Heartless (An Enemies To Lovers Novel Book 1)

by Michelle Horst

  “I know she’s not my fucking mother,” I shout back. “Believe me, I fucking know.”

  “Oh man,” Rhett says as understanding dawns on his face.

  I’m glad one of us understands this fucking mess, cause I sure as hell don’t.

  “What?”

  “You’re not fighting her,” he says, sounding surprised. “You’re fighting yourself for liking her.”

  “I don’t like her,” I growl.

  Deep down I know I’m talking shit. I do like her and it’s scaring the shit out of me.

  “You don’t kiss women you don’t like.” Rhett starts to leave but at the door, he looks back at me from over his shoulder. “The really fucked up part is that she blames herself. She says she enticed you. That she pushed you too hard. You need to make things right with her.”

  I just stare at him as he leaves, because he’s right. I owe Della an apology.

  It feels like I’m losing my mind and it’s all because of her.

  I don’t like her because I like her. How fucked up is that?

  CHAPTER 6

  DELLA

  Between my studies and working every extra hour I can squeeze in, I’m dead on my feet as I grab my bag.

  It started raining an hour ago. I didn’t come with my truck because I’m trying to save on gas money.

  When I step out of the dinner, it’s pouring buckets. At least it’s warm. I start to walk up the street and within minutes my shirt and shorts are wet. My sandals start to squeak with every step I take, so I stop and take them off.

  Bright lights fall over me as a car pulls up to the curb. The window rolls down and Carter leans over the passenger seat. “Get in.”

  I give him my most dignified glare, considering that I look like a soaked cat.

  He closes the window, but instead of driving away, he switches off the car and gets out.

  I sigh loudly, really not in the mood for another fight with him.

  He comes to stand in front of me and I’m surprised when the usual scowl he always has around me, is nowhere in sight.

  “Look, I’m sorry for being a dick to you.”

  His apology catches me off guard. I blink up at him through the rain drops, not sure if I can trust this sudden act of peace.

  When I apologized to him, he told me I smelled like shit. I should return the favor.

  “Oh.” The word falls lamely from my tongue, instead of me telling him to go to hell.

  I don’t know what else to say. I rock back on my feet. He keeps looking down at me as the air tenses between us. I swear, I’m a sucker for punishment when it comes to this guy.

  I pull my wet shirt away from my chest and swallow hard. I better just accept his apology and make a run for it before he changes his mind. This kind of shit just isn’t for me. This is no way to keep a low profile.

  “It’s fine.” I try to think of something else to say, but again I come up empty-handed. Screw this.

  I turn to leave but disappointment starts to swirl inside of me. I’m hurt that Carter thinks an apology can atone for everything he’s done.

  I turn back and I’m slammed with the full force of Carter’s penetrating dark eyes.

  Spit it out, and haul ass girl.

  “I tried to make things right after I judged you unfairly, but you wouldn’t accept my apology. You told me I smell like shit, Carter. Who says something like that to a person? I’m not dismissing what I said to you, but at least I was standing up for my roommate. You just attacked me because you got some sort of perverted pleasure from hurting me.”

  “I’m sorry, Della,” he says again. There’s still no trace of disgust on his face.

  “Why?”

  Droplets of water trail over his face and I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life. The most beautiful things in life always come at a high price. I’m not sure I can afford whatever price I have to pay to have Carter in my life.

  “I’m fucked up.”

  I shake my head at his lame excuse. I somehow expected more from him.

  “We’re all fucked up, Carter. You don’t see the rest of us being total assholes about it.”

  Again he nods. I really don’t like this side of him. It leaves me feeling frustrated.

  I turn around and start to walk away, done with this very weird conversation.

  “You smell like crushed apples,” he says, and the words stop me dead in my tracks. “You taste like crushed apples,” he whispers as he moves closer to me.

  I turn back to him. “Then why did you say those things to me?”

  “Because I can’t stop thinking about crushed apples. I’ve become obsessed with the smell of it. I can’t get enough of the taste of it.”

  Not sure I’m following him, I ask, “What are you saying?”

  “I don’t deserve the chance but I’d like one,” he whispers as he takes another step closer to me.

  “A chance?” I shrug, wishing he would just spit it out.

  “With you,” I can barely hear the words above the rain.

  I close my eyes, shaking my head.

  When I open my eyes, he reaches for me. He pulls me to his chest and hugs me, as if we’re actually friends.

  “Why do you kiss and hug me?” I try to squirm away but he won’t let me. “I don’t understand why you’re even here,” I huff upset, but my voice loses its force, going from intense to soft, as my bravery fizzles out.

  The longer I keep looking up at him, the more I want to stand in his arms and forget why I was pushing him away in the first place. I want to forget that we’ve been fighting and all the cruel things he’s said to me.

  I drop my gaze to his chest and I’m just about to pull away when he says, “I like you, Della. At first, I fought my feelings for you. That night you were running from those guys, seeing the fear on your face, it fucking slayed me. After that, I thought if I could make you hate me, I wouldn’t have to fight my attraction for you.”

