies and possible prison time. And Dalilah was going to have to face a divorce from that monster. Who knew what he would be capable of? I knew that I had no desire to find out.

  For a few days, though, I was going to try not to think about all of that. I was going to try to relax and make sure that Dalilah was as comfortable around my family as possible.

  We were going to have a good time over the holidays, goddammit, even if it killed us.

  Chapter 35

  Dalilah

  I was absolutely shocked that Luke would have such elevated charges, but I really shouldn’t have been. After all, Nottingham was capable of anything. That would mean that he would be capable of trying to fake some kind of injury, even though Luke said that Nottingham didn’t seem at all injured, just so that Luke would be faced with a felony assault. It wouldn’t surprise me if he managed to pay off some doctor to tell the cops that he was really hurt. After all, without injury, Luke would have only been facing misdemeanor charges and no burglary charge. Each of those felonies were contingent upon Nottingham having sustained serious injuries.

  I didn’t say anything to Luke about my fears as we sat on the bus that would be taking us to his family’s house in Portland, Maine. I knew that he was looking forward to my meeting his family, and I also knew that he wanted to put the whole criminal charges out of his mind for the time being.

  He smiled at me as we sat there on the Greyhound bus, bound for Portland. I loved that he looked so relaxed, like nothing could touch him. He seemed to be entirely unruffled by the felonies that he faced or the fact that he couldn’t get anyone to return his calls after his stellar premiere.

  He lightly put his arm around me, and I put his head on his shoulder. He stroked my upper arm and looked out the window. I nuzzled him a little bit, and kissed his cheek. As I sat there on the ratty bus with him, I felt so safe and protected. Comfortable and loved. If it weren’t for the fact that both of our realities were so heinous at that point, I probably would have felt on top of the world.

  But I didn’t. The nagging fears of what was going to happen in the near future, for both Luke and me, haunted me. I somehow couldn’t believe that, at the ripe old age of 20, I had already been married, beaten, and had left behind a thriving art career. And I soon would be a divorcee. At the age of 20. I somehow believed, when I was younger, that only trashy people were divorced by age 20. I know longer felt that, of course.

  “What’s on your mind?” Luke asked me with a kiss on my forehead. He breathed in, as if he was trying to drink me in. Which is what I felt like doing to him, as well. To feel him, inhale his scent, listen to his words....taste him, like I did the previous evening. Just soak him in with all my senses so that I never had to be without him again.

  “Just thinking about how excited I am to meet your fam,” I said. “They sound really cool.”

  “They are. Well, except Serena, of course. But the rest of my family is pretty awesome, if I must say so myself.”

  “Tell me about them.”

  He too
k a deep breath. “Well, there’s my pop, Michael. Twin brothers, Mark and Chris. Sisters, Amy and Serena. My pop is a bit salty, and tends not to have much of a filter. For that, I apologize in advance. Mark and Chris are awesome. Mark’s in school, in his last year, at the University of Maine. Studying marine biology. Chris is still trying to find himself, like me. He’s an amazing musician, and has his own band. Writes most of the songs, plays three instruments and can sing. But really hasn’t gone anywhere with it just yet, so he’s pretty broke much of the time. Amy is married and expecting her first. Hubby works with pop on the fishing boats.”

  I nodded my head and wondered if Luke would finally tell him the story of his mother.

  He continued. “Serena, as I have mentioned, is the definite black sheep of the family. I mean, Chris has gotten into trouble with the law a bit. Stole a car when he was younger, roughed up a few guys. Petty stuff. But Serena...well, I have to warn you, she has an amazing exterior. Charming, beautiful, lively. But no soul whatsoever. Everybody’s always taken in by her charisma, but never let your guard down and don’t let her fool you. That’s all I’m saying.”

  “Okay,” I said. “Duly noted.” And then I was quiet. I knew that Luke was about to tell me about his mother. I could see it in his eyes. When he was talking about the rest of his family, except for Serena, he had a look of love and adoration in his eyes. But he suddenly looked extremely sad and vulnerable.

  I squeezed his hand. “Well, I can’t wait to meet them,” I said lightly, waiting for the story of his mom to pour forth.

  “Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “I wish that you could have met my mom, too.” His hand flew involuntarily to his hair, and then he started looking out the window again. “Look at that, it’s starting to snow again.” Then he looked back at me and smiled, and held me a little closer to his side. He kissed my forehead again, and squeezed me. “You’ve made me happy again. Man, when you left me...”