"An adult," Dad said. "We don't keep track of many of those. They usually stop believing in us." He paused. "I don't remember her from last year's list."
"She got a book of poetry," I said. "She was staying with her sister's family Christmas Eve, so I added a book of poetry for her."
Dad smiled and leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his neck. "Ah, retirement. I think I'll take up fishing, if my daughter will loan me a few reindeer and a little magic."
I stared at him. "No."
"Of course she will," Mom said. "Honey, that's not very gracious."
"I don't mean no on the reindeer. I mean no on retirement. No, no, no. You Santa. Me Tabitha. No."
Buttercup and Petunia both leaned against me on the sofa. "Drink your cocoa," Buttercup said. "You'll feel better about it all after a few cups of cocoa." She pressed upwards on the bottom of the mug, encouraging the mug towards my mouth. In all honesty, it didn't require a lot of convincing. I drank my cocoa.
"I have a life back in Chicago," I said. "Clients to see, women to date."
"Lachlan told us about Charity Jones," Mom said. "I do not think she is right for you."
"I know," I said. "It was just going to be a one-weekend fling." I sighed. "How's Rudolph?"
"He's fine," Dad replied. "He's not used to pulling the sleigh. Normally he just guides. He had to work unfamiliar muscles." He paused. "You should think about implementing more rigorous training for all the reindeer, especially the stand-ins." He paused. "Honey, they're going to start aging, too."
"What?" I said. "No! No one is aging. Not you, not mom, and not the reindeer. Everyone knows it's Dasher and Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. And we're keeping that lineup."
"Maybe for a few years," Dad said.
"No," I said. "No, no, no!"
"It's a lot to take in," Mom said. "Don't worry. We'll help you."
"The only help I want," I said, "is in getting back to my life in Chicago." I turned to Buttercup. "Did you really have fun?"
She smiled. "Yeah, I did."
"Want a job?"
Her smile grew into a grin.
"Hey!" Petunia said from my other side. "What about me?"
I turned to her. "Don't you have duties here?"
"It is customary," Petunia said, "for a new Santa to pick his -- or in this case -- her assistant."
"Two assistants!" Buttercup said immediately.
"I was hoping you'd pick me," Petunia added.
"And me!"
"No!" I said. "Lachlan is Dad's assistant."
"And he's staying my assistant," Dad said. "But you need your own, and these two would be fabulous at it."
"You can stay in denial for the next several months if you want," Petunia said. "But in the meantime, can Buttercup and I have jobs?"
"And a place to stay!" Buttercup added. "I'll work for room and board and a shiny new MacBook Pro."
I laughed, shaking my head.
"Not me!" Petunia said. "I want room and board and a real salary."
"What are you going to do with your money?" Buttercup said? "You'll be sitting there counting your money while I'm playing with my shiny computer. I win."
Petunia smiled. "I can use my salary to buy a computer."
"Do you know what Apple charges for a computer?" Buttercup asked. "It's outrageous!"
Petunia looked at me. "Is that true?"
I laughed. "You'll both need laptops," I informed them. "And how about if you get paid the same way I get paid?"
"Really?" Buttercup asked. "Deal!"
But Petunia was eying me carefully. "I think I would like more details on this payment process."
"We'll talk about it on the flight home," I told her. "Will you be ready to leave in the morning?"
"You mean, in May, when the sun comes up?" Buttercup asked.
"Funny," I said. "Very funny."
* * * *
It was nice to be home. The standard team was still worn out from Christmas Eve, so we hitched up Splash and Vitality along with Dart and Scooter. Reginald assured me the four of them were up to the trip. We used the lightest sleigh, and the trip took longer than it would have with the older reindeer, but we weren't in a hurry.
We arrived tired but happy. The reindeer moved into the back yard and seemed quite content. I only had one guest room in my house, but Buttercup and Petunia said that wouldn't be a problem. Instead, we all went to the hardware store, and I bought whatever they told me to buy. Three days later, they had made an amazing space in my previously unfinished basement, and they both moved in. They had a small but cozy bedroom each, a new bathroom, and a little living room.