  His hands move from my back up to my shoulders. One keeps going until his fingers wrap around the back of my neck. He doesn’t wait for me to answer, he just keeps going. My mouth drops open because here is Carter of all people telling me what, exactly?

  “I like you way too much to just let you go,” he chuckles and it makes him only sexier.

  “Just a heads up,” I say. “You’re not a kid anymore. Pulling my hair won’t get me to like you.”

  “So you’re not into kinky shit?”

  I scowl at him. “You know what I mean.”

  He pulls me closer until my chest is flattened against his. I can feel his heart racing as fast as mine. His eyes are smoldering, almost black. I’ve never seen them so dark. I’ve always considered myself a strong person, but when I’m around Carter all my so-called strength vanishes into thin air. Love just makes you an idiot.

  When he continues, his voice is softer. “I’m a heartless jerk. I’ll understand if I’ve fucked any chances of us getting together.”

  His fingers slide a hot path down my left arm, takes hold of my hand and he brings it up between us, placing it on his chest. I watch how his hand swallows mine whole.

  Carter likes me? I mean, does he really, really like me? Like the way I like him?

  Not that I should like him at all. I’m not just going to forget how cruel he’s been, no matter how good a kisser he is, or how I feel about him.

  “Why are you a heartless jerk?”

  He just shakes his head, so I don’t force the subject.

  I let my eyes drink in every inch of Carter’s strong features. No one does it for me like he does. I want a chance with him, but I’m not convinced that I can trust him. I want to fall hopelessly in love but what if this is all just a way of getting me to let my guard down?

  I lift myself up on my toes and with a thundering heart, I pray I’m not making a total ass of myself. I let my hands slip up to Carter’s neck, but I can’t bring myself to go higher than his jaw.

  The tingles in my abdo
men are going to explode into full-blown fireworks any second now.

  I exhale slowly when my mouth reaches his ear. You can do it, Della.

  “I accept your apology, but I need time. I’m not just going to jump into bed with you.”

  Oh dear God, that sounds so lame.

  He pulls me closer to him until I can feel his body heat warming mine.

  “Take all the time you need,” he whispers against my cheek, and I swear this moment is so intense I can feel it between my legs, like a second heart beating.

  He pulls slightly back until his mouth stops an inch from mine as if he’s waiting for me to pull away.

  My stomach tightens and my heart races. My insides turn to mush but I force myself to not close the distance between us. I need to be sure that he’s not just saying these things, but that he actually means them.

  “I should get you home,” he whispers.

  With all my strength I pull free from his arms.

  “I like the rain. I’ll walk. Have a good night, Carter.”

  ***

  CARTER

  I watch her walk away, sandals in her one hand.

  I actually feel better now that I’ve had the chance to apologize. I’m not sure that she believes me, but at least I got to tell her how I feel.

  I get in the car and slowly follow her home. There’s no way I’m just going to leave her. Before she walks into the apartment block, she turns and waves at me.

  I sit outside her building wishing I had her number.

  I suck at dating. Hell, I’ve never dated a girl. I’ve never had to date any of them for them to spread their legs. Not that it’s the reason I want to date Della. It’s different with Della and it scares the living shit out of me.

  The next morning I grab two coffees before heading over to Della’s. So much for giving her time.

  As I’m about to knock, the door swings open and Evie comes out.

  “Hey, is Della home?”

  “Yeah, be nice to her,” she warns me before taking off.

  I walk inside and shut the door behind me. When I walk into the living room, I freeze, drinking in the sight in front of me.

  Della is lying upside down on the couch, with headphones on. She’s bouncing her feet on the back of the couch, singing something about pixels and ratios.

  I walk closer and standing next to her, I smile as I watch her. It takes her a few minutes to become aware of someone else in the room. Her eyes fly open and she scrambles up when she sees me.

  Yanking the earphones off, a deep blush creeps up her neck.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I brought you coffee. It’s a little cold though.”

  She takes a cup and sips at it, her eyes wandering over my face as if she’s searching for something.

  “What are you thinking?” I hate not knowing where I stand with someone.

  “You’ve been all dark and broody since I met you. You never gave me any signs that you were into me. Or I just completely missed them all. We don’t even move in the same circles.” Her honesty doesn’t surprise me one bit. That’s one of the things I like most about her.

  “You think I’m broody? What, like the quiet, deep in thought kind, or the moping kind?” I smile at her. It feels weird not fighting with her. Not that I get some sadistic pleasure out of fighting, but because she’s so damn feisty. I love seeing her eyes spark.

  “The quiet kind,” she says. “That’s not the point I’m trying to make here.”

  “Okay, I’ll keep quiet and listen,” I laugh. “You’re busy saying?”

  I try to keep a straight face but for some reason, all I want to do is smile.

  “Why are you really here, Carter?” Her voice is soft, not whisper soft, but rather a fragile kind of soft. It chips away at my heart because I know why. It’s because she doesn’t trust me and I can’t blame her.

  “I totally get how my sudden change of character must be confusing to you.”

