"It is shallow over the back porch," she said. "Is Rudolph really up there?"
"Yes, honey," I said gently. "He likes carrots, if you wanted to feed him, or you could bring some of the sugar cubes with you. But you better bring enough to share."
"There-" she stopped, then she pointed. "There are cookies for you."
I smiled. "That is very sweet."
"Are you really Santa?"
"Yes."
"You don't exist."
"Clearly, I do."
She watched me, coming to some conclusion. "Do you get a lot of cookies?"
I smiled. "Yes, but I deliver a lot of presents, and the cookies give me energy."
"If you're really Santa, tell me what I asked for when I was eight."
"Allison," I said, "that would have been my father, and I've never asked if he can remember from year to year."
"Fine," she said. "What's my present?"
"You'll have to wait and see in the morning when you open it."
She pointed again. "Are you going to eat the cookies?"
"Would you like one?" I asked her, crossing the room slowly. I picked up the plate and held it out. Allison took one of the cookies, a decorated snowman, and bit into it. I picked up the star, also decorated, and ate it, careful to leave a few crumbs on the plate. Dad had taught me that. I drank down half the milk, then belched.
"Oh my goodness," I said. "I'm so sorry."
"Oh my goodness?" she asked. "Seriously?"
"I'm Santa. You didn't think I could swear, did you?"
"All right," she said. "Let's see this disappearing act."
I turned to the fireplace, hefted the sack of presents, now ever so slightly lighter than when I had arrived. I pressed my finger to my nose, spun around three times, and up the chimney I went.
The reindeer were waiting for me, looking over their shoulder.
"A little trouble, guys," I said. I crossed to the sleigh and set the sack of presents inside, then I turned to the back yard.
Allison was standing there in the snow, staring up at me. I waved at her. "Are you coming to say hello to Rudolph, Allison?"
"You're-" she said. "You're-"
"Yes, Allison. Honey, I'm on a schedule. If you're coming to see the reindeer, it needs to be right now. We can't come down there."
"Coming!" she said. She ran to the garage and was back a moment later carrying an extension ladder. She set it up over the back porch and then, making a heck of a racket, climbed onto the roof. I watched nervously as she made her way to the peak, almost slipping and falling once, but she was more steady-footed than I would have expected. Then, right at the top, she slipped again, but I reached out with a hand and grabbed her, pulling her into my arms.
"I've got you," I said.
She clung to me for a moment, and she felt good, really good.
"This is really happening," she said, clinging to me. "Santa just saved my life."
"Oh, probably not," I said. "It's not that high."
She pushed away from me, looking into my eyes. She had the most beautiful brown eyes, and I stared straight into them, but her lips were drawn tight and her brow furrowed. "Am I going crazy?"
"No," I said. "I don't know how you can see me, but you're not crazy."
"What do I call you? Santa?"
"I'd rather you called me Tabitha," I replied. "When I hear someone say 'Santa', I look around for Dad."
She nodded then turned to the reindeer. "Are those really reindeer?"
"Yes. Do you want to meet them? Allison, this needs to be quick, as I have a lot more presents to deliver."
"Yes," she said. "Show me."
So, holding her hand in case she slipped again, I led her past the sleigh and all the way to the front of the line of reindeer.
"This is Prancer," I said. "Congratulate him. He's going to be a daddy soon. That's why Vixen isn't here tonight."
She stared at Prancer, who was watching her with an amused look. "Congratulations, Prancer."
Then I pulled her a couple of steps to Rudolph, whose nose was glowing brightly.
"Rudolph," she said, awe in her voice. "Rudolph."
"Yes," I said. "They don't like having their faces touched, but you can pet him. I like to hug their necks."
"Can they talk? In the TV show as a kid, Rudolph could talk."
"Of course not. They're reindeer. But they can understand." I turned to Rudolph. "This is Allison."
Rudolph snorted, and I could tell he was amused. She reached out for him, and he lowered his head. She felt his antlers, but I realized he was searching her pockets for treats. He stole a carrot and started munching.
