The Invisible Harry

by Marthe Jocelyn

  “Consider yourself face-paintless, as well as strangled, if you so much as peep.”

  Jane glanced at my father, who was three or four steps ahead of us, actually whistling! Because the sun was shining and he was taking the morning off work, using fatherly duty as an excuse.

  “Woof,” said Jane.

  I squinted at my demon sister and drew a finger across my throat.

  We got to school before I killed her.

  Hubert was waiting on the steps. My father took Jane and started in.

  “I’ll come to your class and wave good-bye,” he said to me. “I haven’t seen George Donaldson in a couple of years.”

  I wasn’t listening. Soon we’d we safely inside.

  “Bye, Dad.” I opened the door for Hubert. So far, so good.

  “Did you bring the gum?” I asked him in a low voice. “Let’s go, right now. We still have time. We can do it in the cafeteria bathroom. No one’s down there in the morning.”

  “Billie,” said Hubert. Something was wrong.

  “What?”

  “There’s a problem. They rescheduled the medieval pageant. We’re doing it now, for the whole Lower School, now, this morning, in the auditorium, instead of this afternoon, because the radiators are having emergency surgery at two o’clock.”

  “Oh, sh-sh-shoelace!” I yelped. “How could this happen to us?”

  “Mr. D. is getting everybody into their costumes right now.”

  We grumbled our way to join the rest of the class, with Harry’s baby snores coming out of my pack. He was getting used to riding around on my back, and usually nodded off after a few minutes of real motion.

  “He hasn’t eaten, except dog biscuits, since we were at your house. I haven’t had a chance to feed him the last can of food. Oh, and Jane knows about him.”

  “Oh, great!” said Hubert. “The large-mouth bass!”

  That’s why I like Hubert. He understands about siblings without even having one. Upstairs was chaos.

  Our classroom was the girls’ changing room, and the other sixth grade across the hall was for the boys.

  Over in the corner, next to the fish tank, I fluffed my jacket into a cushion and settled the sleeping Harry.

  My costume was supposed to look like a minstrel sort of a person. I had blue leggings and a green tunic and a pretend lute that I’d made in shop.

  Suddenly there was a mass squeal. I spun around to see my father’s face grinning into the room.

  “Dad!” I screamed. “This is the changing room! We’re getting ready for the pageant! Get out!”

  “Ooops!” he said, chuckling as he closed the door.

  I was burning with embarrassment. Nobody else’s father would do such a thing.

  “Hmmm,” murmured Alyssa for the general audience. “Billie’s father is a Peeping Tom.”

  “Oh, shut up, Alyssa!” I hissed. She always found the very worst thing to say.

  I could see my dad through the door window, hugging Mr. Donaldson in one of those men’s back-slapping hugs. Maybe they’d been friends, back when my parents were still married. I’d never thought about that part, about how my dad was separated from his whole old life, as well as his wife and children.

  I had most of my costume on. Harry was still asleep. I slipped into the hall to hear what was happening. And just at that minute, Jane showed up, too, waving and chattering.

  “Hello, there,” said Mr. Donaldson in his jovial way. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the auditorium?”

  “Katie’s saving me a seat in the front row,” said Jane. “But I’m supposed to tell you, everybody’s waiting.”

  “You’re staying to watch this, aren’t you, Alex?” Mr. D. asked my dad.

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” said my father, acting like he’d been up all night on the ticket line. He winked at me and went down to find a seat, followed by most of the sixth grade, clinking their chain mail and waving banners. The stragglers were just coming out of the classroom.

  “You look pretty, Billie,” said Jane, following me as I looked for my hood and cowl. “But what are you going to do with the puppy while the pageant is going on? Can I hold him?”

  Of course, Alyssa had to be the one to overhear.

  “What are you talking about, you little weirdo?” she asked. “You don’t have a puppy.”

  Across the room, I could see the indentations in my jacket shifting as Harry woke up and stretched his legs.

  “Yeah, well, we do have a puppy,” I retorted. “He just happens to be invisible.”

  19 • Double-Dose Revenge

  Jane stared at me in surprise, but Alyssa just snorted. It was the funniest thing she’d ever heard.

