Starting Fires

by Makenzie Smith

  “That’s right,” Mia smiled. “It’s been a long time.”

  He smiled back, but then looked to me. “I’m sorry, but how do you two… Oh. Never mind,” he said as Lucas walked onto the porch. My heart sped at the sight of him, but I worked hard not to let it show. Once he got to the table, he grabbed some napkins and dried off his hands.

  “No paper towels in the bathroom,” he said then reached out to Paul. “Nice to see you again.”

  “You too,” Paul said, giving him a shake.

  “And you, Marzy,” he said more quietly to me.

  “Yeah,” I said. We stared at each other from opposite sides of the gated patio.

  “Do you two want to join us?” Mia asked. “We just got here.”

  Paul looked at me for an answer. I was dumbstruck and couldn’t say anything. He bit his lip and gave me a pat on the back. “Yes,” he said. “We would love to.”

  I followed Paul around to the entrance and walked to their table in the corner. He snagged the chair next to Mia, leaving me the one beside Lucas. The two of them immediately began catching up. Apparently they’d really hit it off at the dinner party.

  “Do you want anything?” I asked Paul, deciding to order a drink while I was here.

  “Just get me whatever you do,” he said and turned back to Mia.

  I left my bag at the table and went into the shop. A moment later, someone came to stand behind me, and I could feel that it was Lucas. Even without turning around, I knew it. The man at the counter finished his order and moved away. I took a step forward, but then he went back, wanting to add something to it. My steps jolted and Lucas ran into me, his stomach pushing into my back. His hand wrapped around my bicep to steady us. I thought he would move back, but he didn’t. He took the opportunity to give my arm a rub, and had the decency to let it go, but kept his torso right up against mine.

  It felt like the order before me was taking an eternity, and I didn’t know if it was torture or relief. Lucas’ feet shuffled, making his body brush my back. My body responded on its own, taking a sigh and slightly rocking towards him. I let my eyes close for a little longer than a blink to relish it, but pretended like I didn’t as the customer before me walked away. “A large caramel cappuccino,” I told the barista.

  “What about Paul?” Lucas said.

  “I’m sorry. Two of those please.” Once I gave them my name, I moved to the side so that Lucas could order.

  Before long, we were standing next to each other waiting on our drinks. It felt awkward, both of us trying not to look at the other. He was the first to break. “So… are you and Paul…”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Still just friends? Yes. We are.”

  “Well are you… uh… with anyone else?”

  The barista handed me my order. “No,” I said and walked off.

  “Me either,” he called after me.

  Outside I handed Paul his drink, and sat. A short while later Lucas came out and reclaimed his spot. I listened to Paul and Mia talk about a book they both enjoyed. As they discussed it, I watched Paul’s eyes. They would never make full contact with Mia’s for long, but hers… she looked directly at him, never letting them waver from his face.

  “What’s in the bag?” Lucas asked.

  “Huh? Oh, a dress.”

  “For the wedding?”

  “I still can’t believe they’re getting married,” I said and realized that I was smiling at him. “But, no.” I turned back to my coffee. “It’s for my graduation.”

  His chair scooted closer to mine. “That’s great!” Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew he was grinning from ear to ear. “When is it?”

  I allowed myself one tiny glance in his direction. “Next week.”

  “Aww. That’s too bad,” Mia said. I wasn’t even aware she was listening to my conversation. “Mom and Dad will be out of town. I know they would love to come.” Having Bill and Helen at my graduation would be bittersweet. On the one hand it would touch me dearly, on the other it would make me want to break down and cry. “But listen,” she continued, “Lucas and I were just about to go see a movie down the street. How about you two join us?”

  “Sounds good to me,” Paul said and I wanted to kick him under the table. Was he doing this on purpose?

  “Why not?” I said begrudgingly.

  Mia insisted on riding to the theatre with us, maybe to ensure that I didn’t chicken out. But I guess that this is what friends did. I could do it. I could go see a movie with Lucas. As friends.