The day it was done, they made me wear a blindfold to take my first tour. I expressed my amazement at the work they had done, but they were elves. I wasn't surprised they could do it. We collected together in the living room. And they both sighed, quite dramatically.
"What?"
"I sure wish we had a television," Petunia said.
"Like you would actually watch TV," I replied.
"When Nightingale and Wolfheart come to visit, we don't want to look unsophisticated," Buttercup explained.
"You're living in my basement. I think you better get used to looking unsophisticated."
That was the wrong thing to say, and it took me an hour and a promise of unfettered access to my credit card to calm them down. We went shopping for furniture and the TV.
Which I know they never watched.
Buttercup and Petunia had done an amazing job with my clients, but I had a backlog of work to do. I split the work between myself and my two new assistants. They needed a little training, but they both got the hang of their new duties immediately. We lined up several new clients, and I learned quickly they were at least as good at my job as I was. I also learned that while the employees at the clients still referred to me using the same phrases, they didn't refer to either of the elves that way.
It wasn't until five clients later than I discovered they were bribing just about everyone with hot cocoa. I was secretly impressed, but I wasn't going to tell them that. But I got to wondering if elf cocoa could be used to solve some of the world's problems.
So I worked. I took my best friends shopping, and I remained resolute that the Santa magic would revert to Dad if I just thought about it hard enough.
And I tried to forget about one Madison police officer. Except late at night, when I couldn't sleep, I remembered how it felt to hold her in my arms.
* * * *
Time, as it always does, passed. Buttercup and Petunia were so good at their new jobs that I found myself doing little more than marketing and sales of our services. I missed the guts of my job, but the loss was more than made up by having my friends with me. I'd forgotten how much I missed them.
Buttercup spent nearly all her salary on shiny toys, many of them Apple products, but then she began to branch out. I seriously began to worry I'd have to rent a storage place to keep all her things, but somehow she found a place for everything she bought.
For a while, Petunia went crazy buying clothes. At first it was business suits. Then she heard about "business casual" from a client. Then a client's wife invited all of us to a charity event she was hosting, and we all needed new dresses. Petunia fell in love with the dress shop and became their best customer. The sales staff loved her; she looked great in everything they had her try on.
But me? I tried to ignore the rush of magic that told me "naughty" or "nice" for everyone I met. I could walk into a business meeting, and it was like everyone had a little sign over his or her head. "Nice, nice, naughty, very very naughty..." This was new. And distracting.
I also knew everyone's name the moment I shook her hand. That was convenient except when I called them by name before being introduced. Luckily, Buttercup or Petunia were usually nearby and helped me cover for it.
I kept wondering when Dad's magic would go home. I wasn't Santa. He was.
Stupid magic.
I tried not to think about Allison.
* * * *
"Okay, Ms. Hedges," I said. "Beatrice and Penny will be back on Monday to get started." We couldn't exactly call them by their real names, after all, could we? I had asked them what they wanted their names to be, and they had picked for each other.
Ms. Hedges, first name Sandy, definitely on the nice list, was the aging owner of a large travel agency in Madison. She was looking for very specific help on improving the efficiency of hosting specialized vacations for her clients. She had been running very expensive vacations but wanted to see if she could lower the prices to make the trips more affordable for a wider variety of customers.
We weren't sure we could help, but Beatrice and Penny really wanted to try, so we agreed we wouldn't charge a fee if we weren't successful. The two elves understood no fee meant no salary which meant no shiny toys or pretty dresses. I wasn't sure that had fully sunk in, but I liked Ms. Hedges, too. I hoped we could help her.
"Can you recommend a nice restaurant?" Buttercup asked her.
"What are you looking for?"
"I haven't been to a good Irish Pub in-" Petunia started to say. "Um. Well, a long time."
"Oh, an Irish pub." Ms. Hedges smiled. "I know just the place."