"Hey!" she said, but I giggled. She turned to me. "I'm crazy."
"No," I said. "As crazy as this seems. No, you're not crazy." I led her to the next two. "This is Dasher," I said, "and that is Dancer." She dug into her pockets, pulling out sugar cubs, then giggled when each of the reindeer tickled her hand, gently taking the treat. We worked our way down the line, and I introduced her to all the reindeer. We got done, and from the front, Prancer snorted. He hadn't gotten his treat.
I laughed. "Wait here." I stepped around her and back to the front, giving Prancer a sugar cube. He thanked me with a gentle head butt.
"All right, guys," I said quietly. "We'll be going as soon as I get her down from the roof."
I turned back to see Allison was seated in the sleigh. I walked past the reindeer, and she watched me. "I'm going with," she said.
"I'm sorry, Allison," I said. "You can't. What would Terri think when you're not here in the morning. I won't be done with my route by the time they wake up, and I don't have time to return you."
"You can drop me off before you leave Madison," she said.
"I'm behind schedule."
"And you're growing more behind while you argue with me."
I eyed her clothing. "You're not dressed for the trip."
"I'm not leaving this sleigh."
I sighed. "Fine. You can help me finish Madison, then I'm dropping you back off right here. But you aren't dressed right, and that won't do."
So I turned around in a circle, around and around, and the magic gathered, and I threw it all over Allison, changing her clothes into a suit to match mine. "There," I said. "Much better."
Allison gasped, looking down at her clothing.
"They'll change back into your old clothing once I drop you off," I explained. "Would you like some hot chocolate? It's the best you'll ever have."
Then I joined her in the sleigh, picked up the reins, and without any fuss at all, gave them a gentle swish. The reindeer leapt forward, and Allison screamed and then clutched at me.
Luckily, she didn't seem to wake anyone. We climbed into the air, and I circled her neighborhood three times before I asked her, "Are you okay?"
"Yes," she said, one hand to her chest, the other still clutching my arm. "I was just a little startled." Then she realized how tightly she was hanging on and slowly relaxed her grip. She looked down.
"Oh my god," she said. "We're flying!"
"Of course we are," I said. "What did you think we were going to do?" I raised my voice. "All right, Rudolph, take us to the next house."
Allison screamed again, this time both hands clutching me, as Rudolph and Prancer dived the sleigh towards the next house. We settled smoothly onto the roof, but I could tell the reindeer were amused by Allison's reactions. I think they made the dive particularly steep just to scare her.
"Not funny," I muttered to them. I turned to Allison. "There's hot cocoa here," I said. "It's wonderful. Try some. I'll be right back."
She looked around. "There's no chimney. This house doesn't have a fireplace."
"Are you sure?" I asked, collecting my sack and stepping from the sleigh. I took two steps, and as I walked, the fireplace chimney appeared, right where I needed it. I looked over at Allison, grinning, then disappeared down the chimney.
By the time I got back, she had her hands wrapped around a
mug of the chocolate and the biggest smile on her face. "Oh my god," she said, "this hot cocoa is amazing!"
"I know!" I said. "Wait until you try one of mom's sandwiches."
* * * *
Allison was beautiful, and I knew everything about her. She was a cop, a good cop. She worked hard to make Madison a safer place for everyone.
And she was a good aunt to Spencer and Phoebe, and a good sister to Terri.
And she was lonely.
We chatted very briefly between houses, but the magical flights were so fast, there wasn't much time to talk. I made delivery after delivery, and finally I was done.
"This was just one town," she said. "How do you do the entire country?"
"The entire world," I said. "Magic. But now it's time to take you home." And a moment later, we were landing back on Terri's roof.
"I don't know what to believe," she said.
"Believe your eyes," I told her. I helped her from the sleigh, then I followed her down the ladder. Together we put it away, then I walked her to the back door.
"Can I... um. Can I get a hug, Santa?" she asked.