  At the ticket counter, Lucas paid for all of us. While Paul vocally thanked him, I only gave him a small smile as he held the glass door open for me. Since we’d known each other, I realized that he’d never taken me on a date. Maybe that first lunch we had together counted, but nothing after we started being intimate. All our time was spent at either his house, mine, or the bar. Initially, I was mad about it, but then realized that maybe he’d tried and I’d found excuses to not go, keeping him at arm’s length.

  As we walked into the theater, my nerves started going. Paul and Mia were clearly going to sit next to one another. Did that mean Lucas was going to sit next to me? It felt very double date-ish. Paul chose an aisle and went down it first, Mia following him. I could either jump them and sit on the other side of Paul or let Lucas sit next to me. Friends, I told myself. Friends can sit next to each other in movie theaters.

  I settled in next to Mia, and tried not to let Lucas’ presence affect me. We had about fifteen minutes until the film started. It was a sci-fantasy that I doubted would be as good as the previews let on. Gradually, the room started filling, nearly to capacity. Good. Having more people around would make me feel less isolated when the lights went down. I was leaning on the armrest closest to Mia, planning to use it through the whole film. That was squashed when a tall man came to sit in front of her.

  “I won’t be able to see anything,” Mia politely whispered to Paul. He switched seats with her, and immediately leaned onto my armrest. And I mean leaned. He was monopolizing the whole thing. With a grunt, I sat straighter in my seat. Lucas had his elbow on the other, chewing his fingernails.

  “You shouldn’t do that,” I said reactively. “I mean, do what you want. People just say not to. I don’t care if you do it.”

  The last thing I saw as the lights went down was his head, leaned back on his seat, turned to me and smiling. Lights from the screen illuminated his face as he continued to look at me. “Do you want me to stop?” he whispered.

  Suddenly, I felt hot and looked to his lips, focusing on his gentle smile. A breathy non-committal sound came out of me. His eyes went down to my mouth for a second before he brought them to the screen. This sucked. If it had been before, I would have wrapped my hands around his arm and leaned into his shoulder. Now all my muscles were tight and I was uncomfortably sitting with my hands in my lap.

  Thirty minutes into the movie, I wanted to rest my head on my hand. It was all I could think about. I didn’t even know what the people on the screen were saying. Thankfully, Lucas took out his phone to check a new message. I used to opportunity to snag the armrest, propping my chin on my palm. He slid his phone back into his pocket, and without caring, leaned into me. I could either move, or stay. I stayed, trying hard not to think of his shoulder touching my forearm.

  An hour and a half into the movie, I was so bored, I could feel my eyelids starting to droop. The action sequences were over the top and the dialogue was cheesy and unbelievable. I couldn’t even follow the shallow plot, and had stopped trying.

  Someone was rubbing my knee. “Marzy,” he softly whispered. I made a sleepy grunt and nuzzled into his shoulder before I realized what I was doing. My eyes came open, and I saw that I was leaning on Lucas, my hand wrapped around his arm. A man was walking around the theater sweeping under the seats and all the lights were up.

  “I’m sorry,” I said and quickly pulled away from him. “I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

  Lucas stood and s
tarted working out his shoulder. “Can’t blame you. I nearly dozed off myself.”

  “Where are Paul and Mia?”

  “Waiting for us in the lobby.”

  I grabbed my purse from the floor and went for the nearest exit, acting as if I wasn’t thoroughly embarrassed. Outside, we found Paul and Mia laughing near my car. She was standing very close to him, moving with him every time he did. The girl had it bad.

  “Hey, sleepy head!” Paul called to me. “Enjoy the movie?”

  “It was wonderful,” I said sarcastically. “I guess I didn’t realize how tired I was.”

  “Poor Lucas’ arm probably went to sleep,” he added.

  “I didn’t mind,” Lucas said over my shoulder.

  “Well, I need to head home,” I said. “Still want me to drop you off at your place, Paul?”

  You could tell that he was contemplating it. Mia’s face was hopeful, but visibly fell when Paul said, “Yeah.” He turned to her. “It was good to see you again. Crazy that Lucas is your brother. Small world, huh?”