  “You are such a liar, Billie Stoner, and you’re teaching your brat sister to be just like you.”

  “She is not,” Jane shouted, going right up to Alyssa and shaking her fist. “She’s the smartest and the bravest and the telling-truthest of anybody.”

  “Yeah, and she needs a six-year-old to stick up for her,” Alyssa sneered, pushing Jane out of the way. She clutched her wimple and clomped down the stairs in her medieval footwear, which was actually her mother’s beach sandals.

  Megan and Emma and Max rustled after her in their paper tabards, bearing lances and shields.

  It was those sandals that gave me my next good idea. Jane and I were the only ones left.

  “You go ahead, Jane,” I said. “I have to get my hood on. Hey, and thanks for yelling at Alyssa. That almost makes up for being such a dodo the rest of the time.” She beamed with happiness and headed off obediently.

  I fished one of Alyssa’s prized platform shoes from under her desk. It was made of something that looked like blue rubber corduroy.

  I dangled it in the air, just above nose level for a frisky puppy.

  “Here you go, Harry,” I said, with heartfelt encouragement. He tugged it out of my fingers at once.

  “Have a good chew.”

  I closed the door carefully behind me.

  The pageant was a huge success. At least the audience thought so; they especially liked the jousting match and the mummers’ dance. Mr. Donaldson was proud of us, and only two costumes (Nick’s and Emma’s) got torn and only one shield (Sarah’s) got sat on and crushed. Jane kept waving at me and cheering, and my dad stood in the back, winking whenever I looked at him.

  Right at the end, I got the giggles, thinking about Alyssa’s shoe. Afterward, while the teachers were pouring out cider and serving a “medieval feast” of ginger cookies and Fig Newtons and almonds and raisin mix, I raced upstairs to check the damage.

  The floor beside Alyssa’s desk was awash with shreds of blue rubber. I hoped poor Harry hadn’t swallowed any of that stuff; it was probably toxic. He’d abandoned the shoe carcass, still intact except for its skin, and moved on to the wastepaper basket, which now had tooth marks all around the rim.

  I heard noises in the stairwell.

  “Harry! Here, boy!” I held out the cookie I’d snatched from the feast.

  He pounced on me in delight, eating greedily.

  “You were hungry, weren’t you, Harry? That shoe just didn’t satisfy.”

  I felt his warm tongue and watched my fingers disappear at the same instant.

  “Uh-oh, no more of that,” I said, scooping him up and tucking him, wriggling, under one arm. “We have a mission.”

  Leaving my clothes till later, I collected my backpack full of potion ingredients and got through the door just as Hubert and Charley reached the top of the stairs. Together they were dressed as a dragon (killed during the pageant by fearless knights). Hubert was the back half.

  “C’mon, Hubert. Remove thy tail,” I said. “Bring the gum and meet me you-know-where.”

  “Oooooh,” teased Charley, clasping the dragon’s head under his arm. “Sounds nasty!”

  Hubert flushed, but he obeyed.

  The stairs were filling up with kids as everyone headed up to change. I passed Alyssa, holding my
breath.

  Less than a minute later, a violent scream shook the walls, and everyone stood still in alarm. Except me, of course. I knew the source, and I was biting my lip not to laugh out loud as I bounded for the exit.

  Escape was not quite so easy.

  In the main hall, my father and Mr. Donaldson were still chatting away like babysitters on a park bench.

  “Billie, great show!” My father applauded. “I’ll tell you what. I’m going to ask Mr. Donaldson here for permission to take my daughter out to lunch.”

  Mr. Donaldson smiled and actually ruffled my hair!

  “Uh, Dad, I don’t know, it’s not …” Harry was really starting to struggle in my arms.

  “Oh, come on, sweetie, I never get to hang out around the school. I’ll take you to Pizza Box. I’ll meet you out front in, what? Twenty minutes?”

  He glanced at Mr. D. for confirmation. “Twenty minutes. Will that give you time to get changed out of thirteenth-century gear? I’ll go get Jane. Oh, and ask Hubert, too.”

