Trees Without Wind

by Li Rui

  Ee-aw, ee-aw, ee … aw

  So many yellow ones scattering the black one stays the green one is inside

  Ee-aw, ee-aw, ee … aw

  The green one is inside

  The green one is silent the green one is inside

  The green one is mine ee-aw, ee-aw, ee … aw thud, thud, thud, thud, thud

  27

  I removed the black cloth and the cotton from the cabinet and spread the cloth on the kang. When I’d finished cutting out the shirt and pants, she came in holding a bundle wrapped in cloth.

  She’d been crying and her eyes were red. She said, Nuanyu, use my cloth to make clothes for Uncle Gimpy.

  I said, Look, I’ve already cut them out. Shell, lining, and cotton.

  She said, Nuanyu, better use mine.

  I said, Look, I’ve already cut them out. Besides, you have a big family and you haven’t made any winter clothes yet. Using this cloth, what’ll you do for the kids’ clothes? From the looks of it, Ugly Baby’s wearing a shabby quilted jacket.

  She said, Your clothes are old too.

  I said, But I don’t have a family, so that’s easy to take care of.

  She said, Why do you think Uncle Gimpy did it? Huh? Huh?

  She cried. When she cried, I started.

  I said, We shouldn’t cry. Better be quick about this—Uncle Gimpy is still waiting for his clothes.

  She said, Okay, no tears. Uncle Gimpy was so sad all his life; he had nothing but those donkeys …

  She started in again, so I began to cry too.

  I said, Really, no more tears; any more and we’ll upset Uncle Gimpy.

  She climbed up on the kang, picked up needle and thread, and started plying it with her fingers. She wiped away her tears and said, You have no idea—when I saw him I was scared out of my wits, so scared I wet my pants. Why do you think Uncle Gimpy did it?

  I said, There was no reason. When someone’s life is no better than that of a donkey, why the hell go on living? One day I’ll do the same as him and hang myself. It’s better to die than live a life with no meaning.

  She sucked in the cold air and opened her eyes wide. She said, Nuanyu, you scare me. Look, I’ve pricked myself with the needle! What are you saying? You’re young and not deformed like us. What are you saying? What’s wrong with me today? I keep running into such scary things.

  She cried; I cried. Finally, I said, Don’t cry, don’t cry; if we keep crying, we’ll never finish Uncle Gimpy’s clothes.

  After working a bit, I couldn’t help myself; I said, Last night, after the meeting, I saw him at the stable.

  Her eyes widened. Last night?

  I knew what she was thinking. I said, Yes, last night.

  She said, What did you do, going there in the middle of the night, a woman all alone?

  I knew what she was thinking. I said, I went there at midnight to take him some liquor.

  She said, You took him liquor, all alone in the middle of the night?

  I knew what she was thinking. I said, After the meeting last night, Uncle Gimpy didn’t say anything, not one word; even when I poured water for him, he didn’t dare drink it. I was afraid something was wrong, so I followed him. First he stood by the wall of the Earth God’s temple for a while and waited until everyone else had left before going back to the stable. I thought something would happen to him, so I followed him. I followed him to the stable, where I gave him the liquor.

  She said, What did he say to you?

  I knew what she was thinking. I said, Uncle Gimpy, you don’t have to be afraid of anything, but he didn’t say anything except insist that I should hurry home, hurry home. If I’d known he was thinking of hanging himself, I wouldn’t have listened to him and I wouldn’t have left.

  She said, A woman all by yourself, certainly you couldn’t have stayed at his place all night. You’d have had to go and get someone.

  I put down my sewing and said, Ugly Baby’s woman, I know what you’re thinking. I also know what you want to say. You’re thinking that it’s not right for a woman, a widow, to be alone with a poor unmarried man; you’re saying that there’s no reason for a man and the woman to spend the night together except for doing that, right? Let me tell you that I’m not afraid of what you say about me. If I were afraid, I wouldn’t be alive today! If I were afraid, I would have hanged myself long ago. I would have long since rotted in the ground. I really regret not spending last night at Uncle Gimpy’s; I really regret not having slept with Uncle Gimpy last night. If I had slept there, how could he have hanged himself? It’s so pitiful, pitiful in the extreme when a person doesn’t want to live, when they reach the point where they want to die. What can you give him for that life of his? What can you give him? Even if you gave him a mountain of gold and silver, it wouldn’t be enough; it’d be useless! I really regret not spending last night at Uncle Gimpy’s. If I’d slept there, he might still be alive. I’m not afraid. I’ve been at Stunted Flats for so many years, who doesn’t know what I am here? What am I afraid of? Hell, I’m the same as Uncle Gimpy now—I’m not even afraid to die! The only person in Stunted Flats who really cared for me was Uncle Gimpy, no one else. I don’t want him to be dead; I want to sleep with him. Say something. If you want to say something, go ahead. Hurry up and say what’s on your mind.