  “I guess so,” she replied, looking to her feet. Ask for her number, Paul.

  He didn’t. “See you around. You, too, Lucas.” He gave them a wave and walked to my passenger door.

  “Thanks,” I told Lucas. “For the movie and the shoulder.”

  “Anytime,” he smiled. I couldn’t help it, I smiled back.

  When he didn’t say more, and he didn’t try to touch me, I said, “I better go.”

  He nodded and I walked to my car.

  Chapter 30

  Today was the day. I was graduating. My cap and gown rested on my back seat, laid out neatly to prevent wrinkles. I was wearing my purple dress with tan heels, my hair pulled back into a purposefully messy ponytail. Wanting something to make me feel close to my mother and sister, Lucas’ violin necklace hung around my neck. The long chain didn’t look right with this dress, but I wore it just the same.

  The drive was going to be a long one by myself, and maybe I should have waited until I was at the college to get ready, but I didn’t know if there would be rooms available. All of my friends were busy. Nicole and Lacey with the wedding planning. Wally taking people out for skydives. Charles was meeting Priscilla’s grandmother. I’d heard them talking about their plans at least a week ago, and didn’t mention the ceremony. No one needed to feel obligated to come. This was for me. I was walking across that stage for me.

  The only thing I hoped for was a call from my father. So far, I hadn’t received one. His was the only invitation sent. I knew he wouldn’t come, but maybe some part of me wanted him to feel proud. A sappy, sentimental part imagined him putting my announcement on his refrigerator, but I knew that would be an unfulfilled dream. He’d never been the type.

  About an hour away from the college, my phone’s battery was low. Barely at 10%. The night before, I must have knocked the charger out of the wall. I knew my phone. Once it went below 15%, the thing drained fast. I didn’t even have to use it. Hoping that he would call before it was too late, I left it on.

  In the back room with the other graduates, my phone was silent. The battery still draining. I put on my gown and fixed my cap, careful not to let it mess my hair. When they told us it was time, my palms started sweating and I went to claim my place in line.

  It was decent size school, but not huge. Several hundred people would walk across that stage today, and I would be one of them. The college band played the traditional graduation walk as we started filtering into the room. Being a Duncan, I was near the beginning. The roar of the stadium was deafening. I kept my eyes on the back in front of me, careful not to trip or run into him.

  Once the crowd died down, we sat and listened to some man try to sound inspiring. I took a breath and waited out the speeches.

  What felt like hours later, they were finally calling names. The rows were moving. Mine was next. I was second to last, between Dennis Dubois and Sheila Dupont. The people in front of me were taking their walks to the sounds of cheers. Dennis went, and I nervously waited for my name to be called.

  “Marlowe Duncan,” a woman said.

  My feet started moving, and then faltered when I heard distant yelling. Someone blew an air horn. The cheers continued as I resumed my steps. With my diploma in hand, it died off with one more loud, “GO MARLOWE!!!”

  Wally. That was Wally. As I made my way back to my seat, my eyes scanned the crowd trying to place were the voices had come from. Arms were flailing in a section to the left of where I was sitting. Closer to the stage than I was, I saw them. I saw him.

  Lucas. Wally. Charles. Ian. Lacey. Nicole. They were all there. Cheering for me. They’d come. I hadn’t asked them to and they came. An overwhelming feeling encompassed me. These people, no matter how much I pushed them away, cared about me. Tears came to my eyes. I smiled and gave them a wave. Their arms flew back and forth, probably making the people around them angry.

  They were too far away for me to see their expressions, but now that big moment was gone, they’d begun talking amongst themselves. All except Lucas. He kept his eyes right on me. And I kept my eyes on his. At the end of the ceremony, he was all I saw as I threw my hat into the air.

  Back in the student waiting rooms, I grabbed my things and made my way out of the building, hoping that they would be easy to find. My phone was officially dead, so I had no idea if my father called or not.

  The sun was blinding, and people were milling about everywhere. Every group I passed I stopped to scan their faces, but didn’t see anyone I knew. As I came around to the front, I was looking left, hoping to see someone I recognized. Surely, they wouldn’t just leave.

