by Ray Gorham
“Okay….you just don’t seem to be eating much.”
“Sorry. Just lost in thought.” Kyle looked away and wondered if Rose knew how much she was distracting him. There wasn’t anything blatant in her manner or words, but there was something there that made him feel like she was toying with him.
Kyle took a few bites, and switched gears. “So, do you think your husband is alright?”
“Bruce? Oh, I don’t know. He probably is. It’s hard to say. He had a big project in Miami that he’d been working on for a year, so he got an apartment out that way. I’ve never been to it, but I’m guessing it would be safe. Of course, everyone you talk to seems to have a story about how bad things are in the cities, so I can’t say for sure.”
“You don’t seem to be too upset by it. Don’t you worry about him?”
“He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself. We haven’t been that close for the last few years. Neither one of us was happy in the other’s world, me in the city, him out here. He’s spent a lot of time away, and I think not all of it alone.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up a touchy subject.”
“Don’t apologize. It is what it is. When you’re young, sometimes you make decisions with your heart, not your head, figuring love will conquer all. He’s always treated me well and taken care of my needs, so I can’t complain. I’ve had a lot of time to work things out and have gotten all my crying done and over with. We were probably headed for divorce anyway, but now I guess we won’t need to worry about it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if he hasn’t survived, then he’s gone. If he has survived, it will be years, maybe decades, until society’s rebuilt to where it was. In the meantime, you can throw away your driver’s license or marriage certificate and be anyone you want to be. Anyone in a difficult situation can just walk away.”
“I guess I hadn’t thought about the human part of all this,” Kyle said as he played with his utensils. “I’ve just always thought about the technical aspect of the attack. Once we get all of the stuff fixed or replaced, I figured everyone would step back into the roles they were in before.”
“I don’t know, Kyle, maybe it won’t be as bad I think. I hope that’s the case. You seem like the technical type. How long do you think that side of things will take?”
“I think we’re going to have to relive the last hundred and fifty years. We’ve got the blueprint and a lot of the physical assets, so it might only take us ten or fifteen years to do it, but we’ll have to take the steps from a barter, to an industrial, to an information society again. We’ve lost at least a year of crops, let alone the equipment to manage it, harvest it, haul it, process it and everything else that our food goes through. Then there are the factories that’ll need workers, drivers who’ll need trucks, and stores that’ll need cash registers and cashiers to run them. Plus there are the banks and money. How do you figure out what to do about all the missed payments and mortgages and abandoned properties? I just assumed that when things came back on-line, that people, at least the ones who survived, would be where they should be, doing the jobs and filling the roles they had before this mess.”
“I agree with the technical side of things, Kyle, but go back to what I was saying. Don’t you think it will be simple for people to just disappear? Say you stayed here in Wyoming, for example. You’ve got no I.D., no family here, and no one who knows you. You could pick a new name, get a job, find an empty house, and you’d have a new life. If only a couple of people do it, it might not work. But what if two or three percent of the population do it. That’s ten million people, on top of all the people who have died. Our government can’t find the people who overstay their Visas or sneak over the border, even with all their systems working. How’s a crippled government going to even care about getting everyone straightened out, let alone do something about it?”
Kyle let out a low whistle. “I hadn’t thought much past getting home. We’ve been so conditioned to think that the government is always going to be there to fix things that we just expect everything to work out. But now that the government can’t take care of us, we’re almost too helpless to do anything for ourselves.” The wheels of Kyle’s mind spun as a whole new dimension to the disaster opened up to him. “So what are your plans? Are you just going to ride it out here?”
“What else can I do? My parents passed away a few years ago, which, thinking back on it, is probably a blessing, because anyone in a care facility has probably died a long, slow death of neglect. My sister and I don’t get along so well, my sons are far away, and my husband’s not likely to hurry back. I have a few neighbors, and we keep tabs on each other, but no one is set up to take care of me. Besides, I’m pretty tough. As long as the creek doesn’t dry up and the deer aren’t hunted to extinction, I’ll be alright, plus I’ve got Max to keep me company for a few more years. In a lot of ways, I’m actually in a perfect situation -- no threats, no dependants, lots of resources, and just myself to worry about.”