"Of course, Allison," I said, opening my arms. She stepped into them, and then we hugged. We hugged for far more time than I could afford.
Finally she stepped away, turning to the door. She turned around. "So you live at the North Pole?"
"No," I said. "Chicago."
She laughed. "Then maybe you'll call me sometime." She smiled. "I suppose you don't need my number."
"No," I said. "I have that covered."
She opened the door, stepped inside, and turned around once more.
"You're real. Santa Claus is real, and she's a smoking hot babe."
I laughed. "Thank you for saying so." I paused, caressing her face, pouring magic into her, making her sleepy. "You're going to go to bed now, Allison, and in the morning, this will all seem like an especially realistic dream. I'm really glad we were able to meet."
She didn't say anything but stepped away, closing the door. Then I watched as the household lights went back out, and I knew when she climbed into her bed and immediately fell asleep.
Back to Normal
There were no more incidents in finishing my deliveries. We had to scramble to catch up, but we made the last delivery barely on time. I turned the reindeer north, and we headed for home.
When we arrived, I was cold and tired. So were the reindeer. Rudolph had developed an odd limp in his flying, and I could hear Dasher and Dancer bickering with each other. I was sure they'd work it out.
We settled down, somewhat roughly, and then everyone was there, surrounding the sleigh and wanting to know how it had gone.
"We have to settle the reindeer," I said. I slid from my seat on the sleigh, stepping up to Rudolph. "Are you all right?"
He snorted at me. Reginald, the stable master, moved next to me. I turned to him with concern. "Rudolph is limping."
"I'm sure he's fine," Reginald said, smiling at me kindly. But he turned to the reindeer and ran his hands across his chest then slowly down both front legs, then the back. "Ah. A little tender here," he said. "He'll be fine in a few days. Go ahead, Santa. Your elves will take care of the reindeer. You go on inside and warm up."
"But-"
And then Mom and Dad were there, Dad hobbling on his crutches, but he pulled me away and said, "They'll be fine, honey. Come on in."
Petunia and Buttercup stepped up next to me, one on either side, and between the four of them, they led me into the house.
"How did it go?" Petunia asked.
"Any problems?" Dad asked.
"Was there enough hot cocoa?" Buttercup wondered.
"Did you have breakfast?" Mom worried.
I told them everything. Almost. I didn't mention Allison.
* * * *
After something to eat, Buttercup and Petunia helped me to bed, tucking me in and sitting cross-legged on the bed with just a few candles for light. It was just like our old slumber parties when I'd been growing up. Never mind they were both a hundred years older than I was; they acted like teenagers with me, and they'd been my best friends. They still were.
"Someone will wake me tomorrow, right?"
Buttercup laughed while Petunia scoffed. "Sure," they agreed.
"I can't sleep like Daddy does," I said. "I owe a client my report by the end of the year."
"Do you have notes?" Buttercup asked.
"Don't I always."
"I'll do it." They both kissed my forehead, and then I was out like a light. I didn't wake until the new year.
It took the better part of a month to fully recover. Christmas takes a lot out of Claus, but that never shows up in the stories. Oh wait, I guess it does now. Well, you know what I mean.
Buttercup and Petunia cemented their position as "best friends in the world". Buttercup got my report off to Middleton Plastics and even collected the second half of my fee. Then the two of them double-teamed my next two clients, keeping my business alive and well, collecting whopping-big checks from both of them.
Waking up for a Claus after Christmas isn't something like normal waking up. It's a process that takes a few days. So, when finally I woke enough to wander my way downstairs, they were both there, back from Chicago, and then they fought over who got to make my wake up hot cocoa.
"I'm going to want two cups," I pointed out.
So, teasingly, they fought who got to make the first one.
Then we moved into the living room. Mom was knitting, and Dad was looking much better. "Hello, honey," Mom said, looking up as I entered the room with my two elf friends. "Did you sleep well?"
I was still groggy but I managed to laugh, kissing both parents before settling up on the couch, wrapped in a warm blanket. "What day is it?"
