by Ray Gorham
He vividly remembered how heartbroken Jennifer had been when she had learned about his past with Chelsea, his high school girlfriend, to the point of nearly calling off their wedding. Chelsea hadn’t had the same values as Jennifer, and Kyle had experienced a lot of firsts in his young life with her. He had thought he loved Chelsea and expected that they would get married some day. When Chelsea went away to college, he had taken a year off to work and put some money in the bank so that they could take that step, only to discover during a surprise visit to Chelsea at college that she wasn’t nearly as lonely as he was, leaving him disillusioned, but wiser.
Once Jennifer came into his life, Kyle had forgotten all about Chelsea, but had nearly gone out of his mind when he realized that his past with Chelsea might cost him his future with Jennifer. Somehow, Kyle and Jennifer had weathered that storm, and never at any time since had Kyle regretted marrying her. David had been born a year later, and Kyle had had to quit school and get a job, but even then Jennifer had never made him feel like he was worth less because he hadn’t finished college. If anything, her love for him seemed to grow stronger.
Their life together over the years had been good. Jennifer was a devoted and loving wife and mother, and they loved each other, but they were busy with life and children and work, and the flame didn’t always seem to burn as brightly as it once had. Kyle wondered if Jennifer would ever cheat on him, then knew immediately that the thought was ridiculous, and that she would be devastated if she even thought he doubted her faithfulness. The fact that he was tempted to stray had nothing to do with Jennifer and everything to do with him. She was everything he could ever hope for in a wife, and more. He just needed to realize that. Rose was a good person, a miracle really, a woman who would have a place in his heart forever, but now that he was thinking with a clear head, Kyle knew that Rose was not someone he’d risk Jennifer for, no matter how sure he was that she would never know.
Kyle found his cart, filled with snow, on the side of the road where he’d left it. He scooped the snow out and examined his belongings. Everything was soaked through but salvageable if he could get the cart back to Rose’s and dry it all out. He stepped into the familiar position behind the handle and started to pull, his legs protesting a little with the exertion. Despite the slushy conditions, Kyle towed his cart to Rose’s without any problems and an hour after returning had his possessions drying by the stove.
“You planning on getting out of here soon?” Rose asked when the cart was empty.
“If the weather’s good, I’ll leave tomorrow. The longer I wait, the closer winter gets. I dodged a bullet this week, and I don’t want to push my luck too hard.”
“You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you want to, don’t you? I wouldn’t mind the company, and traveling might be better in a couple of days.”
“I know,” he answered. “You’ve done so much for me already, Rose. I’ll be grateful forever, but I need to get back home to my family. There’s a big part of me that’s missing.”
“I understand,” she said, her head hanging down and her hair shielding her face. Kyle thought he detected a sniffle, but wasn’t sure. “You hungry?” she asked after a pause.
They ate lunch together, then spent the remainder of the afternoon gathering supplies. Rose went through Anthony’s closet and found two old coats, a good pair of winter gloves, hats, and some thermals, along with extra changes of clothing. A pair of her husband’s winter boots was added to the pile, and by dinnertime, Kyle was re-outfitted and packed, ready to go.
Dinner was quiet, the conversation continually grinding to a halt until Rose broke the silence once again. “How many days do you think it’s going to take you to get home?”
Kyle thought as he chewed. “Hard to say. I’ve got over five hundred miles left, and the travel doesn’t get any easier from here, still lots of hills. Probably four weeks, maybe a little quicker if the weather cooperates.”
“Are you scared?”
“Of what?”
“Well, you know. It is getting to be wintertime. Maybe freezing, starving, wild animals, people. You never know what you might run into.”
Kyle shook his head. “I’m not really scared. Concerned maybe, but not scared. I know there are risks, but I can’t let that stop me. No matter what I do, there will be risks. If I wait until it’s easy or safe, who knows if my family will be there. The longer I wait, the less of a chance there’ll be of a happy ending.”
Rose nodded but didn’t say anything. Her head was bent forward, so Kyle could just see the top of her head. A tear rolled down the side of her cheek, which she tried to discreetly wipe away.
“You okay?” Kyle asked.
Rose nodded.
“Are you sure?” he asked again, leaning forward to look into her face. “I see a tear Rose. What’s wrong?”
She let out a puff of air. “Don’t worry about it, Kyle. I’m fine,” she said as she turned away, wiping tears that were flowing more freely.
“Your fine seems different from most people I know. Usually it’s not associated with tears. Maybe that’s a Wyoming thing?”
Rose laughed. “Nope, not a Wyoming thing. Just a Rose Duncan thing.” She got up from her chair and headed towards her bedroom.
Kyle got out of his chair and reached for her, but she pushed his hand away as she hurried past. He stood awkwardly by the table, not sure what to do, then gathered their dishes and took them into the kitchen.
He found a book and tried to read but couldn’t concentrate. He and Jennifer occasionally had disagreements, but having been together as long as they had, he knew how to handle those and what he should and shouldn’t do. He wasn’t sure how to handle this situation. He checked his bags that were piled by the door, went outside and inspected his cart, walked up to the highway to check the road, then came back inside. Rose still hadn’t emerged from her room.
