Trees Without Wind

by Li Rui

  The cave full of people was silent. No one ate. They just watched her cry. I did the same. Now I knew why she was always looking at me. Now I knew why such a healthy person like her had to stay in a crippled place like Stunted Flats.

  She cried for a while, then looked up and smiled. She wiped the tears from her eyes and said, Everybody eat up. Don’t let me disturb you. Honestly. She said, Erniu, hurry and eat, don’t listen to my nonsense.

  I picked up my bowl. Everyone else did the same. Once again the cave was filled with the sound of slurping. There was too much elm-bark flour in the noodles. The noodles were bad, but the meat was good. Everyone wolfed it down.

  Laofan said, Fuck, this is good!

  Humi said, It is good. If it weren’t for Uncle Gimpy, we wouldn’t be eating these mutton noodles.

  Lafan said, Well, why don’t you go hang yourself too? Then we can have some more mutton noodles!

  Humi smiled and said, If one person hangs himself each day, we’ll have mutton noodles every day, and one less person to eat them each day. In less than a month, there won’t be anyone left in Stunted Flats to butcher the sheep, or anyone to eat noodles. Laofan, are you thinking to rush to the front to eat noodles, or you want to be the very last? You can’t butcher a sheep, so how will you eat noodles?

  All the men in the cave laughed, coarse and hearty.

  Laofan shoved a piece of mutton into his mouth and said, Fucking Humi! You always have to have the last word, and you won’t give up till you’ve nailed someone’s ass. If you don’t have the last word, you just go and keep your mouth shut.

  Humi laughed and said, That’s right. But don’t I nail every mother’s ass to start with, huh?

  All the men in the cave laughed, even more coarsely and crudely. Holding their chopsticks, someone raised their hand and said, Humi fucking nailed it again.

  Tianzhu scolded them again, Had enough to eat? Had enough to eat? You just keep going on and on with this nonsense, you can just put down your damned bowls.

  She stood by the stove, looking at me and smiling. She said, Erniu, why do you look so much like my little brother? Why do you look so much like Huniu? You even eat the same way.

  I buried my head in my bowl. The noodles were bad, but the meat was good. I slurped away. I’m not her little brother. I’m not Huniu. I’m Erniu. I was in the middle of eating noodles. The noodles were bad, but the meat was good. I’m not her little brother—I’m still alive.

  55

  The green one comes out the green one is on the cart close to me the green one is on the cart the green one is close to me

  56

  The two of us sat on the ground, close to the courtyard wall. Blackie sat facing us. Occasionally he stuck out his red tongue, rolling his tongue over his mouth, over his mouth. I knew Blackie smelled it. Second Dog also stuck out his tongue and ran it over his lips.

  Second Dog said, Brother, I smell it—it smells so good!

  I said, I smell it too.

  Second Dog said, Brother, why don’t we go in and have a look?

  I said, Second Dog, you have no shame. I suppose you want to go in and get something to eat?

  Second Dog said, Brother, I don’t want anything to eat, I just want to look.

  I said, And see what? Everyone eating mutton noodles? What’s to see, standing there to one side? I can see you’re itching for it.

  Second Dog said, Brother, why do people eat mutton noodles when someone dies? Last time, when Ugly Baby’s granny died, people ate mutton noodles, and now that Uncle Gimpy is dead, people are eating them again. If Dad died, would we have to eat mutton noodles?

  I said, Second Dog! You’re fucking talking nonsense. If Dad heard you, he’d beat the heck out of us.

  Blackie stuck out his tongue and rolled it over his lips. Second Dog stuck out his tongue and ran it over his lips. Blackie got up and headed for the drainage hole. Second Dog pulled on Blackie’s tail.

  Second Dog said, Blackie! You have no shame. You just want to go in and get something to eat.

  Blackie yelped. Second Dog didn’t let go. Blackie yelped several times before backing out of the drainage hole. The three of us sat at the bottom of the courtyard wall facing one another.

  Second Dog said, Blackie, don’t be in such a hurry. The day I die, you can have mutton noodles. I won’t keep you sitting to one side just smelling them. Second Dog looked at me and said, Brother, I’ll let him have some, but not the grownups. Am I right?

  I said, Second Dog, quit talking nonsense. If you die, there won’t be any more you. If you don’t exist, how can you eat mutton noodles?

  Second Dog looked at me. Second Dog stuck out his tongue and said, Brother, I can smell it.