  She stopped sewing and said, Nuanyu, look at you, what are your crying about? What did I say about you? I didn’t say anything, did I? Doesn’t everyone know you saved our men here at Stunted Flats? The men here do not have good consciences, but does that mean the women here are the same? I tell you, I want to be a man in my next life and want all these men to come back as women. Then I’ll humiliate them, walk all over them the way you would a pig or a dog, I’ll humiliate them to death! I want to live a long time and live two hundred damn years, so that every one of them will be afraid of me!

  We cried together and talked. Then we said, Don’t cry, let’s not say any more, Uncle Gimpy is still waiting on his clothes. As we were crying and talking, he pushed open the door and came in. Staring straight at me, he said, So that’s the way it was, damn you! I knew there was something between you and Uncle Gimpy. A woman like you has no class stand at all!

  I said, I’m glad you know. I was afraid you didn’t know.

  He slapped his thigh and said, Nuanyu, Nuanyu, what can I say about you?

  She got off the kang. She looked at me, then at him, and said, If you have something to say to each other, I’ll leave.

  I knew what she was thinking. I said, Don’t go, Ugly Baby’s woman, we haven’t talked yet. Let’s get back to work—Uncle Gimpy’s waiting for his clothes. I said, You can leave, we don’t need a man standing around getting in the way while we women work. Go on, get out of here.

  28

  Brother! Brother! Brother, it’s a whirlwind, a whirlwind! He shouted from behind, Brother, a whirlwind’s coming!

  The road, tramped white, curved over the plateau, twisting like a white snake up out of the valley. The whirlwind twisted like a writhing black snake above the road, heading directly toward us along that white belt.

  He shouted from behind, Brother, Uncle Gimpy said that whirlwinds are walking ghosts. Brother, I’m scared!

  Looking at the whirlwind as it twisted toward us, I said, Don’t be afraid, Second Dog, let me carry you.

  It twisted toward us. My brother held me. The blowing dirt got in my eyes.

  Uncle Gimpy said, Big Dog, Second Dog.

  He just shouted, Brother, Uncle Gimpy is speaking! Uncle Gimpy is calling us!

  I said, Uncle Gimpy, Uncle Gimpy, we hear you.

  Uncle Gimpy said, Big Dog, Second Dog, you are good kids. Children, remember what I tell you.

  I said, Uncle Gimpy, if you have something to say, just say it.

  Uncle Gimpy said, Big Dog, Second Dog, tell your dad to bury Uncle Gimpy at Fifteen Mu. Got it?

  I said, Got it, Uncle Gimpy. Bury Uncle Gimpy at Fifteen Mu.

  The whirlwind released us and twisted away.<
br />
  Second Dog let go of me and shot off like a streak of lightning, screaming, Uncle Gimpy, Uncle Gimpy, Uncle Gimpy, we didn’t see a thing, all we did was eat a handful of cooked beans! If we’d known you wouldn’t come after us, my brother would have taken a couple more handfuls!

  I scolded him, You fool, get back here right now. Do you want to lose your fucking soul?

  Pouting, he came back muttering, I heard Uncle Gimpy talk; I just wanted to see him. Isn’t he at the stable? How could he come with us?

  I scolded him, You’re a motherfucking fool. You don’t know anything. Uncle Gimpy is dead, he’s become a ghost. If you chase after a ghost, it’ll catch you up and carry off your soul. Then you won’t even fucking be able to go home. Then where would I go to find you? You’re so damned dumb, you little bastard! Saying anything to you is a waste of breath, you don’t understand anything at all! Hurry up and come along with me.

  Pouting, he followed behind me. The road twisted like a snake up out of the valley. I looked back and saw that Uncle Gimpy was gone, nowhere in sight, having left behind a few dry yellow leaves on the road.

  I said, Second Dog, don’t be angry, hurry up and come along with me. Do you remember what Uncle Gimpy just said?

  Second Dog said, Yes, I remember. Uncle Gimpy said to tell Dad that he should bury him at Fifteen Mu. Brother, why do you think Uncle Gimpy wants to be buried there?

  I said, Second Dog, don’t talk about it; let’s go. I don’t know why either.