"Where?" Buttercup asked immediately. We were at the North Pole, after all, so in actuality we were in every time zone. I suppose technically I wasn't standing right on the pole, so I was probably in a specific time zone, but I couldn't have told you which one.
"Chicago," I said finally.
"January 27," she added. She grinned. "If you had told me how much fun your job was, I'd have actually taken your offers seriously years ago."
"Fun?" I asked.
That was when they told me they'd handled everything for me, earning big hugs.
"Fun?" I repeated several minutes later. "My job is a lot of things, but I have never called it 'fun' before."
Petunia grinned. "Are you kidding? Do you know how messed up your clients are?"
"Yes," I said. "I do. But how is that fun?"
"Well, we divided them," Buttercup said. "I handled processes."
"I handled personnel."
"I discovered the processes were all messed up and inefficient," Buttercup said.
"And I discovered the people were harried and over-worked," Petunia said. "Furthermore, they didn't get anywhere near enough exercise, and that was generating health issues that were only going to get worse."
"Still not seeing the fun," I pointed out.
"Well, Petunia pointed out to Jimmy-"
"-That's the CEO," Petunia added.
"That a good share of the rising health care and absentee costs could be reduced if people got more exercise."
"And Buttercup found countless ways to save money on utilities."
"Electricity and heating," Buttercup explained. "Plus they pay their employees cell phone bills, but they process them as expense reports."
"Which everyone was filling out during company time," Petunia said. "And they all hated doing."
"So we transitioned the cell phone bills to the company and negotiated a reduced rate with the cell phone providers while dramatically reducing paperwork."
"And we used the savings to get the owner to fund a health club in the vacant lot across the street," Petunia said.
"Free family memberships for everyone in the company," Buttercup said. "We got everyone to commit to going to the club in the morning on the way to wor
k."
"They arrive happier and with more energy, so their morning productivity went up."
"Even though they're arriving thirty minutes later," Buttercup said. "Well, some of them. A lot of them already worked out in the morning.
"The utility savings paid for everything," Petunia said, "as long as it was amortized over a couple of years."
"And I got the owner to agree that if the efficient improvements are as good as we promise, that he'd share half of growth in profits in an employee profit sharing plan."
"They all love you, Tabitha!" Buttercup said. "Well, they love us, and by extension, you." She smiled and pulled out a membership card to a health club. "And we got complementary health club memberships for a year!"
"Have you used them?" I asked.
"Whirl pool!" they said together. They both turned to Dad. "We want a whirl pool here."
Then they turned to me. "Or do we ask you now?" They turned to each other.
"I think we ask Tabitha," Buttercup said.
"You might be right. She's the new Santa."
"What?" I said. "No. I'm not. It was temporary. One year only. Dad will be right back to delivering next year." I turned to Dad. "Your leg will be healed by then, and no more reindeer games for you!"
He and mom exchanged looks.
"No!" I said. "Do not look at each other like that. One. Time. Gig."
"Honey," Dad said. "Pumpkin."
"No! You're Santa, Dad. And you're staying Santa."
"The magic has passed on, Sweetie," Dad said.
"One night only. That was one night only."
"The magic has passed on," Dad said.
"No it hasn't."
"Petunia," Dad said. "Newest name on the Naughty or Nice list?"
"Jason Ronald Fillermore of Tallahassee, Florida," Petunia said. Everyone turned to me.
"Naughty," I said immediately, knowing the answer. "He just shaved his little sister's doll's head." He could move back to the nice list, but if he was the sort to torture the doll, he wasn't likely to be the sort to redeem himself. Time would tell. He'd been on the naughty list this past year, too.
"I didn't know that," Dad said. "Do another one, Petunia."
"Allison Marie Carpenter of Madison, Wisconsin," Petunia said.
"Nice," I answered. "She's a cop. She was off-duty, but she helped her distraught neighbor find her lost cat."
The Emergency Claus Page 4