  57

  When he exhaled, I felt her breath on my face, warm and gentle. I turned to look at him. Looking at him made me want to cry, but I controlled myself. I knew he wanted to cry. I spoke to him, trying to hearten him.

  I said, Erhei, we’re in no hurry, take your time, it’s still early. Anyway, he’s gone.

  He blinked and blinked. He wanted to cry.

  I said, Erhei, let’s not cry. We still have to pull the cart. Uncle Gimpy is on your cart.

  He turned her head toward me. His breath was warm on my face, making my eyes tingle.

  I said, Erhei, Uncle Gimpy only has this short stretch left; let’s take our time to let Uncle Gimpy see and hear a bit more. The sun today is so nice. He left before we did, and this time he’s certainly gone down in the valley.

  He blinked and blinked. He wanted to cry. I wanted to cry too, but I controlled myself.

  There was no need to go down in the valley to reach Fifteen Mu. Just turn at the sacred tree at the entrance to the village and head due north on the road of yellow earth—wide and long like a river—stretching out over the plains. I didn’t want them to see my face. I led him, walking in front of them. He hadn’t eaten or drunk since Uncle Gimpy hanged himself yesterday. He’d been upset and digging at the ground. His mind was like a bright mirror—he understood everything, everything was clear, you couldn’t hide anything from him. Yesterday, a group dug the grave, Uncle Chuandeng built the coffin, Nuanyu made new clothes for him; today we ate mutton noodles, and now we were on our way to bury him. Even so, we couldn’t hide the truth from him. No one was dressed in mourning, there were no banners, no one broke any dishes, no one was weeping in mourning, there was no sign, but you couldn’t fool him. A road of yellow earth—long and wide like a river—stretched across the plains. After thirty years, a daughter-in-law becomes an old lady; in thirty years a road becomes a river. Uncle Gimpy had come to the end and didn’t want to go on any longer. At the end of the river was Fifteen Mu, at the south end of which was a north-facing bank, at the foot of which the grave was dug, a hole seven chi deep, waist high, and the stones to stop up the hole were already placed in order by the grave. Uncle Gimpy was rushing headlong there. When he hanged himself from that beam, he saw and thought about this river and that piece of land at the end of it, that piece of land called Fifteen Mu. Fifteen Mu belonged to Uncle Gimpy a long, long time ago. Uncle Gimpy thought of nothing else but being buried there on his own land. He understood everything, you couldn’t hide anything from him.

  He blinked and blinked. He wanted to cry. I felt like crying. But I didn’t want that bunch to see me, so I controlled myself.

  I said, Erhei, let’s take our time to let Uncle Gimpy see and hear a bit more. Uncle Gimpy only has this short stretch left. Yesterday morning Kugen’r and I went there, but today, I was at his place putting my thumbprint on that pile of documents; I really did. He asked me if I agreed, and I said, Yes. So he took my thumbprint. Each of us made our mark in red. Two people left two red marks. Then he took the documents and left. He walks faster than us; by now he must be leaving the valley.

  He understood. He shook his head. I knew he understood and that he was still sad. I knew that I had affixed my thumbprint and he’d gone off to the county seat. But Uncle Gimpy was st
ill dead. He’d come back from the county seat. I could still have some mutton noodles. But Uncle Gimpy couldn’t. He was dead and gone. Death is just the end of the road. He was dead and wouldn’t come back. Even if the river were wider and straighter, there’d still be no coming back.

  I couldn’t cry. If I cried, he’d cry. They would see the two of us crying. I said, Erhei, I know for the rest of my life I’ll feel that I wronged Uncle Gimpy, and you too. But he walks fast and we walk slowly, and so I must explain things to you. He walks fast, so he prepared two pairs of shoes and a pack of dried food, and said he would walk all night to get to the county seat by tomorrow morning. He said, “The Red Army doesn’t fear the difficulties of a long march.” He said he wasn’t afraid of the 165 li, nor was he afraid of the fucker who wanted to take Nuanyu away. We walk slowly because only this stretch remains for Uncle Gimpy. We want him to see and hear a bit more. When we get to the end, there won’t be anything left for him to see or hear.

  People are all different. Some people hear and see nothing their entire life. It’s not that a person can’t hear or see; he just doesn’t listen or look. He lives his whole life, he lives a hundred years, but it’s in vain. But he is different. He doesn’t need to listen or to see. He sees and hears everything. He lives one day, and it’s the same as a whole life. He lives one day, and it’s a thousand years. I stroked his neck. I stroked her for a lifetime, I stroked him for a thousand years.