  Dry yellow leaves littered the ground. There wasn’t a breath of wind, there wasn’t a patch of cloud, there wasn’t a sound or shadow. Where did Uncle Gimpy come from? Was he really dead or not?

  I said, Let’s go, Second Dog.

  Second Dog nodded and said, Let’s go.

  I said, Second Dog, are you afraid?

  Second Dog said, No. I just want to see Uncle Gimpy. Second Dog said, Brother, are you afraid?

  I said, No.

  Second Dog said, Brother, Uncle Gimpy is dead but he can still talk. If we died tomorrow and became whirlwinds and could go wherever we want and talk in the wind too, would the villagers be afraid?

  I said, Second Dog, don’t talk such foolishness. If you do, Uncle Gimpy might come back.

  Second Dog turned to look back and said, He’s not there, where is he?

  The dry yellow leaves littered the ground without moving. The twisting road descended from under our feet to the valley below, like a big snake lying on the ground.

  Was Uncle Gimpy really dead or not?

  There wasn’t a breath of wind, there wasn’t a patch of cloud, there wasn’t a sound or shadow. Deep in the bottom of the valley, the people of Leiba looked like ants crawling around on the ground. The oxen on the north-facing slope, with yellow backs and pointed horns, seemed to emerge and disappear again above the thickets. Dad looked like an ant; he was carrying the small shovel he took when herding the oxen, following the river down into the valley. Where did Uncle Gimpy come from? Dry yellow leaves littered the ground without moving.

  I said, Let’s go, Second Dog.

  29

  I stood outside the door, so angry I could hardly breathe. That woman! Ten thousand generations wouldn’t be long enough to figure out what she is going to do! This was the first time in my life I had ever been thrown out by a woman, the first time in my life I had ever looked so damned bad! Get out! Leave! I’m going to the stable to see that lover of yours!

  It’s still digging, dig thud dig thud dig thud dig. … What the hell are you digging for? You beast! Tell me, Uncle Gimpy, as a cripple, how can you compare with me at all? He just lies there without moving. You can see his face through the window, a white face amid the dark shadows, so white and bloodless. When he dropped from the beam, it was that face looking at me, as if he wanted to open his eyes once more. When Political Commissar Wang fell in my arms, his chest was covered with blood; his face was just as white and bloodless, white as a sheet of paper. Political Commissar Wang opened his eyes and looked at me. He smiled and said, Little devil…. I survived a hail of bullets and walked out from a pile of corpses. Am I scared of you? Tell me, how can a cripple like you compare with me at all? It’s still digging, dig, thud, dig, thud … you beast! Do you think I can’t marry Nuanyu? Do you think you can stop me? Why don’t you stand up, look at me, and see who I am? I am Director Liu! I am Liu Changsheng! In this place, what I say goes. Do you understand? I have spent a lifetime in the revolution and will risk it for the truth. Uncle Gimpy, you fucker, why did you contradict the truth spoken by Nuanyu? How could you be so fucking disgusting? You really are a class enemy—you ruined everything I care about. How could you be so on target? It’s still digging, dig, thud, dig, thud, dig, thud…. I’m going to slaughter you, you damned beast! I noticed that there was something wrong with you last night. When I was transmitting the central documents, Nuanyu poured some water for you—the class stand of a good poor peasant totally fucking messed up by a rich peasant. If the class ranks are not purified, you will change the color of Stunted Flats. Chairman Mao is great. Without Chairman Mao’s directives, how could we purify such a big problem? How would we know that class enemies, rich peasants, are so savage? Damn it, what are you digging for? Dig, thud, dig, thud, thud, thud, thud….

  You don’t think I’ll marry Nuanyu, do you? Get real! Nuanyu is a part of my heart. Don’t think you’re going to dig your way out of here! Dig, thud, dig, thud, dig, thud…. Don’t think you’re going to dig your way out of here. I’m going back to the commune tomorrow. It’s nothing for me to write out a divorce certificate. I’ll stand in the commune courtyard and call Secretary Sun and have him write any number of divorce certificates; I could divorce eighteen times if I wished. Rest in peace, Uncle Gimpy, and let your beast dig away. I’ll show you whose wife Nuanyu will be. That’s my stand, and I, Liu Changsheng, want to see who can stop me!

  30

  I saw them come running from a distance. Before they got to me, they were already shouting confusedly, Dad, Dad, Dad, don’t graze the oxen hurry and take them back we didn’t see anything we only ate a handful of boiled beans later Uncle Gimpy died Commune Head Liu said you have to go back and take care of the matter there was a rope above Uncle Gimpy’s head Commune Head Liu cut him down with an axe everyone in the village saw him he used an axe to cut down Uncle Gimpy he fell, Dad, Dad, Dad, hurry and return to the village with the oxen….