  “Sure, Dad,” I said.

  Hubert was suddenly at my elbow.

  “Billie, what happened upstairs?” he asked. “Alyssa is foaming at the mouth.”

  Mr. Donaldson raised an eyebrow and headed straight for the stairs.

  “Twenty minutes, Billie,” said my dad as he followed Mr. D.

  Hubert and I speed-walked to the bathroom, almost getting there safely.

  “Billie!”

  Alyssa’s screech followed me into the girls’ room. Because there was a furious female on his tail, Hubert couldn’t come in with me. I guessed he would lurk in the hall until the coast was clear. I could finally put Harry down. He immediately gave the warning growl that I’d learned to dread.

  Alyssa came slamming through the door, hobbling on her shoes. One of them was as bright and rubbery as the day they arrived in the mail, and the other one looked like soggy cardboard.

  “I don’t know how you did this,” Alyssa said in a voice full of vengeance, “but I’m going to make you pay! Ewww! What’s that smell?”

  Harry had done his business, but there was nothing to be seen. I shrugged my shoulders.

  Alyssa backed out of the room, holding her nose and giving me the evil eye.

  Too bad I didn’t have the satisfaction of seeing her face one minute later, but Hubert gave me a full report.

  As Alyssa stalked down the hall, proclaiming loudly to the cafeteria line that Billie Stoner was a stinker, it became clear that her one blue, shiny shoe was encrusted with fresh dog poop.

  I frantically cleaned up the remaining evidence and stuck my head out of the bathroom to see. Alyssa began sobbing wildly. Finally she settled down and reluctantly accepted Megan’s shabby old gym shoes to wear for the afternoon.

  20 • Harry’s Bath

  Hubert joined me in the girls’ room, and we laughed so hard that Harry got excited and barked along with us. We had to use one of the dog biscuits from the recipe to make him quiet.

  “We only have a few minutes,” I reminded Hubert. “My father is threatening to humiliate me some more by taking us out to lunch.”

  I ran water into the sink, but it filled so quickly I knew it was nowhere near two gallons. Plus, it was so shallow that Harry could never be submerged. Maybe we’d have to sneak into the kitchen.

  “How about the toilet?” asked Hubert. “It’s just sitting there, full of water.”

  “Ready and waiting,” I added. He lifted up the seat.

  I unfolded the page from the phone book with the recipe scribbled around the edges. “Water,” I said. “Check,” said Hubert. “Talcum powder.”

  “Check.”

  “Okay, this one is made of powdered goat horn,” I said, pouring from the Sippy-Cup.

  “Check,” said Hubert.

  “And this one is chrysanthemum flowers.”

  “Check.”

  “Tubers of lilyturf.” I remembered that Jody had crumbled them into small chunks when she’d made the bath for me last spring.

  “Yuck,” said Hubert. “Check.”

  “Now we have to mash up the dog biscuits.” I dumped the contents of the box onto the floor. I could see where Harry was by where the bits were vanishing.

  Hubert and I stomped until the floor was covered with crumbs. Then we swept them up in our hands and tossed them into the toilet with the rest of the mess.

  “And the gum!” Hubert reminded me. “I chewed my jaw off last night.” We squeezed the gummy lumps to let the juice trickle in and then threw in the whole bagful.

  Harry was panting.

  “This is for you, boy,” I said. “You lucky doggy.” I looked around for something to stir with but ended up using my hand.

  “This is completely disgusting,” I said. “Now for the hard part. We have to put him in and hold him under.”

  I reached for Harry.

  “In complete darkness,” I added. “Turn off the light, would you, Hubert?”

  The room went black. We were all invisible. There was a pencil line of light coming from under the door, and that was it. Black night.

  I held Harry close, feeling it was the last moment that he was really mine.

  Suddenly there was a pounding on the door. I clutched Harry so hard he yelped. Hubert gasped in alarm.

  “Open up!” I didn’t recognize the husky voice.

  “Just a second!” I called out.

  “What are we going to do?” hissed Hubert.

  “Who do you think it is?” I hissed back.

  The door handle moved. We had forgotten to turn the lock! Light from the hall fell into the room as someone pushed open the door.