  I said, Erhei, Erhei, you’re Uncle Gimpy’s child, you were his good fortune. Look, before Uncle Gimpy left, he gave you a new rope. He was thinking of you before he left. Uncle Gimpy loved you for a reason. With you, Uncle Gimpy had everything.

  He snorted. I could feel his breath on my face, warm and gentle. I felt like crying. But I didn’t want anyone to see me. Uncle Gimpy ought to have been leading him; Uncle Gimpy should have felt his breath on his face, warm and gentle. But now it was warm and gentle on my face. Uncle Gimpy couldn’t stand up here. He was lying in the coffin built by Uncle Chuandeng, lying in the cart being pulled by Erhei. Uncle Chuandeng nailed the coffin shut. It was the end of the road of yellow earth. The grave had already been dug at Fifteen Mu. The rocks to seal up the grave were all prepared. The grave hole was at the edge of Fifteen Mu, on the north-facing slope, waist high, seven chi deep. Once he was laid in that hole, it’d all be over, nothing left, with no thought of ever coming back. He’d be back from the county seat, I’d have a chance to eat mutton noodles. But Uncle Gimpy wouldn’t be coming back, ever.

  I said, Erhei, I know you don’t believe me. But I have to tell you. I’m different from that fucker. I’m different from him too. Holding up those documents, he said, “We have come together for a common revolutionary goal.” I said, No, we’re different. I said, You are determined to get credit for some accomplishments. I’m afraid that that fucker will take Nuanyu away. He said, The general direction of the revolution is the same. I said, The general direction is different. You’re going east to the county seat; I’m going north to Fifteen Mu. He said, Rest assured that Zhao Yingjie and I will see this through to the end. I said I didn’t know who the fuck Zhao Yingjie was, and all I wanted to do was handle my own business, and I couldn’t count on anyone else. He didn’t say anything. He just left. He left alone and walked very fast, with nothing but a book bag on his back. We are walking slowly because we are pulling a cart and on the cart is Uncle Gimpy. It’s because this is the final stretch for Uncle Gimpy. Erhei, I know you don’t believe me now. If you don’t believe me, you don’t believe me, it can’t be helped. But I have to tell you. I’m different from that fucker. I’m different from him too.

  He was so close you could feel his warmth and gentleness; he was so close you could smell his scent. I had no idea how many times Uncle Gimpy must have stroked his warm form or how many times he must have smelled his scent. He was shiny, black, and clean. That was because Uncle Gimpy swept up and cleaned up after him. He was Uncle Gimpy’s darling. Uncle Gimpy loved him. Having lived his whole life with love in it, he did not live in vain. This life of his was better than to have lived a thousand years with no love. Am I not right? Erhei, what do you say?

  I stroked his neck, stroked him forever. I said, Erhei, Erhei, I know you are angry with me, I know you hate me, I know I harmed Uncle Gimpy. But I have to explain it to you. He left early today. He walks faster than us. He took two pairs of shoes, a book bag with dry food, the documents with our thumbprints on them, and a letter of introduction with a big red seal on it. He said with that letter and the big red seal on it, he could enter the county seat and find a high official there and bring about that fucker’s downfall. With that fucker’s downfall, he could avenge Uncle Gimpy, and the fucker would have to give up trying to take Nuanyu away. If that fucker had not brought those documents, nothing would have happened at Stunted Flats. He walks fast and said he wasn’t afraid of those 165 li. We walk slowly, because this is the final stretch for Uncle Gimpy.

  A road of yellow earth across the open plains. A road of yellow earth, wide and long, like a river. A bunch of cripples walked on the road. There were no funeral banners. No one was dressed in mourning. No one was crying. Nothing. Just a donkey cart, a coffin, and a bunch of cripples. I felt like crying, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want the others to see me crying. I didn’t want him to see me cry either. Leading him, I felt his breath on my face.

  I said, Erhei, let’s take our time. This is the final stretch for Uncle Gimpy.

  He blinked and blinked. He didn’t look at me.

  58

  We arrived. We arrived on foot. A bunch of us stood in a circle waiting for Tianzhu to speak. Glum, Tianzhu was silent. Glum and silent, Tianzhu walked the whole way without paying attention to anyone. Tianzhu pulled out a pack of Greenleaf cigarettes, tore it open, clutched all twenty cigarettes in his hand, and then threw away the empty pack. Everyone was watching him. Everyone knew he was going to pass out the cigarettes.