  I thrust the shovel into the ground and said, Quit your damned shouting and one of you tell me what’s going on, one of you tell me!

  The two little bastards were out of breath, so I scolded them. Now neither one of them wanted to talk. I’m telling you, talk!

  Big Dog said, Dad, Uncle Gimpy is dead.

  Second Dog said, Dad, there was a rope above Uncle Gimpy’s head.

  Big Dog said, Commune Head Liu says that Uncle Gimpy killed himself.

  Second Dog said, Dad, we didn’t se anything, we just ate a handful of boiled beans, there was a rope above Uncle Gimpy’s head, later Commune Head Liu cut him down with an axe.

  I felt dizzy, so I sat down on the rock behind me. I said, Uncle Gimpy, why did you take things to heart? It’s like I killed you with my own hands, isn’t it? You might want to die, but you can’t die this way! What’s the matter with you? Fuck it all to hell! Why couldn’t you just take it?

  Big Dog said, Dad, Commune Head Liu said that Uncle Gimpy killed himself. It wasn’t you who killed him.

  Second Dog said, Dad, we saw it, there was a rope above Uncle Gimpy’s head. When there was a rope above his head, you were setting off for the slope with the oxen.

  I shook my head and said, No, you don’t know what I’m talking about. Kids, don’t go back to the village right now—go to Nanliu Village and tell Uncle Chuandeng and Erniu to come and make a coffin for Uncle Gimpy. Tell them I said so. Money’s not a problem; tell him whatever he wants, Stunted Flats will pay. Tell him the wood is ready and is all drying in the sheep pen; it’s been drying for
four or five years. You got that?

  The two kids nodded their heads.

  I said, After the coffin is finished, we’ll bury Uncle Gimpy at Fifteen Mu, which he requested plenty of times.

  The two kids were wide-eyed. Big Dog said, Dad, did Uncle Gimpy come looking for you too? And tell you he wanted to be buried at Fifteen Mu?

  I said, What are you talking about? Were you scared out of your wits?

  Second Dog said, Dad, just a while ago Uncle Gimpy told us that he wanted to be buried at Fifteen Mu. How come you know too? Did he come to you as a whirlwind too?

  I waved my hand and said, Okay, you two, don’t talk nonsense to me. Is this any time for that? Hurry up, hurry up. Oh yeah, Big Dog, here’s two yuan. Go to the commissary and buy a carton of Greenleaf cigarettes for this business of Uncle Gimpy’s. Remember, one mao four fen a pack, one yuan four for a carton; you’ll get six mao in change, nothing less. If you come back short, I’ll give the two of you a fucking beating. Remember, come back with Uncle Chuandeng and Erniu, the sooner the better. I’ll be waiting for you at the village. Hurry up and get going!

  Watching them run off, I still couldn’t get to my feet. Fuck it all to hell! I’ve never felt so confused in all my life. My mouth felt so dry, I could’ve blown smoke. There wasn’t any wind. The white sun shone warmly on the water trickling in the valley bottom. Early in the morning, a thin layer of ice formed along the edges, leaving just a trickle, the winter water flowing feebly without a sound. If it weren’t for the reflected sunlight, you’d never know the water was moving. The sound of cow bells, neither hurried nor slow, faded in and out of the thickets. The world was still the same world, but Uncle Gimpy was no longer in it. I glanced at the white sun; I glanced at the silent water, cool and clear. I moved from the rock and walked to the riverbank. First I grasped the shovel, then shifted it from hand to hand, slowly lowering myself to the ground; then, supporting myself with my two hands, I lowered my head, like an ox, to the water, my legs and waist unbent. Being a cripple is worse than being a cow. I thrust my head into the icy river water. Immediately an excruciating pain shot through my face, everything went black before my eyes, and it was cold inside my mouth. Uncle Gimpy was no longer in this world. Uncle Gimpy … it was no longer the same world. The sound of cow bells, neither hurried nor slow, faded in and out of the thickets, as if from the bottom of the river, as if from the dark reaches of the underworld. I pulled my face out of the icy water; drops of water ran steadily from my chin and cheeks. The white sun hung high above my back. The sun was still here, the oxen were still here, the water was still here, but Uncle Gimpy was not. When I was seven, the Japs came. My mom couldn’t carry me, so Uncle Gimpy did. My mom was gone, so was my dad, and now so was Uncle Gimpy. The wind was still here, blowing on my face—a sudden chill on my face.