He went down the hall and knocked on her door.
“Who is it?” she called out.
“Fed Ex, ma’am,” Kyle replied. “I need a signature for this delivery.” He heard her laugh.
“Well, I guess you’d better come in then,” she said.
Kyle opened the door and stepped into her room. Rose lay on her bed facing the ceiling, her tears long since dried. “Took you long enough,” she said.
“Pardon me?”
“It took you long enough to come and check on me. How long has it been, one hour or two?’ she asked, a slight grin showing.
“Sorry, I wasn’t exactly sure how I was supposed to handle the situation. Some people like privacy, so I was torn.”
“Don’t worry about it, Kyle. Thanks for finally showing up,” she sighed.
“So you okay?”
Rose nodded. “Yes, I am. Sometimes I start to feel a little sorry for myself, that’s all.”
“What do you mean?” Kyle asked, sitting down on the bed beside her.
Rose brought both her hands up and rubbed her face, then let out a deep breath. “Over the past four days, I’ve been on quite a roller coaster of emotions: worry, fear, helplessness, excitement, happiness. You name the emotion, and I’ve probably felt it. Before you came, even before the attack, there was just boredom and loneliness, day after day, so you can imagine the change you brought. These last couple of days, I’ve really liked being with you. I guess I was hoping you’d be around longer.”
“If it means anything, of the past two months, the last two days have been my favorite.”
“That’s not saying much, is it?” she said, swatting at him with her hand. “I know your story. You’ve walked a thousand miles and almost died a half-dozen times, and that’s the best thing you can come up with?”
Kyle reached out and grabbed her hand. “Well, it doesn’t sound so good when you put it that way, but I’ve been very happy here, maybe too happy. I’m glad you found me, or I found you, however it happened. If I don’t make it home, I want you to know that I’m still glad that I made it this far.”
“I’m just saying that it’s been worth it to walk this far if all it meant was getting to spend these days with you.”
“I know what you meant, and I appreciate it. But you can’t seriously not think you’re going to make it. I didn’t save your life so you could die trekking through Montana.”
“Okay, I promise I’ll make it.”
“Good. I accept your promise.”
“When or if things get back to normal, I’ll send you a letter to let you know that I did make it.”
“I’ll watch my mailbox for it, so you’d better not let me down.”
Kyle leaned towards Rose and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. She returned the hug and pulled him towards her. They lay back on the bed in silence, holding each other in the darkness of the night, enjoying the contact and the feeling of safety that being with someone offered. As the first stars appeared in the sky outside the window Kyle spoke. “I won’t let you down, Rose,” he whispered. She wiped her eyes on his shoulder, and the pressure of her arms relaxed, so he sat up to leave. “It’s dark, and I want to get out at sun-up, so I should probably head to bed. I’ve got a lot of miles to make up.”
Rose reached for his arm. In the faint moonlight, he could see that her eyes were soft and pleading, and her lips trembled as she tried to find the right words. “Stay with me tonight, Kyle, if you would.”
Kyle took her hand in his and held it, staring into her eyes and feeling a storm of emotions. “I can’t, Rose… I just can’t.” Her shoulders sagged, and he felt her hand pull away. “Don’t think it’s because I’m not attracted to you. It’s far, far from that. This morning, in the bathroom, the second time I knocked at the door and you said to come in, with your voice so inviting and the image of you in the bathtub, like some Greek goddess, still fresh in my mind, it took every bit of willpower I had not to open the door. For the next hour I tried to find a way that I could justify being with you. I told myself that Jennifer would never be hurt because she would never find out. I know guys that would give their right arm to be in my shoes, and I could think of a dozen reasons why it wouldn’t be so bad.”
“And your answer’s still no?”
He nodded. “It’s still no.”
“Can I ask why?”
“I don’t know if my answer will make sense to you.”
“Try me. I’d like to understand. Maybe I’d feel better.”
“Well, these last six or seven weeks, without the constant distractions that I usually have to deal with, like work, and the TV, and the internet, you know, just the day to day things, I’ve had all the time in the world to think, and the thing I’ve realized, that really, finally, became crystal clear to me today, is that the only thing that matters, the only thing that I couldn’t stand the thought of losing, was my family -- my wife and our kids. I wasn’t worried about getting the TV back, or even my job, or having a nice house to stay in. It’s Jennifer and David and Emma and Spencer. With the distractions gone, you see it. I wouldn’t deserve Jennifer’s love if I would cheat on her if I could get away with it.” He looked at Rose, her eyes were locked on his. “Jennifer wouldn’t know it, but I would, and that would be enough to make me miserable. I’ve been faithful all these years just because I should, never thinking much about it. Now I know why. It all came together for me. She deserves someone she can trust, someone who loves her completely. I can’t betray that.”
“You know that sounds pretty old-fashioned, don’t you.”
Kyle nodded and smiled. “I do, but I think the older generations were on to something.”
“Sounds like how my grandfather used to talk. He was married to my grandmother for sixty-one years. He died when she did; it just took his body six months to realize it. Guess I come across as quite the bimbo, don’t I.”