They continued their conversation as they cleaned up from breakfast. Kyle washed the dishes while Rose put them away. The ease of their conversation picked up from the previous night and veered from one topic to another. Rose giggled and laughed at all of Kyle’s jokes, touched his arm and back frequently to make a point, and leaned into him with her chest when she reached to put things away in the cabinets around the sink. Kyle enjoyed the attention. It had been a long, long time since someone had flirted with him, and seemed like years since he’d looked at a woman with any sense of appreciation for their femininity. He tried to think about Jennifer and avoid certain subjects, but it was difficult because Rose was nice, and he enjoyed her company.
After breakfast, Kyle found a Louis L’Amour book and immersed himself in the story. When lunch was done, Rose took a nap while Kyle filled up her water containers from the nearby creek. With the water jugs filled, Kyle walked up to the freeway to take a look at the conditions and to work his legs, which were still stiff from his latest brush with death. The afternoon was sunny and warm, and the snow was melting quickly, but there were still several inches of heavy snow on the road -- snow that could easily have been cleared by snowplows but would now have to clear the old-fashioned way.
When he returned to the house, Rose was up and getting ready for dinner.
“What’s for dinner?” Kyle asked.
“Deer and corn. Are you sick of venison yet?”
“No, it’s fine. We hunt every fall.”
“I hadn’t eaten venison for awhile, but circumstances dictate otherwise now. Too bad you didn’t show up a little later in the year. A neighbor has some cows, and he’s going to share the meat but wants to wait until it’s cooler so it will keep longer. You could have had some good angus if you’d timed it better.”
“Those are the breaks, I guess. Next time I get hypothermic on your property I’ll shoot for the end of November.”
“That works,” Rose replied cheerfully. “How’d the road look?’
“Still lots of snow. A couple more days like today and I should be good to go though. It looks like it’s melting off quicker on the asphalt.”
“Well don’t take off too quick. You don’t want to get in another situation where you get stuck in the snow. Might not find someone as nice as me to take you in.”
“That’s the truth. If I was going to almost die in a snowstorm, I picked a good place to do it.”
“Like I said, you have Max to thank for that, otherwise you’d still be sitting out in my front yard.”
‘You’re right,” said Kyle as he knelt down by the dog, patting him on the head. “I owe you one, buddy.”
Dinner passed with conversation about who might have attacked the country. Kyle thought Russia was the likely power behind it, but speculated they’d done it through some terrorist group in order to be able to claim innocence. Rose’s theory was that Pakistan was involved. Anthony, her marine son, had mentioned in some of his emails his c
oncerns about Pakistan and its objection to lingering U.S. involvement in the region. Rose figured Pakistan had done it to force the military out of their part of the world and to get back at the U.S. for its threats to their autonomy.
After dinner, they talked some more and played checkers until the sun went down, with Rose winning four games to one and claiming, as her prize, a hug from the loser. Kyle conceded and good-naturedly opened his arms to her. Rose wrapped her arms around him, pressing herself tightly against him and resting her head on his shoulder. With her soft, warm body against his, Kyle felt sensations stir that had lain dormant for months and was briefly lost in the comfort of the moment as he held her.
“Thanks for everything, Rose,” he whispered in her ear, the scent of her perfume filling his senses. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you for what you’ve done.”
Rose’s eyes were closed, and Kyle felt her warm breath on his neck. “Don’t worry about repaying me,” she replied in a contented whisper. “I’m glad I was able to help.”
Kyle released his hold on Rose. “I’d better get to bed. It’s late.” Rose nodded and begrudgingly dropped her arms from around him. He wished her a goodnight, turned and walked down the hall, retiring to Anthony’s room for a second night.