  She nods as she makes herself more comfortable on the couch by tucking her legs beneath her.

  “You’ve got that right. At least I knew where I stood with you when you hated me.”

  I shake my head as I sit down next to her. “I never hated you, Della. I hated myself for liking you, but I never hated you.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ve never done the dating thing. I’ve never had to. Then I saw you and I actually thought about it for the first time. The night I brought Evie home, I couldn’t wait to see if that spark was still there.”

  She sighs and whispers, “The night I laid into you.”

  “Yeah,” I say as I lean my head back against the couch. “I was upset because of the things you said. What got to me most, was that I still liked you even after you insulted me. That pissed me off.”

  “I know that feeling,” she says, placing her cup on the table next to the couch.

  “We let it get out of hand, or at least, I did. The more I liked you, the more upset I got until,” I wave towards her room, “the kiss on your bed.”

  “Carter,” she says, her voice serious. I look at her and when I see the worry all over her face, I start to worry myself. What if she tells me to take a hike? I can’t blame her if she does. “I have a lot going on in my life right now. I know I asked you for time, but the problem is there’s no time. I’m busy with exams and I really need to focus all my attention on my studies. I’m too close to the end to mess it all up now.”

  “I know. You’re right.” All I can do is agree because she is right. I have my own exams to worry about.

  “I don’t want you to think that I’m shooting you down, because I’m not. I just can’t think of us right now.”

  I get up, not wanting things to get even more awkward between us. I tried and my timing sucked.

  She gets up and walks me to the door. She stands on her toes and presses a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath of her scent.

  “Thank you for understanding, Carter.”

  “Sure,” I say, already walking away.

  That’s not what I had hoped for, but she gave me more than I deserved.

  Well, that was the first and last that I try with a woman. From now on I’m sticking to screwing.

  Della is just a whirlwind of confusing emotions.

  CHAPTER 7

  DELLA

  I feel deflated as I walk out to the classroom where I just wrote my final exam.

  I don’t know what I expected my last day here to be like, but it wasn’t this. Fireworks would’ve been nice. Hell, anything but this deserted silence.

  I finished my last shift at Rameses on Tuesday. Yesterday I spent the whole day studying for today. Now I have to go pack. I want to be on the road first thing tomorrow morning.

  I’ll help Sue at the diner until Jamie’s finished with school. We’ll use the summer break to move to Raleigh, where I can enroll her in middle school.

  When I walk into the apartment, I’m surprised to see the girls all here for a change. They’re running between rooms, and there’s a huge bundle of clothes on the couch.

  “Are you all going home as well?” I ask as I eye the mess in the living room.

  Evie comes hopping out of her room as she finishes slipping on a heel. She grabs my hand and pulls me in the direction of the couch.

  “We’re going to a party. They guys are having one last one to celebrate us all finishing our exams.”

  I start to shake my head, but then Willow joins in. “You’re coming with.”

  Leigh comes out of the room, pulling a brush through her long blonde hair.

  “We’ve lived together for three years, hardly spending time with each other. The party will be a nice way to say goodbye to each other and the guys.”

  She’s got a point. I’d love to say goodbye to the guys, but mostly I’d love to see Carter one last time.

  “Fine, let me just change into a clean pair of shorts and a shirt that doesn’t smell like I was sweat
ing through my final exam.”

  Willow steps in front of me and waves a hand at the couch. “Your usual shorts and t-shirt won’t do for tonight.”

  I glance back at the couch and start to shake my head. “I’m not wearing a dress.”

  “You are and you’re going to look gorgeous,” Leigh says as she picks up something that looks more like a hairband than a shirt. Thankfully she tosses it to the side.

  Soon Evie, Willow, and Leigh are digging through the heap of material, discussing what would make my ass look best.

  They make me try on a dress that hardly covers my butt. I hardly have it on when I start to yank if off.

  “I’m just going to wear some shorts,” I say, rushing into my room. I grab a one that I’ve made from a pair of old jeans I had lying around. I think it looks cute.

  The girls seem to be happy with the shorts, but they won’t let me wear any of my t-shirts. I’m told to wear a black bra, then they shove a piece of chiffon in my hands. I shove my arms through the flimsy sleeves, then try to figure out what to do with the rest of it.

  Evie takes the two long points and crossing them over my breasts she ties them at my back. The sleeves are wide and really pretty. The dark blue of the material matches my eyes, and I actually feel pretty. I finish the look off with some mascara.

  I insist on taking my own truck. I’m not going to stay that late. I still need to pack most of my stuff before I leave early in the morning.

  I follow behind Evie’s Mini Cooper and when we pull up to the guys’ house, I’m surprised to see that I’ve been walking by it every time on my way home from work.

  Nervous excitement starts to bubble inside of me. I haven’t seen Carter in almost two weeks. There were many moments I regretted telling him that the timing is wrong. A couple of times I almost phoned him. But I held out and finished my exams.

  I take a deep breath and check my reflection in the review mirror. When I go home to Jamie, I’m going to have to be the adult. There won’t be time for parties. For tonight I’m going to let my hair down.