  Tianzhu said, Each person take one cigarette.

  No one said a word. Each person stepped forward to take a cigarette. Everyone smoked. Smoke rose from the ends of the cigarettes. We waited till everyone was finished smoking.

  Tianzhu said, Lift it up.

  No one said a word. Everyone stepped forward to lend a hand. Everyone lifted.

  Tianzhu said, Fuckers, hold it steady!

  The shining white coffin rose off the cart. Then it was placed on the ground. The harvested field was empty. It had been plowed. It had been harrowed. It was flat and open. It was neat and clean. The freshly dug tomb looked like a black, bottomless eye, open in the ground at Fifteen Mu; it looked like a toothless black maw, gaping in the ground at Fifteen Mu. The sun was just beginning its descent, casting the shadows of the cripples on the ground. The people were pretty stunted. The shadows were long. It looked like a bunch of ghosts flitting across the ground at Fifteen Mu.

  Tianzhu again said, Lift.

  Everyone stretched out a hand and lifted.

  Tianzhu swore at me, Humi, put your fucking back into it. Can’t you see the coffin is going off crooked in your direction? Do you think Uncle Gimpy is going into his tomb crooked?

  I exerted a little more strength. The coffin straightened. Uncle Gimpy faced that black eye, that black, gaping mouth. Head facing out. Feet facing in. Erhei dug at the ground again. Dig, thud, dig, thud, dig, thud, numbing the hearts of everyone. Erhei made a drum of the ground at Fifteen Mu. Thud, thud, thud, numbing everyone’s hearts.

  Tianzhu said, In with it.

  The group moved forward. Facing in. Backs facing out. Thud, thud, thud, thud. The more the coffin entered, the darker it got.

  Tianzhu said, Steady, put it down, slowly.

  The group put Uncle Gimpy down. Head facing out. Feet facing in. Face upward. Thud, thud. It was all yellow earth save for the bright opening. Thud. Soon the hole would be sealed, the eye closed, the mouth shut. Thud. Only Uncle Gimpy would remain inside, slowly turning to earth. Thud, thud. Slowly becoming identical t
o the yellow earth he was buried in. Thud, thud, thud. Turning to earth, to nothing. Thud. Then something will sprout from the earth. Thud. Grass, trees, flowers, birds, bugs, crops, thud, thud. Something will grow from there and everything will be right. Thud. There’ll be everything, everything. Thud, thud.

  Tianzhu said, Let’s go.

  Everyone stepped back. Outside you could see the sky, the land, the sun, Erhei, the others, and yourself. Erhei was still digging, digging, thud, dig, thud. The sun has been hanging in the sky looking down on the world below, on the people below, for who knows how many thousands or tens of thousands of years. It has been looking ever since Pan Gu separated the heavens and the earth with a giant axe. Dig, thud. It was always looking down, always looking down. Thud, thud. Seeing that there was nothing in the world, that it was wrong. Thud. Looking again at the world. There was everything on this side of the river; everything was right. Thud. There’s nothing on this side of the river, everything is wrong. Thud. The sun damned well knows if this side of the river is bigger, or that side of the river. Thud. The sun damned well knows if on this side of the river there is nothing and it’s small or if there is everything and it’s big. Thud, thud.

  Only the sun has watched thousands, tens of thousands of years of living and dying, only it has seen it all clearly. Thud, thud. Who knows if it has told the moon or not? Who knows if it has discussed it with the moon or not? Thud, thud. I’m sure it must have told it and discussed it. If it didn’t say something or discuss it, wouldn’t it be bored to death after thousands or tens of thousands of years? Thud, thud. And besides, it’s like when something happens at home and the men don’t discuss it with the women, but don’t they always have to discuss things? Thud, thud.

  I fuck his ancestors! Even the sun has a wife, an old lady. Uncle Gimpy and I have unfortunately always been motherfucking poor unmarried men. Fuck it all to hell! Thud, thud. That fucker Tianzhu has seen through this whole matter. Tianzhu fucks it all to hell. Thud, thud. Erhei has seen through the whole matter as well. Erhei digs, thuds, digs. Erhei wants to dig his way across the river to the other side to find Uncle Gimpy. Dig, thud, dig, thud, dig, thud.