  “There she is!” I heard Nicole yell, and jerked my head towards her voice. My friends were all waiting for me, next to a tall tree overlooking the parking lot. I smiled and made my way over.

  Wally ran out ahead and swept me up into the air. “She did it!” he screamed. I laughed as he put me down.

  Nicole reached for me and gave a tight hug. “Congratulations,” she said.

  She let go and Lacey hugged me around the neck. “You looked beautiful,” she said.

  As Charles wrapped his arms around me, I saw Lucas standing off to the side. His mouth turned up in a smile. “They would be proud of you,” Charles whispered into my ear.

  Knowing who they were, I said, “Thanks Bear,” giving him an extra squeeze.

  Ian looked awkward as he walked over, and threw a loose arm around my torso. “Congratulations,” he mumbled. My friends stood back as the last person to greet me shuffled his feet. They started talking amongst themselves as I took a step towards him.

  His hand tenderly cradled my back. “You did it, Marzy,” he said quietly. His sweet smile made my knees weak. I realized that I was glad to be sharing this moment with him and brought my hands to his chest. His arm encircled my waist and he brought a hand to the back of my head. I inhaled his scent as he gently kissed the top of my head.

  “I didn’t know you were coming,” I said, looking up at him.

  “I wouldn’t have missed it,” he smiled. I thought that I wanted him to kiss me, but when his hand went to my chin and began tilting it up, I pulled away from him.

  “Is anyone else hungry?” Nicole asked. “Because I’m starving.” Everyone agreed and we decided to stop at a restaurant in the next town.

  In the parking lot, I unzipped my gown as we headed toward our cars. “Fuck, Marlowe,” Wally said. “Nothing I imagined compares to that. And I mean it. I actually imagined nothing under that gown and it isn’t as good as that dress.” He took my hand and twirled me around while I giggled. I didn’t miss Lucas’ stare as I showed it off. His eyes bore into me, tracing my body, no doubt imagining what it had felt like to have me. Under different circumstances, he would have been taking the dress off me later. The thought made me feel sad and turned on at the same time. A weird combination. I buried them both and resumed walking ahead of him.

  We were almost to our cars when Lacey said
, “Shit. We should take a group photo.” She convinced a man walking by to take it, and we all huddled up together in front of my Jeep. It seemed appropriate that she would get to be a part of my graduation too. I was in the middle, holding my cap, gown, and diploma while my friends circled around me. Lucas maneuvered his way to me, and placed a hand at my hip, pulling me into his side. After the picture was taken, he gave me a squeeze before letting go. On some impulse, I turned into his arm as he walked off, letting it trail across my body. His eyes heated. What am I doing? I thought. Toying with him. I knew that I wasn’t going to allow anything to happen between us, but I was enjoying making him squirm. I huffed at my own immaturity and went to my car.

  Lacey and Nicole rode with me to the restaurant. I didn’t know the area well, and let them pick a Mexican place. It was the first offering of food that we saw, and I didn’t care what I ate. As we waited for our table to be ready, I stood, while everyone else sat. The only spot available was next to Lucas and I didn’t want to continue leading him on.

  Two men came in and were waiting, too. They were older than I was. I’d guess maybe in their forties. One of them gave me a sleazy smile, raking his eyes up my body. Jeez… This dress was a little showy, but not over the top. Suddenly, I wished that I wasn’t wearing it. When the other man also threw an appreciative glance my way, I made a point not to look at them any longer. I was staring at my shoes when his hand reached out and encircled my knee. “Sit down, Marzy,” Lucas commanded. I didn’t move, so he took my hand, pulling me into the spot next to him. His eyes stayed on the men across from us as his arm came around my shoulder and rested there. “Just until they leave,” he whispered. “I don’t like the way they’re looking at you.”

  “Me either,” I conceded and stayed. Even after they left.

  After we ate, Lucas insisted on paying for my food. “You don’t have to do that,” I told him.

  “You aren’t paying on your graduation day,” he said with a smile, handing the waiter his card.