“No. Now if you’d been under the blankets with me the first day I woke up, I might have thought so, but not with how things have turned out.”
“You know, they say body heat’s a good way to treat hypothermia.”
“I’ve heard that, but it still would have been an odd way to meet.”
Rose let go of him and lay back on her pillow. “I guess I’ll be sleeping alone again tonight then.”
Kyle lay down beside her and put his arm under her head. “If it means anything, I do love you. Not the passionate, physical, Hollywood kind of love. Just the true, human, I’ll-remember-you-forever kind.”
“I guess that’s something,” Rose said and laid her arm across Kyle’s chest. “Your wife’s a lucky lady.”
Rose closed her eyes and sighed deeply as Kyle stroked her head. Within minutes, she was sleeping peacefully, and Kyle slid his arm out from under her, covered her with a blanket, and left the room.
Thursday, October 27th
Deer Creek, Montana
Jennifer trailed Spencer around the yard as he made the most of his first playtime outside in more than a week. The weather was sunny and warm, and most of the snow that hadn’t been collected and saved in the house had melted off. It felt good to be outside. The air still had a cool nip to it, but it felt fresh and sweet. The birds were enjoying the sunshine as well, singing raucously and fluttering about busily. Jennifer noticed that the grass was long, but it looked like it was finally going dormant for the winter. She knew that if Kyle could see his yard, he would be disappointed. “He’s worked so hard to get it in and to this stage,” she thought. Kyle was always a stickler for keeping the lawn manicured and having things looking just so.
Being cooped up inside for a few days had left the family cold and a little on edge, and Jennifer worried about how her family would deal with being stuck in the house during the coming winter. David had been glad to get out of the house and back to work for the past couple of days, which surprised Jennifer. For a kid who wouldn’t take the trash out without a protest, David’s enthusiasm for work indicated just how sick he was of being stuck at home with the family. Emma was again withdrawing more and more but wouldn’t talk about her worries, leaving Jennifer to wonder what, of the dozens of possibilities, the problem could be. Even Emma’s instructor for her school group had been concerned. Spencer, of the three kids, still seemed to be the least affected by the changes. He missed his TV shows and movies and favorite cereal, but still found joy in simple things, like messing around outside.
“Good morning! How are the two of you?”
Jennifer looked up to see Grace waving as she walked towards her.
“We’re surviving. How about you?” she called back and headed towards her neighbor. She tried to sound upbeat, but wasn’t sure she’d succeeded.
“I’m good. Just coming out to see about harvesting the rest of the potatoes. It looks like the ground is still too wet. If the weather stays nice, I should have them in by the end of the week.”
“You’re pretty amazing, Grace. Are you going to need any help getting them in?”
“If you don’t mind. Work always goes faster when you’ve got a friend to share it with.”
“I’d love to help. You’ve done so much for us. I don’t think we’d have made it this far without you. How’s Chuck doing? You’d mentioned he was sick.”
Grace’s smile left her face. “Oh, not too well. It’s his diabetes. His insulin has run out, and he’s got me worried.”
“You’ve never said anything about Chuck having diabetes. Can I do anything to help?”
Grace shook her head. “No. I don’t know what anyone can do. You know how stubborn he is. He won’t tell me how he’s doing, but I can tell it’s not good."
“How serious is it, Grace?”
“With the type he has, it’s serious. I try not to think about it, and I try not to worry, but Jennifer, what am I supposed to do? Without his insulin, and a
t his age…I don’t want to lose him.”
“I’m sorry Grace. I had no idea it was like that. I can check with Carol to see if she has any suggestions, but I don’t know.”
“Don’t let it get you down, sweetheart. Chuck wouldn’t want that. He’d be upset if he knew I’d worried you about him, so let’s not talk about that. Have you had any more troubles? Any more break-ins? We worry about you too, you know.”
“No, there hasn’t been anything else. I’m hoping that issue is history.”
“We hope so too. We don’t realize how much we depend on others, until there’s no one there for you. But anyways, no sense dwelling on depressing things. I’ll come knock on your door when I’m ready to harvest, probably by the end of the week. Alright?’
“Sounds good. Just let me know. I’ll bring Emma over with me. It would be good for her to have something to keep her busy.”
CHAPTER 29
Saturday, October 29th
Montana State Line
Kyle spotted the blue sign up ahead on the side of the road. He’d known by the mileage markers that he was getting close, but to actually see the sign sent a surge of adrenaline through his body. He picked up his pace and was close to a jog when he was finally able to read the words. Welcome to Montana. He stopped at the sign and set his cart down, then walked over to the sign and touched it tenderly, as if it was a long lost friend. Dropping to his knees, he raised his arms over his head and let out a victory cry. “I did it!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. “I’m in Montana!”
He knew he still had a long ways to go, 444 miles to be exact, but to be in the same state as his family, breathing the same air and seeing the same sky, seemed to make everything lighter. He stood, triumphantly, for a few moments, wanting to share this achievement with someone, but the only cheers he heard were the sounds of birds flying overhead, oblivious to his accomplishment. With the celebration over, Kyle picked up his cart and once again headed north.