An hour later, having changed into less businesslike clothes, we found ourselves at The Green Leprechaun. Both Buttercup and Petunia eyed the sign warily. "I don't think this is going to be very authentic," Petunia declared.
"They'll have Guinness and a burger," Buttercup said. "What else do you want?"
"A hamburger is definitely not authentic," Petunia said, pouting. "I'll make do."
We stepped inside.
It was a typical pub. There was a long bar along one side and assorted tables filling the rest of the room. At the far end were the usual assortment of bar games. A barmaid caught us at the door and directed us to a table. Several minutes later, we sat with our beers. The two elves were in good moods, although Petunia frowned after getting a gulp of her beer. "I don't remember it tasting like this," she said.
"When was the last time you were in an Irish pub?" I asked her.
She cocked her head. "1927. I think."
I shook my head. "Things have changed a little. Can you choke down the beer?"
She grinned. "I'll force myself."
Twenty minutes later, we had demolished our dinners. I ate like a pig, which I'd been doing since we got back from the North Pole, but the elves ate like, well, elves. However, they were both pouring back the beer, and when I suggested it was time ago, I got a pair of dirty looks.
"Fine. One more."
The two of them got drunk and started telling stories, each of them trying to out-do the other.
Now, while elves are small, they can sure drink, and it had taken a good supply of beer to get them tipsy. But the more they drank, the more outlandish the stories, and I couldn't tell which of them were entirely true, based on a true story but embellished, or a complete fabrication. I think that was half their fun.
I didn't notice when she came in.
Oh, don't look at me like that; you know exactly whom I'm talking about.
Nor did I notice when she passed our table three times. I didn't notice when she stopped and stared. But I did notice when she stopped and said, "Excuse me, but is your name Tabitha?"
I looked up, and standing at the side of our table was Allison. I stared at her. "Oh, rotten candy canes," I said, half under my breath.
I hadn't been able to swear properly in several months, and it was entirely vexing.
"Yes," Buttercup said with a hiccup, gesturing with her thumb at me. "That's Tabitha." She held out her hand unsteadily. "My name is Buttercup, and this is Petunia."
"Buttercup?" Allison asked. "Petunia?" She looked back and forth between all of us.
I laughed a forced laugh. "She means Beatrice and Penny. Don't you, Beatrice? Bea has such a sense of humor."
"Noooo," said Buttercup slowly. "I'm pretty sure my name is Buttercup." She turned to Petunia. "Isn't it?"
Oh great Santa in the sky, I should never have bought her that last beer.
Allison looked back and forth between the elves before allowing her gaze to settle on me. "I wouldn't suppose you live in Chicago."
"Yep," said Petunia. "For now. We all do."
Allison sat down slowly, and I could tell she was stunned.
"I'm sorry," she said, staring at me. "But I had the most realistic dream about a Tabitha who looked just like you," she said. "And she said she lived in Chicago. She was supposed to call me, but she never did." She narrowed her eyes at me.
"Hey," I said, holding my hands up in defense, "if I said it in a dream, you can't hold me responsible for not knowing."
"A dream?" Petunia said. "When was this?"
"Christmas Eve," Allison answered. "I dreamed I interrupted Santa Claus delivering presents, but when she turned around, it was the most attractive woman I've ever met."
She thought I was attractive? Really? I tried not to preen.
"Oh. Couldn't have been Tabitha then," Petunia said with a smirk.
"Have we met?" Allison asked me. "I don't really know where a dream like that could come from."
Petunia and Buttercup both gave me The Look, then Buttercup, suddenly perfectly sober, asked, "Why don't you tell us more about this dream. Maybe it will tell us where you met Tabitha."
Allison held out her hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself. My name is Allison." She shook hands with all of us, and I wondered how I was going to get out of this.
"Oh, look at the time! We have an early day tomorrow. It was nice meeting you, Allison." I started to get up, but both elves immediately had a hand on my arms, pinning me to my chair. They were strong!
"Not that early," Buttercup said. "I think you're going to need another beer, Tabitha." She raised her hand, getting our server's attention, and ordered new beer for all of us. I wondered who was driving us back to the hotel.