  “Hey, what are you doing in here with the lights off?” The voice that started out deep and gruff turned into boy laughter as Charley found more than he’d expected.

  “Just tell me what you’re doing with the gum!” He was choking on his own joke. Hubert about fainted with mortification, but I was just mad.

  “Charley, you get out of here right now. We are having a private conference, and it’s none of your nosy-parker business.” Harry was struggling to get out of my hold.

  “Oh, I’ve got to get a witness to this!” Charley exclaimed as he headed for the cafeteria.

  I locked the door behind him, darkening the room back into a coal mine.

  Feeling desperate, I plunged Harry into the toilet with no mercy.

  He went crazy, barking and flapping and even snarling.

  “I’m sorry, honey,” I kept saying. “I’m sorry. We’ve got about twelve seconds before they knock down the door. You’re going to feel better, I promise. Hubert! Help me! I’m getting soaked!”

  Harry thrashed and yipped while I tried to get the sludge on his head and over his ears and around the tail.

  I rubbed it deep into his fur, pretending to give him a shampoo.

  “How long do we have to keep him in here?” asked Hubert.

  “Let’s check now. Hit the switch.”

  The room buzzed with light.

  I blinked, feeling like a bat in sunshine.

  And then I saw Harry.

  “He’s here!”

  Harry was sodden and miserable but all here.

  I lifted him out of the toilet and rubbed him all over with paper towels, until his fur stood up and most of the bath lumps were gone. He was even cuter than I remembered.

  “Wow,” whispered Hubert in awe. “We really did it!”

  “We did it!” I hollered, loud and happy. We jumped up and down, punching each other with glee. Harry, of course, began to bark.

  “Okay, stop.” I took a deep breath. “We have to hurry. We’ve got to clean up this mess and, oh my God, look at you!”

  Hubert’s T-shirt was wet through, and his arms were coated in crud.

  “You should talk, Billie. Your hair looks like it’s full of vomit.”

  I checked the mirror and groaned.

  “Do you think it’s safe to flush the toilet?” asked Hubert. We stood should
er to shoulder examining the porcelain bowl full of slops.

  I skimmed a couple of handfuls off the top and delivered them to the garbage can.

  “We can only try,” I said, pushing on the lever.

  Harry lifted his front paws onto the rim and watched with curiosity as the soup swirled and the pipes gagged and choked. Finally, thankfully, everything was sucked down.

  We mopped the floor with more paper towels. Hubert splashed off his arms and squeezed what he could out of his shirt.

  I twisted my head upside down in the sink, trying to rinse my hair, but mostly I sprayed water on the wall.

  Harry suddenly shook himself, showering our knees and ankles, as if he’d just learned to be a real dog. From head to foot, I was various stages from damp to saturated.

  The doorknob jiggled, and there was another knock.

  “Billie! Charley said you were in there. Come out right now.” It was my little sister.

  21 • Dénouement

  Come on!” Jane called. “Daddy is waiting outside, and so is that Jody girl.”

  I flicked the lock and opened the door. Jane stared.

  Harry greeted her with two happy barks.

  “He’s real!” she exclaimed, crouching to pet him. “How did you do that? And why are you all wet? And why is Hubert in the bathroom with you?”

  “Let’s go,” I said.

  I picked up Harry and cradled him in my arms, feeling sadness settle over me like dust.

  Jody was here to collect Harry. I was minutes away from having to say good-bye.

  Sure enough, out on the school steps, Dad and Jody were chatting together like old friends.

  Harry nearly jumped from my grasp as he spotted Sam being yanked toward us by his company of dogs.

  “Yo! Shortie!” Sam hailed me.

  “Yo,” I said weakly.

  Jody reached over to pet Harry. “Hey! Harry! Nice to see ya!” And then, in a whisper, “Is that Sam? He’s totally cute.”

  The dogs greeted one another with a chorus of barks and yaps.

  “Jody!” I shouted over the noise. “How was the science competition?”

  “Oh, I won,” she announced, trying to be cool. Then her face split in a silver smile. “It was mighty.”