Monday, October 24th
Kyle woke up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. The room was filled with the fresh, clean light of morning, and Kyle felt rested after another good night. He had slept well, even despite waking up in the middle of the night after dreaming about a woman other than Jennifer for the first time on his journey.
The sliver of sky he could see through the blinds was clear and blue, indicating another day of warm temperatures and good snowmelt. His spirits high in anticipation of another warm day, Kyle got out of bed and headed to the living room. Rose wasn’t around, but the bathroom door was closed, and he could hear water splashing in the tub. Kyle tapped on the door. “Is there another bathroom I could use?” he called. “Too much water last night.”
“Use the one in my room,” Rose answered back, “but excuse the mess.”
Her room was attractive and decorated with horses and western art like the rest of the house. The “mess” consisted of one side of her large bed being unmade and yesterday’s clothes on the floor beside it. When he finished, Kyle headed back out to the living room, shouting “Thank you!” through the bathroom door as he passed by.
Rose’s voice called back to him. “Kyle, could you bring me the pot of water on the stove? My water’s beginning to cool off. There’s a towel on the chair closest to the stove that you can use to grab it.”
Kyle stopped by the door, not sure how to respond.
She continued. “I’d get it, but you’re up, and I don’t want to get my towel wet if I don’t need to.”
“Yeah, no problem,” he answered hesitantly.
He found the towel, grabbed the large pan, and brought it back down the hall. He tapped on the door. “I’ve got it. Should I just slide it in?”
“Just bring it in if you would. It’s alright, I’m decent.”
Kyle set the pot down, opened the door, then carried the water into the bathroom. Rose was in the bathtub, and he turned towards her while averting his eyes. “What should I do with it?” he asked, struggling not to look directly at her.
“Just pour it in behind me.”
Kyle could see Rose out of the corner of his eye, sitting towards the front of the tub with her knees pulled up and her body leaning forward against them, her head resting on her arms, which were folded across her knees. Rose’s head was turned towards Kyle, her eyes closed and her face relaxed.
“Pour it in slowly, would you?” she murmured, her lips barely moving. “I’m not sure how hot it will be.” Her skin glistened with droplets of water, and her shoulders lifted with each long, deep breath, giving her the appearance of being asleep.
“Okay,” Kyle mumbled hoarsely. He lifted the pot up and tipped it forward slowly, but the pan slipped and a large wave sloshed forward, splashing into the tub. Rose jerked up and let out a slight gasp.
“Sorry! You alright?” Kyle asked. “The pan shifted more than I expected.”
“I’m fine. It just startled me.” She gave him a reassuring smile, then laid her head back down on her arms as it was before.
Kyle braced the pan and slowly started to pour the water in again. As he poured, his eyes drifted from the pan in his hands to a tattoo of a dainty, little butterfly on Rose’s back, just below the water line. He watched as droplets of water rolled down her back, noticing that her body was slender and toned, more so than he had previously realized. His eyes wandered to her side, where her right breast was pressed against her thigh and seemed to be slowly slipping out. Captivated by the voyeuristic circumstance in which he found himself, Kyle’s breathing grew shallow, and his heart thumped heavily as he watched, his eyes glued to her body, unable to tear them away.
“See anything you like?”
Rose’s voice startled him, and he quickly turned his attention to her face. Her eyes were open a crack, and she was watching him with a look of amusement. Kyle quickly averted his eyes from her to the pan in his hands. “No, I mean …I just…” he stammered as he tried to find something to say that wouldn’t make the situation any worse for him.
She giggled as he tripped over his words.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I guess the answer is yes, but I should go.” He tipped the pan up, pouring in the last of the water, then turned to the door.
“You don’t need to apologize,” Rose said. “I’m flattered. It’s been awhile since anyone has looked at me that way.”