"So, you were going to tell us about this dream," Buttercup said after the beer arrived.
"Well, it's silly, isn't it? I mean, Santa Claus isn't real. It's just a story for kids. I don't know where we met, Tabitha, but somehow I dreamt you were Santa Claus." She actually blushed. "You told me your dad broke his leg, so you were delivering the presents this year. Isn't that the strangest dream?"
"It certainly is," Buttercup said. "Keep going."
Petunia whispered to me, "Did you forget to tell us about anything?"
I tried to look innocent, but I knew I failed miserably. I couldn't lie, after all, and I didn't know what I was going to say if Allison flat out asked if I was Santa.
"Well, at first I tried to arrest her."
"Oh you're a cop?" Petunia said. "Did you have to use your gun? Or handcuffs?" She smiled. "I'd love a dream with Tabitha in handcuffs. She's our boss, you see, but we've known her practically her entire life."
"I didn't have my handcuffs," Allison said. She blushed again. "I used the belt of my robe instead."
"Very innovative," Buttercup declared. "Did she struggle?"
"No, I'm sure I didn't struggle!" I said.
Allison smiled. "She kept insisting she was Santa. So I went outside and looked up at the roof, and there were reindeer!"
"Wow!" Buttercup said. "That was some dream. So you untied her and let her go?"
"Well, yes, but only after she let me help her deliver some of the presents." She paused. "I was so scared when the sleigh started flying, but it was really cool. Do you ever have dreams where you're flying?"
"I do," Petunia said. "All the time. They can seem especially realistic."
"I know exactly what you mean," I said. I chugged my beer. "All right. We better call a cab."
"The night is young," Buttercup said. "I find it fascinating she thinks you're attractive, Tabitha." She turned back to Allison. "So, in this dream, did you kiss or anything?"
"Oh, no," Allison said, "but I slipped on
the roof once, and you-" she said, staring at me. "Um. You in the dream, I mean, caught me and kept me from sliding to my death."
"So in your dream, Santa saved your life," Petunia said. "I wonder what she told the elves when she got back to the North Pole."
"Not a darned thing," Buttercup said. "I bet. Not even to her best elf friends, the ones who have been with her through thick and thin."
"Yes," said Petunia. "And meeting someone like Allison seems like the sort of thing she'd tell her best friends."
Allison was shaking her head. "I just can't get over it. Tabitha, she looked just like you. And her name was Tabitha. And she lived in Chicago. We must have met somewhere, but I'm sure I would have remembered."
"It sounds like you're a cop," I said. "Maybe we met in the line of your job sometime. Perhaps that's it." I smiled. "I'm sure I would remember if you had ever tried to arrest me."
That earned some laughter at the table as well as more pointed looks from the two elves.
"This is really going to bug me," she said. "The thing is, I really thought we had a connection, too."
"You did?" I squeaked. "A connection? Wow, I wish I'd known. About, you know, this dream connection thing."
Buttercup gave me a knowing look. I was so busted. So busted.
"Do you come to Madison often?" Allison asked.
"I guess it depends upon what you call often," I replied. Actually, I didn't. This was my first visit to Madison, not counting delivering presents or driving through en route to somewhere further west.
"We must have met," Allison said. "I know I've never arrested you. I would remember." She smiled. "Maybe we have mutual friends."
"We must," I said. As Santa, I was friends with half the world. "Do you think that's how we met?" I just hoped she didn't start asking about specific friends.
No such luck. "Do you know Chris Evans," she asked. My eyes glazed. Chris Evans of Madison. There were several, but somehow I knew which one she meant. She was on the nice list. "I know a Chris Evans in Evanston," I said. "Although perhaps not so well that she would recognize me on the street." At least not unless I was wearing my Santa outfit.
"No, this one is here in Madison," Allison said. She offered several more names. I found ways to demur on each one. I knew all of them, of course, but if she asked them about me, they would have no idea who Tabitha Clause was.
The Emergency Claus Page 5