Kyle said nothing as he hurried out of the bathroom and almost ran down the hall, images of Rose, attractive and naked, playing over in his mind. He dropped onto the couch, his hands and legs trembling. She scared him, not because of any physical threat, but because she was attractive, and because he liked her, and because she liked him. He knew he loved Jennifer, but he was clearly in unfamiliar territory. When his legs stopped shaking, Kyle got up and walked back to the bathroom, swallowed hard, and tapped on the door.
“Come in,” Rose beckoned.
CHAPTER 28
North Central Wyoming
Sunday, October 23rd
As if to physically hold himself back, Kyle placed his hands on the doorframe. He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip. “No, that’s okay Rose,” he said after a moment’s hesitation. “I just wanted to let you know I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back in awhile.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah. I just figured I’d better go get my cart before something happens to it. It’s been sitting there for days.”
Kyle put on a coat, left the house, and retraced his steps from the day before back to the freeway. The snow was wet and heavy, the air brisk and fresh, and the temperature was rising quickly. Kyle guessed it was already in the mid-forties and thought it might hit sixty if the previous day’s temperature was any indication. On the freeway, the water ran off the road in small streamlets through the slushy snow. Walking in it was messy and quickly soaked Kyle’s shoes.
As he walked south towards his cart, Kyle thought about Rose. It was obvious that she liked him, and he certainly found her attractive and enjoyable to be with. Kyle was certain that if he were to pursue it, the relationship could easily become sexual. He thought about the last two months and realized it had been a long time since he had been intimate. Surely it would be forgivable if something were to happen. Of course, he wouldn’t have to explain himself to anyone, because no one else would know. Ever. Just him and Rose.
He could really use some physical contact, a little bit of attention, he thought to himself, especially after everything he’d been through recently. In difficult circumstances like these, a person could certainly justify a little indulgence here and there. Didn’t most people mess around? And they did it in situations that were far less trying than what he was in. Hell, that’s what convent
ions in Vegas were all about. He knew plenty of guys at work who fooled around, and life still went on for them with no real consequences, and no one seemed any the worse off. Plus, he was in an ideal situation -- no witnesses, and no way for anyone to know. Except for him.
Kyle’s thoughts turned to Jennifer. He knew it would devastate her if she were to ever learn that he’d been unfaithful. Ever since they’d met, he’d wondered if maybe she was too pure, too perfect for him -- that maybe he wasn’t deserving of her. They’d been in a freshman English class together during winter semester, and her vibrant smile and energetic personality had intrigued him the first time he saw her. She was sweet and innocent, full of life and vigor, and stood out from the rest of the girls he knew on campus. Kyle had asked her out the second week of class, and with a flash of her bright smile, she had turned him down cold. He thought that maybe she’d had a boyfriend, but when he’d inquired, her friends had said she didn’t.
Every week that semester, he had asked her out. And every week, she had told him no, but her “no’s” didn’t hurt because she would still smile, and talk to him, and treat him like he was her closest friend. It was worth it to ask, just to know that for a few minutes he’d be in her glow, and she’d be thinking about him and no one else. He had felt a connection with her, even though they’d never even gone on a date. Finally, the last week of school, she’d said yes, but there was only enough time for one date before school was out for the summer.
Kyle had gotten Jennifer’s phone number and called her every week, at least three times a week, and by the time school started again in the fall, he was head-over-heels in love and thought maybe she was too. After dating steadily all of fall semester, they were engaged by early spring, and while all of his friends were bragging about how many different girls they had been with, Kyle had felt lucky just to get a goodnight’s kiss. Jennifer had insisted on holding off on anything more than that until they got married, and he was content to go along because she made him happy just by being with him. Despite the incessant teasing of his roommates, waiting hadn’t been a big sacrifice. That he was the one she had chosen to be with was worth more to him than any conquest he could ever have. Even with the harassment, Kyle had never been tempted to claim they’d been together, unwilling to do anything that might sully her reputation.